news [archive 09]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word

13.12.2003: because i missed halloween i thought i should make more of an effort to make my website more festive. no really. so in a big shout-out to sigur ros.. let the fallout rain down on london. you didnt expect smiling elves did you? actually while im on the topic. does anyone want to start a 'get santa back in green campaign'?

can you imagine anything more scary than michael jackson dressed up as santa claus?

i dont believe it took me this long to start using trillian. its a beautiful piece of software. and i never have to look at aim or icq ever again. you all should get it. i still havnt seen anyone on msn messenger. anyone actually using it?

and this is priceless. dirty swastika lovin' microsoft. and while im stealing links from other peoples blogs.. will someone please confirm that the lesbian phonecall thing is not for real. please?

11.12.2003: i have made a conscious decision (too many c's and s's in to get mixed up there) to go see more films at the
duke of yorks. it looks like thursday is my night. i just saw 'noi albinoi'. its so art-house i couldnt find a link for it. so hurray for another beautiful icelandic film. i loved it. it was so outside. you dont really get better scenery than this in a film. no matter how much budget a film has. and yet it had an awkward claustrophobic touch too. i really liked that. i dont think many films manage to pull off such a magnificent contradiction. the characters were nicely perfectly flawed. and it was damn funny. especially the blood scene. haha. no really.

random link time. although this colour thing isnt actually that useful it is damn pretty. and for some weird reason i really like the idea of selling art in cigarette dispensers.

10.12.2003: im feeling quite down today. here is why.. a sad story for you. back home in rugby we have the nicest neighbour. im not sure about the exact details but she found out a number of years back that she was adopted. after much searching she eventually tracked down her real mum who was now living in new york (or perhaps boston i cant remember). for christmas the whole family (they're catholics so go figure) are going to boston for christmas and then to new york for new years. this is a big surprise for the kids (so they better not be reading this). the plan was to meet up with her mum who she has never met. i dont even know ive theyve spoken on the phone. thats pretty big exciting stuff by anyone's standards. and then the other day my neighbour was contacted by relatives and was told that her mum had just died. just a matter of weeks before she was going to meet her.

so today im being sad for her.

not to end on a downer. here are some links for you. i found a site that mirrors webpages. for instead check out that crazy shit. if you 'right click view source' this page you can see how to use it. it mirrors images and everything. look at the amazing job it does of visual orgasm and diesel sweeties.

also. someone has now done a search engine for archive the web. its far more than interesting. heres a link for all the previous incarnations of my website. im a little disappointed it missed out my minimalist phase and still has the awful first site design. its embarrassing. i know for a fact it didnt look that bad for quite so long. but hey whatever. haha.

and hello to you if this is the first time youve visited my site. corey seems to be throwing a nice amount of traffic my way. this wasnt supposed to look like a blog but nevermind. it happens to the best of us.

(reminder: tell jo that evolutionary art has less artistic value than a spirograph)

9.12.2003: i want one of these graffiti bikes. oh the potential. although it probably feels like your riding over cobble stones. nice for a quick getaway anyhow.

i love gram parsons.

do your own research.

so yesterday i took £300 out of the atm at sainsburys (get it right). it just seemed wrong and rather stupid. rent was due on the weekend (well when you pay every four weeks rather than monthly how am i supposed to keep up? honestly now). we also got our gas bill. and our electric bill. the phone bill. the tv license. oh.. and the tv and internet line rental. how much money do i not have?

so when my phone woke me up this morning it was like really dark. i was so knackered. so tired infact that it took me a whole ten minutes to realise it wasnt actually 7am. it was half one and i had just been woken up by a text message. sigh. its a mad world.

7.12.2003: holy shit. corey has got his 3d tube map on the guardian website. he also comes up second if you search for 'tube map' on google. that is top top shit.

7.12.2003: since my routine has been totally altered due to work i found myself watching teen titans while eating my breakfast this morning. who would have thought it would have been so much fun? my favourite character is definately raven. shes a total cross between shelia (that link is awful by the way) from dungeons and dragons (yknow.. the one everyone fancied) and daria. or something. and isnt jinx just the best bad guy (or rather girl) ever? and the theme tune is amazing. go puffy amiyumi.

why the hell am i writing about cartoons? when am i ever gonna grow up..

now to bitch about muse a little bit. ive actually really liked their last spate of singles. or rather ive liked the riffage. and then i realised that ive probably always kind of liked their tunes. ive just never wanted to. this is why it please me so much to be able to dis them now. i was on-and-off watching them live on mtv the other night. they did stockholm syndrome last and now they must surely retitle it to stockholm crank. just as theyre supposed to finish the song and piss off backstage they go into what can only be described as a blatant rip off of silvercrank (from the end of viewphoria). billy would turn in his grave. it was worst than when milkill did it (okay it wasnt but still).

a smashing pumpkins theme is appearing. i just noticed that they use the siamese dream font on the teen titans website. and im listening to the aeroplane flies high. my favourite pumpkins release by far. there is just something about all those bsides that i love so much. and the 'handbag' is fantastic. im gonna have to get out my dvd and watch silvercrank now.

a quick round up of some good flash stuff. i have no idea what this crap is. but its kinda cool. also this one. you also have to check out catman and catman2. especially you corey. ive only seen a few. the second series looks amazing. i saw the wind one. yum for style. and for the darkest shockwave stuff ive ever seen try wefail. its slick. just check out that ed209 stuff. sheesh.

6.12.2003: i love the people in this lil virtual snowglobe. isnt it just irresistible? so i went shopping for clothes. or more specifically jeans. i failed rather miserably. i actually went in lots of shops today. nice shops and bad shops. cool shops and 'trendy' shops. when i actually found jeans i felt i could wear they never had my size. what is a boy to do? probably go shopping at nasty nip. i love that little shop. and i have wanted a gloomy bear for ages (infact ever since i first saw one on caoine). the shop is also prefect for secret santa. so i spend money.


so now im sitting in on my own feeling pretty sorry for myself. i wont go as far to say deeply miserable or painfully lonely. but still. not to go on..

something i noticed that i thought was kinda funny (although no one else will). i dunno how big the news is that google just changed its ranking algorithm and totally fucked over loads of business websites just before christmas. but theres all kinds of theories being thrown around the various news groups. the more cynical people think it relates to their adwords and have stung all comercial sites so that more people click their sponsered ads and they make more money. if that is what theyve done then theyre going under. but anyway.. its easy to see the effect the change has had because if you include a -blahblah in the search then it uses the old algorithm. you can play with this at scroogle. while playing around i noticed if you search for 'car insurance' the top ranking site is now owned by a company that sells segway insurance (previously quite far from the top). one of the main people who invested in google (about $25million) was kleiner perkins. the same kleiner perkins who invested in segway. they also invested shit loads into amazon. you might have also noticed that google results are now teeming with amazon pages. yeah its a coincidence but it doesnt look good does it? haha.

and all this time i have been spelling sainburys 'sainsburies'. what a crying shame.

5.12.2003: i think the only solution is to write while at work. what? like i want to mess around on the internet after being at work. sheesh. its too cold to enjoy my lunch breaks properly anyway. i spent yesterdays in the staff room watching the sea. it was beautiful yesterday. just a big mirror of the sky. jesus rays. i guess i could spend my time better than chasing the jesus rays. but still. i enjoy it. i had a lot of thinking to do. and that went nowhere.

the palestine night was a blast. the music was brilliant and the food was fantastic. pretty good for my first visit to the hot house. there were some real fun dancers too. unfortunately all it did was make me really depressed. like. deeply sad. like giving in to the frustratingly almost-hopeless situation. id give up but what have i got to give up to? like i said before. you never know.. so once again it was a big no show. laurence left feeling somewhat like the most lonely guy around. even surrounded by such good friends. its a real crap yknow? (oh my eloquence). there is just no direction to go in. its all made worse by how damn nervous i was just before we got there. i mean get a grip. honestly. i felt like i was gonna be sick.

forgetting that. we went to the cinema and saw 'la chignon d'olga'. its really not that amazing. but i loved it. maybe im just a sucker for french films. but i enjoyed it far more than i thought i would have done if someone had described it to me in advance (which they didnt). what an awkward sentence. it was a simple story told simply. but with a real warmth thats hard to explain in any other words. i really respect films that let their characters relax a little. i suppose with simple stories you can afford to have longer scenes with extra staring and gazing. haha. the characters are all so adorable as well. which is why i felt a little weird finding out that one of them was in 'trouble every day' being raped and eaten. at least im presuming she gets eaten.. considering its about sex and cannibalism and all (cue vincent gallo eating women after he had sex with them). bless. wasnt she just the cutest? anyway. for such a straight forward and predictable film i really liked it. its got some proper funny scenes as well. so like.. go and see it. but dont expect big 'wowness'. deal?

after we went to the druids. we havnt been to that pub in ages. it was dead nice. and not cos the staff are so friendly either. i mean.. table service for your beer? thats brilliant. its weird that im starting to enjoy a guiness. whatever.

but once again laurence is getting frustrated at not being able to say what he wants and get whats needed off his chest. not many of my friends could quite realise the amount of hate that i currently have to go around. im just waiting for the right things to be said to dish it out. ive surprised myself at the bitterness of my mental tongue. if you want a taste then email me and ask unpolitely.

if 'happy xmas (war is over)' goes to number one i am going to kill every fucking person in this country. one by one if i have to. and im going to fucking enjoy it too. dont buy it for your children because if you do the only present theyll be getting on christmas day is dead parents. dont bother telling me i just crossed a line because i havnt even started. let the culling songs begin.

3.12.2003: today i worked out how to play my first melt banana song.

today i also learnt that google only counts pages of page rank 4 or higher in its backwards link search.

today i ate a grubbs on the way home and still beat anna to our street.

tonight i am going to the hot house.

and in non-old diary speak.. the
front page of the argus today was dedicated to cracking down on taggers. now i hate tags more than most people. because they take up space were decent graffiti could be. but this is so not the way to go about it. theyve just made 14 taggers immensely happy by featuring their tags in the local paper. three of them made the front page. i would be so chuffed if that was me. id definately be encouraged to do more tags in the hope of making the papers again. and whats worse of all is that they didnt feature the best tagger of all - 'orsan'. that tag is everywhere. word to your mom.

2.12.2003: as i expected being at work all day and using the internet has made me vaguely (have you noticed that and 'mildly' seem to be my two new favourite words?) apathetic about writing here. but onwards..

work is fun. well.. we all know its not. but it is okay. although it is only my second day. its a nice office environment (emphasis on the nice and not the office) and the people who i work with are nice as pie. im not too happy about the secret santa but nevermind. its mostly all good. just lots of learning so far.

i fucking hate the new look of hotmail. sort it out. i know i said this last time and ended up liking it.. but no way this time.

other things ive learnt at work. i used to love google. i now hate it. the devious and evilness at work. check out google watch. weve been fooled this whole time. as if were gonna stop using it though. thats a big 'we'.

anyway. all the stuff ive been learning about search engines and crazy things you do. i managed to find some really funny links. the funniest is indie record labels who have 'sombre playground records' listed. hahahahaha. oh how i laughed. laughed and laughed til i was sick. then i found the homepage of psykocide. how the hell did i find them? well it turns out marco is playing bass for them and there was a link to the regress website. so thats what marco is up to. regress also had a link from the harpies. best of all though is i found my first blog link. it was (rather irritatingly) not listed on google but alltheweb. google only gives me jo's page. sigh. but yeah. dirty dio bachs web fun linked me. even weirder though is that the guy is called david lloyd. the same as the guy i hung out with on my course and also a guy i bought 'super street fighter ii turbo' off. they are everywhere. anyway. just cos its the only one that turns up it doesnt mean its the only one. also. corey's site doesnt show up any links. which is dumb because if you search for 'recenda' this is one of the top links. you seen that corey? that is some impressive shit. i bet you wished you hadnt titled it 'doodle oodle noodle' now. haha. it goes back to what? november 15th? hmmm. i wish the 'link:' thing on google was a bit better. maybe google ignores links from blogs because they change so much. hmm? who knows. anyway. using the link popularity checker on the seo toolkit website it says corey has a total 761 links from websits on alltheweb and 135 from sites on msn. that is impressive. my site gets 13 and 10. just more techy crap.. you can view the 761 websites that link you here.

blah blah pizza blah.

you mean i have to do this another three days? and then all next week as well?! tell you what though. my office is right next to a grubbs. so thats what im having for dinner tomorrow.

30.11.2003: just to be really dull ive been doing more semi-invisible updates. ive added comments to a lot of the photos. mainly the ones of me and the misc ones. and also the misc ones on this page. i felt they needed captions and explanations. so there you go.

crap. it just started raining.

in other news. ive decided to leave my link to michael moore's website. i was tempted to take it down because his website was one big advert with no worthwhile content what so ever ("buy my book buy my dvd"). but its beginning to become vaguely active. i was very happy that he posted this. he's eventually responded to all the criticism directed at 'bowling for columbine'. he should have done it ages ago but still.. its restored my faith in him somewhat. he shouldnt be discredited just for being popular and actually making money from 'rebellion'. he is still fighting the good fight after all. and getting out to the masses doesnt necessarily stop him from being 'hardcore'. indeed.

michael moore on the boondocks: "how on earth can the most truthful thing in the newspaper be the comics?". and in a similar vein, grant morrison on transmetropolitan: "warren ellis is writing our lives and you'd better listen. forget newspapers, they'll only lie to you". which is very similar to what richard kadrey said: "even through the stories it tells are fiction - it will never lie to you". but i guess why i like it is summed up by this: "if hunter thompson tried to write neuromancer on a month-long vegas crack binge, he'd probably end up with something like transmetropolitan".

29.11.2003: yeah. my thoughts entirely. why must people draw dirty pictures of characters from digimon? crazy messed up people you.

29.11.2003: its not that i couldnt be bothered to write. its just that i havnt done anything worth shouting about. beware of the mundane. theres something not cool about going out for a walk up the hill (or two) just to get out of the house (and that the route goes past some girl's house). there have been some beautiful sunsets. there is also something very uncool about using a box of nurofen as bookmark. too much this? too much that? not enough daylight? photo from hill fun:


but i did go into town. mainly because if i stayed at home i was definately not getting any nearer to achieving my 'goals'. i rediscovered that i still cant buy clothes while shopping alone. worse than that is that i cant even go into clothes shops on my own. its not that i feel uncomfortable browsing clothes. its the hate mist that seeps from my pores in the presence of 'fashion'. just looking at a top shop makes the people around me come out in nasty rashes.

i saw some girl in town who liked like some other girl and nearly ate my own head. this has to be gotten under control or else.. well. i dont want to end up like stan "there's a girl that like.."

like i said last time ("everyone to the escape") me and aimee went to the escape. it was more fun than id imagine going a club in a group of two would be. i nearly almost asked kinney girl for a light. i thought about it for five seconds too long. i just couldnt get into it yknow. not after the sainsburies episode last monday. me and laks also went swimming. which is interesting because there was a blind woman swimming. i thought that was pretty amazing. i have no idea how she managed to swim in a straight line but it was well cool.

spider jerusalem makes me want to be a journalist. ive been thinking this for quite a while.

boring3d rocks.

this guy is more obsessed with barcodes than me.

its wrong to use segways for evil.

25.11.2003: everyone to the escape tonight. be there.

about that lost prophets song (yes again). i said the riff was a cross between that incubus song and some other song i couldnt put my finger on. well i realised what it is. its 'mother mary' by far. i swear if you cut the twos riffs in half and paste them together in wav player you get 'burn burn' or whatever the fuck its called. you heard it here first.

and yes i do hate that band so much as to still be going on about.

24.11.2003: so im guessing today was supposed to be my lucky day. everything was going to go as smooth as a ducks arse. it was my one chance of redemption for last months 'antics'. the whole stage was set and intricately planned. you would not believe the amount of effort such an operation must require. the wheels had been set in motion days before. all those tiny coincidences layed out decades ago. birthdays and interviews and driving lessons. the need for sweet and sour sauce to go with the tofu pieces. it was perfect. nothing could go wrong. nothing. apart from that split second decision where laurence decided to pay by card instead of cash. the crumbled five pound note would have taken two or three attempts to register. he would have then been five maybe ten seconds later walking through the automatic doors. moments before stepping onto the descending travelator he would have noticed the girl that had spent the last month tearing giant holes in his dreams with meaningless italian words. she would be walking off the ascending travelator at the perfect moment. they would have shared 'hellos' and embarresed smiles. he would have said something really dumb and she wouldnt have cared at all. theyd moan about it being so cold. then he would ask what she was doing later. if she maybe wanted to like go do ..something. sometime. maybe? and then he would spend the next ten minutes repeating her phone number over and over in his head so as not to forget it. 'happy ever after' isnt the right phrase, but its the first phrase that comes to mind.

oh. hi, by the way. my name is laurence and ive had a very mixed up day.

im going to be head-butting myself for days. i didnt even pointedly turn around and stare at her in some hope she'd be checking to see if i was looking back. i was too busy squishing my face up in utter frustration at the hopelessness of the situation. when they play back the security tapes they will be able to see the exact moment my brain fell into my feet. why the hell did i not look back? anyway. im going to try and forget about this in order to write about what i was originally planning on writing when i got back from sainsburies.

just to get whats been bugging me out of the way.. if this was tv id be advising you to press record. now. how dare they copyright the mod symbol? you corporate fuckers. i think america should have paid the £5.5 million it cost us to increase security for the least popular man on the planet. hanging american flags upside down and writing 'bush go home' in people on the floor of tate modern has nothing to do with the american people. we love you. we really do (note this doesnt include all the idiots. but dont worry because we have them too). you are not your flag. your government is an anus. michael jackson. enough said.

i went home. i bought lots of trousers from birmingham. i just dont like the new shopping centre. and i especially hate selfridges. there is something terribly wrong about paying people to be cool and look beautiful in your department store. enough with the b-boys already. and it has the worst layout. imagine what shopping in sainsburies (oh shut up) would be like if they reorganised the food in brand/producer alphabetical order. i hope selfridges goes bust.

oh. and i start my job on monday. i get a salary and everything. its in an office but there arent cubes and they having music playing. there is no strict dress code. the people are very friendly. its forty minutes walk from home. i was ecstatic. so much so that it took me a whole hour to realise that i now only have twenty weekdays free a year. the next two years of my life are tied up in a job with less than a months escape to see the world. and then just as im planning to take a year off ill get some promotion and then ill be forty and world-less.

im trying to decide which is my favourite chuck palahniuk book. so ive begun reading them again. starting with 'invisible monsters'. the first chapter is pure brilliance. why not stop by your local book shop and read it? its only short. here are my favourite quotes in order of appearance:

"Another thing is no matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close".

"Even bigger than the house being on fire is this huge expectation that I have to say the three most worn-out words you'll find in any script. Just the words make me feel like I'm severly fingering myself. They're just words is all. Powerless. Vocabulary. Dialogue".

"We've been speaking English as a second language so long that we've forgotten it as our first".

well that didnt sell it at all. nevermind.

19.11.2003: i should never have gone to that stupid palestine night at the gloucester. all it did was give me some dirty glimmer of hope. perhaps its my own fault for letting my imagination get so carried away. but still.. its plain mean to dangle such things right infront of my face. and then watch me pathetically chase it around for nothing. whats worse is that im still doing it and refusing to forget about it ..because you never know.

is it true that hope was the last thing that came out of pandora's box? or is that just something a miserable bastard made up for idiots like me to quote on their website?

in the dream i had last night she told me that she was actually at that gig. she saw me and tried to get my attention but i was too busy looking around and didnt notice. something about the wood and the trees. maybe she really was trying to tell me something.

anyway. me laks and christine (would you believe i accidently called her christina? she wasnt much happy) went to snide at the escape. it was well good fun. although it was just girls girls and more girls. sigh. christine said she hated this one particular song (its a classic though like) and only because it was on some mobile phone advert and she'd heard it a million times. so i told her to think outside of the box but she didnt get it. and then laks tried to get arrested on the way home. she started by trying to break into a coach and woke the driver up. gee whiz.

anyway. im off to rugby for a few days so dont anyone expect to hear from me (except corey obviously).

18.11.2003: so i eventually caught the end of the second digimon season. how wonderfully climatic. what i liked most was malomyotismon's (oh come on you all must have seen that coming a mile off) knee pads. they were little piedmon faces. i thought that was a really nice touch. my only problem is that it was a little 'deus ex machina' ..getting sucked into a world where your wishes came true so their digimon could divide into all of their different evolutions. it was crazy seeing two imperialdramons standing next to paildramon, stingmon, exveemon, raidramon and flamedramon (if i spelt all of those right i deserve a biscuit). and the very end was terribly cheesey. showing them all grown up with kids that look just like them. and i cant believe yolei and ken got it on. sheesh. i didnt like how it was all so final either. i never liked the characters in the third season that much (they all look the damn same). they should have kept it going with the old characters in the background like they did before. hey whatever. its only a dumb cartoon anyway.

do i really say 'really' too much?

ive done a minor update on my
evoart page. ive put up links to the paper i just submitted and made it easier to download the java class files and my original dissertation. you also get to see me use caps. eek.

17.11.2003: here's a sinister story for you. last night i went out on my bike and happened to see the pied piper. it was down by beach outside the large swimming baths in hove. he was staring eagerly through the steamy window at the children inside. playing away some awful tune on his pipe. by his side was some kind of bike decorated in fairy lights. all lit up. its true i swear. and its the scariest things ive seen for months.

i really hate stealing links from other peoples blogs but this is a classic. its the true danger of your child reading the harry potter books. the book reviews are especially good. here is my favourite excerpt:

"Do you realize Rowling has just made the creator of the Sorcerer's Stone 666 years old? Do you realize what this means? Since the number, '666', is a symbol of Antichrist and his Mark of the Beast [Revelation 13:18] and since Rowling ties this number to the Elixir of Life, Harry Potter is teaching children that the way to achieve eternal life [Elixir of Life] is to obey the Antichrist and take his Mark of the Beast!"

and it goes on like that for pages and pages. you better read it. if you dont then how will you know how to protect yourself from sinning. the evil will consume you. etc..

my external hard drive is on the blink. this is really worrying. i hate being on the verge of losing 25gigs of mp3, video and pirate software. eek. time for an egg muffin maybe.

16.11.2003: i am loving autumn. ive never been a big believer in autumn. the summer starts fading away and then its winter all of a sudden. almost like its the name given to when you have summer days mixed in with winter days. but not this year. its a real autumn. theres a cold sun in the sky and you can barely see the pavement for leaves. i cant really help but kick big piles of leaves. i think its because running through leaves was one of the first things i noticed that kids do (and really enjoy) and grown-ups dont. like the opposite of drinking tea (hence why it took me so long start drinking it). but i kinda refuse to let the child die. everyone should kick leaves. i feel sorry for the 'grown-ups' who give you dirty looks and moan about making a mess. or littering of all things.

so about that harry potter trailer that i stumbled across at a stupid time last night (or rather this morning). its got me quite excited about the film (is it really not out until june 4th?) im in love with the triple decker bus. you cant see many of the new characters which is a little disappointing. and i dont want to judge the new dumbledore too quickly. its got to be a real hard role to replace. im a bit curious to whether thats a new draco malfoy or whether he has just lost weight? he looks a lot more suited to role now either way. at first i thought sirius looked like a cross between jim rose and james hetfield. but then he looked a little bit like a rough neil gaiman (but dont know one tell him i said that. it was just his eyes and hair). but then i realised it was gary oldman. what a genius cast. as for the rest of it ..the scenery looks totally awesome. all those big stones and little huts. and the dementors are just fucking scary. enough said. it looks like alfonso cuarón did a pretty good job (or is doing a pretty good job since its not out for another seven months).

16.11.2003: if youre quick you can download a trailer for the next harry potter film from here. just scroll down below the weird story about the girl selling herself as a fake girlfriend on ebay. excitement.

15.11.2003: who would have thought receiving (almost) random packages from australia could be so exciting? so big thanks to ashley wood. wooh. look what i got:



what? like naked cyborg chicks with guns and killer samurai robots? sheesh. apart from this.. today has been very boring. i have cleaned up all the wax and only managed to burn the carpet a little. just dont tell bill. if anyone has any 'led soundsystem' i would love some mp3s. it would appear noone on kazaa has. bunch of useless. so nevermind. i missed digimon today so it better have been season three. digital channels have the worst schedules. they are so confusing. can someone please sort it out? and better information on the 'i' button would be nice as well. if it could tell you what series and episode was playing it would be just superb (or spiffing right?). i ate far too early today and now im just bored. ho hum.

i was talking to john in my room and he started messing around with my linus figure. he wouldnt stop. then laks comes in and starts squeaking my spooky doll. like its a toy or something. ive told her before not to and that ill kick her out my room if she does. so rather predictably john starts squeaking the poor thing really loudly. i get my knife out and drive them away. i have to barricade myself in with my drawers and draw the curtains. lights off. ive been sitting in the dark for about an hour now. why cant people just fucking learn to not fuck with the stuff in my room. i dont think they understand quite how fucked off i get and dont take me at all seriously. even with a knive in my hand threatening to shit in their beads.

i dont think im quite conveying the image of myself that i want to. somehow. haha.

15.11.2003: and this boys and girls is why we dont leave candles unattended



i was only out of the room five damn minutes. the fucker. dont tell bill.

and at least when hundred reasons played on top of the pops they played completely live. lost prophets you gosh darn fakers. go fuck some (and you thought i was gonna sheep). i know this doesnt make sense but ive had some hard wax clearing up to do. and ive bitched about this already.

id also like to congratulate my news page for being 200 pages long. its now over one hundred and sixty eight thousand words. that is a lot of babble.

14.11.2003: so i was just having a mini text conversation with sian. she was trying to be clever by pointing out i said 'excepted' instead of 'accepted'. you try writing in notepad at ungodly hours without making silly mistakes. and yes i did change it. so the next text i get off her is "i have to go cut up a dogs head now xxx". im not sure if i was suppose to laugh quite so much. but i feel a little dissapointed in myself for finding something so disturbing so funny. haha.

what i wanted to talk about was digimon. citv never showed the final eight episodes of the second season. im presuming its possibly because its just death death and more death. they could be some of the best episodes ever. the moment blackwargreymon appeared half-way through all you wanted to see was a wargreymon show down. but before agumon got enough power blackwargreymon was off into some other dimension. i felt let down. but this is why it was so amazing when the episode yesterday was called 'the duel of the wargreymons'. it was worth the wait. the other day i was watching it with someone (i forget who) and someone was gonna get destroyed and they were like "oh as if. noone ever dies in these cartoons". i cant believe the current death toll. and then in third season. its all about death. poor leomon.

14.11.2003: i do like a bit of corporate motherfucking. a guy called ken did a pretty comprehensive review of the second matrix film and now hes done one for revolutions. it explains why they had to make a crap film. fair enough. i was trying to work out why i was bothering to give it a link and then i realised its nice that someone with actual intelligence and knowledge about this shit is commenting on the film. i was just happy to not read the usual ooze of stupidity. but then yknow.. i do have a choice about what i read. its my fault.

ive been thinking about this. should i talk about and include a link to a paysite? hmmm? especially given its 'trendy' internet status. hmmm? so like.. why not. youre all open minded people right? so suicide girls. i mean with a name like that.. but they never seem to use the word 'porn'.. rather an "adult community for people outside of mainstream culture". it seems so moral and cool. gee whiz. but why im talking about it is this (thats pretty much work friendly btw. but dont trust me or anything). its a brilliant archive of interviews. too many cool people to list. chuck palahniuk twice. sam kieth. william gibson. sleater kinney. dandy warhols. even diesel sweeties. more i cant be bothered to link. flaming lips. dj spooky. jim rose. jhonen vasquez. neil gaiman. its gonna take me hours to read through all of them. how amazingly refreshing.

so check out this other comic by rstevens. its the fifth panel that did it for me. now i thought youd get crucified for something like that in america. haha. but then i read his lj about poop and was shocked at finding photos of a cat with poop hanging from its butt by tinsel. now dieselsweeties makes much more sense.

13.11.2003: i was going to be giving my opinion about the shocking amount of websites dedicated to explaining the best and least painful ways to kill yourself. but then this morning i found out that a guy i used to know back in birmingham commited suicide. it just wouldnt have been at all appropriate. and then someone who didnt even know him sent a message to the mailing list asking "why would he want to kill himself?". its thoughtless and ignorant remarks like that which make me refrain from commenting further. because what the hell do i know anyway?

when i was younger i was convinced that the world would make more sense the older i became. or perhaps i have that to look forward to.

at least i talked to sian anyway. which was actually kind of nice.

12.11.2003: so me and laks decide to go to the beach. we walk out of our front door and one of our neighbours are playing sugarbabes really loud. it sounds a bit weird. then we notice camera flashes inside their front room. its like.. woah. the sugarbabes are playing in the lounge of a house opposite ours. we walk past really slow and can just see them. its the weirdest thing ever. someones living room. so we wait around talking to our neighbour molly. her favourite band is busted but she likes sugarbabes good enough. after a while they come out and we have a brief chat. it was very weird. photo evidence:



i did an awful lot of website updates today. i almost guarantee you wont notice any of them. it was mostly reorganise files and links so my current site stands up without the old one in the background. kinda like dos with windows95 (oh shut up). the news archive has been improved a lot. hopefully. and lots of stylesheet action.

11.11.2003: how do people like/hate the background image? i thought id slot it in and see how it looked for a bit. its only at the top afterall. i was thinking about having it fixed (so scrolling doesnt effect it) but im not sure. or making it light or darker? its hard to tell on my monitor. i really like it on the image menu pages. maybe i could take it off the news page. id like some feedback because i feel it might be a little annoying. cheers.

i swear this is the funniest online cartoon strip i have ever read. im not sure about the whole series but that one made me laugh like an ass for a good.. i dunno.. thirty seconds. and no its totally not work friendly. haha. gabe and tycho. im kinda confused about that whole website though. its very.. erm. yeah. anyway.

also check out the credentials of tom muller. hes done everything from sigur ros to ashley wood. sheesh.

10.11.2003: so its been a crazy weekend. a busy weekend even. im sure youve noticed that ive been applying for jobs (or job even) and maybe even that i had an interview. well that was today. but more on that in a minute. i received an email from my old supervisor at birmingham the other day. he suggested we submit a paper to the 2nd european workshop on evolutionary art and music. so we worked away all weekend and came up with this. its basically my dissertation boiled down and touched up. im really happy with it though and am totally psyched about submitting a paper. i find out if its accepted round the 19th december. so you all better cross your fingers again.

my job interview. i put in so much research you would not believe. i read all of those leaflets. this was my first interview. and for a job id actually really like. so i wanted to make the best of it i could. now when it says in the booklet that you should go down and check out where the building is before hand it really means it. else you might find out that its not actually where you thought it was. for instance.. they might not be in the office block that you were so convinced they occupied. the road they are on might actually be two different roads with the same name, one in brighton and one in hove. these roads might even join together in the middle to seemingly create a single road. hence there may happen to be two number 65s along this apparent single road. however unlikely this seems you never know.

of all the mean tricks you could pull. all i can say is im very grateful for the taxi man that actually stopped and had a vague idea where i was supposed to be going. it was my best spent three pounds all week (although only until i buy myself that curry later). i couldnt believe how stupid i had been. it would have been so easy to check as well. that taxi man saved my day from total disaster. i could never have walked there in time. and i didnt even know where 'there' was. its not a hard mistake to make though apparently. the man in the sony shop said they get problems with it all the time. time to write a letter to the council.

oh yeah the interview. it went really well. i wasnt nervous at all. infact i quite enjoyed it. the staff there were so nice. so you can all rest assured that i didnt mess it up. now all i need is for there to be no one else they prefer. i smiled and had a firm handshake. commented on the nice biscuits (actually that was an in-joke but nevermind). i even got a cup of tea. the html test was fun too. although im a little worried that the guy didnt save my .css file when he put it on disk. itll be obvious. and he saw it was all good anyway. not a worry.

all this good news ey? interviews and papers and such. keep crossing your fingers. please?

9.11.2003: ive been promising a few photos for a while. so to continue the cut-out and collect series here they are. i havnt decided how im going to arrange these on the site yet. at the moment you have to search for them in the archives. im tempted to leave it like that but it seems mildly counter productive. although it would still be easier than buying them with bubble gum. think about that.













8.11.2003: so for mainly coreys benefit i have a new strategy for archiving this page. im going to try and do it often. it makes yes? i guess will we see.

i just stuck up a few photos for cally to show her mum but i figure anyone can 'enjoy' them if you so wish. theyre right here. i have no idea how long im going to leave them there but i will sort some of them out properly at some point. i did promise photos from the party after all.

our pumpkin has been left in the living room since halloween. now for some fucked up reason i cant quite grasp it was once more left up to me to sort it out. i didnt even want a pissing pumpkin (okay i did but whatever). i also sorted out all the recycling stuff that people hadnt done properly. milk cartons not rinsed out and squashed. ditto with the tins. i guess i should be vaguely grateful that people arnt recycling our waste properly else i would have had an uncopeable (is that even a word?) amount to sort out. so moldey pumpkin plus gone of milk nearly made me chuck. vile. but honestly.. we even pay to have stuff recycled now and people just cant be bothered to do it. its simple. anything that can be recycled goes into the plastic bag and muggins or muggins (iain) sorts it out later. i sometimes wonder if people actually read the instructions or dont bother.

i just cant get the smell of pumpkin out of my nose.

7.11.2003: so i saw the matrix. i feel a little dirty because it was only the second day of release. but then you have to remember that some of us have nothing to do all day. if you feel a bit precious about seeing it and dont want me to spoil it then dont worry im not going to. and anyway i couldnt spoil it anymore if i tried. what a crock of shit. i swear it was worse than kill bill (more on this in a minute). dont get me wrong it did have some really good scenes. or rather i should use the word 'fun'. but it also had far too many awful scenes. you know the ones i mean. and it was one of the worst paced films i have ever seen. the fight scenes were dull. especially the dragonball wannabe affair at the end. they missed out on so many opportunities. you see what they should have done is have them grow into giant japanese style godzilla characters and go rampaging through the city throwing buildings at each other. now that would have been fun. fuck the pseudo-intellectual bullshit. someone said that if anyone doesnt think this film is amazing its because they didnt understand the previous two. geek out snobbery. all that 'clever' stuff i just so damn passe. apart from that the script is abismal. i would have been laughing all the way through except i was too dumbstruck at the terrible lines. and as for answering all the questions from reloaded.. it totally failed. apart from "how can they fuck this up?". i really hope i dont change my mind if i ever bother watching it again.

about kill bill.. i dont understand how everyone i know thinks it was so amazing. there is just no substance. the other tarantino movies were criticised for being too violent but it didnt matter because they were really dense. involved characters and brilliant dialogue. niether of which kill bill has. its like tarantino sacrificed his best traits and produced a film that would have simply died at birth had he released it instead of resevoir dogs. i just didnt care for the characters at all. and the plot is just nothing. the quality of the actually filming just doesnt make up for it in anyway shape or form. a turd that looks like chocolate and has the nicest damn wrapper still tastes like shit. and i refuse to judge the two films as one.

bonfire night was fun. the london lot came down and everyone had a good laugh up the hill. the number of fireworks going off over brighton was crazy. it makes me kinda sad when you think about how much money people must spend. at least were celebrating something decent.. the attempted destruction of the houses of parliment. we need more holidays dedicated to our historical anarchists. yay for the gun powder plot. we had a few rockets and some guy walking his dog gave me a banger. then we met some people who had made their own fireworks. that was a bit mad. the whole night turned into a whisky haze after that.

anyway.. this is not brushing up on my html.

5.11.2003: bang bang whee etc. so i eventually got my marks back. i averaged something like 66%. obviously it would have been nice to get a distinction but lets not forget all those fun sunny days i had a few months back. its still a damn respectable mark. there were just too many damn losers in my class for me to get a distinction. you should have seen their obscene projects. im just happy that i did something new. it just got stupidly convoluted towards the end but i still managed to do good. i was only 5% off a dintinction on the thesis. i did it for fun and had fun. so go me.

on a more relevant note ive managed to get myself a job interview on monday. so be thinking of me at 11am (gmt) when i do my html manual coding test (what thats going to involve i have no idea) and twenty minutes later when i have my actual interview. remember.. i do actually want this job. mantras all round yall.

now. i believe were heading off up the hill.

4.11.2003: today i feel like a sack of left over vegetables and meat substitute. except i didnt wake up cold and in the fridge. instead of the usual mope and self pity i cleaned my room and sorted my pile of job related papers. time for becoming mildly more active. although i have zero urge to answer questions such as "why do you want to work for us?", "what will you bring to our company?" and "tell us about yourself". i know thats not a question but it has the same feeling of terror and stupidity. they may as well say something like "okay just tell us all the 'tried and tested' answers to the 'tried and tested' questions were going to ask you and repeat the crap on your cv. do it with a smile and act confident". oh i had meaning when i started writing this but i got bored and lost my point. nevermind. all that job business just gave me a headache. or rather made it a little bit more noticable.

on a lighter note. corey finished his
3d tube map again. so go check it out. its funky with a ph. or something.

i also saw 'kill bill' the other day. i only went to see it because on all the posters it looks like it says milkill (okay thats not necessarily true). i enjoyed it but i dont think its amazing. yeah it had some style and the soundtrack was brilliant (go rza). i just couldnt feel any substance there. and because im in two minds about it i feel obliged to not judge it till ive seen the second film. which i dont like at all. if a movie needs two films to make it complete then it should just be a double length film. or thats possibly stupid. its not like theres even that much content. just edit it down. sheesh. but anyway. the scene with the guys head in the door just reminded me of irreversible and how good that actually was. probably the best film i could never recommend to anyone. i read a few reviews of it. something i didnt do when i saw it. needless to say there are some terrible reviews. thats no doubt the worse review i have ever read. the guy is a fool and ruins any sensible comment he made (oh actually there werent any) by his 'loaded-generation' final paragraph. and there are far too many reviews that compare it to 'memento' and 'betrayal'. which is a shame because its barely ripping them off. the reversing of events has a completely different effect from those films. and the reasons behind it are different also. in memento its about the plot and the discovery of blah blah blah. i think with irreversible it works on more of an emotional level. the violence is seperated from the 'why'. its all out of context. something i didnt like about kill bill was that it felt okay that she was going around killing people because they deserved it (feel free to correct me there). i dont even really care much for what the film is trying to say (yknow all that "time destroys everything" crap). what i like is the way that he managed to upset the cinema going experience so well. having the whole film backwards completely destroys the usual discourse of seeing a movie. after the films content and the ubrupt ending everyone is left sitting in silence not knowing what the hell theyre are supposed to do. the lights are on in the cinema and its so quiet. thats something you cant just achieve by pushing boundaries. there are plenty of video nasties out there that just dont have the same emotional effect. im think im babbling and not really making my point so im going to stop. its one of those days.

harry said 'fourteen' in italian and its been bugging me ever since.

3.11.2003: happy birthday laks!

2.11.2003: ive had a pretty active weekend. i guess it started saturday with our stillborn party. it turned into me and cally dancing in my room to halloweenie party tunes. like 'secret vampires' and ghostbusters. it just wasnt going to happen. so me and cally decided to go out and find a party. luckily enough some guy who had been at our party the other week invited harry to a party and we went to that. christine and james got back from their free whatever (where james saw holly valentine [sic]) to come with us. on the way christine kept jumping out infront of cars in her devils outfit. it was so funny. dont do it at home kids. um. but anyway. if you know brighton you may know that hanover crescent is proper posh. i had to go into the kitchen to open my beer over the sink because i would have died if id spilt any on the floor. the girl whose house it was gave us punch as soon as we arrived. it was so nice. the hall had a huge cone thing in the ceiling with a sun light. and the was a bizarre door next to the living room door which had no 'otherside'. there is something i cant explain. it was locked and behind it (in the living room) was just a wall. i asked corin (whose house it was) about it and they had never opened it. it could have gone anywhere. then i stole two tea bags.

the next day wasnt going to go anywhere. but luckily corey phoned up and he was in london. so i got showered and dressed asap and caught the train to london bridge. yay for corey. so we went to tate modern and tate britain. you have to go tate modern. like when i told you to go before and see anish kapoor. the weather project is properly impressive. its like the end of the world again (am i obssessed? or is it everyone else? who knows). ill let the photos talk instead of me:



the turbine hall is massive as it is. but now its effectively doubled in size. i guess i like the unilever installations because of the sheer size of them. i just cant comprehend things that big. its a real struggle. thats something the photographs dont real portray that well. the other thing i like about this one is that the other people really make the piece. if the room was completely void of people then it would be amazingly eerie (something id love to see). but everyone standing around staring at the 'apocalypse' (id like to say 'in awe' but who knows) is vaguely unsettling. but then the orange glow is really comforting. its something you have to witness yourself. failing that there is a unilever website. there are some really good panoramic javascript photo things. especially of the juan munoz piece. everything i heard about the bill viola installation was true too. it was fantastic. these two sites have some good photos. on the second link you want the top five images. i wish i could visit gasometer. it must be awesome.

so when i got back i went straight from the station to louises flat for the second stillborn house party of the weekend. i was going to go home to bed but recieved a call from ollie regarding a halloween party. so i was off again. its weird how last year i didnt make that many new friends and now im meeting loads of people i should have met last year. he lives with a few people who i shared modules with etc. anyway. i ended up having a huge whooping chain around my neck leash style. more eyeliner. the ghost of the previous nights was still visible. spooky. or something. we met up with alex and grilly (both dressed as pythagoreans - with net curtains. haha). and on to another amazing house party. with a cooler than cool underground lounge and spare 'disco' room. bring on the hip hop fool. there were pots of nibbles and one of them contained cigars. haha. i wasnt expecting to see anyone in particular there (dont get excited) but it turns out that nearly everyone from the previous house party at alex and grillys was there. i say nearly because there was no molko girl. i wasnt disappointed because i didnt think for a minute she would be there. couldnt help but feel a little bit sad though. it was a quality party though. i could really get used to this gate crashing thing. when i got back home james was passed out on the sofa and there was a large red mass in the middle of the floor with two little feet poking out. thatd be christine.

this morning i noticed that she had scribbled all over her door in permanent marker. a weird star type doodle and 'dickhead' in the worst handwriting ever. clearly the funniest thing ive seen all week. shes been trying to clean it off for the last hour before darren notices it. when she got in she was dancing around on the cardboard outside her room and doing whatever whatever. darren came out really angry and bent her pitch fork. i wish i had witnessed it. oh the comedy.

31.10.2003: happy halloween everyone. i was gonna do something halloweenie to my website but decided not to bother. instead i did more applets. a little funky space invaders thingy with snow inspired by sigur ros (love). i actually had great fun programming today. its nice to get back into the kinda geeky creative process that i used to be so good at. the code is terrible but i dont care. it looks like how i wanted it to. yay. im going to put in an explosion animation but lets save that for another day ey?

i just got a text message from joe rooney. havnt heard from him in ages. i love it when you randomly hear from old friends.

30.10.2003: oh and another thing. i did another new applet titlegraphic today. click here for star-paint fun. etc. just drag the mouse around. and yeah i know its pretty much the same as the last one but i kinda like it. and no the buttons dont do anything. but if you make anything nice chuck us print-screen will you? cheers and smiles.

30.10.2003: yesterday felt weird. and i blame it all on the dream i had. it tainted my whole day and just made me feel awkward. needless to say the details are not required. you either know what i mean or you dont. im really fed up of dreams having such a strong effect on my mood. i used to be rid of them by the time i was showered. anyway. the story continues with this in mind.

i was still spaced out for my driving lesson and dont think i did myself any justice. i just wasnt paying enough attention. i just dont like cars. there are so many reasons not to but more on this later. john is happy with my progress anyway. then i found out that mogwai have pulled out of their gig tonight. which was bad timing cos i was getting ready to go and see hundred reasons. and on my own as well. again. its not something i want to get used to. i get there just in time to catch the last two songs of 'funeral for a friend'. the dome is a good venue. and walking in to see them totally playing out the end of the world was one of those perfect warm fuzzy moments. i hate to say it but they actually sounded better than hundred reasons. i dont especially want to like them but i cant help it. they have the all consuming sound down perfectly. like the nicest and longest kick in the face. i now have love for this band. then cue some standing around on my own. i never really liked 'cooper temple clause' much but martin does. apparently they sound like what milkill would have (although id have my bets on 'the music'). maybe if we had a singer with an irritating voice but nevermind. theyve actually got some decent songs. i love the two guys on either side of the stage. for some songs they make the best noises and beats. almost bjork-esque. so for those i was the only person dancing. and then theyd play some song and everyone would jump around and id just stand there. hundred reasons were pretty much predictable. which is a shame because i was hoping for them to have taken a bit more of a crunchier direction. see 'funeral for a friend'. um. power emo? haha. although ill tell you what.. the new single rocks seven bells when youre not laughing at the video. its good loud. and it was 'nice' to see zane lowe. or something. hes like a hero for the new youth. or something. but the whole evening was a little odd on my behalf. this has nothing to do with the mass of kids or the vile smell of young girl sweat. ewww. im sure gigs were different when i was young. and you see that just made me feel old. but then..

some things just dont feel right without you.

so going back to not liking cars. my dad managed to spin his lotus off the road yesterday. i only found out this morning (even though i spoke to him on the phone last night about my search engin analyst cv). i would say he crashed it but apparently there isnt a scratch on it. one of the back wheels needs attention but thats all. i guess its lucky the car missed lamp posts, trees and ditches. cos that would really have ruined my haloween. in a sense im glad it happened. because now he's hopefully learnt a lesson without getting hurt. some people arent as lucky. so drive safely y'all.

29.10.2003: so ive eventually sorted out a few bits of site code ive been meaning to do for ages. the random graphic to the side is now picked as a htm file by index.htm rather than a graphic by the old titlegraphic.htm. weirdly unenough it now doesnt give you a new graphic when you hit refresh. at least not in my browser. before everyone starts thinking im being stupid its worth pointing out that it currently always loads lovely brighton beach on purpose. i also did a new graphic and this one features an applet. yes i was bored. i spent all morning trying to get my own applets working in my browser. for over a year now any compiled java refused to work (i wont go into the crappy microsoft vs sun reasons behind this). i think it works but i bodged it by forcing the applet to be run by my own vm instead of explorer. so how about you check it out and let me know if it works your end. cheers.

it didnt take me long to read 'life after god'. it was good but nowhere near the excellence of 'girlfriend in a coma'. im having a break from these books before lullaby so ive started reading authenticity by david boyle. can you guess why i picked it up? haha. but honestly.. im hoping it will explain to me in a more sensical manner than i can explain to myself the real reactionary feelings i have to ..well.. almost everything. haha. after various arguments about old literature and shakespeare im borrowing some popular classics (oh you gotta laugh) from harry. im starting with 'a tale of two cities'. ive got to start somewhere. and i honestly dont think it will make me like shakespear any more.. but it may make me appreciate a whole new area of books previously pigeon-holed as dull. now since im making an effort so must you. its time to read survivor, invisible monsters and choke. now availble in sexy new covers. wink wink.

and just to gloat a little bit. ive always loved the design on the visual orgasm site. i mean look at it. its lush. theyve got all the trendy code going on and stuff. theyve even got a shop. but i just noticed that my popup windows for graphics are better than theirs. i spent ages working out how to have a popup that doesnt create a new window if one is already open and is the right size for the image. looks like they failed on that one. close but no biscuit. oh well. infact i dont think ive seen anyone else who has done it like me. maybe ive done it a bad way. at least it works. check them out tho.

28.10.2003: i think i have finally finished my search marketing cv. please give it a read and either give me some tips for improvements or give me a job. cheers.

so the sick and twisted underbelly of our society. ive always been a strong believer that the majority of it is based purely in the media. what banksy said but more so. this also makes me thing of the perverted justice website. thats a whole other kettle of fish im not about to go into. you can make your own mind up about that site im sure. so when cally comes back from work everyday (some classy legal business) with stories of the sick phone calls she recieves it makes me quite ..i dont know. confused i suppose. she had one guy phone up and comment on her boyfriend that she met with at lunch and went with down the beach. excuse me but isnt that stalking? isnt it obscenely creepy? especially since it was actually me. then today a guy phoned up and asked her if she would participate in a naturist survey. i suppose she has a certain phone etiquette she has to comply with. so he starts asking more and more disturbing questions and she can hear him being 'lewd' at the other end of the phone. i mean honestly. i guess its a sick sad world afterall.

and while im talking about the sick sad world. i hate rotten.com as much as the next person but an odd perusal of the boners section often results in some wonderous photographs. for instance this scary as bull photo. this horrible but funny (well i laughed anyway) kitty photo. and this superb mcdonalds photo. i want to print it out and stick it over all the adverts in town. those photos are all 'work safe' if you were feeling a little timid at clicking them. haha.

so for various obvious reasons ive been thinking about dates recently (not that obvious so dont get all excited for me). and especially the kind of things you are and arent supposed to talk about during said date. it seems that the weather rates pretty high up on the list of 'donts'. i actually read an article with real statistics (laugh for me here) where talking about the weather was voted worse than talking about ex-girlfriends. this all makes me really sad because i genuinely love the weather. it is such an amazing thing and has such a huge effect on everything. especially my mood. apparently its an english thing. maybe this is because we have the best weather. or because we simple have weather. anyway. ive been meaning to moan about this for a while but was reminded today by the new exhibition at the tate modern - the weather project. its part of their unilever series (stuff that fills the huge turbine hall) and i really want to see it. the anish kapoor installation was nothing short of awesome. i also feel the need to see 'five angels for the millenium' by bill viola. it sounds pretty amazing too. theres some good but tiny photos here. now who am i gonna get to go with me and when. sheesh. any offers?

27.10.2003: so why do i write this page? is it some egotistical process where i feel everyone must hear about what i had for breakfast and why certain bands or films are rubbish? i dont think so. i hate quoting trendy authors but this really works for me:

"the two of us will be in a bit of shock, me more than julie, over the nature of memories - of how they're all sorted in the brain somewhere, but how they can get lost of simply misfiled or god only knows what. had julie not sat there and coached me through the memories of that night, i would have gone to the grave without ever having remembered what was in fact a magical night in my life. and so what would have been the point of having lived that night at all?"

douglas coupland - life after god

hmmm? so this makes me think of two things i should say. the first is that "why dont i just write a diary and keep it to myself?". because i wouldnt. give it a few weeks or maybe even months and id just forget. miss a week or two and its all too easy to just let it slip completely. im kept on my toes like this. and the other thing.. really magical nights should always have a profound effect on you. at least on some level. so possibly forgetting them doesnt matter, because you were changed by them in a way that you are still carrying. possibly.

either way i forgot to water my basil plant over the weekend and its looking unhappy with me. it will be okay. do not worry.

27.10.2003: monday again. i guess this week i will hear whether ive got an interview for the job i applied for. if i dont its going to seriously dent my confidence because i dont think i could have done a better application. this job is so ideal. i havnt really found any others that are even slightly as suitable. im also hoping that this week ill finally get my marks back for my
thesis. eventually finding out whether i made that distinction or not. im not getting my hopes up but it would be nice to know i did okay.

so on friday i went and hung out with ollie and people. spent a good five hours around their house chatting and chilling and doing dinner and stuff. it was really nice to talk and hang with new people. or rather different people. we then went to a 'gig'. its in inverted commas because it was more like a house party you had to pay to get in. apparently they couldnt get a real venue. it made for a good night though. the living room was empty of funiture and had two large speakers against one wall with a guy sitting between them surrounded by laptops (spitting out all kinds of amazing beats and noises) while he played away at a sitar. the rooms was full of people. sitting around cross legged. leaning against the wall. bobbing around to the music. etc. i wish id had my camera because it was really surreal. must learn to stop forgetting to take it out. but anyway. i had my first go on a sitar and it was amazing. i never realised how they work before. they must be the hardest instrument to tune ever.

i was also introduced to the genius that is 'pitman'. coal miner rapping. one of the best and funniest random albums ive heard for ages. and no it wasnt just the expensive wine.

i like reading on the toilet. i get the feeling that its something thats frowned upon. but nevermind. you know on the backs of books there are quotes to the effect of "this book is really good". one of these on the back of the book i just got from amazon is off amazon (co.uk to be specific). i thought this was weird. i mean. it could have been written by anyone. anyone want to start a competition to see who can get the most quotes on the backs of books?

ive noticed that i can only do anything even mildly creative when im supposed to be doing something else. like it takes an imminent essay deadline for me to play around in psp. its strange how when i have 'nothing' to do i waste my time. yet when i have real work i mess around with fun stuff. maybe its just a coincidence that i dont really feel like doing it now. or maybe its just that when im working im properly using my brain and get loads of ideas. and now im just getting mildly stagnant and cant even remember my favourite colours. who knows.

just to go back on what i said at the start of the last post.. i watched the first two matrix films over the weekend (i also watched space jam. this is what happens when youre feeling unwell). im now actually kinda looking forward to the third film. and i honestly dont think ill be disappointed. no matter how it turns out itll be okay. unless they do something really stupid with the plot. ive even been avoiding all the trailers because by the time i saw the last film at the cinema nothing was new at all. but dont get me wrong im not really that bothered. but what was i saying? oh yeah. the second film wasnt at all conclusive enough to be good on its own. but it does a good job of setting up a lot of characters and plot. ive never liked 'empire strikes back' as much as everyone else seems to. as if its the best film. it just joins the other two together in a really.. i dunno. linear way or something. oh okay. to be honest i probably like reloaded because afterwards i always get to explain stuff to other people about what was going on and what different stuff meant and that makes me feel clever. now piss off. i know thats arrogant but i dont care. people keep saying its really confusing. but its not. although it is weird how theres a lot of dialogue that is total filler and a few throw away lines that really hint at whats going on. man its not even important enough for me to be talking about it at all. im just hoping theres going to be some red in the next film. like when theyre in the matrix its green. and in zion its all blue. some other worldy red would be lush. im not going to get my hopes up though.

now i really hate myself for talking about that. haha.

23.10.2003: so the other night (oh actually dont bother reading this paragraph because its gonna be befuzzled) i was talking to some people (two girls but that doesnt matter) about something important or other. i was probably venting my disgust at something disgusting. and i swear.. as soon as i said the word "system" they said something like 'now youre just sounding like the matrix'. i couldnt believe it. theres something very wrong there. and that is why i hate that film.

i said a while back im rereading count zero. something about it doesnt seem that cool but im not sure what. so i decided to read it again anyway. and im quite surprised at how similar some of its premises are to pattern recognition. both have a woman searching for the unknown creator of a series of strange pieces of art. maybe cayce should have been called marlee or something. whatever.

did i say how much i liked the new thursday album? oh nevermind. or that the first word of the old poppies song 'wake up time to die' is acutally "glassjaw". weird.

22.10.2003: so no one noticed that ive had my dates wrong for the last two months. nevermind. at least youre all paying attention. oh wait. im messed up my sarcasm. whatever. its everyone elses fault. etc. or something. whatever.

i went to the gloucester last night. it was okay. any club where you can get a quadruple vodka and cranberry (pint) for £3.40 is just wrong. but anyway. i was talking to the dj about his crazy computer set up (he doesnt use records or cds) and found out he has all his music as wavs. i couldnt believe it. he carts 80 gigs around with him. i actually think he said 800 but thats just stupid.

another petty thing that i really dislike. people leaving the tap running when they brush their teeth. is it a big deal about wasting water? i dont know. but what irritates me is when i go to use the tap to do my teeth and water is freezing cold and it hurts like a fucker.

i hate david blaine. that was the worst program i have ever had this displeasure to have on in the same room as me. i hope he ....... and we never have to see his patronising face again. well done for undermining every hunger striker with a real cause. and he said he didnt do it for money or fame. for his next trick hes going to nail himself onto a cross and change his name by depole to jesus. just you watch.

20.10.2003: so now ive got kazaa i thought id try and download the fourth part of the digimon movie. alas all you get when you search for digimon is hentai. ack. what weirdos makes all this digimon porn? its freaky. i was also thinking about socks. all my socks are kinda the same but some newer than others. i dont bother pairing them because theres little difference between them. however if i get two out together ill tend to put the newer one on my right foot. is that weird? i only mention it because i put the nice sock on the left foot this morning and my right foot felt kinda weird in its sock. in the end i had to swap them around. now youre right it is weird.

20.10.2003: you wouldnt believe how uneventfull my weekend was ..and i had such high hopes as well. i would feel better had it gone either way but it didnt. i spent all saturday thinking too much and eventually got myself into the best state of mind. but all for nothing. a great big no show. to be honest it was what i was expecting. but i cant say im not awfully disppointed. and now im left not knowing what to do next. im not really comfortable with anyones suggestions. much to everyones cries of 'you are such an idiot'. on sunday i did nothing. i couldnt even be bothered to feel sorry for myself. this has all come from no where. i am a class act. i know her name but she still gets a 'girl alias'. and i still dont understand why i feel i still have to shout about being such a retard. but anyway.

i had a dream. we were all playing shooty lazer game around my house. it was like the old milkill days. i was talking to mark and he was being far too witty. it was nice. my mum was downstairs and i was trying to get him to go down and talk to her because she really missed him too. but he said it was my dream and she wasnt real so there was no point. i didnt really understand so i went to get her but everyone started shouting at me. i didnt really like that so i woke up.

i just got the revolution smile album through the post. im not that impressed but nevermind. it didnt cost me much anyway. and i just noticed my hundred reasons ticket has a seat and row number. the guy definately said it was standing. now im going to have to go into town and check it out.

something about crying over spilt milk. oh i dont know. and your dancing being out of tune.

18.10.2003: check this out. id try and explain but only mess it up.

i feel like no matter what i do today im going to regret it tomorrow and feel awful. theres some optimism for you. dirty isnt it? one day ill grow up proper. you just watch.

17.10.2003: its like the immortal summer. i spend another couple of hours on the beach today. falling asleep watching the curvature of the earth. worrying about my evening tomorrow. oh the teenager burning inside me. once upon a time after a very angsty night at xls i wrote "and when i shut my eyes its like her face is burnt into my retina". i cant remember where i wrote it but it seems kinda relevant now.

do you like the new graphic to the side there? i took that today. that is not the kind of weather you are supposed to get in october.

im listening to the new 'pretty girls make graves' album. im starting to really like it. yeah.

16.10.2003: i just finished my first driving lesson in a year. it went really well. so about that im happy. i spent a good hour on the beach today listening to my walkman wasting my time. it was beautiful. but in a way that made me feel really lonely. the sea was like molases. but green. le monde est un oignon, plein des croûtons.

the short story is that i got myself a ticket for the hundred reasons gig (with cooper temple clause and funeral for a friend) which is kinda sensible. but i also got myself a ticket for saian supa crew on saturday. i cant believe im going on my own. im such a chump. or fool. whichever word you think suits best. im going to feel so awkward all night. anyway.. thats the short story. you can ask me about the long story if you want. just mention 'molko girl'. ill know what you mean.

so a while ago i wrote about a girl called elizabeth and two guys called phil. well 'wrong phil' was on some tacky dating programme the other night. called 'would like to meet'. some girl met him in a bar and got his number then phoned him up to organise her date. then blew him off last minute for this guy she met on holiday. haha. anyway. its a sick sad world.

sneaker pimps vastly underated.

i redid some of the frames using asp. needless to say it went tits up. nevermind. for some reason my browser downloaded the pages as files instead of showing them. am i doing something stupid? i mean.. i am. but what?

too much paprika.

but yeah. ive been thinking about the long story all day. and its making me feel weird. confused isnt the right word but its the first that comes to mind. my brain is always getting ahead of itself. and i was definately in a funny head space last night. this all makes me very ..brig.. sounding very angsty. its rubbish. life was so much simpler when we were all teenagers. i was ignorant enough to not worry so much.

anyway..

15.10.2003: another day of beautiful skies. you wouldnt believe it was half way through october. the weather is amazing. i just got back from sainsburies where i followed this child around who was taking bites out of food and putting them back. he was about six or sevenish. he totally knew what he was doing. his mum wouldnt let him have a donut so he just took a huge bite out of it and put it back. ran off. she didnt care at all. i hate seeing awful parents. kid needed a good smacking. was a right little gob-shite. then he ran back. looked about and took another chunk of another donut.

oh well.

i now have internet in my room. and if youre reading this then youll also notice my news page has been relocated. i recieved an email this morning from the company i applied to thanking me for applying and etc etc theyll be compiling a shortlist for interviews in a week or two. lovely.

me cally christine darren and loise went onto campus last night for cheap drinks. it was fun. i think ive developed behind everyone else. while i was at uni (especially in my first year) i didnt go out drinking that much. didnt take advantage of campus. hanging out all the time being sociable. now i really want to but i missed it. well sort of. missed is entirely the wrong word. its just less convenient now. saying that were going to 'rhymes of resitance' at the gloucester tonight. its for amnesty international.

so we wanted to get the bus back from campus but the bus is out of service from the falmer site. the guy says sorry. so i ask him if he goes back to the bus depot (of course he is) and tell him thats where our house is. he could even just pocket the money. so he lets us ride the bus. "but youre going to have to ride with the lights off". how cool is that? id say it was nice of him but he did make an extra five quid and the bus should run anyway.

i actually quite like the new placebo album. i know it took me a while to get it but it was worth it for the extra cd of covers. and more so if you dont have all the old singles.

12.10.2003: i bet you are all dying to know about our first proper house party of the year. in brief it was a lot of fun. my room recieved a lot of compliments. and it was good to see everyone again. and to meet new nice people. i actually spent quite a lot of time in my room. i had the nice music going and it was pretty as. big hit with the girls etc. haha. but no honestly.. it was nice to have the appreciation. there was a good three to six people in my room just chilling most of the night. no breakages or freak outs. well nearly no freak outs. haha.

it turns out that our house is actually a well good party house. it ended before three, much to the disgust of nick and ben. but it was a good turn out. iain did a bit of djing of the old country and western crazy music. it was brilliant. the guy is a dude. i did a bit of djing but got bored and everyone was hating it anyway. the only records i have down are obscure dirt and noise stuff.

i just realised i cant really be bothered to talk about the weekend. its been a real effort to knock out the last two paragraphs. i guess my heart isnt in it. ill sort some photos out soon. i have some good ones i want to put up i suppose. in the meantime this will do. its going to be really dark on your monitor but it looks just lovely on mine.



10.10.2003: when i was down on the beach the other day i found a bone. about the size of your little finger. i spent ages trying to figure out what animal it must have come from. i have no idea. too big for a bird at least. but what to do with it? in the end i decided to break it. dont ask me why it just seemed like an interesting (and not at all twisted) thing to do. i was really surprised at how strong it was. i had to place it over a rock and put all my weight on either end. maybe it seems like a stupid thing to comment on but there you go. bones are tougher than laurence thought. i was reminded of this while in the pav tav last night. i cant remember the exact event but some girl shuffled past me and id forgotten how solid other people are. maybe thats a weird thing to say as well. but its a sad thing to forget.

just to prove im not lame. im sending of a job application today ('search engine optimiser' and its on western road. woo) and am awaiting a call from a driving instructor. see? see? i am sorting stuff out. just dont mention christmas. argh.

on a random side note i was woken up by iain playing 'white belly' on the kitchen stereo this morning. it was amazing.

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