hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word
5.4.2003: this is probably my first news entry while being really drunk. haha. everyone
(corey and alisha) just left. and everyone else went to bed. so i was watching tv. and it was
the adverts. and something came on that was so ridiculous i had to write about it. but yknow
what. i actually forgot what it was. how embarresing is that? i dunno. some advert about something
something. it was after the news of the world 'stars in their bras' advert. that was a bit of a joke
as it was. but what followed must have been a total piss take. i just cant remember what. um. shit.
nevermind. ive got such an urge to watch the digimon movie. i didnt bring it home tho. thats the fault
of t-mobile. that i want to watch it. not that i didnt bring it home. their advert has people pillow
fighting. how that reminded me of the digimon movie i dont know. but still. it did.
4.4.2003: ive been in prison all night. this is what happens when you fall asleep rereading grant morissons 'the invisibles' and thinking about your phd proposal. it was a long night. and i was innocent. of breaking and entering apparently. i didnt break nothing. anyway. you guys are distracting me from working. got on the internet last night and nearly all the websites i regulary read had done an april fools thing. this doesnt work on the internet. for two reasons. firstly it stays there after april 1st. secondly no one ever really believes a lot they read on the internet anyway. or rather they hand out salt shakers on the way in. i hate to steal links of other peoples news/journal pages but i gotta this time. well i would if i had the link. if i was online right now. but yes. william gibson comparing cable and penis bandwitdh. i think the penis won. significantly. which made me think. how can that be possible? i guess its to do with width right? you can only have one bit going down a cable at one point at one time. where as the old penis can handle oodles of dna in parallel. did i spell that right? i guess i will never know. dna is base4 as well. although.. let me think on that a minute. codons code for different amino acids. and theyre made up of base triplets. 4 cubed combinations but they only code for.. um. how many amino acids are there? twenty thirty something? nice amount of redundancy there. must remember that for my neutrality project im hoping to do next term. and its a double helix half of which is essentially wasted in terms of information exchange efficiency. then all the junk dna that codes for nothing. but not to say its not important. junk dna rocks. in evolutionary terms genetic drift is extremely important. neutral mutations. blah blah blah. dont want to bore you all. anymore.
3.4.2003: dum de dum. so how slowly is my work going? i ask ya. oh well. i even get up well early and still dont manage to start until des and melanie come on. my parents bought a crosstrainer. so that takes up a good hour every day. including shower. nice to be able to work out while watching any tv channel you want. except my parents only have five. argh. and put on any music on the stereo. not that this really matters. considering pnemonia is about to wipe out the entire global population. and you thought america was gonna destory the world. well i did. anyway. so what are they talking about on the news? theyre talking about the damage to the tourist and transport industry. fuckers. we should be talking about over use of antibiotics. over population. we could even get into a nitty gritty discussion on natural selection. and a distinct lack of it. although hey. thats not a bad thing as such. but when it starts swinging back youre all gonna start crying. which reminds me of an arguement me and james had with nick about evolution of people going to mars. he said we were just wrong. and did that laugh he does which says hes obviously right and youre just a fool if you disagree. just cos my masters course has the word 'evolution' in its title doesnt mean i know everything about it.. but lets be honest. i know what i know. anyway. blah blah. look its not my fault if debates i have are never allowed to finish properly so i have to do it on my website. so yeah. other stuff that was on the news while i was working out. they were talking about the key government people in iraq. the names they gave them and the way they described them sounded like the intro to metal gear solid. and im only slightly over exaggerating. ive got a really nice new popup on the way. although i think it might end up not being a popup. cos ive stretched it out. hmmm. maybe itll be a wallpaper. or just some random. thing. i could start a new website with it actually. theres an idea. oh man. as if i dont have enough work to do. but yeah. i went into town today. took the baby. simon noah from next door. well hes a toddler now. i was well happy pushing the push chair until it came to crossing the road. i was really shocked at how scared i was. got some well good samosas. went to the park and swung simon on a swing. its amazing how fascinated he was with the flowers that light up. theyre at home.. not in the park. sheesh um. and ive started finding out all the people with glastonbury tickets. i cant help but feel a bit bitter. oh well. maybe well sort something out. who knows.
2.4.2003: if anyones wondering where i am.. well im back at home in rugby. for two weeks. until the sixteenth or something. twenty days til deadline. and counting. ive been reading neverwhere. i dont know if its cos i saw the series ages ago or what. but it just doesnt feel that great. neil gaiman has written a lot better. i dont really like the writing style at all. which is weird cos american gods is damn good. and i loved coraline. i get to work in the lounge. and i get to drink nespresso. in a chic spotty cup. no really. i now got me a glassjaw tshirt too. i was worried it was gonna be way too large but its actually okay. bit wide but hey. its all good. got their first cd too. showing their hardcore roots. saw zion train on sunday night. that was well well good. went for thai meal beforehand that was really nice. they do the best corn cakes. i have a lot of time for corn cakes. and tempura too. i cant remember what its called but ill probably go again. if i can get someone to go with. hmm. but yeah. the almighty zion train. they were really rocking the bass. it was lovely rumbling mencaing vibrations all night. you gotta love the dub. etc. they did all my favourites as well. although theyd changed peace and justice somewhat and missed out the bit with the crazy bass. and i was worried they werent gonna do beatmass but then they did it as an encore. that was better than good. im a bit pissed off its nearly one and i havnt done much work. i dont seem to be able to do enough work in a day. this is worrying. but anyway. i get sidetracked. something i noticed about the concorde. everytime i got theres always some girl there who i kinda fancy. and she always ends up dancing right infront of me. i know what youre thinking. thats not weird. thats just me following girls around right? well we always dance in exactly the same place. i swear its not me. i dont even like it. but yeah. i forgot to mention that i got attacked by some girls in town on saturday. i dunno if that sounds serious or funny. but hey. i was waiting outside dixons (groan) and this girls running towards me screaming 'mum'. so i look right at her and she stops just before she reaches me. with this terrified look on her face. wtf? i dont know. anyway. then her friend kinda squeals 'mum' too and runs at me. grabs me round the neck and spins round kinda vigourously. so i tell her easy and she runs off. then runs back and pulls this weird as fuck animal face and does some weird animal snarly noise. and runs off again. what do you do then? ..if only id had a gun.. go the the incubus website and download the live stuff by mikes new band. the certain shade of green cover is well good. its lovely. and i saw something on tv the other day (although the more i thought about this the more i think it might have been a dream) about some band that was comprimised of little brothers of people from incubus. mikes lil brother on guitar. a little brandon singing. is this real? or did i really dream that? it doesnt sound very likely. considering they looked exactly like incubus. but a bit more metal. i think its disgusting that i cant actually decide whether i dreamed that or not. sort it out. anyway. work time now. oh yeah. before i forget. if youve got a glastonbury ticket then dont talk to me. especially if i like you. and especially especially if i dont like you. mum did a bit of an impressive blag and we still might get tickets. but i have no idea how likely that is. and before anyone asks if they can have one.. we probably wont get any. and the fourth is for ben. the fifth is for martin. fuck ebay.
30.3.2003: okay. heres i much i suck. i finished off the other one as well. i have about ten version of this spread amongst various folders on my computer. i dont know which i like the most. i can never decide anymore. alas. this one will do. its a kinda mixture of all the advice i was given. or something. anyway. it makes for lovely little squares. where the hell did that style come from anyway? i mean. it is really.. i dunno. its a real trendy thing to do. i used to hate it. so im a bit pissed off that i do it now. hmm. well. who knows.
see? theyre good squares. the squares say yes. happy squares. not nervous squares. i stop doodling those ages ago. i guess i got brave or something. haha. what shit am i talking now? i should go back and delete all of that. nevermind. so the square window thing.. i dont know. anyone? corey? ooh. im buzzing.
30.3.2003: due to the fact i have an insane amount of work to do.. ive done another popup. infact ive done two. but as corey and martin could tell you im cant stop fucking around with the other. so yeah.
i absolutely fucking love what ive done with the waves. i have another version of it that is kinda similar and equally as lush but i chose this one. dont know why. the words on it are kinda random. i needed some text so i used the first thing i came to. is that an old news entry? it reads like one. i dont know. so. im off to see zion train tonight. i either will or wont see you there. depending on who you are.
30.3.2003: work work work work. mess around with psp. work work. etc. party. work. fun fun. blah. ill elaborate. but first. im starting to worry for my saftey living in brighton. what with piers falling down and getting set on fire. twice. it happened again. but to the other pier this time. what the hell is that? so now half of it is falling into the sea and the outer half is just a smouldering skeleton. some photos of a doomed pier. did it get bombed in one of the old wars? or something. oh i dont know. something martin pointed out to me that is funnier than funny. godspeed you black emperor were questioned in suspiscion of being terrorists. theres a full story here. haha. and yknow. i may as well carry on with all the news crap that corey and martin sent me.. with this. that pissed me off for so many reasons. i love the way people can blame the fact that theyre a right cunt on religion. gouranga. fuck the bozos. i actually well like the harry. theyre just so much fun and theyre nice as pie. a really damn good pie as well. they brighten up any dull day with their orange onslaught. yes. but anyway. i think we went to the escape on tuesday night. after some girls birthday house party. hmmm. yes. it was so empty in the club. for an indie night to. it was kinda crap. and loud. how james managed to fall asleep is beyond me. well its not. but yknow. walking back was fucking horrible. it hurt like fuck. then i ate on wednesday. and thursday too. pretty much all i did actually. eat. so me and ben went for a jog up the golf course. itd be good but its all uphill and downhill. not really much fun. yknow. we had a barbeque on friday. it was well well nice. cliff came back from london and it was a groovy get together in the garden. i even drank some beers. eek. we got my stereo blaring out of bens window. it was sweet. then we went to mau mau. was kinda cool but really expensive and.. yknow. stuff. so then a few of us went to some random house party. except it wasnt quite random. but still. this five floor house. or was it four. i dunno. it was a well good house tho. near the west pier. slowly burning out to sea. i well enjoyed it. everyone left without telling me which was a bit shit. a bit? bastards. anyway. i didnt mind cos i was hangin with the girls. i talked to quite a lot of people actually. it was well good. you could clamber out of their window onto this roof thing. it was top shit. it was like being in new york. haha. or amsterdam. or prague. boston? i dunno. like being somewhere anyway. it was cool. a bit cold. but cool. house parties are just the best shit. no really. i walked back to the girls for a quick cuppa and then sauntered home at about five in the morning. it was dead nice cos it was so quite cept for the birds. it was dark but that early morning dark. if only i was a poet.. etc. listening to the new pitchshifter cd. i dont believe they actually did an encore. shame on them. yep. i dont feel i have anything else to say. i do. but i cant remember it. diddums.
25.3.2003: yeah. i was just thinking about my site index page. i bet people dont even know its there. i think it was a well good idea and i think more people should have them on their website. especially ones with terrible navigation like mine. hey i like my navigation. its supposed to be like that. anyway. like i said we did the quiz last night. we cheated really badly on the mobile phone. i felt really bad about it. anyway. for the second week running we were one point off first. we won eight beers and two tshirts. hmmm. we over cheated tho. nevermind. one of the teams saw us blatantly cheat as well. whatever. we went to grubbs after and i didnt get a burger. go me. note to self. go to fucking sainsburies. um. i dont believe theyre taken hot hot heat of the radio1 playlist. due to an abundance of the word bandages. how very un-pc. indeed. i like that song man. dont go banning songs. its bullshit. for fuck sake the videos about plastic surgery anyway. nevermind. i updated some pages but with no content that isnt featured on this page. why i say that? oh i dont know. consitency i suppose. so im sitting here drinking pineapple and lemonade in the sun. hell yeah. throwing pennies through bens window. get this. i was sitting in the garden reading the other day drinking milk. remember milk? its amazing. anyway. ben managed to throw a nut into my glass of milk from his bedroom window. how the fuck he managed that is beyond me. i dont believe that he was actually trying to do it. you could never do it if you tried. and in other news.. did i mention that advert where the guy throws up the dog? its an advert for chewing gum. anyway. i thought it was well good but theyve bloody banned that as well. whats wrong with people? apparently it was scaring kids and making people sick. haha. it was brilliant tho. ill see if i can get it off the internet or something. haha.
24.3.2003: there seems to be a lot of fish on tv. driving round in adverts and things. i kinda like it. i hope dave mckean is pleased too. so yeah. i havnt been writing cos ive been working. im only writing now cos i feel like i havnt written for so long and if i dont now i never will. what a terrible sentence. anyway. my cartpoles are evolving. little numbers trickling along the bottom of my screen. it got stuck in an infinite loop a minute ago and i think the only way it could have done was if manage to balance the pole perfectly. i never thought of that before. anyway. i dont wanna bore you all with that.. ill read all of my readers. haha. um. just hang in there a minute. i just ran the best one on simulation and it properly balances. its got the cutest rocking motion. im well happy with that. fucks up when the cart gets to the edge. but i think i know how to sort that out. true. so yeah. what the hell have i been doing all week? i dunno. ive been reading coraline. neil gaimans last book. and yes its well good. i kinda love it i think. and its a crime if it doesnt get turned into a short film made by dave mckean. metioned him twice now. he likes fish. thats why. on tuesday me ben and lux went down the beach and i got some well good photos of birds ill be using for random crap. i got some good movies of them flying around too. we were feeding them and they starting attacking us. i actually got hit by one of them as it flew over my head. it was kinda scary but it was well good. we sat on the beach for ages. and i had my first subway in ages. it was okay but not great. it was free anyway. i took loads of photos of people on the beach. i felt kinda rude doing it.. but yknow. so what? i used some of the photos to make this. its kinda cheesy. and it was better before i finished it. but.. i dunno. too empty. anyway.
she kinda looks a bit like sian now i messed her face up. but thats just a coincidence. but yeah. i think it was better when there was just one of her and two birds but i got carried away. whatever. i think i like it anyway. then me and ben went to the gloucester. met becca there. had an arguement with the dj. hell never play anything i ask cos he said its not popular. like pitchshifter and incubus (that isnt certain shade of green or wish you were here).. and okay i was asking for no comply as well but that songs amazing and its like two minutes long. hes a fool. and when i ask for a different glassjaw song he says he thinks its better to work on one song. and im like. wtf? so everyone gets really bored of it and hates them. hes an imbecile. i pay his wages. okay i dont cos its free. but still. i told him if he did play senser then its not like anyone would not come the next week. but if he doesnt then i probably wont. and he wasnt worried about that. so nevermind. ill dance on his face. it was fun tho. so on wednesday i got down to work. as you probably noticed when you started reading this epic news entry. theres much more to come dont worry. just dont mention the war. on thursday me and lux went to see equilibrium. like everyone else i thought it was gonna be terrible but cant actually explain why i still went to see it. so how was it? it was nothing like 1984 bladerunner or the matrix (especially the scene when the guy who looks like keanu acrobats around a lobby shooting lots of army men) and it was far too subtle. oh well. these people need to be told a little bit of subtlety goes a long way. but yknow. maybe im starting to get the feeling that subtlety just doesnt work anymore. maybe people are so used to having things spoonfed to them that anything subtle just falls on deaf ears. dead ears. maybe not. i dont know. thing is.. a film about that kinda thing should make you think. and it doesnt. it just doesnt make you think at all. its all obvious unsubtle here it is. it makes me wish that grant morrison made films. but anyway. yknow. it is okay. i wouldnt pay to see it again. but its got watchable bits. its just kinda weird how the city views look nowhere near as good as the ones in bladerunner. and its how long since then? sort it out. after the cinema we went to dynamite boogaloo. met up with ben and nicola and got down to some partying action. i love the joint. its well good. it was kinda weird without aimee. and i danced far too much. horrible sweaty mingingness. lux ran off with my phone on the way out to get some girls number. i cant really handle stuff like that. as if anyone would actually give their number out yknow. as if id actually phone it. she was way too cool anyway. i hate to so shamelessly put my self down and stuff but yknow. stuff. anyway. dont really wanna talk about the whole dating shit thing. its all bullshit. i woke up feeling like id drank way too much but i hadnt drank that much. i even got some work done before we left for reading. me and ben went to see martin. on a friday. remind me to never travel on a friday. its just fucking dumb that its more expensive to travel at the end of the week. assholes. capitalist scum. anyway. i did this doodle on the train. just to prove to myself that it is actually possible to draw on a moving train.
i really liked it. but scanned it doesnt look so much fun. dont know. i kept messing it up. being on a train and all. so i liked it best somewhere in the middle. but whatever. if you flip it over it looks like the beginning of a really good penis. sorry but its true. ben just told me you download the new zach and dj shadow song. and you can. its here. its called march of death. haha. its not bad. better than audioslave. but still. dj shadow and tom morello anyone? ill have some of that. nevermind. its better than the beastie boys antiwar song. dont talk about the war. i got really pissed off with nme this week. its a women in pop issue and its fucking bullshit. they talk about peaches and just say shes ugly. they call tatu subversive. anyway. i read about this website that is anti celebrity pundits speaking out about the war. this made me really angry. just read this shit. its like good charlotte on crack. classic line coming up. it says they dont want people "abusing their status to speak for us". ill leave it at that. i love the dixie chicks. one more little bit of crap.. wait. this was written at the bottom.. "We had your peace rioters here this weekend, you gave money to winos to march with you and hold arabic signs, you painted swastikas on our windows and left a mess, thank god for snow to cover up your trash". well yknow what they say.. you can ultimately make it snow in the summer. i said dont talk about the war. and im not. im talking about people talking about the war. fact. oh fuck it. i mean. that pundit stuff. there are some good points yknow. but if you feel passionately about something you speak out. some people just have a louder voice than others. and whose fault is that? so anyway. me ben and martin went to this cool little club down this alley. we got there well early and they were playing dub reggae for ages. it was well cool. except everyone but me and ben were moaning about it saying they didnt like reggae much. oh well. then i just got drunk. danced and talked shit. then walked home. watched some thunder cats and fell asleep on martins floor. felt horrible. got up well early and watched some more thunder cats and dude wheres my car. not really at all good the second time. so we went into town and sat by the river. chillin. was well nice. cept those fuckers kept throwing sticks at me. we went to see confessions of a dangerous mind. i really liked it. and i dont think it was even that slow. or long. i mean.. have you watched magnolia? yeah. i think drew barrymore is my new hero. we know a song about that dont we? hit it scifi steve. she produced donnie darko btw. which gets more respect than necessary. then we just hung out. played some time splitters etc. fell asleep watching test the nation. relationships. wtf? then fell asleep watching red dwarf. fell asleep a lot. was okay this night cos i half slept on the bean bag. thank god for bean bags. or more likely whoever invented them. i had a crazy dream about tea girl. she was being well nice. i was having bad shit and she was just being cool. then she got in the shower. but that was just weird and.. haha. i dunno. nothing. i dont believe how early we got up. like. eight. and got an early train. sunday. it didnt feel like sunday. aimees back so i cant work in her room. right next to the huge window. its great. problem is i can only do one project at a time. irratating and shitty. this includes revision. i cant parallel study. is that spelt right? dont care. anyway. the ticket guy came down the train and i remembered taking all my stuff out of my wallet and putting it on martins table. duh. so i explained i didnt have my ticket and if i could post it them to prove id bought one. anyway. he pointed to ben and was like.. oh its okay hes railway. im like. what? talk about free masons. was pretty cool tho. anyway. then i found my ticket in my back. so just felt an idiot. ive been drinking pure pineapple juice all day. its nicer than you think. so we got home and i waS gonna work all day but we went and hung out in preston park. it was cool. frisbee and football. coolness. sunned. then we got curry. yay. and ive been trying to get up to date with my doodles. so ill chuck some more ones in here. here. click click.
theres definately a recurring theme there. oh well. these range from really recent to well old. like two weeks to two months. or more even. ive got some huge files of all the doodles yet to be sorted. as if its worth it. i dunno. im a bit of a horder i guess. oh well. quiz night tonight. so get your thinking hats on. yes.
18.3.2003: it looks like weve got a posse on for the gloucester tonight. yay. or something. lets just hope im up for it. so. im really dissapointed that you cant download the queens of the stone age video of their website. poor show. nevermind. remember i was going on about going the zap a while back? theres a window in the corner and if you look out of it you can see the sea and the reflection of the lights in the club. it looks like theyre sweeping out over the sea. i like that. other stuff i totally forgot to mention.. a piece of my tooth fell out the other day. i was eating a peanut butter cookie that id made myself. and yes they were damn good. and i felt something in my teeth so i pushed it out and it was a bit of my tooth. it didnt hurt or nothing. but still. its not the nicest thing ever. im listening to the first weeezer album. its well good. right. i need vitamin c. i need to go the shop. i need eggs (for scrambling for breakfast on aimees toast cos shes gone home). i need spaghetti to go with my beanfeast that i am going to eat today. fact. we went down the fortune of war last night. nearly everyone was there. it was well good fun. had some well good conversations with ben. although i know hell strongly disagree with that. right ben? hey look ben im talking about you on my website and theres nothing you can do about it. haha. feeling nervous about what im gonna say? did you know that ben has only got seven toes? thats why he looks funny when he walks. and hes left eye cant see colours. hes coneless. he can eat so much pasta because he has two stomachs. like half a cow. and he sleeps without a pillow. or with a super hyper uber pillow. which ever way you want to look at it. everyone started argueing against the war ..well.. its was lux against everyone else. me and ben kinda felt sorry for her and i know that i agreed with what she was saying. but im so sick of talking to people about it. cos they make me so angry. and in bens case more so. so we stayed out of it. every now and again we changed subject and in the process heard some of the shit that was coming out of peoples mouths and i nearly fell into the downward spiral that is trying to explain to people that theyre sounding like a cunt and need to fucking sort it out even though they dont listen or even care. run on sentence. it pisses me off cos theyre friends and yet they think like that. whatever. had a good tropical grubs. in the toilets they had a poster for dead or alive extreme volleyball. someone please confirm that this is a joke. please. please please. i cant remember why but then nick took great pleasure out of clearly stating im the biggest snob hes ever known. which was nice. at least i got a sideways glance of lux. im getting sick of letting that shit go. but nevermind. although.. ben asked if id seen freq nasty and i said that i hadnt been invited when actually i had. nick pointed this out. and it was a bit assholey of me to make a point of me not being invited when i actually had. but yknow. i know im a fucker so its okay. i did feel well bad about tho. especially having it shouted across the table when i wasnt really talking to anyone but ben. ho hum. but i still dont like being so actively accused of being a snob. especially by someone who ive never had a real conversation with in my life. id dis him more but all the things that i dont like about him are present in me as well. so. yknow. i guess this time i just opted for the easy and trouble free option of ignoring over confrontation. im not a snob tho. and being called the biggest snob hes ever known is just.. i dont know. no half measures. total snob. its just a brutal dis. especially the way he laughed when he said it. like it was just a joke if no one else saw it. i wish i could remember what was said just before. id ask someone but i dont wanna seem hung up on it. not that i would cos i didnt even comment on the time. if anything i probably acted like i agreed. now is that cowardish behaviour? cos ive done it every time. like months back at the concorde. its not rising above it. i think its just keeping the peace. its the sensible option. theres nothing worse than house tension. it feels like theres enough already. maybe that is because ive just shut up the whole time and it shows. maybe my dislike is blatant. i could make it much tho. this is my point. and i have done in the past. anyway. ive been talking about it too much now. i wasnt even gonna bother mentioning it. but nevermind. time to get some clothes on and hit the cornershop. indeed.
17.3.2003: well its half four and all ive been doing today is cleaning my room. still not had the guts to get the vacuum cleaner in. but it will be done. its been semi-fun. its looking a lot better. almost a working environment. yep. im currently listening to the old milkill minidiscs. it was kinda weird to start with but ..i dunno.. theyre just too funny to get me down yknow. i havnt laughed so much for a while. haha. well. probably since corey came down last week. whatever makes you tick. haha. etc. woah this one is well good. ive been scanning and ripping all day too. clearing the mess away. bin bin bin. make room for all my new toys. woah. anyone remember milkill go far? the best pun title of our career. its kinda good. the chourus is well good. honest. had a well good weekend tho. parents came down and i saw them all saturday. went for well nice meals and stuff. saw lee scratch perry at the dome. i really enjoyed it. saw a load of my course mates there as well. it was wicked. terre a terre does really amazing food. it also means that my parents bought me up all the amazon stuff i had delivered. including happy endings. its a dark horse collection of stuff by people based on the theme of happy endings. anyway. sam kieth has the first story and its reaffirmed him as a genius in my mind. that along with zero girl full circle. its just well good. we saw adaptation last night. i was so tired. but its really clever. id go and see it if i was you. um. obviously. ive uploaded some random doodles. exclusive to this page. why i dont know. but i have. here is moocow (yes a cow) and two dudes that sum up all of my seminars.
so. have it. i think theyre cute. so yeah. in other news i had the biggest parcel arrive the other day. all the way from america. its mamba. and guess what? im now officially a geek. but i own a max figure. so yay. photo op.
excuse me trying to be funny. i love that dude. the current track is on twenty seven minutes. we must have left it recording by accident. i dont think ive ever listened to all of this. weve done so many crappy songs. anthem for the year 2000. twentieth centuary boy. its currently an amalgamation of bullet in the head some far song groove is in the heart and a pj harvey song. or something. i think. its really really good. or bad. im not sure which word means which anymore. its been a lush week. the weather is gorgeous. yeah man. so. ive been to tell two stories on this page for a while. i dont know why but i remembered them a while ago and they feel like they wanna be told. who knows. so the first is about this girl i used to really fancy in middle school. it was christmas and i had a few nice christmas cards and a load of cheap ones to give to people. so all my best friends got nice christmas cards and i wrote the crappy ones to everyone else. well obviously this girl i fancied was top on the list to get a nice card and i debated for ages what to write. in the end i wrote pretty much the same as everyone elses but love instead of from. or something. anyway. i thought about it a bit and by the time id finished writing all the cards i decided what id written was a really bad idea. but id got no nice cards left. so in the end i had to give her a really shitty card. but not only that.. i had to go and point out that it wasnt a nice one like everyone else had got. hmmm. oh well. should i save the other for a rainy day? anyone remember no piece for the wicked? well im listening to it now. again. and yes it was that shit. theres nothing for you. i dunno what feels weirder tho yknow.. that i cant phone mark. or that i could before. but whatever. not to go into that. this other story. well i was.. fuck i dunno. a teenager. um. fourteen maybe? anyway. my parents went out for something or other and left me in on my own. anyway. to cut a long unremembered story short i was sick over the landing carpet and when they got back they found a hooch bottle top. blah blah blah. i guess they thought it was kinda obvious that id been drinking and made my self sick. but what had actually happened is for some reason or another id got upset and started crying really badly. i kinda choked a lot and then was sick. how horrible is that? but i couldnt tell them that. so they just thought i was a bit of an alcoholic. or something. anyway. i might go out now. its a nice day. bitchin. ive shared enough. haha.
13.3.2003: ive actually nearly finished my neural networks. its not very good. but its as good as i can get it given my circumstances. not have a neural network. i wouldnt mind if it was due to my incompetence. but its just not. so its nearly done. and will be done in time for the deadline. laurence will go to the ball. or more likely voodoo. well i really want to. my shoulders hurt so bad. ive been here for six hours now. i got locked in last night. came out the lab and all the doors were locked. got through a one way and to the bottom floor of cogs but all those doors were locked. i managed to find an open door to theoretical physics but all their doors were locked too. found my way to the bridge and down into maths. eventually found an unlocked door. well. one way door. it was so dark and quiet though. weird. im quite surprised at how many people are sitting in this lab playing games on the internet. shitty little flash games. im in the main labs in pevensey. theyre kinda big. its all girls playing them to. all the guys are working hard. haha. girls and their tetris. um. played yahoo towers last night. first time in ages. i could still whoop some ass but just cant handle the speed. its fucking manic. and theres this kid whos always in the chip shop on the fruit machine. hes like fifteen or something. so sad. i mean. at his age? sheesh. people were going round our house yesterday. this means weve lost it and i wont be living there next year. i only caught the last group. recognised them from the protest in london. shame i missed all those groups of girls walking round our house. nevermind. haha. i just hope my walkman battery lasts me all the way home. maybe i should get back to working. or maybe i should just fuck it. oh i dunno.
12.3.2003: so i write this while my neural network crunches away. its what? half six. ive been doing this for hours now. days. theres a real hopeless feeling in it. the write up is in for four on friday. investigating doing various different things. but alas. it just wont produce the graph its supposed to. if my tutor cant make it work then what am i supposed to do? it seems kinda wrong. there nothing wrong with it. it just doesnt work. its not fixable. anyway. enough. i havnt written on here for ages. ages. ive been feeling too busy. got a whole heap of shit to get done. and it doesnt feel like its getting done. a whole lot of pressure on sorting my phd out isnt helping. its just. i dont know. anyway. there was this lil girl hanging around outside our house this morning. wasnt it a beautiful morning this morning? anyway. she had the most amazing eyes. corey came down yesterday. registering with job people. the like. was cool to see him tho. now its time to visit martin. things are always more fun when you hang out with your old friends. but yeah. corey might be moving down to brighton well soon. the quiz on monday was good. it was a female bands special. we were one point of first. one damn point. just cos we thought im a slave 4 u was out in 2002 not 2001. ho hum. just been stressing really badly the last two weeks. its horrible. ive got an essay title for my term paper. does communcation between autonomous robots have to be honest. sheesh. saw bowling for columbine on saturday morning with lux. it was really good. i like michael moore. hes one of the last american heroes. along with glassjaw. theyre new videos doing the rounds on mtv. why they had to release ape dos mil is beyond me. and edit out my favourite damn bit. oh well. its a really good video tho. not as good as the new queens of the stone age video mind. that is just sex in vector graphics. probably literaly. but whatever. ive been in this fucking lab all day. apart from when we went to get soup. i got a bowl of cheese cos i though they were 20p. its what it said. in italics. yknow. but it was like a quid. so i took it back and had an argument with them. it kinda sucked. and my cherry sponge had *no* cherry in it. that in italics as well. or bold. whatever. and i still hate paypal. the nightmare ive been through trying to get an account. its bullshit. just bullshit. i might just have to try and live without one. fuckers. but yeah. i discovered the 'available to uk' radio button on ebay search. so im eventually the owner of a maxx figure. ive wanted one of those for years. i honestly never thought id get one. but i do. and its currently on route to my house. maybe i shouldnt talk so soon. but hey. whatever. i do think all the spawn figures are a bit sad. but they are. im not saying the maxx isnt. but yknow. they are bit cooler. lets be honest. whatever. me and tom went to the quiz at the roundhill on sunday night. that was kinda cool. we came third from last. it was a proper hard quiz. maybe next week. nice pub tho. we went the gladstone last night. i like it there more i think. i mean. theyre were playing the first arrested development album. thats just cool. haha. i forgot how good some of that is. i have no idea what i did last week tho. went to the ferkin on thursday i think. that was okay but kinda uneventful. everyone but me and tom went on to the beach. voodoo. then had a fight in the sea. or something. im so damn hungry. im definately getting chips. whenever i actually manage to leave this damn prison of a lab. if only id done my multilayer percepton in java. argh. talking about figures. i got my linus out of his box. now hes just too cool. definately no sad geekyness there. and if there is well.. sian bought it me anyway. definately one of my favourite christmas presents. i really like the tshirt her parents bought me. worn it a lot. but im kinda scared to wash it. thats kinda skank. but its cyberdog and has loads of stuff on it like. um. ashley wood never stops impressing me. go check his website. ashleywood.com ..the dedication.. he must work so much. hes awesome. yknow hellspawn? that comic used to be so good. up to about issue five or six. i know people always say this.. but it was so different. it just was. then they had to go and change writer and artist and its just like the other fucking spawn comic but a bit more explicit. is that what for mature readers means? the same but with tits and religion. image can fuck off. talking about comics. i just started reading the invisibles series three. the invisible is amazing. grant morrison is a genius. there is no doubt about this. is it better than automatic kafka? probably. who knows. anyway. weve won beer at the quiz three weeks in a row now. well good. i feel a bit angry that i cant remember what i did last week. oh well. whatever. went onto campus on friday night. same as the week before. i wrote about that. see. it was just me ben and aimee. it was fun. there was much dancing. well. sort of. we went to east slope first. then park village. then onto brighton campus. it was fun. we should do that more often yknow. while we still can. i had my last lecture this week. it was a well good one too. but i slept through the middle bit. i do that too much. its really bad. nevermind. anyway. thats gonna have to be it. i gotta get out of this lab. my results are shitter than i expected. dont believe i waited so long for them. im doing no work tonight. its seven already. bollocks. whatever.
4.3.2003: actually what i was kinda chuffed about was the comments i got back with my last term paper. it said it could form the basis for a publishable paper. thats well good right?
3.3.2003: i just completed the biggest update ive ever done. and you know the worst thing? i bet you cant even tell. im right arnt i? all that effort and for what? well i managed to cut back on a whole two meg. this is amazing. it means some of the pictures are a bit tinier.. but no one downloads anything anyway right? whats new? well i did a whole page of brighton photos. my favourites of which are these babies
soak it up. i took those yesterday. or saturday. i cant remember. whenever it was. i got my last term paper back today. dont hate me but i got 72% that gives me an average of over 10% above average. proves my point about my lack of eloquence. youd think id just stop writing. wouldnt you? anyway. youd think id be happy but its like teasing me with good marks i really dont feel i can follow through with. i mean. ive got a simulation of adaptive behaviour essay and an adaptive systems project. this are both hard as nails. and then my final project. neural network coursework and exam and computer vision exam. its like saying 'hey were gonna build you up to knock you down'. ive felt weird all day actually. kinda nervous like. cant think of a better way to explain it. maybe youd call it stress. i dont know. i picked up a phd application form tho. that didnt make me feel better. my baked tatty did tho. you dont get one of those very often. the tea woman was very nice about it. picture me feeling nervous.. having a huge prospectus in one hand. a carrot in the other (dont ask) and being passed this giant potato covered in cheese and beans on the flimsiest paper plate. oh. and ive got a knife and fork. in my head all i can picture is me dropping this everywhere. at least it would cheered up tea girl. she werent looking very happy today. i felt worse. but yeah. where would we be without glassjaw? and my neural networks tutor blantantly thinks im an idiot. i cant help but ask him the most dumb ass questions. i say so much dumb stuff when talking to him. like i dont know what tanh() looks like.. i mean. of course i know its a sigmoid from -1 to 1. but. yknow. i dont know ..what? how it is? i dont know. its just maths. fuck maths. anyway. would someone fill me in and tell me what tip your bartender is actually about? i mean. not vaguely. but precisely. i read an interview with daryl a while ago and it was practically all about new york. his lyrics are definately politically loaded. i feel dumb not being able to tell if i think his lyrics are good or not. how good. i dunno. ive found myself not being satisfied by hardly anything anyones said politically recently. maybe hes just been well clever and made it ambiguous enough. you can definately feel it coming through but its open to interpretation. they definately sound fucking awesome. so there. and yeah.. ive actually been watching 24. everyone in my house watches it. and i was curious. yknow. i dont know why i feel like i have to justify it. i think that probably says what i think of it. i dont want an opinion of it anyway. i just dont. but i liked some of the script. if it was english they wouldnt show it in america. haha. how do inuits spell relief?
2.3.2003: i didnt like that last popup so i hurried up and did another one.
ive had the beginnings of that knocking around for ages. would have finished it sooner had psp7 not timed out like it wasnt supposed to. senser should so use that font for their logo. its the tits. but nevermind. just got back from town. ive fucked my knee up but nevermind. the beach was so nice today. would have been nice to be not on my own but nevermind. took millions of photos. some of them i really like. but the more i look at them the less i like them. most of them are all the same and theres barely much in it to decide which is best. meaning i have a directory of photos all the same. nightmare to pick out my faves and upload. ill do it sometime. ive got some good brighton photos just waiting for their own page. actually i uploaded four of them already. but i cant remember where i put them. theyre not linked to but if you wanna try and find them (i presume you dont but nevermind) theyll be called brighton*.jpg or something. didnt eat much yesterday. thatll be why i felt more drunk than i should have done ..we went to falmer bar. this is the union bar of brighton uni. i had a good time but it felt more like a halls of residence bar. lets be honest. it was fun tho. felt like being a real student again. sort of. nice to have cheap drinks tho. ended up back at some flat with this really bad divide between us and the people that lived there. was kinda weird. whatever. this isnt very interesting. sorry. i kinda miss living in student accomodation. i wish id lived on the vale at birmingham for at least a bit yknow. there is a kinda vibe. maybe im making it up. dont know. i kinda wanna write but dont feel like writing either. ive got stuff to say im sure. but im just writing random words and wasting time. whatever. i liked this.
1.3.2003: went into town. took my camera. took some amazing movies of the birds over the west pier. got some good photos. got into the best place to take photos. the tide was out far enough. the beach was empty enough. the angles were perfect ..and my battery ran out. argh. feel my wrath. im really tempted to go down again tomorrow now just to get some amazing photos. i did a new popup. its not great at all. but nevermind.
what ho? ive been scanning in some more doodles but havnt cleaned them up yet. i really like one of them. so i want to get them uploaded soon. running out of webspace. what does everyone hate the most on this website? and dont say this page..
1.3.2003: so had a pretty interesting night last night. john and cali came down and stanton warriors were playing at boutique. it was lovely. if not a bit hazy. i always wanted to drink an absinthe when it was still on fire. anyway. cliff gave a flaming sambuca. so yknow. i thought now is the time. it burnt my lip.. but in a nice way. haha. and then i noticed my hand was on fire. all in the name of fun. ey? all in the name of undoing the pain of trying to grapple with back propagation in a multi layer neural net in matlab of all things. andy is a nice guy but hes gotta realise when it comes to this stuff i have no idea where to start. with a matrix i suppose. so we actually got into the concorde cos we got there well early. after a rather disturbing conversation with ben about the height of eight year olds. and it was so nice it being so empty in there. dj shadow and massive attack. yes. and they actually had cheap bottles. although i dont think i really needed them after the brain destroying mix of bacardi aftershock vodka sambuca archers and jagermeister. mixed with irn bru or course. im not that hardcore. and it did the rounds. you should have seen the size of the waves. they were breaking really far out. i feel so ashamed that i bought some fries from burger king. i needed the toilet and was sucked in. then ben told me they fine you if you use the toilet without buying something. this has to be bullshit. so i just wish i hadnt bought them now. fuckers. i got some cds through the post this morning. a triple unkle promo cd album. its amazing. the slam soundtrack and the latest hellfish and producer cd. only heard one of their songs but it was hard as nails and dirty as dishwater. and it was cheap as. so. the djs at boutique rocked some fat ones. i dont think i really stopped dancing at all ..all night.. cept to go to the toilet. the difference between need and want is substantial. apparently. whatever. stanton warriors were well good. beat attack. we even had an interesting walk home. ben lost his kidneys in a bet. and then fell over running down alley. that was johns fault. we decided to take a shortcut down this alley and john did a knock door run. but it was a culdesac so everyone ran back and ben cut his knee to pieces. this was all terribly drunken student behvaiour. how embarresing. he tore a whole in his jeans. when we eventually got back he wouldnt let me sort it out. you should see his bed now. theres blood all over it. horses head stylee. or something. and i had the nicest fried egg sarnie from gut buster. that place is disgusting. anyway. i think that might do as an account of my night. interspersed with random comments about other shit. someones painted 'no to war' on the road at the end of our street. i wish people would stop campaigning against the war and start thinking more globally. wise up. campaign for your fucking freedom. the american government is the biggest terrorist organisation going. they have more weapons and they use them more often than anyone. i think iraq is entitled to have weapons while everyone else still does. with the amount of killing america does you fucking need them out there. else your history. global bullies. i think its disgusting that they talk about people being evil dictators and killing their people when really theyre no where near as bad. america kills its own people all the time. they just do it more subtly. for instance they have the worst pollution statistics. and they just love bombing people.. but only when theres something in it for them. and as for england.. well. i think the cracks in our so called democracy are starting to show. in one sense i kinda hope they do something a bit rash so people stand up and fuck some shit up. things have got to change. right? okay. one last comment about this shit before i shut up. they keep talking about taking lessons from history.. but fuck hitler. they should be looking at the roman empire. i should stop writing this shit because it is to complicated to talk about properly on this page. and when things arnt done properly ..i look bad. haha. what ive been trying to say is this.. the issue isnt the war. theres a far bigger picture here. theres a whole lot more at stake than the lives of innocent people in iraq. next time you see george bush ask him why they wont join the internation criminal court. and ask him why they want to rule the so bad. and why theyre in such a hurry to destroy it. oh.. and i was thinking (i know i said id shut up but nevermind) ..if iraq doesnt have big evil weapons then theres no need to bomb them right? and if they do then isnt it a pretty damn good reason not to? what pisses me of as well is that no matter what iraq does or say they just say its not good enough or theyre lying. wtf?
27.2.2003: i should be preparing for my presentation thats in ..what? i dunno.. very soon but i cant help talking abhout the current union elections. especially louise penman. here slogan is 'save the trees... vote louise' ..and this is printed on an a5 flyer and distributed everywhere ive been this morning. theres one by every computer in this lab. what the fuck was she thinking? id like to think that has lost her the election. but nevermind. im also happy cos i just read an interview with mark thomas where he said whether or not iraq has weapons or not doesnt matter. ysee.. this is what i was saying and everyone wrinkled their forehead. i dont see why they shouldnt have weapons when other countries like america has them. and lets be honest they exploit them way more than anyone else does.. this will be why theyre literally bullying people to be against the internation criminal court. top fuckers. as if people wouldnt notice tho? really? id hate to live in america with that on my conscious the whole time. i mean. its not like it would be my fault ..but it would if i wasnt doing anything about it. super powers are for assholes. obviously. so what else? i dont think i can carry on doing this page knowing that my parents read it. this is kinda pissing me off cos ..yknow.. its an awkward situation. i cant tell them not to read it. but because they do ..i dunnno there are things i write that i dont want them to read. i know its public and on the internet and everything. but your parents are a totally different issue. so what should i do? haha.. go friends only. i hate livejournal. i know its not really much different to what ive got going on here. but yknow.. yes it is. its the difference between home made cooking and mcdonalds. although less extreme. so yeah. i dont want to have to worry about what my parents read and have to not write certain stuff cos i know theyre gonna read it. so... hmm. its all a bit fucked now. i dunno. maybe its time to get my own webspace. this all sounds terribly selfish i know.. but its part of my ..umm.. i dunno. its part of something thats important what i need to do. and it does feel kinda ruined by that. i dunno again. still. other news just in.. adena are shitter than shit. no really. theyre new song is painfully bad. the worst song ive ever seen on kerrang tv. and that is really saying something. they even kinda sound like linkin park. and their singer looks like an asshole. and hes singing 'you cant kill me im immortal im not afraid to die'.. excuse me but what is the meaning of immortal again? and to have your video all mortal combat shit. talk about selling out. its the worst song ever. oh well. and how good looking is the singer out of the used? no fair what? hmmm. so i had a letter from birmingham reminding me theyre taking on research students and saying they hope im having fun at sussex but not too much to not want to come back. does that sound like an offer of a phd or what? i need to decide what i wanna do. hmm. oh btw my presentation went well. it was kinda fun and people actually found out stuff they didnt know already. it was quite cool how some people didnt really believe me about the mccollough effect till they tried it. and people well liked this one too. its messed up. but anyway. it lasted ages as well. which is always good. now ive just got to do my neural network matlab stuff. thats really hard.. and pick and start an adaptive systems project. and a simulation of adaptive behaviour essay. fuck. oh well. and then it started to rain.
25.2.2003: hey up. so over the weekend i did quite a lot of updates. almost none of which youll really notice. but ive now got more free space. ive sorted out the words page somewhat. now a more academic feeling to it. and why not? in the background ultrasound is playing somewhere. stay young. i also changed the page about me a little but not enough. i hate that page. kinda. i took down some of the wallpapers. they werent that good really. and i was making out like they were amazing or something. i dunno what that was about. it was a bit embarresing. anyway. although i really liked my old desktop (it had this wallpaper on it) i thought i should really change it. so i made a new one. here it is. i like it. but not as much. nevermind. change is always good. except when its bad.
it looks quite nice when youve got all the icons arranged nicely. i also changed some other stuff but its not worth mentioning at all. yknow the drummer out of the donnas has really good teeth. so on saturday i went into uni to get a book from the library for my presentation that isnt being prepared for fast enough at all. long sentence. then went into town and tried to meet up with the dudes but they werent answering their phone. although i found them anyway. we walked down the sea front to play crazy golf but it was closed. and we saw this guy in a car with a hose pipe going in through the window. i wanted to investigate but everyone else walked off. hung out in the arcades on the pier playing crap games. etc. it was okay. then on sunday me and ben met up with stuart for a pub dinner. it was really nice. yknow i listened to four complete songs while queueing in sainsburies yesterday? made a well nice mushroom thing tho. tasty as pie. we went the quiz and came joint second. however we lost the tie break question of tom jones birth date. we were less than twelve months away from what the other team said. but nevermind. i have more stuff to say but i cant really be bothered. haha. im a bit worried about what im doing next year now. cos it seems like everyone else is planning or probably moving out of brighton. this is nearly everyone i know. that seems kinda.. i dunno. anyway. gotta get ready for uni.
22.2.2003: starting to feel groggy. this is my own fault. lets be honest. so like yeah. yesterday was a good fun day. i felt fucking fantastic all day. sun was shining. it was like perfectly spring. zion train were just rocking my world. etc. had a reasonable seminar. i think i count a seminar as good if i spend the whole time thinking 'no man.. that is so dumb. how can you think that?'. i dont speak out enough. i should have done. we were talking about emergence and everyone was saying that for something to be emergent it needs to be sufficiently complex and needs to be observed ..this brings in some kind of level of intelligence on the observers behalf. and i was sitting there not saying how dumb that sounded. quote of the day "you have to have an observer to observe emergent behaviour"
like duh. of course if youre gonna observe something you need an observer. is that some kinda self obsession with having to be involved with everything? its such a human disease. fucking intellectuals. im not dissing my course mates here ..even tho it sounds like i am. i just dont really see the point. anyway. as i dont have better things to write about. it was a fine day. stuart is supposed to be down in brighton today so im hoping to see him. i gotta go the library actually. so yeah. i went out last night with the girls. it was sallys birthday. that feels like it should be written sallies. no one from my house really wanted to so i went on my own and met them in the font and ferkin. i really like that pub. although there was a guy playing really loud acoustic guitar. did some good songs mind. yeah. interesting night i guess. ellen told me theyd all seen my website and pulled a bit of a face. she said she wouldnt comment but then went on for a bit about it being a bit deep and more face pulling. i dont know what that means but its weird to think people see my random gibbering as deep. i dunno. if i knew more people read this id take more care in what i say. haha. this is probably true but id like to think it isnt. and becca made me switch my phone of but never really told me why. and i accidently told rosie that i like comics so theyre all gonna think im a geek now. talking about comics quickly. do i have to stress again how amazing automatic kafka is. just read the new one and it really makes the mind boggle. what a curious medium. we went to the zap. id never been before and i guess it was interesting. bit too rnb for me. i didnt really feel all that comfortable there. i dunno if its the people or what. but yknow. hey glass girl was there. but glass girl is no one. definately not worth wasting the word glass on. that sounds rude but nevermind. its not really. i should know cos i said it. so yeah. the big brovaz were there. or however you spell their fucking name. this was weird. it was. people kinda.. i dunno. weirdness. and then it just got really loud. kick it to em christina. it was fun hanging out tho. something i remembered about the pav tav. when we were getting money out this busker starting doing no woman no cry. or whatever its called. and aimee was singing along. it was a moment. gave my first begger some money in thanks for that moment. although i feel bad only giving when taking so much. hmmm? i got put off beggers in birmingham. i used to give out money to them but one day one moved his blanket and he had nothing but aerosol cans under there. thats not something i could really support. i know everyone needs their.. whats the word? i dont know. fill the blanks in yourself i cant do all the work. but killing yourself like that isnt worth my money. i know theyre not all like that. but once again. giving beggers money is treating the symptoms not the cause. that and sians cousin got knived on broad street after giving a begger some money. not by the begger or anything. but yknow. so had a nice moment on the beach when we came out of the club. walked to grubs and it hadnt really gone two but they were still shut. every damn time. its starting to really piss me off cos theyve always only just shut. fuckers. its obviously that people are just coming out of the clubs. their bosses would lynch them. me and emma then walked from the girls house to sainsburies where she then goes the other way. anyway. there were these kids (kids is the only word) fighting on the garage forecourt. between the pumps. fucking teenages is all. and he throws this guy on the crowd and kicks him the stomach. kicks him in the face. stomps on his head. anyway. all i was doing was keeping walking. what can you do? maybe seeing films like irreversible and living in birmingham with constant awareness of violence has turned me into this ..i dunno.. uncaring callous ..thing. emma kinda stopped walking and ..i dunno.. all i think is like.. getting involved will benefit no one. and then i think about these kids. they all look the same. its not like one lifestyle beating on another. theyre beating themselves. now i know this isnt a good way to think. it really is a bit like 'hey fuck them i hate them anyway. let them kill each other' ..but.. oh i dunno.. then all the way home i could hear ambulance sirens. i dont wanna presume they were related. the kid did get up and start walking off. id like to think the geezer in the petrol station called the police and what not. i was just pissed off cos i wanted to get some food. see how much i suck? i really have been nulled to violence. not true. i swear. if it was a girl getting beaten or between different people id care more. different people? what the fuck does that mean? im starting to hate the way im thinking right here. what i mean is that it was clearly a group of friends and two of them just had a bad thing. but hey.. what do i know? witnessing tv violence may give you a thicker skin but it doesnt give you a thicker mind. its everything else that has done that. on that rather unsure note.. i might call it a day. library time.
21.2.2003: wow its friday already. where to start. um. so yeah. i got some marks back for my term papers. i got 79% in programming techniques and 73% for my essay on episodic memory. chuffed as. believe me. um. i did some minor updates but theres no point shouting them out. except my page of london photos. added some other stuff around. boring. blah blah. i found some amazing links too. check out the visual thesaurus. cleary a replacement for dictionary.com. oh damn it. its so fucking gorgeous. god damn sexy webpages. and play-create. im not sure what that website is about exactly but it is lush. too lush. check out the butterflies and the christmas one especially. infact check them all out especially. no really. okay. so yeah. on monday we didnt go out. but we did stay in and get drunk. im sure we did something interesting. it seemed like a pretty good night. then on tuesday me tom and becca went down to the marina and saw the hours. really good flim. in the context of the film it kinda explains all of the recent occurances in my life. i know its just a film but i was really stunned by it. it was a kinda spookily accurate ..something. i dunno. things were definately said that made me feel like i really was supposed to have seen the film. oh that makes no sense. i get so pissed when i read peoples weblogs or shitty livejournals and they word everything so well and sound so pissy clever. but yeah. the hours is a well good film. brilliant infact. its not like.. i dunno.. im looking for answers or explanations to stuff or anything ..cos i really dont think i am. but it just said stuff yknow. anyway. this probably isnt making much sense to anyone. not that anyone reads this anyway. not like i really have to be careful what i say. haha. um. oh dear. then after the film i phoned ben and everyone had gone the gloucester. so obviously i had to go. actually i organised the trip but i thought it was just me and cliff who were gonna end up going.. and hence not go. but yeah. they played wayne g. ie "excuse me. do you fuck as well as you dance" wayne g. um. but yeah. everyone just seems so young yknow. and everyone left without me. me and cliff were dancing and they were like. right were going seeya later. then they played tatu. so go figure. anyway. remember the raggy dolls? another random point. seen the persil bill poster adverts? they say "buy more persil and donate to comic relief". excuse me.. but.. yknow. what the fuck is that?! thats verging on dictorial consumerism. infact it is. i couldnt believe it. what shits. but anyway. something else that pissed me off recently was one of my computer vision seminars. i dont know why but we were talking about stereograms. yknow. that magic eye shit. and the woman said that you had to focus in front of the page to see it right? which is technically right. but if you do that its inverted. to see them properly you have to focus behind the picture. i can prove this. if you put your finger between you and the page and see the picture properly you cant get the two images of your fingers to converge without putting them behind the picture. this is true. anyway. i tried to talk to her about it and she was having none of it. even though i tried to prove it. going crosseyed and all this arse. and i told her i was totally convinced that i was right and she was like. maybe some of them are different. then she talked to the whole group about them and completely ignored what i said. whats with that as well? heres where i get loads of emails telling me i was wrong about them. nah. i well like her though. i think shes well good in seminars. anyway. so on wednesday.. i dont know. what did i do? sat around being bored in nicolas room. the football was on. so yknow. i didnt wanna sit downstairs. it was kinda fun looking through her photos and stuff. then last night we went to the pav tav. and got drunk again. its sallys birthday tonight so were hitting the town. that means ill only have been sober one night this week. thats well bad. but hey. whatever. im all good. so yeah. the pav tav was pretty good again. especially considering its an indie night. i didnt even drink that much actually so its cool. had some well good conversations as well. it was cool. managed to spill aimees drink everywhere while making an effort to not spill it. and hit nicola in the face by accident. but everyones allowed to be a div every now and again. right? hmm. yeah. i got half an hour before i gotta leave. guess what just arrived? guess what just arrived!? super puzzle fighter 2! about time to. wicked. oh yeah. i was reading caoine.org the other day and emma was talking about it being a year since she started capitalising her sentences. this made me worry.. i looked at her archives and there it was. no caps. bad punctuation. it looked like this. and was really hard to read. and then all of sudden she fell. the shift key comes into play. do i have a similar fate? to increase the quality of my writing do i have to increase the quality of my punctuation? maybe shes right.. but maybe shes not. i dont know. i just dont know. is it time to compromise? these are thoughts i do not wish to have.. i just got blinded by the sun. and i had a dream last night i was in a transparent bath tub full of water but there was something on top of me and i was too ..i dunno.. not drunk. but something like that. too much that dream like state where you cant move your body properly cos your brain knows that youre really asleep and not moving. and i couldnt get above the surface of the water because i couldnt move this thing out of the way. like a plastic tub lid. tuperware (however you spell that). but big. like the phone in everlong. and it was nothing short of horrible. at least it wasnt the earth cracking in half. i still have the pleasure of that armageddon to come. now. lets party.
16.2.2003: oh yeah. if you want to read my essay on episodic memory in animals and shit then its here. ive decided i dont like it anymore. but ive handed it in so im not gonna bother trying to change it now. sticks tongue out. etc.
16.2.2003: sunday morning. feel kinda stiff. most importanly i won an ebay auction. fucking yay. so a nice copy of super puzzle fighter 2 is on its way to me. it was well good fun i must say. but anyway. i also saw the beach the other day. for the first time. was it any good? i dunno. i forgot already. it definately has a good 'ah fuck off' in it. but whatever. it was better than i was made out to think. i think. and i saw the truman show again last night. i actually really like that. it could be a little less cheesey. but then its kinda the point perhaps. i like what it says tho. and if you dont try and pick holes in it it stands up. haha. thats the dumbest thing ive said yet. so london. how was london? it was okay i guess. we had to get up before 7am and.. ugg. groan etc. then walk for five hours at the most frustrating pace. but it was okay. it was all good people. and the police were all well good. and the shops with toilets were dudes. my water bottle leaked on the way to the bus so my sandwhiches were all a bit soggy. and i had to ditch my arrow words book. bugger. by the way.. this is an amazing fact that i learnt off sians mum. do you know why we use butter? its to stop the filling soaking into the bread and making it soggy. genius. so people totally dont use butter properly anymore. theres no need to put butter on a sandwhich youre gonna eat straight away. learn with laurence. catchphrase. but yeah. two million people apparently. walking the streets of london. i took photos but its hard to get a sense of the mass of people without being above them. i tried to climb on this scafold thing but the fuckers had put slow dry paint on it so i got red hands now. haha. but it was crazy. just wish i had some better photos. i took 120megs of them. we kinda saw.. more like heard ms dynamite in hyde park. um. and actually bumped into people we know. how crazy is that? but the whole war thing has just been getting me angry recently. i disagree with too much of what people say. its like the western obsession with solving the problem by treating the symptoms. and people protesting against bombing iraq are doing exactly that. but then.. what else can they do? its like protesting when its too late. i mean. going round in circles trying to justify or explain what the last sentence meant. no bombs have been dropped ..kinda.. but the wheels are in motion. and the reason they want to go to war has been set already. that should have been addressed ages ago. the imperialistic shitness of america. people shouldnt only speak out when its getting a bit close to home. i do think a lot of people are anti starting a war just cos theyre scared of the consequences. but that makes me sound dumb as well. i think what makes me sound dumb is that i talk as i think. well on my turf anyway. theres two arguments that people have used as a reason to not protest tho. and they both piss me off so much. the first is that we dont really know anything about the situation (the pisses me off in itself cos its either saying that people dont pay attention to the news or that the news doesnt tell us what we need to know) and that the people in power do know whats going on and will act in our best interest. true or not. how the fuck can you presume such a thing? and its clearly not true in america.. just a quick flick through michael moores book shows that. and a protest against war is a global statement. not a local one. and then the other is that theres no point in protesting because it wont change anything. thats got two implications. the first is that your single voice makes no difference. which is rubbish. everyone needs to make a personal switch. if everyone thought like that wed be in a mess. for a start women wouldnt have the right to vote. and all the other shit. anyway. and the second is that even if everyone spoke out against something wed still be ignored. and that i disagree with. if 95% of the country turned round and made a stand against the government they could do nothing but give in. if enough people are passionate about a cause the system would grind to a halt. you dont even have to do anything. just stop everything. the country wouldnt survive long. the economy would collapse over night. and you cant wait until the election to vote in the other guys because its only every four years and what difference is it going to make? what the fuck changed when labour got elected? that really is showing my ignorance but its not like anything feels a whole lot different. people still have the same problems. anyway. ill shut up and let my photos do the talking. not that they say much. but nevermind. haha.
so. that bottomish photo is aimee matt and tom. i like that photo. then the other dude is obviously ben. so yeah. you can see in the photos that all the banners have got fucking logos and shit on them. that made me really angry. people using the march as a way to advertise. sponsering the protest. etc. makes me sick. and all the people walking through the crowds selling whistles and papers. fuck the socialist workers. etc. anyway. i was really happy that most people ripped the logos off their banners. that was top. makes you realise people do actually know what theyre doing. its just a bit depressing that no matter what the situation people find a way to capitalise on it. all the souvenir shops were selling stop the war tshirts. they werent that cheap. i was kinda hoping people would just steal them.. but these are good natured people. so yknow. it would serve them right tho. it really would. the whole sussex crew had made their own tshirts. that was cool. anyway. hope you liked my photos. ive got plenty more if anyones interested. i got quite a few four meg movies as well. im listening to radio1 (excuse apathy) and theyre swearing left right and centre. anyway. its really time for breakfast. at one. haha. but yeah. you seen the new sugarbabes video? its well good. well. kinda. its well good.
14.2.2003: i know its still only the morning but i do feel good today. really good. left the house in the cold sun. bit of dub. mouths of babes. identify. crazy radiohead remix. aimee gave me a happy valentines cup cake. it was the cutest. im a bit gutted i didnt take a photo of it. im a fool. it was well tasty. its good to have good friends yknow. but yeah. well see if anything can piss me off today. i never have rated valentines day. its not exactly subversive is it? indeed. ignore me talking arse. so yeah. im a bit worried about seeing glassjaw. i mean. i honestly think theyre more emotionally loaded than mogwai.like.. of course nothing can beat that gig. but still. i feel kinda dumb thinking this shit. and i hate to say it again.. this band is beyond good. its not even a situational thing.. when you first discover music theres always that band. or this band. the music then trancends everything and its always amazing.. cos its rooted in your youth. would i like belly if i heard them now for the first time? well yeah. blatantly. but i doubt id think they were as amazing. but this is beyond that. ill shut up about it some more. so london tomorrow.
13.2.2003: okay. fuck this computer. fuck this lab. i just wrote a massive news entry and clicked send and the fucking thing said the server was busy. and it erased everything id written. you fucker. argh. as if i wasnt in a bad enough mood already. why the hell am i in the biology computer lab anyway? i suppose i was trying to make my news page have a more.. i dunno.. um. dunno. less stuck in my room feel. i dont believe it just erased all that. i talked loads of shit as well. im waiting on my ebay auction. some guy outbid me a few hours ago. im gonna leave it right till the last few minutes to try and counter bid. i talked about all this already. and how tea girl was making me angry ..but shes gone now as well. she was using that computer over there. actually it was that other dude that was really making me angry. then i was talking about how popping gum really pisses people off. and i was also going on about mobile phones. people put them on silence and then leave them on the table. they dont seem to realise that the sound of a phone vibrating is equally as annoying as a ring. if not more so. it really fucks me off. especially in the library. why cant people switch the buzzer off as well? its cos this girl left the lab for a minute and left her phone behind but it starting ringing. it had the most irritating ring ever. no. not irritating but just sad. it was rubbish. and she wasnt even around to be embarresed by how shit it was. take note people. buzzers off. so ebay is now on 17 minutes. how long do i leave it? the guy has probably put a really high maximum bid anyway. so. fuck him. why am i in such a bad mood? and why do i feel the need to let everyone know what an asshole i am the whole time? i could keep it myself couldnt i? lets firebomb london. scratch bomb the system. balaclava and molotov. etc. ive just been feeling weird recently. but cant think of the word to describe it. so i wont. im definately over compensating tho. in a big way. i know this tho. so yknow. nothing. theres definately some inadequacy sloshing around somewhere. but i dont really wanna go into all that shit. especially since no one wants to hear it anyway. indeed. i still cant believe that my post got erased. that was the best post i ever wrote. shit ebay is on 13 minutes. eeek. lets do that guy over. i think ive finished my perceptron work. i need some old graphs that i didnt save but dont want to rewrite my program to be rubbish again. boring. i guess ill just have to recreate them later. or something. anyone wanna go to casablanca? its jazz band night. yay. pro-active. come on. were going to london on saturday. dont tell anyone. gotta get a coach that leaves at 8.30am. i mean. honestly. honestly. in bold and italics this time. why? too early. fuck the war yknow. its only dead people and shit. bit of violence and world destruction never hurt nobody. okay. there went ebay. guess what the result was? well i feel a bit better now anyway. cos i made the guy who outbit me pay loads more. hahaha.. this is evil but i know what his max bid on another auction was cos on the bid history the same person kept going up and up until it was over his. that was evil wasnt it? oh well. serves him right. or something.. whatever. now to start bidding on the next copy of the game. and to like.. totally stop writing shit.
12.2.2003: so. today i took my first little steps into the world of ebay. ebay is fucking evil. i really didnt want to get an account ..but.. but yeah. weve been playing a lot of bust a move 4 in our house. big hit all round.. and i keep telling people about super puzzle fighter 2. how amazing it is. anyway. i found out that it was actually released on the playstation but its really rare and you cant get it anywhere. except on ebay. so yeah. off i go and i start my bidding. put something in. outbid. raise it by a quid. outbid. kept doing this till i was top bidder. easy right? well kinda but im still not sure what my actually bid is. so whatever. and theres no booklet with the one im bidding for. theres one with a book but at the time the bid was higher and i figured more people would bid on that. whatever. i dont really get ebay yet. anyway. hopefully helen daniels or whoever it was wont outbid me in the next 19 hours. yes. so what else have i done today. getting bullied into doing something for valentines. i dont think so. i really dont. ive only been single like.. i dunno. not long. as if. anyway.. had a nice bagel in town. bought the zwan album and its got a mamba dvd with it. got the massive attack album. its slick but not as evil as mezzanine. could it ever have been better than mezzanine? i doubt it. i got an arsonists album really cheap as well. went past the most expensive chocolate shop and thought.. hey lets go in. what i fool. spent the most money ive ever spent on the smallest amount of chocolate. but fuck me the ginger and chilli white chocolate is good. culture shock indeed. top shit. orange and cardemon bars. sheesh. save that till next time i go in. we all bought a truffle thing each. bannana fritter. like. banana infused congac in the darkest chocolate youd ever witness. they do a bar called gorilla. yum. hardcore. good shopping trip. still feel behind on my reading. i keep having horrible dreams. need to get to bed earlier. the beach is on now. should i watch it? oh may as well. whatever.
11.2.2003: i just found this out.. cos i was curious. the population of america is only four and half times bigger than that of the uk. is that weird? i dunno. anyway. what did i do saturday night? we actually managed to get into the event. for people who dont know its the nasty big club in town that you have to wear shoes trousers and shirt to get in. which we kinda had none of. it was okay tho.. we went cos loads of nicolas friends came down for some girls birthday. blah blah. but it was better than nothing. the night just ended in arguments about war. so. humph. id love to go into it but wont. i had another dream about the apocalpyse the other night. thats three quite recently. and i think theyre kinda interesting ..each one has revolved around a different element. fire water air etc.. this one was kinda horrible actually. the others have just been the event but this one was all build up as well. everyone was standing on the beach as the skies turned black and shit. all these boats in the water. no one believed it was gonna happen but me cos id had a premonition about it. i was just running around crying cos everyone was being a fucker. anyway. i was sure i had loads of interesting things to say. looks not. ho hum.
8.2.2003: that was a quick week non? just started listening to the new asian dub foundation album. for a quick history.. i loved their first album. fucking fantastic. could kinda get off on the second album but havnt really listened to it that much. yknow. didnt even check out the last two cds. just didnt seem that good yknow. but anyway. im on track four and so far every song has been killer. its like adrian sherwood edobrien sinead a go go. its like raver dub. yeah. genius. so yeah. anyway. ive been scribbling stuff down all week cos of stuff i want to write down. um. i watched the program about the new korn video. yknow. they had a competition to get the writer/director of it. i kinda liked the guy who did it tho.. although i didnt think the video was all that great. oh well. probably just the song actually. its really dull. so the other day while making my pasta sauce i stuck a spoonfull of gone off mascarpone in my mouth. i couldnt get the taste out of my mouth. and i couldnt get the smell of poppers out my nose. this is kinda metaphorical. obviously. wasnt there still. but i could kinda sense it yknow. hmmm. hear about the fire on the other brighton pier? the show of balance in this world scares me sometimes. it really does. my whole week has been karma yinyang and jazz. on to the jazz. lets have a dance shall we. actually. not yet. so mid week. okay tuesday. i wanted to go out. like you do on tuesday. managed to convince dudes to go to the escape. but enthusiasm was kinda.. trickling slowly away. missed busses etc. so lux drives us down and we wanna check out the burning pier to. it had gone out. but i did take some photos of the tv when it was on the news just in case. thats called using your noggin right? the nog. anyway.
i was bored so messed it up. sorry. means nothing. when we got there no one wanted to go. so we got back in the car and drove home. rubbish. so. inspired by that book group program that ive never actually watched.. we started talking about books. we found out that there isnt a single book that we have all read. this is me ben and tom. is that weird? i dunno. i just wrote written instead of read. dumb. hmmm. what about this one?
fuck knows why i got it in a window. oh well. so yeah. what else. too much. twice this week the bridge tea room had sold out of spuds. and on both occasions i really really wanted one as well. so anyway. back to the jazz. we went to the casablanca on thursday. me aimee lux and nick. plus james and cliff. the photos will be funny. so we were doing tequila rounds. i think i worked out i had at least eight tequilas but i suspect it may be more like ten. its just not funny when people keep coming back to your table arms piled high with shot glasses. i mean. yeah it is funny. but.. yknow. shit. the band that played were amazing tho. just. rhythms. sheesh. so yeah. did i say that automatic kafka is one of the most intelligent comics ever. its just too damn good. so yeah. theyre doing a ghost in the shell series. check it. niceness. so i was walking into uni the other day and there was a really nice smell of cauliflower. weird or what. did i say that armada is a really nice word. and. um. what pisses me off about falling asleep in lectures is that you sleep in realtime. you dont wake up and its all over. you wake up and no minutes have passed. its horrible. but yeah. casablanca. was weird. oh man. and aimee was really drunk and went up to this girl who works there and asked if her friend could have her number cos he really likes her. i mean.. sheesh. and check out these dudes. psyop. theyve done some amazing adverts. check out the volkswagon once. and i have no idea what this is but its a well nice looking page. i need to update my links page. do i have designshock anyone? save me the time of looking? no? oh well. whatever. and heres another fun website. here. yeah. i just knocked this up.
i got some designstudios from design shock. you gotta buy the book to get them. or be one of my best friends. haha. but yeah. theres programs to make wallpapers and flyers and cd covers. ive spent ages messing about with them. so i made that by merging some results and fucking around. another shout out to the shitness of yahoo on their image uploading. exploiting away. yay. anyway. enough.
3.2.2003: so. last night i saw two films. and yes i still managed to finish my essay. and i just got it in. on time. no less. we went to the cinema to see irreversible. i dont know why. anyway. there are only two words to describe this film. fucking horrible. but i am glad i saw.. cos if i hadnt.. well i wouldnt have seen it. yknow. the french are too good at making films. theres a scary realism ..that.. i dunno.. so yeah. its got the most crazy camera work in any film ive ever seen. and its backwards as well. sigh. pretty much starts with some guy getting hit by a fire extinguisher repeatedly in the face ..hes just lying on the ground with this guy pummeling him. its horrible. all these people standing around. one of them was even masturbating. and he keeps hitting him with this extinguisher till theres no face left.. just this mess right. how the fuck they did that i dont know cos it looked amazing. thats not even the most horrible part of the film. if i havnt put you off enough theres a ten minute rape scene. at least ten minutes. this is kinda what the films about.. so many people got up and walked out at the point. fucking horrible. anyway. so its like. time destroys all things. and it ends with this strobing white light shit and its really loud. then it just kinda stops. and they switch the lights on and draw the curtains. and everyones sitting in the cinema like.. what the fuck? it was so quiet. all these people not really knowing to do or feel. he definately succeded in making a film that made you feel fucking weird afterwards. didnt really know what to do. is that powerful or just stupid? i dont know. i cant think of many people who i wouldnt strongly recommend in not seeing this film. haha. i cant say i enjoyed it. but it was ..i dunno.. so yeah. then we got back and freaks was on. now i always wanted to see this film. its black and white and made in like.. 1932.. and its amazing. i cant really explain it. you just wouldnt get a film made like that nowadays. i think my faviourite dude in it is the torso guy who walks on his hands. he is more than amazing. and he moves so fast.. its like.. shit man. its really hard to believe they didnt really use any special effects and stuff. i think its a must see film. yes. and its only an hour long.. so you have no excuse. but yeah. im waiting for my neural networks lecture. yawn. then i can get a baked potato with cheese and beans. although tea girl just sorted me out with a well good samosa. it was amazing. not such a great breakfast. but whatever. does anyone wanna go on ebay and bid for some of ashley woods stuff? hes auctioning a load of his own originals. the guy is a dude. true. ummm. yeah. so ..i cant really remember what i did over summer. i remember leaving birmingham. that day was horrible. but it seems like *so* long ago. then there was glastonbury and the big chill.. but before or after that? hmm? i remember going to the walkabout a lot. was that all over summer? and driving lessons i suppose. i dunno. musta done something. i guess ill just have to scroll down this page sometime ey? its sunny outside. im running out of things to say. blah blah blah. etc. whatever.
2.2.2003: i just thought. there may be some of you who dont know that senser have an mp3 up on their website. yeah man. so its the last day to finish my term paper on episodic memory. and guess what? ive got a cold. okay. not full blown cold. but still. its there. what an ass is that? weird day yesterday tho. well it wasnt that weird.. but still. worked all day. although didnt get much work done. well i i kinda did. i didnt get too many words done but i started a lot of paragraphs and reworded badly worded stuff. i completed halo. that last bit is actually quite good. um. im really getting into making my own pasta sauce. its really just ripping off bens past sauce but adding mascarpone peppers and mushrooms. its the full fat soft cheese that really does it tho. am i supposed to be on a diet? hmm. gonna go swimming with tom this week. definately. so yeah. then i went round the girls house. nearly went to the freebutt to see meanwhile back in communist russia but it was too busy. i left ben and tom there. the girls house is always fun tho. surreal moments. them all sitting round singing atomic kitten while rosie plays it on guitar. and sings as well. thats kinda impressive. we played uno. which i was rubbish at cos i can never remember to say uno. but i seemed to eat an awful lot of their food. thats quite embaressing. and they were getting me to match them up to guys they fancied. from photos and stuff. yknow. like the old mastermind logic board game thing. hmmm. this isnt that interesting is it? sorry. well it was a fun night anyway.
1.2.2003: i want an atr remix of tatu. cmon hanin. fuck some shit up. anyone want to see senser on febuary 21st in london?