hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word
15.9.2002: you can now download the new song.
here it is. call it a radio feisar pop20 collaboration. as is the next song. which some be coming round as soon as i decide whether the main riff is being played on bass or guitar. oh i dont know..
so im watching the mtv video blah blah awards. and why not? who knows. pink just won an award. the
stupid lil bitch didnt even thank the person who wrote her fucking song for her. thats gratitude
is it not? oh well. if i had loads of money id well like to put on an awards.. it would be fucking
wicked. honest. no doubt won some video award or something for hey baby. this is bullshit cos underneath it all is so much better in everyway. i know its kinda recent. but still. its musta been
out by then. and i hate the hives. i can explain this. its not an irrational hate like people hate
all kinds of music. i know why. the same goes for the strokes. and the white stripes to a much lesser
extent. to be fair. ask me sometime. im not gonna go into it now. eminem looks so pissed off for winning that award. i get so angry with these people who go up and say 'oh i dont know what to say'
..hello? youre being put on stage infront a huge audience. there must be people watching who listen to what you say else you wouldnt be there.. so why the fuck dont they say something worthwhile. makes me sick. but nevermind. haha. kelly osborne. you gotta like kelly. haha.
and before anyone else starts going on about how good the white stripes video is and how it must
have taken so long to do. dont even try and tell me it wasnt done on computer. at least the
linkin park video has got air whales in it. haha. anyway. i better get down to some guitar tracks
before corey starts kicking my ass.
14.9.2002: so yeah. all the crap below is worded really badly. is it cos i suck or is it cos what i was trying to explain is just really ..yeah i suck. im just pissed off with being force fed what im supposed to think. thats all. here was me getting angry with all the americans cos it seems theyre all so fucking self-important. but yet.. its probably not like that at all. and now im pissed off at me for being fooled into thinking they are by shitty news channels. now whos the sucker? yup. so i was thinking. where do news channels get their funding from? do they have adverts or are they sponsored or government funded or what? because theyre still just a channel like any other and need to get viewers to survive. to do that theyve gotta report on what people want to see. so what we see of the news is just what they think people want to see.. not what they actually want to see. perhaps. now this makes everything make sense to me. this is what i was trying to explain. no really it was. but it doesnt make it any better. i want to draw a line in the sand. but look.. i have no power. haha. so. you walk down the street and theyre using old vietnam photos for the background on anti-bombing-iraq posters. yknow the one. with the naked kids running down the street. now this isnt funny either. this is equally manipulative. why cant people just be given straight facts and be allowed to work it out themselves. in the end.. when people are been thrown seven shades of shit from both 'sides' theyll just stop giving a shit. and not giving a shit is even worse. im starting to feel more and more ignorant as i get older and learn more and more. im not that cynical really. but when every time you learn something and later learn it was a biased piece of shit. it really burns a hole. its just too hard to know what are clean facts and what isnt. i wouldnt care.. but you cant anymore. were living in an age of information overload. and its always getting worse and worse. things happen faster and faster. and you hear more and more shit about them. where the fuck are you floating in this mass of disinformation. you know what pisses me off even more than that. none of it fucking matters cos what fucking difference do i make? nada. im just making it worse. its true. thats what it comes down to. a giant mobias strip. ..and now to drop the tone. just incase you think im being way too serious. im watching popstars. im sorry but i well like it. its well fucking funny. have a sense of humour. so i forget things i wanna write really easily. so i write them down on my phone. ive got this on my phone. hurting leg. guy in park talking to himself. squirrels in the park. sian came on yesterday for the day. shes gone to xls tonight. i shoulda gone but little harrys come round and he likes playing playstation. he likes me being in cos no one else knows what theyre doing. haha. i promised him anyway. he rules. anyway. ben and corey came round (corey just came round now acutally.. hey corey) and we tried to find a decent pub in rugby on a friday night. first we tried the new ferkin. well bad idea. bullshit. then the merchant. used to be french pub thing. it was okay but way too expensive. so we went to weatherspoons and actually got a seat. brilliant. spent ages trying to get some mandarin vodka before. but got some. that stuff is gorgeous. you gotta love it. so anyway. hours after wed got back i was on the way to bed and walked really quickly into the kitchen ..switching the light on as i went.. but the light didnt come on in time for me to see that someone had left a cupboard half open and i went crashing into it. it hit me right in the groin.. just left of really painful. i couldnt even lift my leg up tho. it really hurt. im just glad that i was drunk else it would have really hurt. but then had i not been drunk i probably wouldnt have been rushing around so much. nevermind. so. me and sian went to birmingham. on the way back i thought id call on corey but the dude wasnt in. so i thought id wait around for him in the park ..yknow sitting and reading and shit. anyway. there was this guy sitting on the next bench down from me.. he was old. he was a drunk. he was mentally ill. yknow the kind. but anyway.. id never seen someone this totally gone ..i mean i probably have in pubs and stuff but not out in the park in the middle of the day. he was talking to this guy sitting next to him who wasnt there. not just mumbling but holding a full conversation. waiting while his invisible friend said stuff and nodding in understandment and stuff. talking body language. and you all think. laurence you idiot he was on the phone. he really wasnt. i promise. but it was well well weird. but i sat watching the squirrels for a bit. this sounds a bit sad but it was really nice. honest. you can get new reese peanut stuff. theyre well nice. that was a meaninful sentence. nevermind.
11.9.2002: blah blah blah. so i was gonna have a new song uploaded by now. but i accidently fucked it all up last saturday. only just refinished it.. some of it doesnt sound as good as it did before tho. it sounds more kinda.. i dunno. the guitars arent defined enough. but nevermind. its messy. its a demo. or something. ill get it up. itll be good. or something. i ordered some books from the dr website and now im worried theyre not gonna arrive before i leave for uni. argh. im going on the 18th. wednesday. week from now. etc. down to brighton. about bloody time too. bens birthday tomorrow. and corey should be coming round soon (hey corey). um. its really sunny outside but its really cold in here. oh well. i feel like i gotta be really careful what i say today. i suppose this is what happens when bad shit happens to people with money and power ..rather than people without a voice or face. you just need to think globally. i guess its easy to shut your eyes to all the shit that happens in the world until it lands on your doorstep. no pun intended. i was gonna talk about cancelling the debt. but the cello on the tv is pissing me off so im gonna talk about that instead. except i have nothing to say about it. so nevermind. ive written a lot of stuff and deleted it.. what does that mean? i dont know. i guess touching on sensitive issues like this isnt my style. well it is. but i dont want anyone hating me cos i sound like an insensitive asshole. i dont really feel like i have a right to feel anything about it anyway. its nothing to do with me. like making a big deal about it is kinda undermining the feelings of the people who were involved. everyone else has just gotta get over it. so. i better shut up. although i am quite happy that they mentioned on loose women (any who doesnt know this program its not as good as it sounds) the fact that the media were hyping up how something really bad was gonna happen today. i was worried that was just me imagining it. i just dont like bush very much. i dont like the way he said that all the people that died didnt die in vain. didnt they? is what he meant that it gave them an excuse to bomb someone else. didnt think much of his speach im afraid. but nevermind. it wasnt for me. oh man. that cello player is still playing. its been like two hours (yeah ive been typing sporadically). i think i might go and take some photos of the grass outside.
7.9.2002: gotta type quick before sian gets up. monsters inc is out today. argh. argh argh argh. why am i not at the shops buying it yet? argh. apparent from that. good morning. etc. had a dream last night involving heman and his cat (oh what was his name when he wasnt battle cat?) but he turned into a transformer. and it got a bit confusing. less said the better. you can now pray online. locally. the church down the road has a website. cant remember it obviously. but why youd wanna go there i dunno. it makes sense though. what if youre disabled and cant get to church? god can forgive you by email. what about santa? has he gone global yet? does ecommerce stretch to the easter bunny? now i remember what i was saying. guess what it was? go on. i dare you. answers on a postcard. no cheaters. stop reading now. now. china has banned google. how can you justify banning a fucking search engine. they found ouf if you search for jiang zemin (their current president) the 14th result is a page that calls him an evil dictator. i thought it was western medicine that treated the symptons. instead of treating the problem at the core (having a big evil government) you make it worse by censoring web pages about you. even worse. not even them. but a search engine that lets you find them. amongst a million other things. argh. did you know that china only lets in three foreign films a year. three. i dont know what they are but can you imagine only having starwars spiderman and meninblack to watch when you go the cinema? along with reruns of nottinghill and the full monty. remember that shit flop of a disney movie called mulan? the really great terrible film that was all pro-chinese. the one that bombed everywhere and made big losses. that was a tactical film. disney had distributed a pro-tibet film and got themselves banned by the chinese government.. just before they were gonna build a disney land there. it all comes back to disney land with you doesnt it? (martin). so they made mulan to lick some chinese ass so they would lift the ban and allow them to build a disney land. doesnt it just make you sick? i mean. i can see some of their reasons. they have a strong culture and all and they dont want to lose it or have it polluted. what with america in the world thats gotta be hard. how many mcdonalds are their in china? no idea. but the amount in prague made me sick. cultural imperialism makes me sick. so thats fair enough. well nearly anyway. its no reason to censor anything that says anything about you that it isnt along the lines of amazing. im gonna stop talking about china. so please dont stop reading. haha. how about some driving tales? i was thinking about driving. its quite scary when you start and when people are nervous and stuff they tell people things. when theres someone whose sitting there about to save your life every few minutes i guess you create a strange bond and tell them a lot of personal stuff. its a nervous reaction. i guess its a kinda trust and dependance thing. anyway. this was my theory. so i asked my driving instructor (for legal reasons ill call her flo) and she said shes often an agony aunt for her pupils. i can really see this. its someone you see about once and week and someone who doesnt really see anyone else you know for any reasonable period of time to gossip. shrink isnt the right word. but its the first word that comes to mind. hannahs words coming out of my mouth. i know i know. and flo told me some really funny stories. there was one girl who was convinced her dad was having an affair. so during lessons instead of going round test routes they followed her dads car the whole time. this is funny but you woulda thought hed notice. a big (for legal reasons) blue car. lets call it a peugot. and its diesel for completeness. with a big learner triangle toblerone on top. but anyway. that made me laugh. this one is better. another driving instructor helped her pupil run away from home. shed fallen in love with this guy but her parents had arranged an arranged marriage (that sounded so awkward. ill never be a writer) for her. she was only allowed out for college and driving lessons. this is an extreme case of telling your driving instructor personal things and treating them as an agony aunt. dont get scared. so on each lesson shed smuggle some of her stuff out the house and drop it off somewhere else during the lesson. week by week she slowly moved all her possesions from he parents house. then on her last lesson she was dropped off at the train station and left rugby forever. this is a perfect fight the power and win love story. and it ends in just the right place. perhaps her parents tracked her down and murdered her boyfriend or perhaps they went insane. or she got jilted and had to live on the streets. who knows. she might have been happy ever after. and aslong as we end on that note the story is perfect. wicked. yknow i try not to watch the tv. the media just passively turns me into a ball of anger. see also numbed to homicide (kidnappings). see also asshole. and its anger at the media. not so much at the scum theyre reporting about. dont make me bring up those kids who were murdered. well look ive done it now. i may as well finish. yknow there was another two kids whove been missing for even longer. no one gives a shit about them. 2000 people arnt turning up to their funeral. it was really bad yes. but its sick how the media jumped on to it. because it makes good television. because it sells. because its what we want to see. not because other kids have gone missing as well. not because worse things are happening all over the world. some of which we could actually help if anyone was willing to give two shits. so anyway. i put on the media. and im having a big media countdown to september11th. its like the end of the millenium again. the end of the world. except its not the religious extremists and cult leaders. its our little 4:3 window (or 16:9 if you live in widescreen) to the happenings of the rest of the world. the little bit of truth you get between neighbours and top of the pops. i like that line. quote me. go on. make me proud. see if it makes me happy. haha. but yes. there are things that are gonna be done by terrible people if these other terrible people dont do terrible things to them first. it shouldnt be used to make bad ideas sound like good ones. lets bomb russia. the media has this evil power of convincing you what is right is right and wrong is wrong. if trevor mcdonald says its okay then its fine by me. if its good enough for peter sissions then its good enough me for. and if youre not convinced heres shefali to make you feel better. heres a local school that doesnt have to close down after all. the kids will just wait until they find some safe teachers. who dont like kids. but my point. whatever it is. i dont know. im pissed of with the news. the tabloids are the worst. but i cant even face going down that line. anyway. sians trying to read what im writing. this pisses me off. its a thing people dont understand. i cant write when you watch. its like going for a piss. except i can piss with people watching. ask martin. ask sian. go on. ask me.
5.9.2002: apparently. if im not careful im going to become a parody of myself. how did this happen? im blaming hannah. hannah jameson is my tyler durden. im starting to get really hooked up on this. i was reading her website yesterday and she is much funnier than me. she has wit and charm. shes really cheeky but in good humour ..instead of just being rude. its like.. how come she was so funny and im not. how come she was cooler than me? why cant i be that damn witty. in the toilet in my house upstairs (not my house that is upstairs but upstairs in my house.. gotta get that straight) my hair looks really dark orange brown. maybe thats why hannah was ginger. but yeah. i keep seeing hannah around. shes been in the pub last two nights ive been out. its like i pushed her down but now shes bubbling back up. hannahs words coming out of my mouth. i am hannahs paranoid inadequacy. i am hannahs bad sense of humour. i know this because hannah knows this. stupid isnt the right word.. but its the first word that comes to mind. anyway. so mark came back from london yesterday and we all went out. it was good. theyre still here sitting there playing ssx tricky (mark and martin.. but hes leaving now) while i write this. got drunk last night. had three drinks the night before (tuesday force of habit) got totally wasted on saturday and quite drunk on friday. what is happening to me? me and corey have been recording. ill mp3 it and get it up sometime. i quite like it but i keep changing my mind. like you do. ill put it up as a radio feisar pop20 collaboration. although its probably technically milkill. corey did the drums. i did the guitars. we need some vocals. i want a spoken word evil middle eight. ill find something. itll be good. went to coventry yesterday. had an agonising two and a half hours in the bnq carpark (bnq = big shop that sells wood and tools) argh. but less said about that the better. really. so yeah a few things about the driving theory test centre place. the lift doors open while the lift is still going up. weirdness. and theres a notice up saying that after a spate of violent verbal and physical attacks police will be called instantly at anyone being an asshole. its a fucking test centre. whats wrong with people. so i passed my driving theory. it was actually easy. the bastards threw a documents question at me so i couldnt do my usual trick of getting a hundred percent. i wanted to beat sian but nevermind. i tried to explain that not beating everyone else is like failing to me. but that is really arrogant even if i am saying it to take the piss out of myself. no one likes an asshole. thats the thing you gotta realise.. when you say things cos theyre funny youre still saying what you say. and youre still being a shit. am i talking to myself now? on my own webpage? oh sheesh. whatever. im not really an asshole. deep down im not at all. its just a front cos im insecure or something. haha. umm. im in this big hole with a shovel right. and in this big hole (think quarry) theres loads of other holes which are all interconnected. im in one of those. i am shutting up now.
31.8.2002: happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday to my news page. etc. etc. etc.
28.8.2002: got back from wales at midnight last night. sheesh. so yeah. wales. i took a lot of photos. providing i have room ill be scanning them and putting them here. real photos. not crappy little digital camera photos. i love them and everything. theyre just ..yknow.. not amazing. it was a good holiday anyway. got there thursday night and set up tent. friday we just kinda sat around and didnt do much. went wondering through the woods. up some sheep infested hills. read some more of harry potter. then on saturday we went into dolgeleau (spelt something like that anyway) and then to this really amazing beach for a bit.
then it started raining.. but still. we played cards and stuff. i read the whole of fight club on saturday. on sunday we went for a huge walk over mountains and through pubs. was dead good. then we cooked curry on the camp fire. was well brilliant. although sian got too drunk. but whats new? monday we were gonna climb cader but no one else really wanted to so we went to the beach at fairborne. went for a bit of a swim. was really warm. span some pois on the beach. was wicked. had more curry and sat round the campfire til late drinking ginger wine. then tuesday we packed up and stuff. went to the little tea house. i went swimmining the river. under the river haha. it was so cold but it feels kinda. er. liberating? to be completely immersed in freezing cold river water. someone took some photos. i might get hold of some. that would be cool. photo of me nearly skinny dipping myself to pnemonia. its so warm when you get out tho. but yeah. we got back way too late. it was shitty. but now i gotta go sainsburies. and have a driving lesson too soon. ill try and get corey and ben round. go out later etc. but yeah. wales was good. it was the first time ive been in about eight years. we used to go all the time. loads of people were there. about thirty at one point. or over. something. blah. gotta go. etc. argh. brig. nevermind.
22.8.2002: i had another horrific dream last night. it wasnt the apocalypse this time but.. still. anyway. we were staying in this really cool house on this weird island in the middle of nowhere. and i was staying with a really weird set of people ..at least one of them i really hated. anyway. it started raining really badly.. or something like that. and we were worried that the house couldnt stand it. like the roof would cave in and wed drown or something. i think it was that thing in dreams where you have a feeling of whats about to happen. we left the house and went more inland ..our little house was right on the edge of the island on this kinda outcrop thing. and i remember someone stayed behind in the house. anyway. there were loads of people standing around and we were all staring out to sea. cos it was getting really wild. then you could see loads of little tornados ..except they werent little they were huge and coming towards us.. they were sucking up water so they were these huge collumns of water rising out of the ocean. i remember them being in triplets but thats a bit random i suppose.. and the sea was rising and falling in one giant wave and it was getting bigger and bigger. you could hardly see the sky for all the water. and by now our little house was right under all of it and i remember thinking we should have stayed in the house cos at least it had a roof while now we had nothing. it was really horrible. i cant remember how it stopped but it did. and we were all in this little tiny boat sailing to a different island.. there sea was full of ships that had been ripped to pieces and turned black. kinda like skelaton ships. and there were huge pieces of black machinery and they were all bobbing up and down really violently and stuff so it was hard to avoid them. there might have been the eiffel tower as well. not sure. but that was the end really.. i also remember breaking the screen on my laptop so it bent in two.. there were also loads of horses bolting towards me.. and a dog chasing me from behind. that was weird. i got my arm crushed in this door just before that. random dream fragments. didnt remember any of that when i woke up tho. its been coming back to me bit by bit all day. maybe ive been going swimming too much. i dunno.
21.8.2002: i just noticed that the seating arrangements in miss crabables (how do you spell that?) class changes on a regular basis. darn that. well that last entry wont make much sense anymore. nevermind. damn it i really fancy some rice. maybe ill go and get some. hmmm. i was waiting outside the gym earlier and this girl was talking to this woman about her husband and how hes been going with some other girl and was even before they were married. and how his parents lied to her and everything as well. she said it was the first time shed ever talked about it without crying. they thought i couldnt hear them but i had my walkman switched off. its not something you really hear that often. had a good night last night. did the usual going out round town drinking thing but didnt drink much cos im worried about getting a cold before wales. were going thursday evening. ended up in cheapo weatherspoons with laura and gareth. hes such a muso its amazing. but thats what you get for working in spinadisc i guess. knows all the far glassjaw onelinedrawing stuff tho. and the rest. its weird cos he used to practice in the dance studio at rich bitch all the time. and i was convinced it wasnt him. just some guy who looked like him. and he said hi to me at jimmy eat world but i thought it was the other guy and he was only saying hi cos he noticed i kept looking at him trying to work out if it was gareth so he presumed he must know me and said hi. what the fuck was that sentence? any of you fucking pigs move. etc. sheesh. kebab. im really getting on with my website. its becoming more complete. i got cute animated graphics. well one. on the stuff page. oh wow. teenage mutant ninja turtles on top of the pops. t u r t l e power. nasty. haha. some of that film was well good tho. like when raphael was thrown through the ceiling and all the foot soldiers bust in. wickedness. really wanna see it now. oh well. which reminds me. ive also been trying to finish off the like stuff pages. especially films. cos thats been empty for ages. gary numans on topt now. its embrassing how much alec empire is like him nowadays. i think i had a dream about him actually. scary. i keep dreaming about driving lessons. argh. nightmare.
20.8.2002: the kid who sits two rows infront of bart is just the coolest character in springfield. shes a total cyber chick. she rules.
19.8.2002: ha. i just got back from the gym. i think the storm has finished but its still drizzling. im kinda damp. and its irratating. but nevermind. i was surprised at how quickly the water in the swimming pool stills when no ones in it. or no ones moving. it goes really calm and flat really quickly. its really freaky cos the water makes it look like youre standing in a bowl kinda shape. and it only looks a few centimeters deep around the edges. its even weirder if you swim through it ..aslong as you keep up with the waves your making. as you bop up and down the ground looks like its falling away from you really quickly.. then kinda reappears under the next wave. im so into water right now. its dead good. just being able to shut your eyes and float along weightless. its well nice. but yeah. im trying to major redo my website. most of which is a lot of little things. probably. but im getting bored of it. i was reading the old peekaboo site and it was a lot wittier. nevermind. i guess she was just funnier than me. anyway. this means theres probably gonna be loads of missing shit but its no cause for alarm. its a just remain seated and ignore the problem itll go away kinda thing. yes. well ctrl-f tells me that i havnt mentioned the chinese. i find this hard to believe. anyway. the sailing boat has changed hands and is all a bit different. you dont get spring onion in the rice anymore. they dont do crispy noodles or beancurd. which sucks. but the rice is still good. its called something really crappy tho. nevermind. sians limbo leg collection is getting embarresingly large. nevermind. its my fault anyway. went to martins dads barbecue thing on saturday. it was dead good. well.. technically it was probably quite crap. but i well enjoyed it. everyone kept shouting at me for swearing but fuck them anyway. or something. got to eventually meet his girlfriend which was cool. and when that party had died we came back to mine and joined that one. we managed to keep it going til four in the mourning by bringing strange things to imaginary parties and playing charades. is that how you spell that? sheesh. never thought about spelling it. is that why the program was called give us a clue? well who knows. everyone got really drunk tho. it was great. there were some really good charade words. yknow im really nervous about the spelling of that word. dont know why. like moulin rouge. i thought of loads the next morning but ive forgotten them. damn. i keep thinking of things to write on this page when im at the gym but forget. im sure they were interesting as well. i might go and make some coconut and banana rice. im getting really depressed about prague. its drowning. i keep getting images or the statues on charles bridge. their heads just poking above water. or is it worse than that? ive managed to not see any photos of it.. but.. still. really bad. you noticed all the bars and stuff is all basement level? they rebuilt the city a whole level up. weird huh? nightmare tho. went to see men in black with my parents last night. it was okay. amusing even. and it had the people from the tool video with the wobbly heads walking on their hands. but i was more excited about the chamber of secrets trailer (alan rickman was in it.. i thought he wasnt?) and the matrix trailer. hate to say it but it was well flashy. want to go the auction but i cant get hold of corey. hes redone his website but i dont have the location on me. sorry dude. bought this thing called the superplexus. its a 3d maze in a plastic bubble. you have to see it to get it. i think. ill try and find a webpage about it. and stick the link here. yep.
11.8.2002: well where to start? ..i dunno.. i cant believe im driving. parents but me on the yaris insurance. i drove all the way to daventry and back today. fucking mental. parents were well impressed. what else. umm. i really like the new linkin park video. i know its sad ..but.. the robots. theyre amazing. fucking amazing robots. i wonder if the videos on the cd.. hmm.. anyway.. the song is kinda bad. but. its got a really good bit at the end. truth. i dont care what you think. so. i used my mp3player today. at the gym. its so fucking cool. i got 114 songs on it.. totalling 250mins. it was really high compression but it sounded amazing. so good to have cool music at the gym. it kept playing hundred reasons and brassy. and sleater kinney. odd bit of drum and bass. amazing. and shame. wutang system of a down. anyway. i think im getting addicted to swimming. i really love it. i dunno why. swimming along with your eyes closed. you could be anywhere. i really wanna go swimming at ken mariot. its a much bigger pool to what they have at the gym. its three meters deep at one end. yum. depth. being underwater is just amazing. but yeah. get some good sky at the gym while swimming. the skies keep getting better. look at this one. spent ages pasting that all together. i feel i need to keep reiterating how amazing the sky is. just tell me to shut up. saw laura yesterday. that was cool. hoping shell come out with us on tuesday. would be nice. yknow. yeah. sitting here drinking juice. barbarellas on tonight.. havnt seen it. so yeah. i really need to upload so much stuff. went to the thursday next website. jasper fforde is a genius. anyway. theres a photo of thursday with her beetle. how cool is that? although the new car she bought does look quite cool. hes auctioning a part in the american release of lost in a good book. she meets these two people as part of a pr thing and they ask her a question. well. the current bid is something like $1500 or something rediculous.. and you get to pick your own question. haha. gotta respect the guy. go visist the website. its here. theres a lot there so take your time to look around. watching the athletics. yes. anyway. this will do..
8.8.2002: hello. hows it going? ..well the weathers nice again. um. thats about it. or maybe not. heartbreak high is on tv.. its so bad. i guess its a really early series. its really really lame. id be outside but ive got loads of new toys to play with. scanner etc. its really good to have a scanner again. i got an mp3 player as well. its well nice. i also noticed that all the mp3s i did recently i did at a really low bitrate.. or whatever it is.. which is well irratating cos ive gotta do them all again. ive got piles of cds everywhere. argh. but anyway. i had my birthday. it was quite cool. we went out on tuesday. it was only to the usual places in rugby.. walkabout and crappy weatherspoons ..but it was quite good.. everyone got really drunk it was quite funny.. corey stumbled home.. haha.. martin had work the next day and ben stayed over. he was such a state in the morning. haha. i think the absinthe finished him off. i got lots of good dvds ..and a wicked electronic keyboard from sainsburies for 4.99 ..its so cool and purple. sian made me some pois and now my fingers really hurt. haha. they make a really nice sound tho ..but i think the string is unravelling. not in the way that it sounds. thhpp. it was jackie and berts wedding on saturday. that was really good ..except corey didnt come out cos he was put in a bad mood. oh well. but it was amazing cos there were so many people there i hadnt seen for ages. it was wicked. talked to so many people.. it was at glasnost.. and this guy on the bar was only charing us a quid for the flavoured vodkas. it was well good. and it was really good to see sian ..even if she did drink too much. haha.. she kept smiling tho ..in the morning she said her mouth hurt from smiling all night ..haha.. but yeah. it was funny when i got my mp3 player. we were in the song store in coventry and i was explaining how it was really frustrating cos theyd made a really good mp3 player but put in loads of really really shit things to do with copyright and mp3 and shit. anyway. i was just saying how song were dickheads and this other guy said under his breathe how we could go somewhere else then.. so my mum had a go at him and he stormed off out the back ..the wuss didnt come back the whole time we were in the shop. the guy we were talking to was the manager.. it was kinda awkward.. but i dont belive people can get offended by the word dickhead. he said some shit about me just swearing in his shop as he left.. groan. its not like i called him a cunt or anything. sheesh. went round russel and lauras house yesterday. its really nice. they bought it all done up and its so cool. wicked kitchen etc. boston. missed the gym yesterday. pissed me off. breaking my routine. so now ive gotta go today. which means i wont go tomorrow. and i dont wanna go at the weekend. argh.. this is all so trivial. saw goldmember. its not bad. but then.. thats about all i can say. it did have some well good bits. like the rap video. and the soundtrack is ..well i dunno actually.. theres plenty of shit songs in the film.. but nevermind.. and the start wasnt that great im afraid. im just talking shit now.. cos i havnt written for ages but kept meaning to. that means i had stuff to write then.. so im trying to get it out. but i forget. the baby next door is really amazing. but i think thats just a baby thing. shpoop. etc. anyway.. im gonna go and try do something interesting.. maybe..
29.7.2002: the storm came today. i was playing ico and it was raining and thundering and stuff.. yknow. near the end. and then there was this horrific crack of thunder.. like the sky being gutted. five minutes later i caught some lightning. and then the rain started hammering down. a real mix of fine rain and hardcore rain. it was great. i got some good photos. one of me and one of the the garden.
something else funny. we went to homebase. they sell bins yknow. anyway.. i was playing with some of them (i was bored okay) and quite a few of them people had put rubbish in. hahaha. youd buy a bin and get it home and itd already have empty crisp packets and shit. not literaly no martin. anyway. theres gymnastics on tv. theyre so amazing. she was a canadian. can add ian ..as in beans plus ..woah. so young. how do people get so good at something so early. theyre doing beam stuff. blah de blah. driving lesson went well this morning. how cool is this:
28.7.2002: well how lush is this? ..im sitting outside on the decking at home. its twenty to ten. it still hasnt gone dark.. and after glow from the screen puts rainbows in the sky when i look up. theres a dark barking but i dont really care. weve got a chiminea and its burning happily away. its not like the evening needs the extra heat but its very nice to be really warm. its well snug. candles. radio. a fire. its just well nice. shame sian isnt here but nevermind. i spent a lot of time today sorting out my digital camera photos. it downloads them as bitmaps.. so every now and again i gotta convert them all to jpgs to save space. ive got way too many mp3s and im running quite low. but whatever. ive got some really good videos from the end of term. mostly just sians housemates pissing about. fran and susan being silly. haha. but theyre wicked. felt kinda sad looking at all the photos of uni.. in my old room and sians house. but not too sad. im still well excited about moving to brighton. its gonna rule. but yeah. went to the bridget rilley exhibition today. i thought a lot of it was kinda boring. all the colour straight line stuff. but thats only cos barcodes have become kinda passe. no not passe. ive just got used to them. but some of her prints are really good. its mostly just maths. but they dont half fuck with your eyes. i couldnt see anything properly when i came out. haha. yknow theres been some amazing skys recently. not your normal kinda good sky but really really amazing. the best sky i ever saw was about four years ago. i remember phoning tori to tell her to see if she could see it.. i dunno if that was dumb or not. how far away can you see a cloud? anyway.. i was sitting on the top floor looking out of the window for ages looking at it. it was late evening and the sky looked like it was on fire. yknow that bit in independance day when the ufos enter the atmosphere and theyre big balls of fire. like that but it looked better. and not just cos it was real. it was bigger. a giant curve of burning cloud that filled the whole sky.. it streched around 180 degress from right above to half way to the horizon.. the clouds around and behind it looked like really course texture.. and it glowed orange. it looked amazing upside down. thers me hanging out of the window. haha. dont believe i didnt get a photo. but nevermind. i had a dream like that once actually. one of the scariest dreams ive had thinking about ..i feel tempted to start a page about really fucked up dreams ive had.. but maybe it would come across a bit pretentious. anyway. this dream. we were on the top of a cliff or something. and it was night. more night than it ever really gets. and it was just a major apocalypse feeling thing going on. and in proper independance day stylee this ufo appeared in the sky. but it was so much bigger than they look in the film. i know their huge. but you dont really feel it. this was so much bigger. and it was really organic. it looked like a jelly fish. i was just blown away by the size of it tho. i used to go on about how huge the sky was.. well that might be why.. i had this other dream where there was this really crazy biblical sky. amazing golden clouds.. lots of contrast etc.. and all my friends were there.. all of them from ever. it was just all orange and golden everywhere. like as the suns setting. yknow the light i mean? anyway.. then this cloud of smoke started rising. and it got bigger and bigger. and then the whole sky was on fire. so we ran towards it. that was well scary. i guess the clouds i saw was a combination of my dreams. or maybe the other way round. which doesnt work either. i think the biblical sky thing was probably more related to september11th. this all links into watchmen. with the giant organic alien thing. has that ruined it? nah. i dont think so. but yeah. the last reall nice sky was on the way to oxford in the car. since then theres been no clouds. the weathers just been amazing. just bright and hot. its pretty dark now. and there was a really nice spiderweb in the car. spiders everywhere. there was a huge on in sainsburies hanging between two checkouts. we went to oxford for the day. went to the pitt rivers museum. its so dark. and the air in theres terrible. pitt rivers was this guy who just went exploring everywhere and collected loads of random stuff. bought and stole probably. haha. but its just a crazy collection of stuff. nice lawns in oxford. went to the alice exhibition as well. was okay. and we went to a lot of coffee shop places. theres some well nice places in oxford. really good food. well good one in the middle of the indoor market thing. actually i bought this really nice note book. its made out of recycled stuff.. its wicked.. now its really dark. matthew and ben just came over from next door. was trying to impress them with dodgy jackass clips (kenney rogers obviously) and some really daft applets. i think the emulators worked but now theyre playing scalextric. yes outside and yes in the dark. graham set it up earlier. its quite cool but all i can see is little car lights wizzing round in the distance.. around where id imagine the lawn currently is. showing off my computer has really hurt the battery. haha. now i can smell burning enginges. haha. but yeah. oxford. what was i saying? we ate at pizza express. they do such nice pizzas. its just full of foriegners. we missed a bus so went in this big bookstore and i got the next jasper fforde book after 'the eyre affair' ..i well liked that book. cept in the praise section someone wrote that in the end it ties up all the loose ends. no it doesnt. but i guess thats what the follow ups are for. haha. theres a website. i havnt been to it. so you can tell me what its like. go on then. im talking to matthew. hes so cute. oh theres so much more i wanted to talk about but my battery is dying. ho hum. driving lesson tomorrow. eek. early as well. we had a good garden party last night. it was really nice. played jenga. oh yeah. we got a giant jenga. it starts at about 0.9 meters apparently. its well hard tho. had a really good game. i lost tho.. but nevermind.. it was getting to the stage where it was gonna fall down on its own anyway. there werent many places you could take out bricks. me and martin had a game round lauras house with scott bradley and some other guy.. i counted 37 rows high. it was my go and every row either had one in the middle or two on the outside ..i managed to move one across and then take out the other one. it was amazing. the next guy lost. superb that was.. the best jenga game ever. honest. graham and ben are still racing round the track. been going the gym every monday wednesday and friday. my arms ache and i keep leaving my legs in bad positions when im on the computer. i was playing ico today.. going through the second time ..you get a light sabre.. and you can control yorda. its so cool.. she cant pick up weapons tho.. oh yeah. this is too cool. i got an email from someone about my website. was well chuffed. never thought anyone actually read it. hi people. anyway. havnt replied.. it was about clint mansell.. blah blah blah.. shit how much crap have i wrote? ..bought sian three birthday presents today. cos its my birthday next week. next next week. not thursday ..haha.. and i hate having loads of presents and no one else.. i think its only fair that she has presents as well. theyre dead good presents tho. id tell you what they are but id be telling sian as well.. maybe after next week. not that anyone cares yknow.. but i can pretend write? ..i dont believe anyone would have been reading this far anyway. i wonder how far i can push you.. i remember corey telling me this page is a pain cos it takes so long to loud. on its birthday im gonna archive it. this year. and then last year. its its birthday soon i think. oh yeah. ive been updating my website. just little bits here and there.. putting in explainations for things that werent clear.. taking out bits i didnt like. trying to make me look a bit better etc.. finishing off reviews of stuff. i find it much harder than i thought explaining films i like and stuff.. anyway. yeah. maybe i should shut up. im having such fun typing away tho. oh well. trying to plan new years in prague. most people really wanna do it but i think people are gonna be pissed off with the price. i dont wanna stay somewhere scummy.. trying to find out about the place we stayed last time.. i just hope its as nice as in the summer. haha. my battery just went critical and computer went into hibernation. haha. anyway. how cool does the scalextric look? last time i looked it had candles all round it. its amazing. maybe well end up just going to amsterdam. or paris. jos in paris. humph. anyway. good night. haha.
23.7.2002: hmm. have i been that slack? oh well. nevermind. i was reading in bed last night and the breeezblock was on radio1. how amazing is that? i thought it stopped ages ago.. even better it was dj shadow in session. it was quite cool. so there you go. monday night breezeblock. brilliant. umm. well went to brighton the other week. our house next year is wicked. its well nice. which reminds me ive gotta send another check asap. crapness. couldnt believe the amount of people on the beach.. i dont think ive ever seen that amount of people at the same time. was fun tho i suppose.. apart from the odd asshole.. but you get that everywhere right. discovered the mushroom grubs burger is well nice. got the new kid606 album. its really good. in places anyway. honest. not sure about the whole kylie thing tho. and im not too sure how hes got away with it really. oh well. and theres an alec empire remix on the new primal scream single. tasty. haha. wanna know some great stuff? ico is amazing. its a playstation2 thing right. but it is amazing. they got a website apparently its something like this. but it might not be. havnt been there or anything. its just well pretty and the end is amazing. no really. getting through a lot of playstation games actually. borrowing them of next door. but not so interesting. amelie has been released on special edition. how pissed off am i? im sure ive mentioned this but cant find it anywhere. so if anyone wants to buy amelie on dvd let me now. or something. grrr. i got delicatessen as well. the bonus stuff on them both is really good. jeunet is just a dude. and he slacks off tarsem which is quite funny. hes the guy who did the cell btw. but yeah. talking crap again. umm.. got into the habit of going to the walkabout every tuesday. just opended in rugby and its two for one on tuesday. its quite empty as well which is nice and they have tv screens over every urinal. now thats class. and ive got a free burger to claim. and weatherspoons as well. its well shitty but its just so cheap. its just too easy to get too drunk. ho hum. it was good last week cos there was four of us.. me corey martin and mark. we set the drum kit up on the top floor last night. got my bass amp up there as well. i think we should reunite milkill. its not like weve got anything better to do and were all much better now. would be fun. martin works in the day but that doesnt matter. itll be way cool. we need a guitar amp tho.. i guess martin has one but its well tiny. corey just sold his. here i go talking crap again. um. had my graduation last thursday. or was it tuesday? oh i dunno. everyone was going on about how amazing it was and stuff.. i was just well bored. im quite proud and everything abouy my degree but i dont need to stand up infront of loads of people and be congratulated on it by some nice guy i dont know to feel good about it. yknow. im grateful and everything. its just a bit weird. i avoided the photo. which i felt bad about. i just didnt really wanna throw my stupid hat in the air and all that crap. lost the silly gown and hat and went to the after-grad buffet thing at computer science. was first there and it was quite nice. talked to tom axford but wasnt hundred percent on his name.. that was embarresing when mum asked who he was infront of him.. then i admitted i actually did realtime systems but didnt go the letures. he didnt mind cos i got about 65% or something. my parents met jeremy and that was quite funny. they didnt think that he was actually a lecturer.. which was quite funny. its just a shame they didnt have the plasma screens up running my evolutionary art. that would have been amazing. but nevermind. ran two kilometers yesterday. thirteen minutes. that felt quite good. im a bit gutted that jo is in paris right now. not here. kinda irratating but musnt moan of complain. haha. had a weird dream last night. we were all in amsterdam. me sian mark corey and martin. thats five of us. but there was only four of us there. i think people kept swapping round. no ben but he has more class than this.. we decided to become prostitutes cos it paid two hundred quid a day. it was quite weird. cos we were all really not sure about it and it felt all weird.. cos we didnt know exactly what wed have to do.. the boss woman person was well nice tho. but i woke up before we got any action ..haha ..oh well.. but yeah. i had another weird dream but i should probably keep that between me and sian. yashi is yapping. i thought it was dogs that yap. but cats do it as well. indeed. theres an amazing mojo jojo guitar on the cartoon network website. its amazing. just finished reading the eyre affair by jasper fford. its well good.. honest. i well liked it. good book. i eventually got cous cous express. brian wood. not as good as channel zero but its still good.. eyre affair is dead good tho. i gotta find out if hes done another book.. cos theres a few things in the book not wrapped up. and some really good hints as well. but anyway. im gonna shup up. corey will be round in a minute and rachaels here already. next door theres a hoffic sound.. theyre taking up the floors or something. i dunno. its freaking the cat out tho.
8.7.2002: back from the chill. bit worried now cos everything seems to be a bit urgent. gotta go into uni this week to give them some more work and get paid etc. quite cool. gotta go down to brighton to meet lanlord and stuff.. norman cooks playing on the beach so that would be good timing. hmmm.. oh and jos supposed to be coming to england but i havnt talked to her properly for about three weeks. so i dunno whats going on ..argh.. remembered some stuff about glastonbury i was gonna write about tho. there were these girls who did this acrobat thing in the theatre tent ..it wasnt that great.. but there was this bit where they were holding each other in their feet. it was really nice. ummm. and now ive forgotten what else. oh nevermind. the big chill was cool. the gardens were amazing. its like a maze.. and there was loads of lights and crazy things in the trees and stuff. and a stage playing really cool music.. big lawns.. weird buildings.. good food. got a bit boring in places but yknow.. you can always sit in the van and play cards. haha. hmm. went to avebury as well. havnt been there for ages.. they got two circles of stones round the village its quite cool.. and these three trees with amazing roots.. youd know what i meant if youd been there.. and past stone henge. its just a bunch of stones tho yknow. or something. i really need to shave. we were gonna to the this new maze on the way back but we didnt have time. its huge tho. its supposed to have a total length of over seven miles. which just takes the piss.. and its split into three sections. easy medium and hard. and they only let you in the hard bit if youve done the other two. blah blah blah. dj krush is quite cool. so i dont forget. or something. anyway. gotta go. i still feel car sick from the journey back.. i just thought this would be an easy thing to do first. yick. or yicky maybe. dont know.
3.7.2002: howdy. um. yeah. so glastonbury.. it was good.. seemed really empty tho. i guess i didnt realise exactly how many people got in for free last year. was amazing tho. especially aphex twin and hundred reasons. there was a pigeon perched on the top of the stage for that. it was really nice. crazy crowd tho.. it was just great. and aphex twin was crazy. was coming back from seeing ash with ben and heard this amazing noise coming from the glade. so kinda rushed in and there he was. i got his album when it came out and i still havnt listened to it. i made have to do that now. yeah. saw dandy warhols.. it was okay but nowhere near as good as last time. saw bush before them as well so we could get to the front. they are so dull it hurts. and we saw no doubt.. which i actually really enjoyed. oh the shame. it was really tight at the front tho and loads of assholes were crowd surfing so sian left. it was just all little girls. it was weird. anyway.. i couldnt get out and wanted to find sian so i went over the barrier. oh the shame. haha. who else did i see.. um. ozamatli and eat static.. quite cool. vex red.. they were first on ish on friday. i thought id hate them but they sounded really good. kinda like placebo meets pitchshifter or something not like that at all. pish. saw squarepusher. which was a bit like aphex twin but with less rhythm. or something. saw orbital which was a bit crap. not there fault tho. it was cos it was so packed and couldnt get near enough the stage for it to be loud enough. saw the vines who were really dull so we left. same with queens of the stone age.. got bored so went and saw nelly furtardo.. who was much more entertaining. saw rod stewart obviously. haha. and rolf harris. managed to meet with everyone as well.. so we were all camping together. it was quite cool. shame corey couldnt get a ticket but nevermind. ben bought the nme and it had a glastonbury crossword special which we oh so nearly completed. thats a kinda dull thing to mention if you dont know the nme crossword. so just forget it. blah blah. im sure i had loads of interesting things to say about glastonbury. the atmosphere was really good tho.. and it just felt really good this year.. even if the line up really sucked. didnt even go to the new stage. ho hum. and i got a lava lamp for 14.99. boston indeed. and the website for the licourice people. is that how you spell licourice? i have no idea. theyre called valentines anyway. amazing. i can smell curry wafting up from downstairs. gonna be a nice dinner. going the big chill tomorrow.. another line up of people i dont really know. but nevermind.. it should be cool cos were going in the new van. just completed metal gear solid 2. took me fourteen hours. argh. its good tho. dunno if its better than the previous one or not. buts its well more complicated.. and it looks amazing. anyway. i had a load of text messages from mike when i got back from glastonbury. i dont get it. im tried really hard to leave on good terms with the people i lived with but theyre making it really hard. hes just being such a tit. oh well. i wanna send an email out about what a cunt he is. but i really want to rise above it ..he just really fucks me off ..sending me arsey text messages is one thing but talking shit about me on mailing lists is another. pyah. i just hope the people im living with next year arent so fucking unhygenic and close minded ..i dont understand how some people can be so convinced that theyre right ..its just all out of order.. anyway. that curry is calling.
25.6.2002: it seems a lot longer than five days. anyway. glastonbury tomorrow. just finished packing. i really feel like ive forgotten stuff. but nevermind. its sians first time. i think its about my seventeenth. or maybe sixteen. i dunno. sounds impressive huh? thats my parents fault. haha. but yeah. gee. its been a hard last few days. the house party at winnie road was amazing. i felt really down the next day. i hate the way it fucks with your emotions. it wouldnt have mattered but it was the day i was moving out. and sian was. so it was really harsh. didnt even say a proper goodbye to most people. and some a lot of them ill probably never see again. but yknow. i dont really care that much about it right now. but i was really gutted. leaving sians house was the worse. cos shed really personalised it like. and shed been there for two years. so it was weird. and saying bye to her house mates. well i was kinda distraught. is that how you spell that? didnt really give a shit about leaving my house. and right now i dont really care if i never see mike or matt again. i dont mean it but theyve both really fucked me off. especially with their behaviour towards james. but nevermind. id love to sit down with someone and point out everything about them that makes me angry.. but thatd be wrong. itd feel good tho. assholes. they can both fuck off. anyway. it just feels kinda lonely in rugby cos noones around. bens not coming back all summer from brighton. i doubt mark will come back from london. coreys living in london. i just hope martins gonna be around. but he always gets a job.. hey i phoned him the other day and a girl answered. woohoo. even better was that he was asleep. haha. yeah anyway. went the gym today for the first time in ages. theyve done it all up. its cool.. i just went for a swim but it was nice. i bought ico the other. playstation2 game. its really pretty.. but i havnt played it much cos i bothered metal gear solid of sam next door.. its kinda addictive but i think its just cos of the plot.. its like watching a movie. but blah blah. and i was playing guitaroo man.. its amazing. i hate talking about this crap cos its kinda dull.. but yet.. i dunno. sian is sitting here waiting for me to finish. its really irratating. umm.. people dont realise how hard it is to type when people are watching. i mean. you can read this whenever. but not when im writing it. its my nans birthday today. i bought her a load of cool stuff from the bodyshop. proper cool stuff.. did you know theres more subway outlets than mcdonalds? couldnt fucking believe it. i thought subway was small time.. i guess its just as shit. oh well. nevermind. i kinda wanna go to reading.. humph. must buy new gorillaz and kid606 albums.. just so i dont forget like.. not that i read my news page or anything.. but still. someone might ask me what theyre like presuming i bought them... or something. hmm. havnt talked to jo for ages. and i wont be around either. which reminds me. i really gotta sort out my hotmail account so that i dont loose it while at glastonbury. fucking shitty spam crap. argh. brig. so there. the pangs of leaving university. its kinda horrible cos im not in the same area next year. else it would feel alright. nevermind. been drinking lots of strawberry milkshake. mum grows them on the allotment. very nice with icecream milk and cherry cordial. yeah. anyway. gotta go and watch big brother. sigh.
20.6.2002: well i went the acedemy on friday night. that was quite cool. although i probably got redbull poisoning. redbull and vodka was one fifty. but they wouldnt give it me without the redbull because a shot of vodka is two ten. argh. after a few drinks of that yr teeth start really hurting. i think it just eats away at your mouth. and yr teeth. so horrible how it makes them feel. anyway. went to the soak. i quite like it in there.. they got nice paintings. etc. thek do vk cheap. but theres another vile drink. anyway. lindsay was in there which was cool. having seen her for ages. got an invite to go to the isle of wight this summer. definately gonna take that up. love it down there. anyway. she got a degree average of 69% and they wouldnt give her a first. which is just so mean. the meanness. i wish i could give a few of my percent away to various people. but nevermind. sheesh that sounds really arrogant. nevermind. sian got her results and she got 78% and 77% in her project and dissertation. i told her they were really good. her exams averaged about 63 i think.. and her three year average was 67% or something. she should revised more.. haha. shed kill me for saying that. cos she revised all the time. anyway. the academy. umm.. they played the new prodigy single and it sounded a lot better in a club.. even if it was ramshackle. then saturday. met my parents in town.. no that was the previous week. haha. it was mixing for the cd. oh yeah. haha. timeline is making sense now. regress had ages cos there was an hour for setting up.. and all that really needed setting up was getting a good drum sound i suppose. so that was cool. sounded a bit echoey.. but sound engineers never listen do they. kinda irratating really. its like.. hello? i dont want it to sound like that. spade sounded amazing. then i went to town and ran round trying to buy sian her birthday presents (she was in town and i had to meet her).. got her the pink album. haha. she asked. so yknow. anyway. she phoned me and i ran back across birmingham. through smiths for a card. knackered. and all with painfull teeth. yknow its really hard to find a 21 birthday card with a badge. its really fucking hard. there is no choice at all. anyway. i got back to rich bitch and everyone made me out like an idiot cos its actually really easy. i hate it when people are like that. even though i just spent hours trying to find one. everyone seems to think that they must be right cos it makes more sense. it just makes you angry. didnt explain that very well. anyway. the postmortem song sounded shit. and holly said that the guy did it really quickly and was joking about it and stuff. which is just bullshit. i dont care how shit it is or not. its lowest common denominator. but anyway. that pissed me off as well. cos they were ahead of schedule and none of the band were there. asshole. anyway again. went to xls. told matt well in advance we were getting the five to ten train. phoned him just before we were there and he whined a lot and sian said wed wait for him. anyway. i phoned him back to point out the next train is half an hour later (hence why i said the five to ten train anyway) and we werent waiting so he was like.. well you either know what matts like or you dont. and i could write a thesis on my house mates. anyway. it was quite cool. i couldnt dance at all. which was kinda irratating. but nevermind. so now ive got a really low confidence. i think its certain shade of greens fault. its just kinda hard. and it was the first song we danced to ..so that really messed it all up. and they didnt play any really decent songs. hardly. like they could have played the pitchshifter single.. and sian requested circles and got kinda upset cos the guy was an asshole. she said shed be going there since she was 16 and they couldnt even play her a song on her 21st birthday. this was kinda late anyway. so we left. i was trying to get her to write a note saying 'fucking prick' to give to the guy.. but instead she wrote a note to the other two guys saying that the other guy was ..yeah you get the picture thing.. ive had trouble saying stuff recently. its just the post dissertation and exam thing.. your brain kinda unravels. im doing stuff with my dissertation project for the uni at the moment. and theyre paying me. which is cool. i work at home as well. and say how many hours i work. does it make you sick? im working right now acutally. haha. anyway. ive been doing some cool animations and this program that animates them at random and looks good etc. infact. can anyone tell my this applet doesnt work? i just cant figure it out. but yeah. then on sunday we went to redditch for sians birthday. her new laptop is about twice as good as mine. how unfair is that? she doesnt even need one. haha. it was nice cos my parents and nan came up as well and we went for a meal. this was after watching mtv and the kerrang channel all day. groan. i thought the meal was good tho. the food was really nice. but everyone moaned about stuff and said they werent gonna go again.. although weve been twice before and it was really good. okay steves pitta had a bit of mold on it.. but people do make mistakes. blah. had a band practice on monday.. regress writing some new songs. i really like one of them but it needs an extra bit. blah. must not forget we have another practice today at my house. then saw spiderman. i had the least expectation of it when we went it and thought it was better than everyone else. the person who thought it was gonna be really good was the person who least liked it. i think it says a lot about the film. but i really like her first outfit. jeans and tracksuit hoody. haha. big brother was good last night. im sorry but it was. haha. please dont vote alex out. hes funny. spencer doesnt do much anymore. cmon. yknow it makes sense. anyway.. im trying to work out what to have for breakfast. i got my computer at sians house so i dont have to go home till later. which is good but i accidently got up an hour earlier that normal and now im bored. need some breakfast. id try dry museli but dont have any.. could go to tescos but im not guarrenteed to be able to get back in the house.. argh. oh nevermind... oh boston is on tv. cool. just reminds me how much i hate birmingham. oooh. theres a phone in to win a trip.. and the answer is cheers. hmmm. oh its tempting. 09014959595. haha. fuckit.
14.6.2002: hmmm. oh i dunno. what have i been doing? well weve been recording in rich bitch studios for the rocksoc cd. regress spade and postmortem did tracks.. i think the spade one is the best by miles. i feel really hot and bothered tho. i might have a shower.. but its not been long since i last washed.. and ive got a tight schedule today. just went downstairs to put my washing in but the washing from ages ago is still in there starting to smell. so mike hates me now cos i asked him to get out of bed and sort it out. it is nearly 11.. so im not gonna feel too guilty about it. i really know how alex feels yknow. but yeah. got some cool photos from the recording. tried to go out for a curry last night but no one else could be bothered and the night kinda ended on a downer.. which was shit. now i gotta decide what to do tonight. going to xls tomorrow night cos its sians birthday thing. and ramshackle is a really good option for tonight. but i might be way too knackered. sians asshole neighbours had a house party but were having it outside the back under her bedroom window. which i wouldnt have minded but they were playing music really really loud. she got her 2.1 which is cool. but we kinda knew that before. went to the soak last night.. and the other night actually.. its alright in there.. they got some nice paintings. haha. its really unsmokey.. they have weird smoking areas and stuff.. its quite cool. officialy got my degree results. this sounds really anal but i was really miffed cos some guy called aftab got a first as well. whats the chance of someone with a name above ashmore in the alphabet also getting a first. anyway. there was three of us. the other guys name began with a w. haha. so nevermind. gonna go and get my individual results today at 2. oh what fun. im writing this really disjointed. nevermind. and im having really fragmented sleep. the days are getting all kinda confusing. it hasnt been a week since i got my results. quite. and i keep having reoccuring themes in my dreams. ive had two earth quakes and two rather abstract obscure armageddon style natural disaster type things. and five chase dreams. i think thats in the last two weeks or less. and i never really remember my dreams much. so its a bit weird.. having more dreams than normal and them all being similar. id hate to thing what a dream guide would say about them. haha. the chase dreams have been really intricate and complicated as well. nevermind. im gonna go and see if the washing machine is now free.. no it wasnt.. fucked off with waiting so i emptied it myself. but the clothes stink really bad (doesnt it defeat the point of washing your clothes if they are then gonna stink afterwards) so ive set the washing machine going empty in an attempt to clean it. sheesh. i like mike and everything. but he isnt half a dirty and lazy fucker sometimes. anyway. yeah. gotta get sian birthday stuff and its really hard. argh. anyway. ive got this really bad feeling that im gonna miss something ive organised to do.. the just seems to be loads of plans that are like.. half sorted out. argh. anyway..
9.6.2002: went to the medicine bar last night to see unkle.. didnt really see much unkle but i enjoyed it anyway. the custard factory is just kinda chilling. some of the people are kinda irratating but yknow.. its the same everywhere. me sian and fran went. we were sitting outside round the.. er.. pond thing. and there were these break dancers cutting some shapes. haha. sorry. two of them were amazing tho. its just the skill. but nevermind. i shoulda got some photos. damn it. why didnt i think? i feel bad for eating these experimental fruit gums. theyre number 0047. they probably rare or something ..haha.. might be worth something one day. no really. that or they might kill me cos theyre toxic. who knows. that little cafe on the canal (just off gas street) does the best vege burgers. theyre fucking amazing. not cheap. but the location if pretty cool as well. expect some photos when i have time. got band practice in half an hour with regress. daves come down again and were working on whatever song were doing for the rocksoc cd. saw phil the other day and he said the song theyre doing is a load of weird stuff stuck together and was asking if they could use a regress riff in it. wtf? exactly. who knows. if one day period butcher that song ill kick their ass. haha. oh yeah that reminds me. its sians house mates annas 21st birthday party on the 21st and its in wales and she invited us all. but me and sian so no cos we thought it clashed with glastonbury (this was ages ago).. anyway.. kinda forgot about it.. but fran told us last night that annas mum is paying for everyones hotel rooms and that lorraine and katie are going.. cant fucking believe it. does katie even know anna? i dont think so. and anna and lorraine used to hate each other. i think its so rude that theyre taking advantage like that. fran lisa and susan are going as well which is more understandable.. what with them all living together. but im still kinda irratated by it. i really wanna go now. cos i feel bad about them going. i dont think sian really wants to go but ill talk to her about it. not sure how wed get there either.. cos sian has no money. id talk to anna but i dont wanna sound like i want her mum to pay for anything. cos i dont. not if shes already paying for everyone else. anyway.. whatever..
8.6.2002: about five years later. or hours even. urgh.. i think i ate too many strawberries. really gutted that we missed the free pims tho. pims is amazing. mucho cheers to fiona and che tho. especially for the vodka type stuff. and the sweets. and the funky 'tour'.. the new sneaker pimps album is good okay. good. now its time to go and meet my parents. brilliant. pop and roll..
8.6.2002: well its been a long day. its quater to five. just got home. thats am by the way. as in in the morning. got my results. got my first. i dont wanna boast but i did really fucking well ..and im kinda proud of that. so yeah. i think an 84% year average is worth celebrating. so i walked home in the rain and fucking loved it. after the football match everyone was happy. so it was just cool yknow. and ive been uber modest all day. it felt good to not be an asshole. i think one of the things that made me happiest was anna getting her 2.1 ..sians housemate anna. she really wanted it and got it.. it was really cool.. got a curry.. it was nice. watched big brother. that was cool cos alex stayed in. woohoo. i know you all hate him. but i know what its like living with dirty slackers and its crap. i feel his pain.. i can relate etc.. and hes just funny. haha.. anyway. yeah. he is just funny. anyway. yeah. etc. so what.. yeah.. we went to the chamberlain ball. chamberlian is a hall of residence.. so its like 700 first years or something. spade were playing. it was just crazy. got there and walking through this huge building all over the place. its just confusing as fuck. spend a while setting up amps etc. then we went to the fair ground outside and went on the the thing you sit on that goes round and round.. kinda perpendicular to how you sit. oh how the fuck do you explain that at five in the morning? fuck knows. but mike was screaming like a little girl. and we were with fiona. it was all quite cool. and free aswell.. but it shut at one so we only got one go. then i bumped into che and sarah. which was also cool. she was winning loads in the casino thing.. but it wasnt real money ..it was just for fun.. which confused me somewhat.. drank some absinthe.. nice. sat around and watched a few tarts dance really badly. oh you gotta. then went on a mini tour of the halls with fiona and emily which was cool. i have a photo. ill sort these out. theyre cool. we went up the top ..its a cool view.. and we found all the discarded strawberries in the basement.. wicked it was. so i scoffed loads. then che showed me his room and gave me some nice vodka and some weird sweets.. his mum works at cabury land. he gave me a tube of fruit pastelles that have trial ingredients. its weird cos theyre all black. i dunno. hung out at halls. something i never really did and wish i had. just spent more time on the vale. i never seen it in the light yknow. only at firework night. anyway. then spade played. it was very mixed. i think the sound was quite good considering.. haha.. the first few songs went down really well. people jumping around and stuff. that was wicked. it felt really good.. well. that mixed with alcohol and degree ..but it got a little less good when we did our own stuff.. but nevermind. pyah. pish. etc. im just happy we got to go in the lifts. sheesh. then we went. and it was light already. so it was like an all nighter. well it was. not like. whatever. is any of this makign sense? i think im irratating sian with my typing. i guess shes trying to sleep. jeez is morning already. i kinda wanted to hang around there more but people were going to bed and stuff.. and everyone else was drunk. the kareoke was terrible and the other band in the big room were shit.. they guy couldnt even sing. now matt boas. there we have a star. anyway. it kinda sucks cos that was my first ball. crazy huh. what have i been doing all this time? i didnt even dress smart. i gotta shut up now. i been typing constantly.. blah blah blah.. but yeah. i got the fattest degree... i am a cool mother fucker. and i can say that right now cos i spent that last four fucking months working on it.. its like we talk in notes. no reason. i just wanted to say that.. good morning
7.6.2002: hey peeps. well its twenty to ten. am. just chilling. might go make breakfast soon. im starved. the countdown has begun. etc. i can feel them putting the exam marks up on the board right this second. yargh. lubo (the vr guy) sent an email out saying the best 20 projects are being demonstrated on the 13th and lee said he had an email asking him if he could do it. i was a bit gutted cos i liked my project and i hadnt had an email (top twenty.. sheesh that makes me sound really bigheaded doesnt it? sorry).. anyway. it turns out i checked my email as he was sending them out and i got the email this morning. woohoo. so that cheered me up. its just the exam marks to go.. just over an hour left ..etc.. gig was okay last night. a very major okay. the sound was pretty poop. everyone said you could hear bass and some drums. no guitars. i keep telling matt and james (especially) to turn it up. but now. they wuss material. haha. ametrial it a nice word. does it mean anything? answers on a postcard. or email. would be nice. the other band was really acoustic chilled outness. so we had quite a relaxed set. it was nice. big cheers. although they were polite. everyone was talking apparently. which i thought was cool because we werent intruding. how i feel doing a gig infront of loads of people you dont know. i got a bit pissed off tho cos the guy in the other band didnt have a bass and wanted to use mine. which i just couldnt do. makes me sound like an arse but.. i rarely let people even touch it when they come round.. nevermind play it at a gig. he was really nice guy tho and i dunno what i was worried about. i think its a zero tolerance thing. theres a very nasty grey scale about who i would and wouldnt let play it. so its just a matter of saying noone. im explaining this really badly. i wouldnt of minded but i felt kinda put on the spot about it. and that shit isnt fair. theres no need to make me the bad guy. we took all our own equipment down anyway. all of my bass amp. which i guess i shouldnt have done cos it was too loud but nevermind. sian didnt go and i felt a bit bad about making her feel bad about it. sigh. well yknow. i dunno. not sure why people were poking me all night tho. that was kinda weird. and then mike and karen came back from getting pizza and karen was pissed off ..i was gonna go into it but i think itd be best not too. haha. i dont really have much patience for that kinda shit. if youre gonna be really arguementative all the time you should expect people to argue with you as given. people just need to lighten up and take things less seriously. theres too many people like that. but yeah. going into uni soon. looking at exam marks. then checking scripts and things. crazy. i might get ready now. and make that breakfast.
6.6.2002: well its 11:40am gone.. i just walked home from sians and it feels more like 6:30am.. not sure why but it does. so ben is arguing that a sponge that has been ripped apart hasnt actually been broken. and it would take it being set on fire or soaked in glue to break it. okay. maybe a fair comment. spatchbox were cool tho. we went back to their house afterwards. i got a salad kebab on the way from big johns. i thought it might be better than adams place cos theyve got a nicer sign. big john is a shit. they put half a pint of mayonaise on my kebab. im just glad i didnt ask for chilli. and the onions were minging. anyway. yeah. i got my results tomorrow. crazy. sian started her job yesterday. oh wait i said that already. nevermind. i had things to say. i know i did.. but what.. i had eggy bread this morning. good old bit of french toast. havnt had it for ages. it was really nice. and i made it with eggs from sainsburies that are naturally rich in omega3. get that. except theyre not free range. here is the problem. i thought id buy them anyway to check them out. but its just kinda crap theyre from hens in really nice happy furnished and decorated cages. cages. do they not realise that people who care about what they eat.. who care about themselves.. also care about other things as well. like nice little chickens. haha. oh well. we just got a visit from the gas man. haha. he had a husky tho which was funny. except he was moaning that the screen wasnt bright enough. well if you do use it in really bright sunlight. what do you expect? apparently we havnt been paying our gas bills. although im pretty positive weve been paying gas. this is all james fault. but the guy said that the bills have been going to s.lane ..who lived here before. so of course we havnt been paying the fucking bills. sheesh. anyway.. isnt it illegal to open other peoples mail? and also i bet if we pay that well be paying some of their old bill. yargh. nevermind. went to the pear last night. first time since they did it up. me sian and fran. thought id make my peace and i did. its exactly the same but looks a bit more posh. still feels the same. it is still the pear. so there. del monte have a new range of juice. the costa rican banana is really good. the kiwi one is not. so dont buy it. argh my room is a mess. nevermind. etc.
5.6.2002: sheesh. last two days have been a bit cool. and a bit weird in places. and now theres milk all over the kitchen floor. its just getting crazier. so yeah. it was the two day rocksoc brook event thing. it was really good actually. shit loads of people went. it was ace. spade was okay, regress was fun and postmortem were amazing. the crowd was loving it and it was so insanely loud. its was the metalest gig we ever did. haha. it was mental. i really cant put it into words. i thought our last gig was pretty cool but this took the biscuit. and we won the quiz. beating the 'laurence is a shit' team by one point. that arose because i was being awkward about not wanting a team of eleven people. which i think is fair enough. last thing you want is a load of hangers on being on yr team cos they know yr gonna win. no thats not true. its just that they wouldnt fit round a table. so whats the point? yknow. so mike and karen started their own team. nevermind. but yeah. after the gig i felt like i was never gonna sleep so we went to find people to go for a curry with. bumped into russel and george and they were already going to the dilshad so were go invited along. various other people as well. anyway. we were with this couple they know from the pear who said theyd pay for the whole meal. he then ordered eight bottles of win and a bottle of champagne. it was the craziest thing thats happened to me in a long time. it was an experience i suppose. tom drank a pint of wine in three. i thought that was pretty impressive. they were really nice but it was just rediculous. russel kept pouring his glass into the ice bucket. haha. it was a good laugh and it didnt end in tears. then yesterday was pretty cool as well. 31/2inchfloppy did a really good gig. pulling out the favourites. it was a really good sound as well. and pete dragged in a branch to decorate the stage. that makes no sense. nevermind. oh everyones got new instruments. all of omatic (well thats kinda obvious cos they had all their gear nicked) and sebs got a new guitar.. and phil eventually got himself a decent bass. sounding quite fat. spatchbox etc. i got loads of photos ill upload sometime. everyone was playing football and frisbee in the beer garden. it was just quite cool. but now ive got nothing to do. might go and chill out in selly park or cannon hill. went the other day to play rounders but only me sian dan and jodie turned up. it was cool tho. everythings cool. etc. i need to go out but i dunno where to go. kinda sad but yknow. there isnt much places to go on your own in selly oak. sian started work at the animal house today. looking after the animals hehe. yeah. ive gotta sell my formal methods book somehow.. and im sure its script checking day on friday but i still havnt had an email. i think theyre leaving a bit a close. argh. exam marks. these kinda really matter now as well. oh well. yeah..
1.6.2002: hmmm. 1st of june. nice day. i think were gonna go to cannon hill park. itll be nice yeah. well its been ages. ive finished my degree. now its just waiting for all my marks and stuff. image understanding was pretty difficult but what i knew i knew. compilers was really hard but its way out of my 'field'.. didnt understand any of the past exam papers. he said hed totally changed the course ..which he had.. but it was still pretty hard considering i hadnt dont the unofficial pre requisites.. i was pissed off when i worked out it could bring me done by a whole 6% as well. but i think i did okay for it to not bring me down too much. i can appeal or something anyway. haha. so yeah. i didnt get to celebrate finishing cos i had to go home for a dentist appointment. they dusted my teeth. haha. it sounds really weird but its not. well it was. but it wasnt nasty or.. oh i dunno. yeah. i found this puzzle. its about three guys with hats. haha. ands its really kinda hard. at least three people are convinced its impossible.. but im really convinced it is possible. and ill argue it if you want. hmmm. and while your checking out stupid puzzles this triangle thing really pissed me off. bastards. oh and check out number 26 while your there. no really do. its the coolest optical illusion ive seen. its good non? but yeah. the blue hats. thats quite cool. the other night there was this crazy guy outside. him and this girl were having this arguement for ages right outside the house. anyway. he started to walk off and fell over or kicking something or something and was screaming in pain for ages. it was kinda funny. they got him a taxi and he fucked off. haha. oh. theres a two day event at the brook. spade regress and postmortem are playing on monday.. spade are supposed to be outside.. but im not sure if thats gonna happen. rocksoc dont really have enough wits about them to pull it off. you watch. spade are playing with a new guitarist since james doesnt seem to want to hang around with us anymore. hmm. and then spade are playing tcs on the 6th and the chamberlain ball on the 7th. ball. i get to go to a ball! haha. i never been to a ball. it seems kinda sad that i havnt. but yknow. i really doubt im missing out that much. fucking hell its a nice today tho. were gonna to the selly sausage. pretty good vege breakfast action. not as good as dericks for the price like. but its nicer. yeah. hardcore etc. i gotta update the food page. but nevermind. ill get round to everything. haha. but yeah. ive been living in the library recently. they must clean the graffiti off the desks really regulary. cos it grows really fast. i cant help it anyway. i drew this. its a bit blurry cos i took it with my little camera really close up. no one defaced in the two weeks tho. which was nice. the library is weird tho. i was a bit pissed off the other day cos it was fucking tipping it down and i only had a tshirt and my grey thing and everyone else had coats. it was about ten and everyone decided to go. and i was like.. why dont we just wait til the library shuts yknow never know the rain might stop. but we went anyway and i got fucking soaked. and then as we just got out of uni the rain stopped. argh. i hate i told you so moments but when the only person who it effects is you. anyway.. im just moaning. sian is wearing my underwear haha. she put them on inside out. haha. shed kill me if she knew i was writing this. shes been saying she wants some guys pants for ages. anyway. did i mention before theyd totally done up the punjab? yeah i must have. its amazing tho. and if you go have a dopiaza. theyre really good there. did you see eurovision. it was shit. the air hostess thing was quite funny. and the last guy was so bad its was good. what a load of crap tho. big brother. i aint even gonna go there. especially since eveyone elses opinions seem to differ to mine. whatever. seen star wars yet? i kinda liked it. although theres some really dodgy shadows in one scene. haha. but yeah. they just seemed to put in a load of stuff thats been coming for ages. that makes no sense. nevermind. but yeah. didnt get to celebrate finished cos we went home. sian went horse riding which was cool. its kinda scary how powerful they are tho yknow. its when theyre in their pen things and when they just come out. theyre feet are so hard on the ground. make amazing noises. anyway. looked at loads of horses. they have good heads. i think sam kieth made me appreciate that. had my first band practice at rich bitch for about two months yesterday. postmortem and spade. was a four hour pain fest on the fingers. but it was very metal. trying to remember all the old spade songs. really hard.. especially since we have three gigs next week. i think this will push me up to 35 gigs. oh wow. appliance just started playing. derailleur king of the mountain. nice. ive been having a lot of chase dreams. well three in the last two nights. im sure thats not just coincidence cos i rarely remember my dreams these days. and they were so long. one had a happy ending. which is kinda rare for a chase dream. maybe i look it up. anyone any ideas? ..whatever.. weirdest thing. did i mention that after the last postmortem gig some women was talking to me about bass and mentioned someone she knew who played in some band called godsacre. which was the band simon lilystone was in. anyway. turns out it was badger ian. small world. well. small county. haha. went shopping yesterday and got some new trousers. well. new jeans. i like them but im gonna tread on them to pieces. nevermind. they well comfy tho. so that is cool. got the new sam kieth comic as well. i feel such a geek but hes just the tits. but yeah. my jeans come with a conscience label saying everyone involved in the garment has been paid a decent living wage. but then it also says theyve been sandblasted. eek. i hate the worn look. it just seems so stupid. but i liked the jeans whether theyve been made to look old or not. excess fraying and holes are part of the look and therefore an acceptable standard of quality. uhuh? where the hell did this fashion come from? fake load of shit. sheesh. i remember people buying jeans and getting people to rough them up and shit. for fuck sake. why cant people just buy some jeans and wear them? theyll get fucked up eventually. thats when most people buy a new pair.. anyway. its time for breakfast..
18.5.2002: nature inspired design is harcore. but it was doable. had a bastard headache this morning. everything went wrong. couldnt find a watch. couldnt find my debit card (couldnt get breakfast and caffine stimulation) could find my guild card (couldnt sit my exam) ..so what the fuck? anyway. i half remembered leaving my wallet in the bathroom last night when i was cleaning off the curry crap. but it wasnt there. so i was confused as hell. after waking everyone up in a mad panic it turns out that matt had presumed it was his and taken it into his room. i spent over fucking half an hour trying to find it when i could have been revising. sheesh. so that was really arse. but nevermind. and he hasnt apologised. but then i guess it wasnt his fault ....erm ..anyway. yeah. borrowed sarahs weird goth watch. haha. cool. um. sian bought me a pen. did i mention it before? its a sully pen. its furry. its the coolest. if you dont belive me watch this. a silly little animated gif. i was bored. you would be too. im trying to take myself less seriously. expect lots of stupid photos of me. laurence conveys a.. um.. yeah. anyway. my back hurts really bad. sitting exams kills me. i cant walk properly when i come out. crippled. oh well. itll be okay again soon. hundred reasons were on top of the pops last night. it was terrible. they really sucked. oh well. they were so good last time as well. they shouldnt have done it. dunno what to do now. im taking it easy the rest of today. maybe ill take some more stupid photos.. haha.. i worked out what this page is useful for tho. if you do ctrl+f you can search for interesting words. the funness. try searching for ice cream or lettuce or something. i was disappointed i hadnt talked about pumpernickel tho.
17.5.2002: formal methods is a joke. three out of four questions were either word for word the same as previous years exams or straight out of the text book. for fuck sake. me and mike had done 66% of the exam that morning in the library. now i got nature inspired design tomorrow. shit yeah. hmm. nevermind. the funniest thing just happened. well. it wasnt. but anyway. i was putting the lid pack on a styrofoam cup of popadum sauce and my thumb went through the base. went everywhere. all over me. all over ..umm.. actually it just kinda went all over me. so ive had to do washing two days in a row. freakness. blah.