news [archive 02]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word

09.11.2002: shit man. i just came back from town and crashed out. with bass and all. then i get woken up by what sounds like gun fire round outside the house. fucking crazy kids. where the fuck are they getting bangers that big? my head is too heavy. had a nice day tho. um. yesterday was a long day. in uni at nine and was there until gone five. ate some food. watched a lot of simpsons and malcom in the middle. drank some wine. drank some cointreau. then we went to this pub called the mash tunn. they were playing the bends when went in. or some other song off the album. i dunno. they played all kinda crazy music youd never think youd hear in a pub. had one drink cos i was starting to feel drunk. i remember talking about glassjaw. and shit. whatever. we went to the joint. it was sixties night. you understand this is all aimees fault. it was okay yknow. nick was trying to prove he could drink more than ben. i think at the end of the night ben had drank wine beer cider tequila cointreau and jagermeister. sheesh. no wonder he was so desperate for a grubbs. which i bought him i might add. i had a bit of hot malasian with extra cheese. mala. sian. weird. but yeah. were sitting down in the club admiring the ladies (or whatever it is you do in clubs when youre not dancing) and this guy comes over and sits by me. 'i dont mean to sound rude but you look like youre on drugs. do you know where i could get some?' ..woah.. i said im sorry ive got no idea. do i really look like im on drugs? 'well kinda.. but then i am really desperate' was funny at the time. no really. i remember talking to some insanely drunk girl outside the club. she was like. you guys keep talking to me so i dont pass out. so yeah. got up late and went into town. walked around on my own in search of much needed food. i need to go to sainsburies. and i wanted a sandwhich. expensive bread with vege bacon avocada mayo and basil or something. with pine nuts. but nah. eventually after like.. ages.. i found this sandwhich place and had a mozzarella and roast pepper panini. i told the guy i only had so much money so what did he recommend. he recommended what i was thinking about getting anyway. so dude. it was well well nice. i checked my bank balance and i havnt spent all my money so i treated myself to some really expensive fudge. ha ha ha. ha. the i bought some crap from the random crap shops. christmas stuff and wandered down the pier. there was this guy walking behind me who looked like a tall black hedwig. he didnt look very angry tho. just.. i dunno. nice. the pier tho.. it was really amazing. i cant explain how fantastic the colours were. like. teal. the sky and sea were subtle shades of teal. looked amazing. i stood forever watching the birds flock. after a while you stop looking at the birds and start looking at the shapes they form. the movement like. its pretty amazing. cos they almost flock around you. its like. youre totally immersed in this big teal bubble of swooping and gliding birds. they can move so slowly. there must have been hundreds of them. i wish i could have had a photo but it would never have looked all that good. brighton is amazing. i really want someone to share it with. um. i resisted getting the traditional waffle. as if i hadnt eaten enough already. i did get a shakeaway tho. i got the teresa special. its banana with butterscotch and a blended flake. way too sickly. i got my oil burner rocking and its starting to make my head feel a bit feint. the air seems well heavy. its just cos i just woke up. just. like. on the way. um. i got a message from laura whos just sitting down about to see the new harry potter film. lucky girl. haha. i didnt realise it was out. ho hum. i got the bus back and there was the cutest girl on the bus. she was asking her mum the cutest questions and she had the cutest voice. she kept making me laugh. it was well funny. then she started singing the row row row your boat gently down the stream song. it was wicked. i can smell food downstairs. hopefully it wont be bacon this time. nearly made me sick this morning. but not to moan. okay. i scanned in some more pictures. and i uploaded an old one again but in colour. not much interesting but here you go anyway. why i bother? i dunno. maybe i just feel like it.

07.11.2002: well i guess the work load is starting to kick in. im starting to have less time to waste on doing stupid website crap. nevermind. and i havnt even written for nearly a week. am i good or what? so. um. yeah. last weekend i went to bristol to enjoy the rain. didnt really do much i could blabber about. gave fran an avocado for her birthday. sian bought a new hat. amongst other stuff she did. um. bought ice cream. blah. although. there was a weird woman on the train. she was listening to the greatest lovesongs of all time part three or something like that and was singing along really loud. i could still hear her even when i turned my walkman up really loud. i quite like the train journey there. it goes along the south coast so theres loads of ports and things. photo?

yeah. so for ten hours over my weekend i read.. wtf? tip your bartender is playing really really loud from nicks room. haha. he skipped and now hes playing pardon me. haha. wtf did he get glassjaw from? crazy. so yeah. i read papers about robots and crap. i did arrow words. i read some generation x. its not all that. but i like the little bits at the bottom of the pages. is nick deaf? i dont know. yeah. it didnt look like we were gonna go the quiz. i hated ben. then last minute he decided it was a good idea. and it was. we came seventh out of fifteen. not bad since our team is less than half the size of the average team. it was good tho. followed by grubbs. nevermind. um. ive had lots of early mornings. ive been feeling so crapness. this morning was my first lie in for ages. felt good. getting sleep like. jazz. guess what my programming techniques coursework is? the wumpus world. haha. coming back to haunt me. the weather was so bad yesterday. soaked. shitness. spent all day watching tv and shit. cnx is amazing. samuri jack is amazing. well it was yesterday. stick a fork in it. and cowboy bedop. dudeness. and i watched xmen evolution but that wasnt so good. apart from rogue who was just too cool. except when she spoke. well bad casting. nevermind. watched some invader zim. the best cartoon ever. excluding digimon. although the episode yesterday was pretty lame. the third series is really (whats that damn word?) inconsistent. oh well. talking about invader zim.. ive only got one episode that hasnt finished downloading yet. yay. although theres a bunch of episodes not available on the website. poo. check it out tho. the website is here. you *will* need getright. without the amazing segmented download feature they come in at about 300bytes/second. ruhhhhbish. but thats why i still havnt scanned more stuff on. my spare usb is always taken up by the ethernet adaptor so i can download invader zim. i should get a spliter thing. my computer just gets confused the whole damn time tho. sometimes usb stuff only works in certain ports when sometimes itll work in anyway. grown. and i only just fixed my display driver. thankyouthankyouthankyou. i found out that my extended desktop wasnt supported anymore (since i installed what i dont know) which means my video out didnt work. which meant i couldnt do the amazing evoart thing im doing on the.. 18th? 13th? whatever. but. its all rock and jazz now. oh yeah. it was bonfire night. haha. we went up to lewes. this crazy little village thing that really goes to town on bonfire night. they have big processions and stuff. hundreds of people marching through the street with massive crosses and shit on fire. big explosions. cannons. etc. fucking madness. then they put on the best fireworks display i ever did see. it was mamba. i mean. ive seen some nicer fireworks before ..there were some well nice ones at birmingham last year. but for insaneness lewes wins hands down. they just kept on coming. bigger and better and nearer. they had this fucking crazy thing that made the loudest bass boom ive ever heard. it was so loud. you could feel everything rumble. never heard one of them at fireworks party before. they cant be legal man. and the amount of little shits throwing bangers around. my ear really really hurt the next day. i shoulda taken my ear plugs. but nevermind. the coolest thing i noticed was how amazing eveyones shadows look when they have the really fast mental ones. that go. crack crack cra cra crack. etc. its like a million strobes all slightly out of time and all pointing in different directions. but yeah. ive been feeling a bit weird the last few days. i obviously need to go to sainsburies and get some damn milk. and the rest. my fridge is bare.

01.11.2002: i had nothing to say for a bit. now ive got too much. sigh. okay. where to start? okay. the other night (wednesday 30th) i woke up in the middle of the night. it was just before 5am. anyway. i was lying in bed like you do and my bed started to shake. more like tremble. anyway. it was only a second or two. i was just convinced it was an earthquake. i went back to bed. but then nothing. no one said there was an earthquake. kinda.. i dunno.. i so did. nevermind. i was waiting by the bus stop on the way into uni and there was a ripped up postcard placed amongst some orange peel on the wall. so obviously i picked up all the pieces to read it but it was in german. now im really curious to what it says. why would someone rip up a postcard? i dunno. its probably not interesting at all but im hooked. so. i was walking home the other day and this woman mounts the pavement with her car and drives along really fast to undertake this other car. she nearly hits a lamp post. and me. but nevermind. on thursday i had a really nice walk home. it was dark but gorgeous. just the right temperature. just the right feeling. it was haloween. trick or treaters came into the chinese while i was waiting for my food. there were dogs wandering around the streets. weaving in and out of the pumpkins. it was like there was a canopy of good vibes. trick or treaters. i guess the streets just feel safer on haloween. so i was just getting in and aimee and luxy and leaving. am i coming to the protest? they ask. well.. i wanna eat.. but.. um. so i crap my shit and a fork and we head for the bus stop. i eat. its a damn good chinese is that chinese. so the bus arrives just as im finishing and were on our way into town. our bus gets egged. but its haloween so its okay. we walk towards the metting area and there are police everywhere. vans with flashing purple lights. i always though they were blue. we see ben and tom but they wanna go home to eat. suckers. we follow the people. there was apparently 500. i dunno. were all crowding around the roundabout by the pier. the traffic is gridlock. people are banging their drums and shouting their chants and stuff. everyone sits down. it feels like glastonbury. im all for the cause and everything. but to be honest i was mainly their for the experience. its exciting. it feels good to feel apart of something a bit big. the police start shouting shit through their megaphones and no one hears cos everyone is shouting and whistling and singing. its beautiful. then they start dragging people away and pushing people out of the road. whenever people move they got to another bit of road. the big banners are amazing. i have an eight second video of this. im just gutted i didnt take my camera. so. were not getting anywhere new. a few people try moving down a street and the party follows. this felt good cos we were near the front. at the end of the street were a few people with drums and this crazy dancer dude. it was sureal. you turn round and theirs an army behind you. we turn left towards the level. cars tooting and people watching for their first floor windows. seize the metropolis. at the bottom are all these fucking police vans and shit. whenever the police start getting angry everyone starts shouting 'shame on you'. its good right. after a while of chanting and beating drums and waving banners (that sounds kinda tacky but still) everyone goes back up and around. this goes past the police station. people are moving fast to beat the police to the end of the road. and everyone gets there first. people shouting to stick together. sit down. keep moving. nightmare. car chaos. buses. nothingness. this is just by the pavillion. we start moving up to churchill square. people are getting excited and shit. its great. megaphones and drums. people start running. everyones running down these streets. its straight out of every film. people shouting and screaming and running. just get to the bottom of one street and the police vans scream to a halt. people run back and up. onto the street that leads from the station to the square. at the bottom is a line of riot police with their big riot shields and batons. the people just pile up. its amazing. everyones smiling. its just the coolest. im sure people stayed their for ages but for us it was the end of the line. we went straight round the lads for their haloween party. they dressed me up as a zebra. well. christine did. this big fucking fluffy zebra bra. and a tail. and silly ear hairband. and silly makeup ness. it was quite funny. these huge white fluffy leg warmer things. they have a name. evil punch as well. what idiots put beer and cider in punch? ..who knows. good night tho. i drank way too much too quickly but it was okay. and i ate way too much haribo. yektch. when it was twelve it felt like two. was in bed before one. we had apple bopping. its not so hard yknow. theres a trick to it. thats all. did you know that my record for holding my breathe underwater is two minutes fifteen. count it. thats quite a long time. so i look like a zebra. theres photos. ill try and get some. or something. most people just had crappy masks. nick was wearing a milkill tshirt which was funny. and very weird. haha. blah. i had a chewy milkshake from grubbs. i had a nine oclock lecture. yknow ive felt pretty dead all day. had a good maths seminar tho. im actually properly talking to people on my course. my nervous squares have turned into something a whole lot more beautiful. using the word loosely. or maybe relatively. id scan them in but i need my usb port for the internet. im downloading the first episode of invader zim. fucking hell yeah. its coming in at 704bytes/sec. so its gonna take all night but itll be worth it. its done by jhonen vasquez. or however you spell his name. the guy who did 'i feel sick' and jthm etc. squee. damn good drawer geezer. and zim sounds amazing. truly. so. i saw a really good film. donnie darko. its also got the best
website since requiem for a dream. i decided the best description of the film is a cross between requiem for a dream and american beauty via lost highway and twelve monkeys. now tell me that isnt true. you just try it. so basically. its an amazingly good film. no really. we also saw it on the date that the film counts down to. i liked that. itll make sense when youve seen it. haha. or something not at all like that. no seriously. its one of the best debut films ive seen. along with pi. and.. umm.. delicatessen. but thats a different kinda film. i definately dont think its a horror film tho. geezers. did i tell you how much i hate c? i mean. what kinda stupid dumbass language cant you declare variables wherever you want. c. thats what. i could go on for ages how shit that is. but i wont. i really wont. must stop. etc. anyway. im off to bristol in the wee hours tomorrow. itll be today in four minutes. i well dont want it to be today yet. i need to sleep. after feeling like a zombie all day. on the bus. i am zen. in lectures. i am not asleep. in the lab. i am ..umm.. yknow some of the people on my course really piss me off. theyre think theyre so damn good and shit. if youre that good it counts for shit. no really. if theyre so hot why are they taking the course. whatever. all talk dude. i gotta get me some sleep and all that jazz. um. while invader zim quietly downloads. humming in the background.

27.10.2002: oh man. im on a bit of a milk come down. dont do it kids. just dont do it. its not worth it. it hurts too much. its just not worth it. drink water instead. drink poppers. anything but milk. oh man i think im gonna be sick. shi.. im on a bit of a milk high right now. im 100% that you can get euphoric from milkshake. girls respond to milk. milk. i know i said i made the best milkshake ever on friday night but i just beat it by miles. milk. and i didnt even use ice cream. two cheap-as organic bananas the gold brown sugar stuff i cant spell and a pack of reese peanut pieces. milk. oh man. im in heaven right now. its a legal stimulant with no come down. milk all the way. maybe ill bring back milk corp. this guy in sainsburies the other day (okay this is totally true) who was behind us.. he was buying 24 pints of milk.. six litres of yoghurt. six tubs of cream. and a the biggest block of cheese ive ever seen (although looking highly inadequate next to all that milk). milk. i was trying to get tom to ask him what it was for. i didnt have the guts cos he looked kinda hard. but man. thats like.. an insane amount of dairy. insanityness. you would die if you drank all that milk. you would od in a major way. go to milkill heaven. milk milk milk. type milk. its really fun.

27.10.2002: hey ho. hows it diddlin? we currently got a powercut right here. this means that no one can do anything but me. cos i got batteries. i presume its because of the wind. it is so windy. windness overload. it screams up the chimney. i keep thinking i can hear sirens but im not sure if its just the wind of not. really sounds like sirens tho. like fire engines. its pretty cool. wind wind wind. so yeah. ive done a major update. updated loads of shit. etc. mainly the real photos where i added and changed some photos and a new page of photos i took in wales. mainly beach shit. i also did a minor update of the digicam page and then main photos page. well. i added this photo:

i well like it yknow. hey we have power back. cool. so yeah. sian met the singer from the vines yesterday. im well jelous. not that i like them or anything but he is quite cute. hes not looking amazingly hot in this photo and sian isnt in it so it doesnt really prove a whole lot. but anyway. check him out.

i made an amazing banana milkshake late friday night. sainsburies had an amazing deal on organic bananas. it was 69p for like.. i dunno.. ten or something. so i made the best milkshake ever. it was the absolute tits. cos i had demarera sugar as well. is that how you even slightly spell that? whatever. then i had a (what is it with my trying to spell words i have no idea how to spell) forero roche milkshake from shakeaway. what is it with all the milk? ..girls respond to milk. its true. so yeah. on friday i ended up watching about two hours of mtv undressed. i think they have the american uni halls down to an absolute tee. its undoubtly the best program ive ever seen. okay. so why did i watch if for two hours? you find something better to do on a friday night in brighton. what is this man? lets judge laurence for watching what could possibly be the worst program ever made. its well good tho. so yeah. we went to the font and ferkin in the day. i think its a well nice pub. then we got the bus back. there was this cute indie on the bus who laughed at me. she was about 15 or something. i dunno what this was about but nevermind. i dont really like girls laughing at me. although tom said it was in a good way. but yknow.. still. whatever. actually she looked more alternative than indie. but maybe in brighton thats just all the same thing. so yeah. did i say all of ben and toms old house mates were visiting? ..probably not. well simon bought the rest of the megadrive games round and two extra controllers. although one of the controllers is far from subtle. it doesnt like to be treated like a lady. its just well too worn out. i took it apart and the coating on the contacts has all worn off. nightmare. so we can play three and six player micromachines now. dude. yep. but yeah. i drank two big cups of wine. not glasses. cups. i dunno if that was so clever but it tasted like nasty lemonade and there wasnt much else to drink. this made for an okay start to the night. yeah. we went to some pub that was playing the soulwax bootlet album thing. cheap jd anyway. then not weatherspoons but some other random pub where it wasnt so cheap. i felt like i was too young to be buying alcohol at the bar. i dunno what that was about. ben was spending the whole time in the pub rubbing up against all the ladies. okay thats probably not strictly true but it was quite funny. haha. yeah. then we went in this big circle of clubs trying to decide where to go. we had no chance of getting into the first club. i just dont get dress code. but whatever. then this other place on the sea front (yay sea).. sounded okay but it was eight quid to get in. the bouncer looked round at everyone and then asked just me for id. i asked him if postgraduate nus was okay and he shut up. id like to say that i was just the coolest. but it was probably nothing like that. walked straight past the casablanca. i reckon it would have been pretty cool. and then on to what is probably the worst club in brighton. the new york or whatever. its not the worst club ive ever been in. that would be the steering wheel in birmingham ..thats a long story and its all saira and donnas fault. i practically got strip searched on the way in (as if im dodgy) and we only stayed five minutes. but yeah. the music was terrible. everything from whigfield to the 'thats the way i like it' song but as far away from how cool it looked on bigbrother that you could possible imagine. it was the most random and worst collection of people. there were 15 year old girls (that ben spent ages trying to pull) and old semi-goth women (who ben tried to pull ..why am i being so nasty to ben?). old guys on the pull. young guys on the pull. nastiness abound. there was noone even slightly cool in the club. including us. why the fuck did we end up there? it was nicolas birthday.. so yknow.. its what she wanted i suppose. it wasnt the worst night ive had out (by a long way probably) tho. we walked half the way back. we even walked past grubbs without going in. we walked past this kinda fat guy and ben said (you aint gonna believe this) 'woah check out the humungous guy' practically to his face. its true. this is probably why im being nasty to ben. hes gonna hate me today. after all the things hes had a got at me for saying.. sheesh man. he aint having a go at me for anything anymore ..haha.. we get back and someones put the latch on the door (oh man is this were i start moaning) ..we knock on the door and nick answers it giving us loads of agro shit about what the fuck are we doing trying to wake everyone up. what fucker put the latch on i dont know. oh man. hes playing the loudest music downstairs right now. i dont think he realises quite how thin the walls are. too much bass man. its a pisstake. anyway. so i was quite angry and i felt like peeing in the shower cos i always wanted to do that. haha. but thats just way too dirty and i dont think i ever could actually stoop that low. hmm. todays newpage entry seems to be bought to you by bigbrother. anyway. then we had icecream and went to bed. it was well good. then i woke up and there was a power cut. dude.

25.10.2002: check me out. not updating for days. brilliant. so. something funny. i was trying to get some tissue from the toilet (my nose has been a nightmare last few days) and there wasnt any in the cubicles. so i was just washing my hands and there was noone else in the toilets. this guy comes in and goes straight into the cubicle. i felt well sorry for him. anyway. i got an email back from the blip guy saying my stuff sounded exactly like what theyre looking for. he mentioned projectors and bars and stuff. gonna be amazing. november 18th i think he said. fingers crossed guys. im gonna have an art installation. dude. so last night. i wasnt gonna out but ben started playing some fat shit in his room and i felt the urge. it was a greenpeace event at the ocean rooms. so it was for the planet. i had to go. midfield general was going. thats the guy who runs skint. right? ..anyway.. it was cheap to get in. drinks were like 3.50 but i wasnt drinking. i was dancing. so. we went in and went upstairs and its the nicest bar ever. its all red and theres beds and stuff. beds? ..its was nuts. but it was so nice. dudeness. then we went to the middle floor and that was well nice. big dance floor area (well not big..) and really nice booths down the side. light up blue tables. nice bar. the dj was playing well good stuff. chemical brothers remix of nine acre dust (charlatans) and prodigy remix of method man. all the cool shit noone ever plays. then we went down stairs. woah. it was really dark and there were blue fairytype lights everywhere. loads of mirrors and stuff. weird table lights. there was this woman with glowing blue pois going mental. and the music was amazing. it was like slow jungle ragga speed reggae. was pretty damn decent. there was this guy there who was so like mark it was scary. i kept thinking he was with us. he even danced like him. he had his face and hair and piercing. and clothes. and stuff. weird. aw man. and ben spilt poppers on his face. thats gotta be the nastiest shit ever. and on the way in this woman came out and got the bouncer to go and sort out whoever it was who was smoking half of thailand. haha. it was the way she said it. you had to be there. it was quite weird how noone was really dancing to midfield general tho. i guess its cos the mental shit downstairs was so good. and even better darren gave us a lift home afterwards. i was in bed by two. i had my first programming techniques lab yesterday. well. should have been my second but i missed my first. man it was well bad. i wish someone had told me c was so rubbish. there was no information on the handout about what the commands for compiling and running stuff were. so it took me ages to work that out. then it took me a while to work out that you gotta declare all your variables at the top. like what the fuck is that about? ..i then realised you cant dynamically decide array lengths. so what if you want an array that is the length of the number of digits entered by the user? you cant do it cos declarations have to go before any code. ruhbishness. one of many very irratating things about c. i dont see why we cant do c++ at least. shit man. i had a bit of a cold as well. so i wasnt so chuffed about that. had my first maths seminar too. its been way too long since i did differentiation. i was well lost by the time we got onto back propagation. i can handle back prop. but shit man. we gotta pick a project on something and i have no idea what i should do. no fucking idea at all. no idea where to even begin. i did make a damn good curry tho the other day. was decent. im gonna have a shower now. i scanned some more doodles. some of these are from my exams before summer. one is from two days ago. i just felt like putting them up on my doodles page.

oh yeah. and check out my amazing sandwich that contains a bit of everything i had in the kitchen. not as nice as yesterdays cheese (with caramelised onion) houmous cucumber and pine nuts. but looks a lot better. you gotta love sainsburies taste the different bread man. its the bomb.

22.10.2002: i was gonna tell you how much i hate microsoft and why. and believe me i will. but not quite yet. other shit has happened. so. let me kinda quickly summerise. sians block of flats got broken in and they tried to steal this girls laptop but she fought back and smashed this guy into the door and they legged in. crazyness. then i was walking to uni and i thought this bird on the floor was a plastic bag. just as i get to it it flies up in my face. shit man. then this girl drops this cuddly dog teddy bear thing (is there a better word?) and i thought it was a real dog. scared me well bad. yeah. so. i had an okay seminar. the woman doing it was well nice. not nice as in well nice. but as in ..yeah.. i feel its really hard to keep up with all the reading were supposed to do. like. its really hard to work out what were supposed to be reading and then where is what were supposed to be reading. nightmare. and then when i went to check my email and id been emailed by inman telling me that i was the 'volunteer' to present this weeks seminar paper. argh. i hate presentations. especially when you find out you have to do it at 5:30 just as the school library has shut and its for nine fucking fifteen the next morning. anyway. i legged it to the main uni library and every copy was out. every fucking copy. although. the was a fucking beautiful sunset. truly gorgeous. i just wish i had had time to enjoy it. so i ran back to the labs and asked people if they had it. aha. there was a copy of the paper in the labs. so i had to run back to the library to figure out the crazy photocopying business. run back to put it back. then read the bastard. as it turns out it was richard dawkins. the dude did the blind watchmaker. id done a bit on him for my dissertation which was lucky. its basically a genetic algorithm which breeds l-systems based on aesthetics. any dude who knows me will know that is my shit. anyway. i think i was okay. inmah apologised for the short notice as well. so it was good. and afterwards some people talked to me as well.. one guy said i seemed to know my gentic algorithm stuff. yeah man. i was well worried tho. mind.. we still all went to the pub quiz. haha. and i had grubs for dinner. the malasian with extra cheese is really good. quick trip to the lads on the way back which was full of teenage girls cos it was someones birthday. randomness. we didnt stay long. on the way back this guy was standing around on the other side of the sainsburies carpack singing really loud. singing weirdly. crazyness. yeah man. so anyway. i emailed this guy about the blip forum and pointed him towards my evo art stuff on the birmingham site. blip is this thing that puts on monthly sci-art stuff. i reckon i might be able to get in there. they display peoples work and stuff. i reckon my stuff is good enough.. i just dunno if its the right kinda thing that they do. its hard to decide from looking at their page. anyway. i emailed him so now i gotta wait see what he thinks. this could be well good. another thing that you have to see. fucking have to see even. this is amazing. go to sodaplay and check out the soda race stuff. its only a forum at the moment but its gonna be amazing. theyre competing human created soda constucts with ones that have been genetically evolved by computers. oh man. i nearly wet myself when i found out. it sounds pretty complicated ..theyre using xml and stuff.. ive already got some ideas for representations and operators.. not that ill get round to really getting that involved ..but it would be pretty cool. so. i hate microsoft. here is why.. some of my applets didnt work cos they were compiled using jdk1.4 so i updated all my java shit. anyway. the ie started telling me that i didnt have a java virtual machine. do i wanna download one? because i blatantly dont have one. but if i clicked yes and i then cancelled it would still load the applet. sheesh. so i clicked dont ask me again. so now it just says that my browser isnt java enabled. even tho it blatantly says it is in the options. fuck microsoft and their whiney shit. bastards.

20.10.2002: ysee. i left a couple of days before writing again. not bad huh? ..umm.. emocorp front is constantly changing. i added a boid. i dont know why. it just felt right. and a space monkey. who knows. so. apart from that. pish. cleaned my room up this morning. its looking much better now. yesterday.. everyone was pretty much recovering from the night before. more on that later. people came round to watch the football for twelve. boringness overload. then me and ben walked into town in search of megadrive games and milkshake. both were found but only the milkshakes were purchased. i gotta say the mandarin one is amazing. the woman said manda rin. as in bis. haha. i thought it was funny. i had twix which was pretty nice. i made my own milkshake actually. for me and ben the other night. it was mango and banana. it was well well good. well good even. um yeah. the quote of the day was 'were a downward spiral of incomprehensibilty' ..oh its true.. and its all my fault. nevermind. not yet a parody. blah. didnt talk to sian yesterday. bit gutted about that. she phoned but i wasnt here. ho hum. will phone her in a minute. didnt do much. night before was really good. we went into uni (although well late) to get cheap drinks.. the usual cocktail place was rammed and had some crazy dude djs so we went to this other place.. names? oh i dunno. which was quite nice. they sold spiced rum as well. dudeness. blahness. shutupness. okay. so we had drinks. i talked to tom (hey tom). um. talked to ben. hey ben.. i could well freak out ben right now ..heres a well funny and embarresing story about ben that is gonna make him die when he finds out ive told people. haha. only joking. as if. blah. i spelt embarresing wrong. again. so then we caught the bus into town and went to the joint. its was the electro-trash-bastard-pop night. it was that good. and they sold jagermeister. i think i totalled nine drinks. anyway. it was a well good night. they even played really old pwei. haha. really silly dancers ensue. all night. then me ben and james walk home. this car drives past playing really loud nelly kelly song. dude. which reminds me. my cloak room ticket was 420. the guy wouldnt let me keep it and i was feeling too drunk to really ..i dunno. be able to sort that out. haha. we played crazy taxi 2.. groan. then it was so cold on the way back to ours. um. on the way into town yesterday some guy was blasting out some really loud reggae from his room at the end of the the north lanes. laines. whatever. who knows. that was wicked. and we watched sea gulls on the beach dropped mussells on the beach to smash them. sea gulls are well good. not as good as boids. but still.

18.10.2002: you may. i guess you may not. but you might have noticed my page looks all a little bit different. yeah. i gave me some margins. why? well.. im trying to integrate emo corp into this big shebang. is that still a word? bish. so if you go to and carry on from there things will look right. well. if you click the link for the site it loads it full window. but this page loads in a frame. i like it. amalgamation. etc. more random crap. its raining. not full on.. but imagine drops of ice falling from the sky. the bus driver went for a piss or something and this woman waited by the bus before he got back to get on. nuts. and i saw another stamping sea gull. im well liking this new personal discovery of mine. they look well clever when they do it. oh man. the shittest thing happened. i was sneezing really badly in the lecture.. oh man i cant even say it. just imagine the most embarresing thing you could do in a lecture.. just forget it man. crapness. i feel so uncomfortable with the people on my course. i like all my lectures but the people.. i dunno. its so not me. its just weird starting out all over again. but anyway. whatever. do you think chanting 'i acknowledge and understand my faults' over and over make them go away? so. haha. heres a funny drunken insight into corey:

or maybe its an insight to me cos i use it as my bookmark. nah. it just reminds me of a good night. what i can remember of it. haha. martin bought round that game where you read out a word and everyone has to write down what they think it means. then everyone guesses which one they think is right. points allocated. blah blah. what corey thought the word for candle fucking is well beyond me. lost in some crazy drunk memory. it was funny tho. haha. yes. corey hates me now tho. haha. sorry dude. i just bought some potato and roast onion bread. gotta go taste that shit. meanwhile you can check my new popup window. my fave so far i think. oh yeah. and i added a new doodle to my doodles page. i did it the other day while trying to stay awake in my programming lecture (the one id forgotten id been to). i dunno if i like it all that much but its the first ive done in so long i cant help but feel attached somewhat.

17.10.2002: a few things. ill try and keep this short. ha. i did a word count on this page. its now 20000 words. i mean. for fuck sake. the entire of last year was only 25000. only? shit man. anyway. i got the birmingham rocksoc cd today. mucho thanks to karen. and its really good. diamond water spade was amazing. in the words of indie rock pete ..i am a rocker. i rock out. indeed. i will most definately be getting this song mp3d and uploaded for all you girlies and hot chicks to check out. um. ill even do it now. it is here. download it. motherfucker. you will like it. i cant thank matt boas enough for being that fucking good. thats me on bass by the way. if only that was me singing too. nevermind. what else? so. i talked to some random people. i havnt dont that for ages and thought it would do me some good. haha. im not sure how to word that so it sounds right. oh fuck it nevermind. just imagine me saying like it was something really funny. this girl called tofu tigress. call it a random livejournal thing. shed adopted a glassjaw. good place to start? yeah. so i punched her name into aim and she was online. so. haha. i said hey. i guess it must be weird having some random person say hi. i dunno. i guess i wouldnt find it that weird. but if i was girl with a webjournal.. i dunno. random guys messaging me would piss me off. but nevermind. as if. anyway. we dont really talk much. but i found out glassjaw were playing in her town that night. and she wasnt going. wtf? argh. argh argh argh. so theres my crazy story about how im going to stop talking to random girls. haha. yknow. i should be carefull what i say cos im sure one day people who dont know me are gonna read this and think im really.. i dunno.. really something which is bad and that im not. but nevermind. what does it matter? i left her friend a message too cos she saw melt banana the other week. weirdness. i must have told you about my amazing internet findings. ha. apparently not. i found a four dimensional rubiks cube. just download it okay. it took me a while to get my head round it.. i suggest you read the introduction where it talks about projecting from 4d to 3d and stuff. it makes the whole thing makes sense. haha. i just worked out why i used to put butter in mars bar cake. it makes it edible. my jaw just hurts now. and i worked out how i like my aubergine. its dead good dry fried (or maybe a bit of sesame oil) with roasted red pepper and mozerella. that was a good dinner. oh blah blah blah

16.10.2002: i keep getting confused to fuck. i keep forgetting what day it is. i was convinced i missed a lecture.. i couldnt remember when it was but i know the other one is tomorrow. it was yesterday. but.. what? i dunno. turns out i was actually there but i think i slept through it. it was all ..stuff id done.. or something.. fuck knows. i wanna sleep for a long time but then ill get even worse. its not going so well today. i missed a seminar cos i couldnt find the room. i had a vague idea where it was (this sounds so lame) and went there and talked to some girl on my course cos she had the seminar too. problem solved. turns out it was actually a different seminar i was totally thrown. she must think im well weird now. again. at least its nice to hear seagulls on the way home. the rain drops in the puddles looked really beautiful. talking of seagulls. there was one at uni and it was pounding its feet on the ground. like it was dancing. not like hoping from one leg to another. like stomping. was it trying to get worms? are they that clever? i dunno. looked funny tho. the other seagull was moving its head like the raptors from jurassic park. crazyness. im getting well pissed off with cigarettes. this one guy flicked one away going into the arundel building as i was going in. it missed my head by ..i dunno.. a foot or something.. and ash went everywhere. the guy didnt even look back. fucker. then there was one in my urinal and it stank. whatever. you dont wanna know. i gotta lotta crap to write about before my head bursts. this is a compulsion. i cant help it. im sorry. did i write about those kids on the beach spitting on people over the thing (what a good sentence).. bastards. they threw stones as well. this makes no sense. fuck that story. i saw some guy in a diesel sweeties tshirt. and i worked out why i always hated my other middle name. other as in not zendric. as in adam. its an okay name. quite good even. i just always hated it for me. anyway. i think about this. and what is it? when he-man was a wuss he was called adam. its funny honest. pish. i probably told you already. like i said. im well confused about now. yknow the clouds move so fucking fast. theyre well far away as well. its insane. um. how can anyone like avril lavinge? i mean.. there isnt any scratching on her record for fuck sake. what was i saying? ..something.. amy and lux just came in and were saying it smelt downstairs. i didnt smell anything like.. way to make me paranoid. do i smell like garlic? shit man. shut up. where is this crap coming from. argh. i gotta control of my esteem. or something. i went to bristol this weekend to see sian. it was weird. but whatever. we went out for a really nice meal and saw fran and phil and went shopping etc. bought a chibibotto for three quid. havnt put his battery in yet. its probably a she. um. guess what? we found a shop that sells grass the card game. so i bought that at a stupid price. just spent a stupid amount at sainsburies on one carrier bag of veg. and i got some dynamite pencils. what? i hear you all cry.. nevermind. sians room is huge. saw her parents as well and they took us for a nice meal. i like the toll bridge. its mamba. the rain made it really nice too. the rain didnt make the rest of bristol that nice.. but yknow. on friday we all went into uni to see the fireworks but spectacularly missed them. went to this little bar in some halls of residence. it was quite nice. kinda weird but i liked it. bought mamba (word of the day) cocktails. then everyone decided to go to some club.. i went home cos i had to get up earlier for the train to bristol. cliff and james were well pissed so went home too.. i was supposed to show them home but they didnt manage to get off at the bus stop. i legged it down to the next one just in time to see cliff be sick everywhere in an amazing fashion. oh well. i walked home and it was cold. when i came round into stanmer villas there was cone on the pavement but i coulda swore it was a body. id like to moan about the bus we got and how it was an expensive night bus but cant be bothered. everyone shoudla done what i said tho. haha. i heard everyone get back well late and then ben stumbled into my room by accident. drunk bastard. it was well funny tho. ben was talking to me about this page while were in the bar. it was quite weird. he said it was a different side of me and he wouldnt wanna write personal stuff. whatever. oh and i found a quid and only spent five. did i say that? could this be any more fragmented? i was saying i hate cigarettes. this woman at the bus stop threw hers on the floor and then turned round and put something in the bin. you fucking idiot. my lecturer put a stack of handouts at the front and then passed the rest to be passed round. so this guy next to me picks up the ones at the front and starts passing them round. i tell him theyre for people coming in late (but trying not to be patronising).. he says okay yeah. then passes them back. it was.. between funny and irratating. nevermind. is my memory so bad i have to write everything down? am i doing this on purpose? writing everything all over the place? i dont think so.. so then i went to bristol (am i going round in circles or what?) and i wrote a lot of crap down in my notepad on the train. i think that i wrote it to go on this page but im not too sure if i can be bothered to type it up. oh like i have anything better to do. prepare from some random shit.

i cant believe its so dark. its not 9am and it looks like 10pm out the train window. i remember my media teacher telling me the photo id used for a front page article of a newspaper cover homework assignment was too graphic and disturbing. a monk burning himself to death in a non violent protest. if it wasnt for rage against the maching no one under twenty would even know this happened. tahts even if they believe the photo is real. as if much is nowadays. so. im sitting on the train eating my smokey veg wrap and the woman opposite me is reading the daily mail. the front page is dominated by this photo of two people scrambling away from the wreckage caused by a car bomb in bali that killed over 200 people. theyre fucked up and covered in blood. so. has that much changed in the last six years? is it now okay to make blood propaganda front page? reading generation x. its not as bad as i thought it might be. its almost old now and it reads like fight clubs dad. so why the fuck does any of it seem relevant to me? i have a degree. a good one. i have prospects and shit. maybe its cos i cant feel them cos i dont want the job. the job. i guess ill find out in a few years. if chuck palahniuk cant scare the fuck out of you then who can? im a whole generation on already. what is that? like y or something? thats just dumb. and its all the hippies fault. this is true. ask me about it sometime. what do you do of a weekend when you spend seven hours on a train? listen to a shit load of glassjaw. wish you had a camera to take photos of the amazing rail side graffiti. people down south paint their houses crazy colours. mind. there is that woman in rugby who painted a mickey mouse mural on the front of her house. well i doubt she did it. its a bit good. not that i know her or anything.

im gonna make pizza tonight. starting with ciabatta. its gonna rock. hmm. watched eyes wide shut last night. i dunno if i like it but i do think its good. however fucking long it is. sheesh. enough already.

10.10.2002: webspace clear up time. its all gone. emo corp. has come in and all the old rubbish has gone out. it was a lucrative take over. no worries. everyone has lost their job. streamlined. mother fucked. clean slate. its fascism all the way. milkill has gone. one of the worst websites hit. it wont be missed. all my old websites have gone. done go looking for them. theyre not there. do not update your links. i repeat. do not update your links. things are under control. you are now in the capable hands of emo corp. conglomerate. its easy to conform.

9.10.2002: that hell is for heroes song is fucking amazing. it really is that good. it must be cos i say so. i want to have glassjaws babies. i know i cant. but i did adopt a glassjaw. can you find it? answers on a postcard. usual address. like its that hard to find. i guess you gotta know what youre looking for. nevermind. i talk too much. i talked too much last night. im talking too much now. so. did you know that pandas have thumbs but theyre really rubbish ones. theyre an evolutionary local minima. blah blah. ive been drawing a lot of nervous squares. a lot. im never gonna be friends with anyone on my course. i either dont think i like them or they think im weird. i need to stop worrying about this. one well bad thing. i was walking into a row of seats (that was worded well badly but whats new) and got between two girls. i cant believe i did that. they were like friends as well. i asked her if she wanted to go past but she didnt. twice. whats wrong with me man. fuck. i collect rocks. sheesh. i found my lectures all right tho. hated the seminar. i sit there thinking what to say while everyone either says what i was gonna say or some bullshit that is just so bullshit. i hate being in a room where everyone is saying stuff trying to be really clever and its all just bullshit. like it matters yknow. i said something really lame. not too lame. it made a lot of sense to me. im bad at articulating with people i dont know. if i know people its okay. well thats bullshit as well. the amount of crap i said to aimee and lux. though to be fair it was kinda good as well. people were talking about ben. now i know ben hates this (sorry ben im doing it now) and i was worried cos i promised him i wouldnt talk about him. which is totally fair enough. so i turn the conversation onto me instead. it was well done. i was also trying to sound them out about something. this sounds well dodgy and dead shady. but these are people i havnt known long and some issues are well touchy you cant just mention them. this is something im good at. it is. nervous squares. big black nervous squares. shit man. im being way weirder than i actually am. i think ive been trying to be too nice. and now i need to yang out a little. achieve my balance. balance is not inner peace. balance is not meditation. balance is balance. is equal parts of everything. you cant be peaceful the whole damn time. you cant always be nice. else your unbalanced. i need to go call someone a fuck. no one in particular. honest. um. btw. my new popup window is gorgeous. i just went to town. i nearly walked into a lamp post. nevermind. bought my ticket to go to bristol. i was gonna go on friday but the earliest i could get there is ten pm and it would cost me seven pounds more cos its friday. i was like.. what the hell is that about? the guy told me that more people want to travel on friday so its more expensive. if he wasnt being nice about it i woulda argued with him. but it wouldnt help anyway. so. more people travel on friday. all those extra fares make extra profit. that extra profit means that it could be cheaper on friday. fucking money grabbing bastards. i might send them a letter of complaint. oh shit man. i forgot that i have money off vouchers. oh nevermind. theyre not running out anytime too soon. but what the hell is that about? theyre rubbish. had a blackcurrant cheescake milkshake. i gotta stop buying them. whatever. also new banners. but theyre not that great. i was bored.

9.10.2002: okay. its two in the morning. um. its still last night but nevermind. that doesnt make sense. nevermind. i know that link down there wont work. ill sort it sometime. just got in. its been a very weird night. i dont believe its so late. ive gotta be up so early. im gonna be fucked. nevermind. so. um. what happened today? you should keep reading through this cos it gets well good at the end.. shit man. i got up well early and ben showed me where my introductory lectures were. they were crap. all these people i dont know. dont really want to know. but really really should know. i gotta talk to these people. its not that im shy (im keep telling myself) its just that i have nothing to say. it was kinda horrible. its like ive got stuff to prove. i dunno. its hard to explain. i already got all of bens friends (this sounds quite bad) so i dont feel i need more. but i dont wanna appear well arrogant either. its just. oh man i dunno. ill sort it out. but it sucked. anyway. i got my grant. which felt really damn good. we met up with tom. me and tom solved this insanely hard puzzle. george and rita invite n amount of couples to a party. they shake hands blah blah blah. then at the end rita asks everyone how many people everyone shook hands with and noones answer is the same. how many hands did george shake? in terms of n. couples dont shake each others hand. its well hard. but we did it. i told tom the red and green counters puzzle. took him all day but he managed to get it while in the alley cat ..much to bens pissed offness. ive jumped ahead of myself. i pissed about some more and didnt go to the tea afternoon thing for post grads. i couldnt face standing around again. i shoulda gone but. didnt. met ben. went home. got a lift (sorry sian) in beckas mini. it was well nice actually. im well sorry but it was. played golden axe. got bored. slept for ten minutes. then we left to go to picolos to meet everyone for aimees surprise birthday meal. italian. cept ben thought he knew where it was but was thinking of bella pasta. dufus. for want of a better word. we got there just in time. it was dead good. well good even. i had calzone. you gotta love it. got a bit worried when everyone decided to split the bill equally. how unstudenty is that? especially when my food and drink came to 7.50 and it worked out at 15.00 quid each. woah thats actually double. anyway. it was sorted in the end so i didnt have to cause a scene. at all. no problem. liked the meal. was good. nearly went to the ferkin but went to alley cats instead. underground bar on the sea front. niceness as well. nice cocktails. halfway through the night the ceiling above our table starting leaking in a major way. shit loads of water was gushing everywhere. mentalness. what the hell was that? crazy. very surreal moment. we talked about crap. probably. i felt like ben was having a hard time. but he should sort that out man. we got thrown out cos it was late. standing outside and jerry sadowitz walks past. what the fuck?!? jerry sadowitz. um? its the kinda thing i say right. ive said it before. many a times. but it really was him. no shit. so i say to ben 'try and tell me that isnt jerry sadowitz' as he walks away. he probably tells me to shut up. i dare him to shout jerry and watch him turn round. and the fucking idiot does. im like. what are you doing? he looks round but walks round the corner. man he could be a total nutcase in real life as well man. he could started on us or something. or maybe he liked the fame. who knows. couldnt belive it man. jerry sadowitz walked right past me and didnt even insult me. no way. we start the trek home and walk past the gloucster. this is brightons xls. its rock night. its free to get in. puppy dog eyes all round. like i fucking need that? i tell ben no way am i going in. im going home. bastard calls my bluff. so. we go in. tom goes home. felt bad but nevermind. barely dance. hate it. play mad capsules. is really good. play just a girl. quite good. we go to leave cos its just.. yknow. we gotta go. ben goes toilet. soon after comes back upstairs. we gotta go now he says. i really wanna go now. im like.. man ben what you done? we gotta wait for becka. aimee and lux wait while we quickly leave. what the hell was that man? this is the best story youre gonna hear for a damn long time. bens pissing in the urinal and he sees me in the corner of his eye start pissing next to him. so he tells me (and i quote) 'get your fucking dick out of my face' ..and as he turns round he realises it isnt me. you gotta pause a minute and think about that. not is ben satisfied he coulda been beaten up by jerry sadowitz (maybe slightly over exagerated) hes gotta tell some random guy to get their dick out of his face. i cant believe it man. he was well messed up about it tho. he had to stop off at the lads house on the way back. me aimee and lux carried on. turns out cliff was back tonight so i guess he was glad he stopped there. its now half two. he is never gonna be up to tell me where my room is tomorrow morning. shit man. mental night. i feel well bad for ben right now. hes had it kinda hard. haha. but yknow. i gotta get up well early. id love to chat more. but.. yknow.. at least ive showered already..

7.10.2002: wanna see a photo of my house mates minus aimee? was taken with her new polaroid camera. hence why shes not in it. blah blah. oh yeah. here it is.

nicola nick luxy ben and laurence. we need some aimme representation. um.

6.10.2002: im having a bad day today. im in the worst mood ive been in for ages. its really fucking me off. its like being a teenager again. i just wanna smash loads of stuff. something. go to xls and beat the shit out of some twelve year olds. kill myself on the dancefloor. id like to explain it but its just one of those things that cant really be put into words. i can see it in my head but if i try and make the pictures into words they all just turn out with four letters. this is why we love glassjaw. look. i just have issues. and theyre issues that cant be explained or reasoned with. its like. you see something when youre younger and it really chills you. its a big thing. when youre young things dont really fuck your head up for long but they do leave a lasting bad taste. and when it comes back to haunt you later on and strikes too close to home ..its kinda hard to know what to do. especially when there isnt actually anything you can do. issues. what the fuck am i doing with issues? fuck. as if i cant even find a song angry enough on my computer. its times like this the devil needs to sit on my shoulder and ask for an excuse to destroy the world. go on. ask me. i think you might be surprised. all the unconditional love inside me is worth shit. right now im probably the least pleasant person you know. dont ask me to prove it. dont anyone try and tell me that love is more powerful than hate. cos youre a fucking idiot. the dark side is always stronger. destruction always has a bigger impact than creation. why the fuck am i so hateful? how can i justify it. its one of the traits that i deplore most in other people. am i even close to understanding anything? ignorance is another trait i cant stand. one day this will all make sense. i just wish i could explain to you what im feeling and why. i really feel like destroying something beautiful. that would almost feel like revenge. that sentence was almost what i meant. just dont talk to me for twenty fours hours. everytime i even get close to thinking about it i end up killing something in my head. i wasnt joking when i said i had issues. i fucking meant it. and today i dont feel like biting my tongue. im really sorry to those people who thought i was a genuine nice guy. yknow. deep down like. if you scrape deep enough at anything youll always find something nasty. right now. thats what i feel like. i normally use this page as a form of exorcism. all im doing now is making things worse. im going to regret this later. but still. at least im open and honest. now stop fucking reading my self obssessed angst shit and save whats left of the fucking world. the word fuck isnt even slightly good enough anymore.

5.10.2002: so i didnt finish writing yesterday. i got kinda bored. nows its 10am on saturday. its been really mixed. ben cooked us chilli eggs the other night. delia smith receipe. was well nice but he nearly sliced his finger off cutting onions. and didnt we bloody know it. anyway. im sure i mentioned theres a chinese at the bottom of our road.. well i checked the menu out and its fucking amazing. we got food from their last night and it was really good. they have a vegetarian menu section and a vegetarian extra dishes section and theyre all under three quid. was good. yesterday was a long day tho. very trying day as well. but nevermind. i need to chill out a little and stop talking to much shit to certain people. itll be okay i guess. we went to see mr scruff last night at the concorde. was a nightmare getting there. nearly missed the bus. then about six police men and traffic people got on the bus to check tickets and be really hardcore and film it all as well. nightmare. then nick went for a piss up an alley and we lost him in a major way. then we had to meet christine and james.. who was totally losing the plot. but in a funny way. mr scruff was dead good ..and to anyone who knows me well enough.. i actually drank two pints of cider. freakness. but nevermind. so. some guy who doesnt even fucking know me was being a total (tries to think of a nice word that wont offend jo) shit all night. he was pissing me off all day but it started to really take the piss. it wasnt just me cos ben said it too.. we were walking through all these doors and he kept swinging them back in my face. it kinda hurt cos theyre heavy and there were all these people around. im sure the only person whose ever done that to me was dom. talking about dom i found some well funny stuff. but ill finish this story first. so. that was the point that i nearly punched him out. just before i realised thats not the kinda thing i do and that it would be well bad to do that. so i got myself lost in the crowd and stuff. mr scruff was pretty good tho. trouser jazz? ..kinda funk. shape cutting music. it felt good to cut some shapes. but anyway. then this shit started to get a bit personal ..i can rise above.. ..i am zen.. then i realised who i am and i said 'yeah but at least..' ..thats when ben made a quick exit to the other side of the room cos he wanted to be nothing a part of it. but look. here was me biting my tongue. quote some incubus song. etc. but get this. when asked 'at least what?' ..i said 'i dunno i couldnt think of anything funnier'. i deserve total respect for that. so now when i see him and he speaks ive gotta do all this again. might be hard considering we live in the same house. well. technically but not officially. id like to go into it in depth but its not really worth it. lets just say that ive shown some phenomenal restraint thats well against my character. im sure thats a good trait to have. but i just cant suffer fools. especially ones who are really starting to take the piss. okay. enough. look at me bigging myself up and stuff.. ..hmmmmm.. nevermind. well me and sian were going to be seeing glassjaw. why the fuck they were supporting lost prophets is beyond me. glassjaw are one of the best bands ever to ..just ever. but they cancelled cos the guys ill. i got a phone call this morning that woke up at nine saying ive gotta send my tickets back by expensive recorded delivery to get a refund not including handling charges (which i suppose is actually fair) but it means its cost me ten quid for nothing. im quite pissed off. tempted to take them down and tout them.. but i dunno. im gonna go for the easy option. i also got an email from them just now saying theyre sorry and it states in the terms and conditions that they cant take them back unless the gig is cancelled or moved. so whats that about? and say it is cancelled. the gig which is glassjaw supporting lostprophets has been cancelled and replaced with lostprophets and some other band i really dont wanna see. yep? yeah. blatantly. i just hope they come back and do their own tour. thatll be good. something funny. in the toilets in the concorde theres loads of graffiti and someone had written 'get your dick out' ..i dunno if it was meant to funny but it was. there are some well psycho drivers in brighton. we stopped off in grubbs on the way back. i couldnt decide whether to eat or not but i needed to sit down. tropical grubbs. anyway. i noticed that hell is for heroes had played the day before at the concorde. nevermind. so yeah. dom. i found the 'twelve reasons to hate dom' poster that we stuck in the middle of his door. oh man.. this is a story that no ones knows. cut a long long story short i lived with this asshole of an excuse for a guy. he was the worst person ive ever known. i never did anything to piss him but not sink down to his level. ask anyone who knew him. he did the most out of order rude things to me and to a lesser extent our other flatmates. hed be evil incarnate if he could ever be that cool. sniveling little shit. he had problems. anyway. we stuck a load of dom slogan posters around his door. i will get a photo and upload it. it was my little revenge. of which i guarantee you i was owed a lot more. but yeah. i also found an email hed sent to stu about me. wanna read? okay. he wrote this:

"I will, no I really will, I'll kill that greasy little fucking oik if he's so much as TOUCHED my Bruce Lee poster. No, seriously, I'll fuck him up the arse screaming "SQUEAL LIKE A PIG RUGBY BOY!!" until he buys me a new one. Seriously, I'm gonna fucking kick the shit out of the dirty little cunt if he's done owt to it. I'm not joking! if he's done anything to that poster, I'll fucking rip his throat out. I've got a gun you know? I doubt he'd like that shoved up his fucking arse would he?! Dirty little fucking greasy filthy shistos piece of wankshaft cumstain motherfucking kiddie-fiddling freak Goth-boy southern mongoloid twat-faced penis-breath arse-licking gimp!! I'll kill him. I will. I'll kill him. What's he done to my poster?"

if anyone asks ill put up the twelve reasons to hate him as well.. what it was really was me telling him that i knew everything that hed done to me. cos i only found out about it after hed left uni half way through the year. but anyway. lets end on a sour note. this is a very pointy finger entry. very angry i think.

4.10.2002: the worst thing just happened. yknow avril lavigne right? ..well.. ive been recording minidiscs for ben and ive been putting really stupid songs on them in the middle of albums and stuff. its funny honest. so i downloaded her song and fucked it up super stylee to put on bens minidisc. cos he hates it so much. its sounds well good now tho. honest. i might mail her record company the mp3 and see if theyll put it on the single and then i can get signed to dhr and stuff. one of them sounds like mogwai. honest. anyway. itll be funny. but i was just listening to it back and it was all a bit weird. so i pause it.. and nicks playing the fucking song downstairs. like he downloaded it cos he liked it. ewwww. anyway. enough of me being a bitch. haha. did you see her on top of the pops tho? she was singing live which was kinda good.. but.. still. a big 'whatever' ..whos she trying to fool with that pose shit man. but yknow. life is being pretty good at the moment. theres some really hot sun but with a steady cool breeze. its amazing. you gotta love the seaside. well im officially a sussex uni student now. weird thing tho. i was on the bus into town and theres this bit on a glassjaw track when hes going on about heart body and mind. or something. anyway. then i look up and theres a sign for the heart body and mind exhibition. or something. ..then he starts singing about being on the bus. just too weird. i had another milkshake. check the shakeaway website. i had a jellybean one. i thought. well its gonna be minging but why not? it was well nice.

3.10.2002: i hate doing two entries on the same day. but nevermind. radio feisar is now fully operational and drop dead gorgeous. check me out. check me ouuuuuuuut. mambo thanks to herbie for his mp3 space. genius. anyway. check this out as well. thats me times two. you can even download some evoart movies i did. although i dunno why theyd picked those three because theyre not the best by far. nevermind. i got me a bus pass. did i say that aimee bought me a miffy badge? im sure i did but it doesnt come up on search. how nice is that tho? ..i was well chuffed. its a sulky miffy. gloat. look at me. check me out. shut me up. okay.

3.10.2002: bish. sooooo.. what am i writing about now. oh who knows. okay. few things. do you like my stupid flashy 'clickme' thing going on? id like to know what you think cos im not sure. i like the way you cant really read anything. umm. yeah. and is now up and rocking where you can download the latest two songs. hopefully at some point herbie will have them on his site as well.. which is a lot easier to download. i also just managed to reclaim on old tripod account which is quite cool. i may use that at some point. at the moment you can get nonogaki02.mp3 from there. but i dunno how long itll stay. i wanna edit it down now but its kinda too late.. oh maybe not if im good in wave studio.. but.. oh i dunno. so what have i been doing. ive been reading diesel sweeties a lot. check out the one guest starring corin tucker and the one with aphex twin ..these are funnier if you know the characters. its worth reading tho. every now and again one of them is really funny. im starting to like boondocks as well. like corey said.. its funny cos its true. went into uni for the first time the other day to sort my stuff out cos i was scared i messed it all up. but no. i didnt have to do anything.. but it would have been nice to have been told. i dont like feeling like a student anymore.. cos im kinda not being a postgrad but i dont really look it. i saw katie holmes on the bus ..yknow.. shes in go. no honestly i did. um. so i went back to pc world. this woman got on the bus with a double pushchair thing. girl in the bag and little boy in the front. they were well young. anyway. the girl was grabbing the chair infront of her and shaking it back and forth and the kid would cry. so the mum would stop the girl doing it. this would make her cry. so the mum let the girl hold the seat. so shed rock it violently and make him cry. so the mum would.. you get the picture. this went on for ages until she swapped the kids round ..but the girl didnt wanna go in the front and was screaming and shit. it was a nightmare. i felt so sorry for the woman. the i saw an advert for permanet laser hair removal. scary. pc world was good. id forgetten my receipt. i mean.. what an idiot. but they took it back and gave me my money with no questions asked. was brilliant. so thumbs up to them anyway. even if they were idiots before. mcdonalds have a new advert for their cheese burger saying 'pound the streets'. i noticed theres a lot of ad busting that goes on in brighton. its quite good. i guess its only a matter of time before they all say pound mcdonalds. so while i was waiting for the bus there was some promotion thing going on for some shop. like woolworths or something. and there was this girl dressed up in a full body snowman suit who had to hold her arms out at everyone who went passed. nightmare. its only just october. assholes. so.. the other day these guys were moving a fruit machine into their house. looked quite impressive. on the way to the corner shop the other night their front door was open and this guy was teaching this little girl how to play. it was very weird. she was all lit up by the lights. the corner shop sells reese peanut stuff. wow. then on the way back some woman in this house was going totally mental and screaming about crazy stuff. there must be something in the air in brighton. these kids across the way keep setting off really loud fireworks and bangers. crazy bastards. anyway. sian sounds like shes getting on quite well in bristol.. shes been hanging around with fran which is cool. and her flat mates sound nice. boston. i made the best stir fry for me and ben last night. it was amazing. it was even nicer than my mums (dont tell her i said that). it had everything in it. it was pretty impressive. it looked really good as well. although nick and james were taking the piss ..cant remember what about but they can fuck off cos it was just well good. im gonna go into uni again in a bit. i wanna get a bus pass as well. its the freshers fair thing apparently and i wouldnt mind checking it out.. might see if there are any bands i could join or something. could be interesting. i dunno.. well see. i think me and aimee are gonna go in anyway. shes singing along to some weird music. its probably pulp. but whatever. blah blah blah.

1.10.2002: pinch punch etc. so. today i really gotta go into uni and sort out my tuition fees. i greatly worry that i had it all wrong. but nevermind. ill sort it out. i have my excuses. i also gotta go back to pc world. but thats another story i havnt even started yet. brighton is being quite nice to me. not all of it is. but its nice. i got woke up at seven am this morning by this guy banging on our neighbours door. let me in. you gotta hear my side. fucking open the door. you cunt. give me the fucking bank book. let me in. she let him in eventually. then he left and came back and repeated the whole thing. its weird. i dunno what it was about. but i dont really care. i hate papa roach but i like the end of their new video. not just cos its over. but yknow. i also like the video for that song by that bands whos got the slipknot singer geezer. why the fuck do i like that? ..well the guys got my bass. at least i think he has. which makes it fun. we have a shared internet so we have to swap the cables at the settopbox thing. you also gotta use this ethernet to usb adaptor. major arse cos you gotta get it out the other persons room. so i went to pc world yesterday to buy one. its the otherside of hove. i got the bus there cos i didnt know where it was and like an idiot walked back. then back from town. then found out that for it to work you need a specific one. the one you can only get from ntl. the assholes. it was 25quid as well. and it does exactly the same thing. argh. why must they do such stupid things. theyre as bad as sony. anyway. i phoned up ntl. sorry our lines are too busy. please try again later. i hangup. redial instantly. sorry our li. hangup. redial instantly. too busy. ple. hangup. redial instantly. if i wanted to bore you i would keep doing this. our lines are t. hangup. anyway. eventually i got through. for blah blah blah press one. for blah press two. for blah blah blah press three. three. for this press one. for this press. two. if you want blah blah press one. one. for inquires about blah blah blah press one. for complaints about blah blah blah blah press two. for what you really want press three. three. sorry our lines are busy. please hold the line while we try to connect you. cue nasty music. so im waiting on hold with this woman keep telling me theyre trying as fast as they can. anyway. about half an hour later i wake up with this guy saying 'hello? hello? can i help you?' i tell him my problem. ask if they can give us a new one. the only way that would be possible would be to buy a new diy kit for fifty quid. argh. they suck so much. but nevermind. we will sort it. now ive gotta trek back to pc world. my legs and back kill from yesterday. the only good thing is that you cant get lost in brighton. you just head for the beach. or something. i saw neptune on the beach with his metal detector. i wanted to ask him if hed had any luck. but he obviously hadnt yet found what he was looking for. me and ben were walking through preston park and this chubby twelve year old comes up and asks me if ill give him a cigarette. i laugh in his face and say no. it was quite funny. he holds up this little plastic bag with what looks like weed but is actually a bunch of leaves and bits of plants. 'ill give you some cocaine for it' he said. it was pretty funny. would make a good robin sketch. chuckle. then we found some conkers. ace. so yeah. my parents left the other day. it was kinda nice having them around for a while. they bought us really nice meals as well. boston. its like. now i know where to take sian. mum bought me an oil burner and this orange thing. its an ornament right. and it looks like the orange has a big vagina ..i know thats a horrible way to put it but its true.

but yeah. and its got all these cogs and stuff inside. its kinda horrible but its starting to grow on me. it looks good where it is in my room. but yet things get better. for instance. yesterday while aimlessy wandering through town i found a milkshake bar thing. they have a hundred and one different flavour milkshakes. and thats excluding combinations. i had a hersheys cookies and cream. it was pretty amazing. i might try the malteaser one next time. or jelly bean. but i think that might be really sickly. but you gotta find out. i also got some vanilla oil. i just like that stuff. so ive decided. glassjaw are one of the most amazing bands ever. and hundred reasons. this is true. fact. unarguable. ooh. bens coming back from having his shower. he heard that guy this morning as well. we went to a music pub quiz last night. came second. from last. but it was a different guy apparently. wed normally whoop some ass but the new guy was all old rock and nasty metal. nasty rock music. but nevermind. it was still quite fun. i thought so at least. ben doesnt like loosing. and on the way back i was really chuffered to hear tom have exactly the same conversation with ben that i always have. i thought it really was me being an asshole but it turns out it might actually have been ben this whole time. haha. maybe ben is just easy to get a rise out of. i just got a well nasty message from windows xp. saying something had failed and id totally lost data. sheesh man. if i was trying to save anything id be well gutted. nevermind. all im really doing is typing this and putting songs on my mp3 player for my stupid trek today. okay. things are going really wrong. so im gonna go and sort my computer out.

27.9.2002: well here i am in brighton. my teeth hurt from all the crap i drank last night. not as bad as when i drank all them vodkaredbulls at ramshackle. but still. crap. yesterday was my first full day. it was nice. weird but nice. came down on wednesday. or thursday. whatever day it is today minus two. im listening to regress. i found some random cds with no covers and im sure some of them jump. so they are being sorted. marco allowed the last regress song to go on the rocksoc cd. woah. as if by magic the cd started to jump really bad. ho hum. woah it sounds like gabba. rock. so yeah. on the way back from brighton last time we were going past heathrow and this fucking huge plane went right over us. it was coming in to land and it was just amazing. if you stood on top of the car and jumped you could have scraped its belly. no really. um. that was dead good tho. mentalness. so. wednesday it was. tuesday night was nice cos loads of people came round. well rachael and maryjane and corey. it was dead nice. indeed. so i moved my stuff in. it wasnt so bad but im really lacking some small bedside draw type stuff. real pain. and ive got no shelves. no fucking shelves. its bullshit. but nevermind. i forgot my toastie machine. how the hell do you spell sandwitch sandwhich sanwich sandwich? no bloody idea. theyre the best shit ever tho. as if they are. oh groan. and the power supply for my disco light seems to be the wrong one. but my new lava lamp knows the score. eight-nil. blah. i just had my first shower. but now im getting side tracked. haha. yeah. i moved my stuff in. then what. oh i dont know. i did some stuff. then i did more stuff. i moaned about some stuff. then moaned some more. and probably then some. or something. while im moaning. i just noticed (while showering) that theres no form of heating in the bathroom. im not showering in january. i smell better when i dont wash anyway. um. and only one of my windows open. you see. i wasnt joking. so i did something. what was it? man this feels like a really bad comedy routine. i wont mention im a bit pissed off with my mum for telling my new house mates who i dont know all that well my degree results and how much funding im getting this year. this sounds nothing. but.. i dunno. id rather people not know. but nevermind. i cant even mention it to her cos shell be really upset about and go on about being proud of me and all that shit. i guess she doesnt get it. but nevermind. we went into town and ate at the why kick a moo cow. cept its spelt all japanese. of course. was very nice. then i sat around downstairs in our amazing lounge while everyone watched the shitty football. no i dont know the fucking score. yesterday was good. woke up well early and sorted my room out. then i went to the corner shops to buy cereal and crap for breakfast. cept it was probably the other way round. ben doesnt get up until about two. nevermind. we walk into town after watching vh1s worst videos ever. top one hundred. no shit. well. you know what i mean. sat on the beach for ages and met my parents. was good. went down pier went to pub went to expensive vege restuarant. then we met nicola and luxy (i dunno how she spells her name but that looks pretty good to me) in weatherspoons where i got ideed on the way in. i know thats not how you spell ideed but i aint using an apostrophe. i only got my crappy old birmingham nus thats even run out now. he asked if i had a driving license. nope. passport. i was well cheeky. i said did he really thought i carried my passport around. he let me in tho. he turned the people infront of us away cos nus wasnt good enough. and they looked older than me. did i tell you the story about the women in leamington guessing at me being 17? well thats about it anyway. i have my karma rocks right here. from wales beach. they work. real. so then we went to the casablanca. its a kinda jazz club thing but they were playing funk. the funk. its dead good. they have a beetle in there. you can sit in the back bit and the front is a set of decks bentley rhythm ace stylee. and yeah its cut in two and seperated. that would be weird wouldnt it? and the toilets are the hardest toilets to find ever. indeed. it felt good to be pissing while some guy next to me couldnt. after all the times in xls where i felt like i needed the toilet but nothing would come out. this felt great. why am i even writing that? who knows. they had cheap tequila. in total last night i drank three jdees four tequilas and two reefs. i didnt realise i could drink that much. went to bed at three. i got up at half eight feeling fantastic. so there you go. thats what you get for having fresh air. yumm the sea. ive written too much. stop reading.

24.9.2002: so. blah. still waiting for to approve my songs. when they are you should be able to go to you should. or coreys at bingo. moving to brighton tomorrow. this will be good. or something. am well excited. gotta pack today but i think im on line. online? yes. we went to bingo. me sian corey mum and nan. it was good but we didnt win big. mum won 14quid on the board things. didnt pay for our night but nevermind. it was fun. had a chip buttie. which i havnt had for ages. it was well nice. considering like. umm. there was an earthquake. that was weird. i was half awake half asleep thing. big rumble shakey thing. pretty much what youd expect really. but it was really weird cos i was half asleep. when it had finished is when i completely woke up. what the fuck was that? it was strange cos it went totally silent then. sian didnt wake up cos trains going by used to shake her old bed all the time in sellyoak. but yeah. 4.6 it was. or something. fun huh? see.. we get them too. um. im totally updating radio feisar. im giving it a new look. well.. a look. i never really finished it before. im starting to like it. at some point you can see it here. itll be dead good. im making it a website in its own right.. like the regress page. i think theres enough songs there now. yeah. being at home with corey around has really stepped up the artistic process. or something. creative process. shame im leaving tomorrow. im figuring i can write guitar stuff and post it him or something. the problem is that we really need to jam the songs out. mind i never used to. itll rock. we will see. umm. nans coming in here to vacuum now. went to the auction yesterday to buy a bedside set of drawers thing. they had two ones i was willing to buy but i was out bid. i really need a decent one cos the one in my room is nasty nasty nasty. oh well. went to leamington the on saturday. i drove there and back. was fun. didnt buy much. some nice shot glasses. a book. generation x. i cant remember if its supposed to be good or trying to be good and bad. so i bought it cos it was stupidly cheap. i love fopp. fopp for everyone. now sians here as well. you cant read while im writing. i cant type while you watch. but yeah. they dont do steamed milk at rhubarb rhubarb anymore. did it used to be custard or crumble? i guess thats why they changed. poo sticks. need breakfast. blah.

20.9.2002: fucking yay. fantastic day.. and sian hasnt even got here yet. got the new song up and running. its called nonogaki02. sounds like an alligator on heat. mashed potato at three hundred miles an hour. its a cross between a sugar high and a horizontal barcode. i shit you not. think guitar being played by wired monkey puppets and a drum machine soaked in pink highlighter ink. its like modern jazz without the crazy piano and double bass reversed and played double speed. its like the opposite of the sound you get when you jump in a big pile of leaves. if you think im making this up and talking out my ass then you better listen to it. check the radio feisar page for further details. get them while theyre hot. nothing guaranteed. i had a zillion other things to say. funny. went down to brighton yesterday on a bit of a whim to move some stuff into my room. was a good day. i got to eat a mushroom grubs burger. right on brother. i also discovered boondocks. its a good cartoon. theres a link on coreys page. thats totally unrelated to brighton tho. shit yeah. on the way back we ran out of petrol while going down the motorway. while aniko slept in the back. it was kinda exciting in a weird way. stopped up on the hardshoulder for an hour. went for a walk by the river and saw the nastiest spider ive seen in a while. wasnt too big.. was kinda hairy. but had this huge bulbous thing on its back. was minging. what else. my books arrived today. god bless the designers republic for making me happy in exchange for vast amounts of cash. i hate them for being so fucking good. they did all the aibo packaging and stuff.. i never realised that. i had some trouble with my usa banners. starters they sucked. then i made them better.. then i redid them. and again. and i realised that i couldnt actually write anything on them without it somehow being linkable to september11th. this made me angry. anything even slightly contraversial about the usa and ..well.. like i said. nevermind. graham is talking at me about something. i asked him how you spell contraversial cos it looked wrong. now hes ..oh i dunno. my house in brighton rocks. ben is a major dude for getting us this house. rock. potato. or something. i got a funny story but sian might kill me if i tell you. umm. like she ever reads this anyway. haha. i guess ill find out. um. anyway. it turns out that all my condoms disappeared. this kinda pissed me off as youd imagine. id like to think it pissed sian off as well. anyway. i remembered my mum saying something about nan finding empty packets blah blah blah. apparently she was happy for me. yknow. woah shit.. i coulda swore i just heard some really loud and aggresive shouting from somewhere. thats kinda scary. ummm. yeah. anyway. so it turns out that nan accidently binned my condoms cos she thought they were rubbish. imagine someone really good at telling anecdotes telling you that. funny huh? ..okay whatever. theres more. im thinking. wait. um. signed off this morning. so im not actually dole scum anymore. not that i was before. not like they were actually giving me any money ..cos i put my student loan in savings ysee. but nevermind. corey didnt get any either cos he quit his job in london voluntarily. he couldnt afford to stay in london etc so had to move home. so they wouldnt give him any money. how much does that suck? apart from not giving me any job seekers allowance (im not technically a student again until my next course starts) they wouldnt pay my rent either. they normally do but because im not living in it they wont. i tried to explain that if i dont rent it now then i wont have anywhere to live when i get down there. i. will. be. homeless. of course they cant think ahead like that. they just give me shit every two weeks when i go to sign on ..thats until i point out that theyre not actually giving me any money. thats the point when they stop treating me like a lower lifeform. so why am i signing on you ask? well with doing a masters and phd (probably) im working four years less than the average person. or maybe seven if you include uni. i dunno statistics. dont look at me like that. to get a pension (oh shut up you) you need a certain amount of national insurance credits. do you get these out of england? i dont know worldy economics. id ask corey but hed hit me. hahaha. so you work and get credits and get a pension. so i need all the credits i can get. theyre actually worth a lot cos it all contributes later. i dont really want to think that far ahead in my life. but nevermind. i was thinking i felt sorry for the people who really have no money or job and stuff and get demoralised everytime they go in ..but then i realised.. yknow. it is free money. its fair enough i dont get it. agreed. but its not like it is impossible to get a job. anyone can. you just gotta lower your standards. im not one to talk.. im a total fucking snob. ill admit it. i went to uni so i didnt have to work in a scum factory for crappy wage. but yknow. i stopped feeling sorry for them. although i didnt. cos there was a few people around the office that just looked really sad and helpless. i think pitying people is kinda rude as well. but nevermind. now look im turning into an asshole again. how did this start? ..but yeah.. i feel good today. went to sainsburies and ran some old women down. joke. hear about the airport theyre planning on building near rugby? well its a major big shit. everyone is going mental etc. they had a petition in sainsburies that my mum was signing.. the woman on the otherside of the table used to be my geography teacher. mrs ingham if youre interested. the one with spikey purple hair. cool huh? um. yeah. so there was some other woman signing it as well and i really casually say 'yknow id quite like an airport actually' was funny. right. this is what im like. but it all went quiet and the woman turned to look at me like id said 'i ate my own baby' and meant it. their faces were so funny. so i laughed and signed the petition. the woman sighed a sigh of relief. like she wasnt gonna have to start an arguement after all. i was grinning for ages. haha. okay. shut up time. even online journals arnt as babbling and shit as this. what? oh yeah. sorry.

17.9.2002: so im currently working on the new. nearly titled. song. trying to decide whether the mammoth guitar i did is right. i major fucked up the middle bit but i might kinda like what i did. not sure. so. i also did some new banners. these are for the american division of emo corp. a new look for a new culture. im broading my target market. i dont know how serious im being. so dont ask. theres a program about prostitution on television. my body my business. im not really watching cos im recording. but it reminded me how nice the colours are in the red light area of amsterdam. not led right. sheesh. what are you thinking? by the way. the whole american thing was a total accident. i noticed the barcode and converse star thing kinda looked like a flag. and i really needed something at the end of the untitled type. whats it called when bands try and get famous in america? is it breaking america? ..thats funny or something. if anyone cares im rereading neuromancer. out of all my books its the one i read the longest ago. thinking about it i havnt been reading very long huh? ..well.. i had a big period when i stopped reading books. this will be the time i got the internet. then i got back into books and right now im well into books. i just cant find anything i really like. ive read all the authors i know. any suggestions anyone? someone lend me a book. please. okay. i think i might use this take. i think this is way one of the best songs milkill have done recently. if i can call it milkill. guys? i think its more of a live song tho.. its being such an ass to get down. we started without a structure ysee. and did that as we recorded. but the drums sound amazing. cheers to the genius that is corey. one day we will rock. or something. fat bells. jazz. banana and peanut butter. one day i will make sense to everyone else as well. i hope. im still worried about the shit ive written on this page. i kinda wanna take it down and edit it or something.. i just sound a right idiot at times. this is okay with people who know me. but with people who dont know me properly. well.. i guess they dont really matter anyway.. but yknow. still. okay. thats a take. but im gonna do another. i just worked out how to do it without erasing the old one. boston. its getting late and i just got the feeling of when i was working on my project. id be up and itd be stupidly late. id be wearing the same shirt im wearing now cos its kinda cold. illuminated by my laptop. my calve kinda hurts from sitting at my laptop the same as well. the memory of waking up in the middle of the night with tearing cramp. mango juice. revels. talking to jo at 5am. text messages at 10am. vege breakfast from a tin. with fried halumi. more mango juice. blue fairy lights. pulsating lava lamp. red yellow blue green and pinks dots arc across the wall and ceiling. its just the feeling of being tired. its the edge of summer. whichever. it doesnt matter. im aching to do more overdubs but whenever i try to do too much when im tired i fuck it all up again and have to the whole thing again the next day.. a little less good than it was. corey said ive been writing way too much in here recently. or something along those lines. he is of course right. i am. so stop reading ..cos it aint gonna be getting any better. grin. goodnight.

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