news [archive 10]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word

15.2.2004: i guess it's just one of those sundays again. y'know.. the ones that happen after saturday. but anyway, it's also a big update day. another one where i have done loads and you can't really tell. i worked out some stuff relating to the picture to the left. i fixed their graphics page so you can view them all on a less than day to day basis. if that makes sense. i uploaded some new ones (of varying quality) and some redone old ones. most notably this one. remember how i used to have things randomly placed over them? well i figured out a good way of doing that as well. you see?. and since i havn't had any new pictures for you for ages i got around to scanning some new doodles.

friday was a riot. it was anna's last day at work so it was an obligatory many drinks down the pub evening. i now owe a lot of people a lot of drinks. this was followed by a dash home in time to meet grilly. cup of tea. then a brisk walk back into town to the joint. "what night was it laurence?" i hear you all cry. why, it was 'girl on' again. i think i can safely say that it's now my favourite night out in brighton. you can really dance to them girl bands. too much fun. and everyone there is nice as pie. kinda made up for the lack of people at 'fuck art lets dance' the night before.

saturday is probably left undissected. it was generally shit for plently of reasons unrelated to a well known commercial non-holiday. whatever. but don't get me wrong.. it had its good bits. a beautiful bagel and quick pint down the pub. i also whipped some seven bells of snowy roughage down with zoe. that wasn't supposed to sound as dirty as it did. but still.. my zoe will kick you zoe's ass any day. go get your board and i'll fight the flakes clean off your lame ass. etc. etc.

i'm just bitter because my google toolbar didn't have hearts all over it when everyone elses did. it's like they know or something. however, i don't hate google at the moment. their last algorithm tweak favoured me quite nicely.

is it me or does the american amazon not sell music? that is weird. i've been getting more and more pissed with amazon. i have an order that's been going since november. i had one item not unavailable, and then another unavailable bringing the cost below the free delivery bracket. so i had to add another (well obviously). but if you have an order that is near to completion after four weeks (because of some rare book or whatever) and add a 'usually dispatched within 24 hours' item it takes another month before it dispatches. it is so bullshit. i then noticed that the price i was paying on one of the books was £6 over what it was listed as. so i cancelled the item and ordered it again. then when i combined it with the old order the price went back up. wtf? so now its on order separately (which still works out cheaper). honestly though, what an ass pain. it sucks so bad.

13.2.2004: ooh spooky. i just noticed it's friday 13th. also the first time this week that jo isn't still awake when i get to work (for all that don't know she's a boston lass). okay. so who was it who cauterized my throat in the middle of the night? it kinda hurts this morning. although happily reminds me that i havn't actually fallen ill since finishing university ..despite various
crazy antics

the brighton anarchists seem to be pushing the whole 'co-operation and mutual aid make money obselete' thing again. that or i just didn't notice all the flyers stuck on cash machines until this morning. i don't really have anything against them. it's just that i really don't think they're right. i'm all up for an anarchist state and everything.. but it is just too late. have you not noticed that every other person is an asshole? society is too far down the downward spiral to have a hope in hell of reaching a stable state of co-operation. we hate each other, man. just get a bloody job like everyone else. that or good luck reseting the system. whatever.

what this site really needs now is a hannah jameson opinions page. hannah, where art thou? why have you forsaken me? ..etc etc etc

12.2.2004: about that article and what i don't like about it. how it's written, it reads like they're targetting an ethnic minority. after reading it properly it's actually a ban on all religous iconography, where the article is cleary concentrating at muslim scarfs. the implications are not half as bad. another manipulative and biased journalist. after the whole concept of destroying 2000 years of culture it seems an almost good idea (don't you dare quote me that out of context, fucker). is separating religion and education such a bad idea anyway? banning items of clothing is stepping the mark, but removing crosses from the classroom isn't going to hurt anyone. after all, the kids will be starting less fires wont they?

i didn't just say that. i didn't just say that at all.

can someone suggest me a good museli please? (this isnt a joke)

ooh ooh. before i forget. i saw an accident yesterday while i was buying my date and carob flapjack (i swear the guy thinks im a vegan.. in reality their vegan cake is to die for). some car was driving along by palmeria square and went straight into the back of a parked up taxi. it could have been real nasty. but again it was actually pretty boring (today what i'm thinking is perhaps i can't get away with all these comments).

and i'm not even gonna bother talking about anna and her hot chocolate hoarding. the cheek of it. after all those teas i've given out. she then has the audacity to make me come and get it myself. like a dog. some twisted puppet show. (okay i'm just stubborn. whatever). but yeah. i'm not gonna bother talking about it. ermmm.

11.2.2004: the worst thing about my job is how it makes me see marketing. now i see it everywhere. sometimes i will look at something and see the key words in bold h1 tags jumping out at me. this is me over exaggerating, but you get my point..

will someone please explain to me why they have rereleased donnie darko on dvd with none of the extras on? is that possibly why it's only £6? the numbskulls. numb. skulls.

yesterday there was an english/bosnian book hardcore adhesived to a bus shelter on the way to work. this morning it had gone. but what did it mean? i have no idea.

the kkk must leave their hoods at the door.

10.2.2004: on the way to work. over to the left. this morning the sea and the sky are the same colour. and there is a perfect dark band separating the two. its one of those equally beautiful and eerie things.

i was thinking. when you're young you spend half the time trying to convince everyone that you're not a freak. and then you spend the other half trying to convince people that you are. is that generally true or was it just me? whatever.

i started reading 'hey nostradamus'. i didn't stop until i had read the whole first section. it is painfully good. his use of language and ability to avoid cliches is amazing. and the book has a damn sexy cover. i also get the feeling that i am going to take my time reading it. perhaps it is to be savoured somewhat. yes?

9.2.2004: you're right of course. if i had something worthwhile to say i would have said it by now. none the less.

i cant decide if my weekend was really good or really shit. i'm guessing it was equal parts of both. for instance.. the house party was fun but ultimately dissapointing. also i said stupid things that were misunderstood (for perfectly understandable reasons. i vanquish no blame). then i had a shit driving lesson. three of us went to the arc for the new indie night. there's some potential for a really good night there. but i spent a lot of it on my own or with not enough room to dance in. cally did a classic when interviewed on camera about how good 'black rebel motorcycle' are. "they're alright. could be better". this is just after coming out with some poetic spiel about the libertines. the woman was mighty pissed. then sushi was good on sunday. as was watching the entire first series of spaced.

damnit i love spaced.

the rest was boring.

monday has been pretty crap. although grilly sent me a text about how much he loved his birthday cd. and anna said pretty much said the same. so i was satisfied about that at least. one job well done.

6.2.2004: i'm going to puke. i'm not going to puke. i'm not. i am not stan from south park. i am cool as a mother fucking cucumber (yeah thats right. a mother fucking cucumber. sounds rather clever doesn't it?)

but anyway.. when did i stop hating blink182? i found myself really liking their new song. damnit.

anyone remember this old milkill site. i really loved that page.

its the end of the working week. so yeah. i just noticed im ranking fourth in google for 'regress'. haha. i am tempted to try and rank for 'brighton blog'. how hard can that be? i've made a start already by talking about brighton blogs. there i go again. sheesh. about my work place though.. i don't think many companies get beers brought round on a friday afternoon. its top stuff i swear. lovely even.

i don't actually think i'm going to rank for 'brighton blog' without having it in my title. nevermind.

tim just told me to pull my finger out and stick it back in. again i say 'sheesh'. actually he said that to me last week but i'd forgotton. whatever.

i am an ice cold zen buddah cow. i am a wave lapping the shore of serenity. i am everywhere calm and collected. my confidence will cut you like an impassive knife. i am a rock. nothing can topple me. nothing at all. i am not going to puke.

i am so going to puke..

5.2.2004: i feel like i havn't written for ages. i'm feeling pretty crap about it to. i just havn't had much to say i guess. and i still havn't. you would think i would after having a 'creative training' workshop at work. i don't want to go on about it because everyone will totally get the wrong idea. just ask me about authentic communication some time and watch me rant away (although i now know that you will only listen to half of it.. and that wasn't learnt at the dumb workshop either).

i should really justify that flippant remark. but whatever.

corey sent me these two links. fox news giving their lovely opinions on our fantastically biased and manipulative bbc. i just had to pass these on cos they're so damn funny. wait.. what was that you said? they're not supposed to be funny?

so. it's grilly's birthday party on friday. this means several things. one of which terrifies me. i am going to puke. i swear. there is a horrible feeling squealing around my veins. and all these comments just seem so over the top. which they are. so sorry.. i am beating around the bush about what i'm talking about again. but about that, there is nothing i can do. expect a painful 'post' about this on sunday.

aimee moaned cos i didn't credit her for the 'seeing cities in your eyes' quote. fair enough. sorry.

we all went to the thai place just down from our office (aum thong) for lunch today. it's anna's birthday you see (yeah yeah happy birthday again). but their pad thai is really good. i was quite impressed. it was a generally nice experience. although after the ultra dense chocolate birthday cake i'm ready to puke. twice in one 'entry'. now i'm thinking perhaps i shouldn't have put that melt banana song on her cd. haha. brutal.

i am out of here.

1.2.2004: this weekend has been rather out of place. i don't know what that means but it sounds about right. friday was a weird day.. it ended on satuday morning, me colouring in with pastels.

something about seeing cities in your eyes. they're either twinkling or burning.

that's not me trying to be poetic or anything. it actually happened like that.

this didn't start in east slope bar, but after its six jd's and four le tigre songs there was little else to do but listen to garage on the bus and chill back at ollie's place. it all made for an interesting driving lesson.. careening along the sea front trying to avoid the waves. an hour later and town was much more welcoming. one forgetten bagel and i was rewarded with a free coffee. i don't know how they noticed and i didn't, but that coffee was needed more than anything. bagelman sure makes a killer bagel. and then i was determined to buy pointless and expensive japanese crap but 'nasty nip' let me down. a curse on that japanese-sized over crowded shop. love the dogs though.

i should have waited until i could string sentences together properly before writing today. nevermind.

so after anna actually saw how hip and happening my website is (its coolness consumes all) she changed her mind about not wanting to be featured here. a dangerous request after spelling my name wrong, i'm sure. none the less i'll be fair. so here's to formally introducing anna...

30.1.2004: you have to check out this amazingly sexy site. especially the free flight 3d plane flying thingy.

30.1.2004: your problem isn't millions (what? billions) of pounds/dollars in loses. your problem isn't even the thieving of your precious work and efforts by the people who love you the most. believe me. your problem is you've spent your entire life shoving yourself down the worlds throat. you've force feed your ideals and image to the people in an attempt to become their culture. sorry, cultures. and to a reasonable extent you;ve succeeded. becoming the norm was a terrible idea and now you're taken for granted. being ingrained into everyones day to day lives would have been great had people not learnt that they can bypass you and go straight to your product. there is no guilt. it's not even stealing. you did this to yourself and you can't complain.

you can't brand lifestyle because people wont pay for what is already theirs.

29.1.2004: this morning i'm feeling a bit paranoid. two bird shits landed within a metre of me on the way to work. and that was in the space of about a minute. nasty.

so i found out that (some girl who i work with - who doesnt want to be named. sheesh) used to go out with john cummings. how rock'n'roll is that? and her friend has a polaroid of dominics testicles. and she still knows martin. how insanely swish? i gave her orders for some hot drum sticks and a demo tape of new material. as if.

28.1.2004: i feel uncomfortable today. my frame is all awkward. i think they did something wrong when they put my body back together again this morning. a few pieces got bent or brushed under the carpet. whatever it was it's beginning to hurt a little.

and i was really upset this morning. i bought a special tea bag in into work. a vanilla one that i was really looking forward to. i wanted it so bad that i started making tea the minute i got to work. in my over zelous mood i totally didn't notice the lack of milk. milk. laurence didn't notice the milk. my speciality. so i go all the way down to the shop with my cup of tea brewing away by the sink. when i get back im greeted by our cleaner. "don't worry mate i wont be long".. with my mug in his hands in the sink. my tea down the drain. i was so sad.

amy (different spelling so you can't get confused) went over to see one of our clients today. she came back with a huge (huge) bag of squidgy balls that say "calm down dear" when you squish them. there is literally about thiry of these flying around my office right now. its chaos. and something is going to get broken.

(vaguely worried about potential getting in troubleness for mentioned clients.. um)

i had the most extreme roller coaster dream. it was an advert (but oh so futuristic) and me and a friend (can't remember who) were shitting ourselves just watching it. "i am never going on that". i really want to explain it but am finding it hard working out how. it basically had no rails. and it worked by having 'junctions' that were floating (yes floating) about. the carriage was actually a series of connected segments, each being four circles arranged in an 'x' or something. this was literally fired from each segmented with perfect trajectory to just make it into the next junction. each junction acted like a booster station to speed it up and hurtle it to the next one. some junctions were longer than others and curved around and such. there was this one bit when the carriage arcs right through the air. terrifying i tell you. i wish there was a patentable idea there. but i guess not.

anyway. me and aimee are off to depature lounge tonight. for nippon shenanigans.

27.1.2004: you have to admire the beauty of it. however that isn't me endorsing viruses. of course.

as promised. the ever funny graffiti wall

25.1.2004: i wish i could convey to you exactly how beautiful the day is. alas i'm not that poetic. the early spring is killing me for summer, but on a sunday morning you couldn't really ask for anything more. it's a comforting weather. and it almost makes up for the lack of everything else.

i need to make a 'to do' list. i need to book an eye test. i need to phone up the hard drive people. i need to stop chasing this girl. i needed to have not given said girl a deity-like persona that makes everything else pale in comparison. the grass is paler on the other side of the fence. i can see it with my own two eyes. and the fence itself is way beyond the pale. it wasn't my fault. i didn't do it. my dreams have done this.

the weekend isn't over yet but i can say it's been a pretty good one. it was nick's birthday and the london posse have come down. on friday we went the boutique. it was okay but i found it generally quite depressing (a worryingly often occurence when going out in a big group of people). one the way to the boutique we popped into the penthouse (the cheeky little place above the freebutt). i had never been before (kinda surprising cos its were 'fuck art lets dance' is held), i feel i've been missing out somewhat. well nice people abound. but now i know. also, as we walked in ollie was chilling at the bar in one of those cooler than cool movie style sleek coincidences.

saturday was mostly spent well. i had to get up at eight because i had an early driving lesson. okay, not that early. but when something costs that much money you have to be good for it else its just a waste. i actually felt pretty good about my driving. i hate to say it but i'm almost beginning to enjoy it. ack. my instructor is buying a new mini soon. so there's a chance i'll be taking/passing my test in a mini. how fittingly ironic. or perhaps ironic is the wrong word.

immense happiness resulting from finding the old 'pretty girls make graves' cd. its been a while. some double choc chip cookie fudge later and we headed for the beach. we sat in the 'fortune of war' for what seemed liked hours. "nice" is a crap word but so fitting. i need to use it less. i probably spent most of the time dreaming away. these things happen. so we went for curry. it was good. i got predicatably curry drunk (everyone but me had been drinking anyway) and i'm thinking i possibly said too many inappropriate words too loud. nah.

onwards to the temple. where we played wink murder, jenga and scrabble. rude word rules (that's double points for rude words). there was an argument about how you spell 'vag'. i think i just proved my point that it should be spelt like madge. that just reads like vagabond. i guess it's because i use the internet more and think how a word looks is more important than how it was derived. or something (sheesh whatever). anyway. i think me and laks one. 'vagina' on a triple word score was the clincher. a fat sixty pointer. we weren't allowed 'sodomy' upside down though (but only because john had 'cuntee'.. don't ask). ben managed to knock the table everywhere and soak nicks trousers in beer. you shouldn't laugh.

it does properly feel like summer today though. or rather.. i properly have 'summer feeling' today.

now i'm only missing one thing.

22.1.2004: oat crunchies and hot milk smell like oat cakes. figures.

and corey's tube map page has a link popularity of 253 (thats the number of incoming links reported from all the major search engines). an interesting coincidence. how mathematically poetic.

i should have mentioned this earlier in the week.. remember the old bush graffiti? well on monday someone did a proper clean up of the last word so it read as 'another word for bush is' followed by a big freshly painted beige gap. i instantly wanted to write something really dumb. something like 'shrub'. i was tempted to go out and do it myself but thought it a tad on the stupid side. and then this morning someone else had come along and beat me to it. i just wish i'd have mentioned it before. i love a good follow up. i'll get a photo next week (not that anyone cares. but yknow.. for completeness).

i had a dream last night that i just know is going to continue making me feel shit until at least later this afternoon. it involved a certain girl who i havn't seen for months, her boyfriend and her dad/brother (yes he was both). laks and tom were also there taking the piss (i didn't mind them doing that. it was actually quite funny). if i go into details about the dream it will just sound weird. but then for me dreams arn't about what actually happens.. but how they feel. and it made me feel like shit. how something happening in a dream can end up making me feel worse than if it happened in real life is beyond me. i guess that is how the biscuit crumbles. or something.

i could write a good 2000 words on my dream. so don't bother asking me questions about it. you will regret it.


single cynical male 22: seeks girl for multi-p ssx. must hate jp and be a good loser. bsoh prob helpful. also loves trendy books, untrendy beats and films in funny languages.

blah blah blah. i was a bit embarressed yesterday. some woman in sainsburys caught me sniffing the bread. and then tom (at work) caught me about to suck my mexican spice tea bag. a hilarious conversation ensued. or something. how embarressing though. he was just staring blankly at me. like what the fuck are you doing?.

also can i say.. the mismatch on the crosshatch is not my fault. for some dumb reason the background graphic starts at a different height (ffs) on different pages. these pages all have the same layout etc. i'm baffled. it's clearly something to do with it being aligned to the right. be honestly. how crap could you implement that?

20.1.2004: what i was saying the other day about amazon having sales kiosks/terminals outside all bookshops.. check out the
waterstones site. is that as good as? after seeing that i'm guessing it's more likely that you'll be able to access amazon from inside the bookshops. i guess waterstones wanted to get in there early. but then why bother buying over the checkout? i'm always a little bit tempted. but then i really like shopping. and also i've recently had a few books arrive from amazon in less than good condition. i would send them back but it costs money and effort. some vouchers would be nice though wouldn't they amazon?

mycokemusic can fuck off as well. and theyre going to be sponsering the official album and singles chart. as if radio1 and 'top of the pops' arn't dirty enough. i hate coke.

fun time. you can playing dressing up on the ssx3 site. hurray. what is sad is that it's one of my favourite features of ssx3.

and this lovely chunk of google sci-fi is lovely. scarily so.

20.1.2004: i don't know if anyone cares but it's not looking good on the microsoft front. they're in 520 million dollars of trouble over a patent that internet explorer infringes. that would be kind of funny if it didn't actually effect all browsers. the patent is for "a system allowing a user of a browser program ... to access and execute an embedded program object". what y'all call applets and plug-ins, y'all. if they lose this then eolas (the company with the patent) will be able to charge/sue any browser for supporting it. you can kiss shockwave and javascript goodbye right? it'll cost a fortune for everyone to re-code their sites. its totally rediculous. here's a link to the letter from the world wide web consortium. i find it kinda interesting how national laws apply to the internet. it's all kinds of screwy. but lets be honest.. this kind of gross fuck-up is never going to be allowed to happen. surely?

here's a short and sweet article on the ezln and nafta in mexcio. not to throw a zillion zapatista articles at you or anything.. but for obvious reasons there have been quite a few recently.

me and aimee saw will self last night. he did a reading in hove. it was pretty good but i won't be buying his book. far too many big words for my liking. it just seems a bit unnecessary (i was gonna be funny and use some big words but couldn't be bothered). the q&a was fun. apart from one guy claiming to be a 'noise musician'. how horribly pretentious. it's not hard and it's not clever and we're not impressed. the wine was good also. and the venue bought back memories of sleater kinney. hurray.

so i eventually bought pictoplasma2. its been on my wishlist for ages. it's fantastic. and i've decided my website needs a new character. yeah you're all laughing now but just you wait. indeed.

its that time of year when you start getting ill. i havn't been ill yet this winter but i am beginning to feel the fight a little bit. the cold will not win. although this is terrible timing as i'm due to stop taking my echinacea. but then this made me think.. i'm probably only feeling the descent into cold-dom because i've been taking it too long and it's stopped having an effect. i know this isn't really worth writing about. so i'll stop before i start suggesting things like doubling the amount i take. idiot.

apologies for the mismatch picture to the side. not sure what's going on there today. i'll have to sort that out later when i get home.

18.1.2004: melissa auf der maur rocks some seven shades. a tour with a perfect circle was that? i'm not going to be able to go you say? you fuckers.

what the hell is wrong with people? opt out you fuckers.

or "give me your sweet meeeeeeats.." (i could quote this better if my hard drive wasn't bust and i could actually watch invader zim.

it took me a while but i found out what it was i thought the new incubus song sounds like. its 'good times' by 'finger eleven' (not brassy dude). the song is awful and i'm doubting (hoping) anyone really knows it. it's on the ssx3 playlist and is the only song that makes snow boarding seem kinda sucky after three hours of shread or die.

terre a terre now do a desert tapas. weep in joy. the new menu is fucking splendid. i had the weirdest meal. i'm a bit of a sucker for haloumi (hey who isn't?) so i went for the dish that involved it the most. turns out to be a posh take on your classic chip shop food. haloumi fried in chip shop batter (in a totally fishy way). some bizarre but amazing pea mash. a pickled egg. sorry, a pickled quails egg. etc. they have a cook book coming out soon.

can you please re-bookmark my site? i have a new icon thing and i love it.

also.. if my site looks all screwed to anyone can you please email me and let me know what browser you're using (yes im being lazy). i know opera shags the hell out of my website but there's not a lot i can do about that. it should work in netscape just peachey, thanks to all those stupid css hacks. it seems wrong though because they cant fix the bugs. when they do everyone's websites are going to screw up big time. shouldn't css have been a zero tolerance standard? nevermind. whatever.

do they really need to point out there are no mcdonalds and kfc at the world social forum?

kelis also rocks. although i'm guessing she thinks it's guys that respond to milk. but i'm all up for the milk references. mine is better than yours though. damn right.

my parents have come down this weekend. meaning i now have a dvd player. much joy. so i was watching silvercrank off 'viewphoria'. it is undeniably the highlight of the smashing pumpkins career. no song or gig can rival the passion and over-the-topness of that single performance (not even 'ava adore' on jools holland). i was laughing and crying at the same time it was so good.

me and aimee hit the pav tav on friday night. it was just like a thursday night. it was well good. i needed to dance but wasn't quite satisfied. the place is too cramped (not complaining because we only just got in) and there were no tunes that really did it for me. y'know. had a really nice time though. we nearly went to the gloucester. we had our student cards out and everything just about to pay when i realised the song playing was awful. we'd forgotten to ask what night it was.. and had nearly gone to an 80's new romantic night. eek. terrible gothness.

i was trying not to write too much. but i ended up writing many short paragraphs. sorry.

oh. and i'd just like to add how fucking gorgeous the weather is. the sun has been shining like crazy the last few days. you can really feel the warmth on your face. it's lovely (sorry jo). has spring begun?

15.1.2004: just a few quick links today. armani kids is the charity my company donated to this year. theyre pretty cool. next year we are properly planning on going up that frigging mountain to raise money. it'd be amazing.

corey sent me this. it's billy the egomaniac (as in 'johnny the homicidal maniac'). so funny. i love it. also.. the girl who does it has some amazing artwork on the site.

while i was looking at those one of my work mates started talking about suicide girls. i wasn't too sure what to say but it turns out he was actually talking about an online comic strip (which i might add is far more eyebrow worthy). yeah. some of them are funny though. if you're a bit sick like.

a nice wrap up of what i mean about google. someone pointed out that if you want to find out about googles dodgy practices and web censorship the first thing you have do is a search on google.

14.1.2004: this wasn't me. i fucking swear. i guess the guys from the london police must read my site huh? haha. i repeat.. it wasn't me. its painted on proper and everything.

it appeared tuesday morning and was definately not there last week. as proven by the photo i took. i guess they came to town over the weekend.

hey look.. it's russell and laura's website. there are some lovely photos of their wedding. etc. and some of my dad and clive (not in that order).

i've been discovering the delights of google news. their front page is compiled automatically with no human intervention from over 4500 news sources. that's a pretty big achievement. i like it because it gives a totally unbiased review of the news ('review' being an important word). this is presuming the sources are selected fairly.. which seemed to create a certain amount of controversy and criticism back in the day (although most of it seems to have taken on board by google. here is a good quote:

"In providing information, credibility is everything. Any source, whether of raw information or an index of it (like Google), loses mightily as soon as it's known to be biased. Google has already caved more than once to provincial interests (e.g. mainland China), and as soon as it adopts a policy of sourcing news from special interests, it won't be news any more, but just hands-off propaganda." source

but that is nothing new and applies to anything. and only paying attention to the media giants is even more biased. they need more sources. it's still a search engine after all. you can get as many news articles as you want and browse the propaganda. surely? currently you can always get both sides of any argument. all topics are themed so you can easily view the articles for any single item of news. you can even search and find news on me (but like i said yesterday only by spelling my name wrong). anyway. this explains why everything else i'm about to say is news related.

former texas governor says he's continuing to eat beef but i bet he doesn't drink the water. or the milk. and about this suicide bomber in gaza article.. i like the way they point out that "The bomber also died in the attack". that shit is so messed up though. we all know this and it's not somewhere i need to go.

its also been ten years since the zapatisa uprising. it definately doesn't seem that long but there you go. also ten years since nafta and they're pushing the ftaa discussions to be completed by 2005. shrug? but it's your backgarden too.

13.1.2004: why can't people spell my pissing name right. damn it. i must have words with our pr woman. and she says:

"I'm sorry, it may be my fault, there were a couple of versions. So looks like I sent wrong one. Don't make a fuss out loud else everyone will know! I owe you big time, I'm so so sorry. Worst thing is that I've made headlines in the Guardian and Mirror for doing this before!!!!!!!!!!! In my last job we had some celebrities do some events for us and in the press release I spelt all four names wrong! The headline was 'Government Spells it out' and to quote an article "this doesn't say much for Blair's drive for e-literacy or should we say illiteracy" - shameful shameful shameful"

and i promised i'd dis her on my site. haha. that will do for now.

i'm a bit worried. my head was kind of hurting yesterday (not my brain, my head) but i just ignored it. then this morning it was hurting some more. so i'm feeling around my scalp and there's a rough patch. checking in the mirror and i have a gash across the top of my head. i have no idea how it got there. it's quite big as well. it isn't something i could do in my sleep. and i havn't been drinking so it's not some drunken and forgotten injury. scared and confused.

i've had two dreams since friday where i've been hanging out with some girl and she started talking about how great it was to go home and see her boyfriend after such a long time. it's the last thing you want first thing in the morning. like experiencing all those inevitable moments all at the same time. makes me sound like a right angsty freak. i'll shut up.

and another thing.. linseed oil capsules are all well and good (at least better than spoon feeding) but when you (and really i don't want to use the word 'burp') burp in the morning it's like someone smacking you in the mouth with a cricket bat. especially if you havn't eaten much. gag.

corey sent this to the milkill group so i thought i'd share it. it's kinda funny. will self vs richard littlejohn.

12.1.2004: to anyone who is interested you can check out the
template for my site. that along with the content, style sheet and scripts make up each page. i think its actually all pretty simple and self explanatory stuff. stuff you can do too. its easy honest. any questions then feel free to ask me. yo.

site is all go. newsarchive09 is magically too wide. a problem i can't solve at midnight. and i've also taken down the 'title graphic' selections. two reasons.. one is that there seems to be no obvious way to be able to pick one now its not a frame. and also the ones with gaps (where the background shows through) all need redoing. since the wallpaper is actually consistent across the page it means the titles arn't. major bummer. anyone know if its possible to make background images relative to the right side of the page? my favourite one (with the grenade) just won't work at all if i can't do that. they change each day btw.. at your midnight i believe.

maybe i just wanted my site to stick to the right side of the window? ..did you ever think of that?

'lost in translation' was fucking lovely. i was convinced bill murray was going to ruin it (sorry bill but i can't shake ghost busters) but he was perfect. they both were. i want to talk about it like i always do with films but i don't want to ruin it by disection. i want to leave it as it is.. and just tell you to see it.

you have the lushest eyes.

11.1.2004: here it is. can you see the difference? once again jo was right. cascading style sheets are indeed fun. the whole new site design took me under an hour. what muppet said css looked difficult? there are a few things i'm not happy with. currently the image to the left isn't random anymore. this is so it doesn't change every time you load a new page. mondo ass pain. i'm thinking i could solve that using javascript but don't want to start passing variables around or using cookies. shudder. that's just dumb. maybe i'll have it change every day or something. that can't be hard surely? just don't be surprised if you come across none existant pages and weird behaviours for a while. i so shouldn't be putting this live but hey whatever.

this weekend has been fun. i really feel like i have achieved stuff. i spent all week trying to plan us all going to 'girl on' at the joint. it was never going to happen and was looking less and less likely as friday evening went by. one freak occurence later and we're doing some serious 'getting down' in the joint. it was such a top night (did i just say 'top'?). girl music action. i hadn't been there for months and even longer since i'd been and it not been packed. so it was refreshing as hell. rachael and grilly turned up halfway through the night which was double coolness. the night was almost ruined by a shitty fight (in the joint of all places) but it was okay in the end. we kept the party going. it felt so good to be dancing again. and walking home in the drizzle.

then i got up nice and early (all i wanted to do was enjoy my bed for once) and hopped off into town. i need some patches for my jeans i love so dearly. but i can't imagine finding ones i like any time soon. i bought an amélie poster. since i put up my 'wall hanging' my bed corner has looked all wrong. i took the green down and was left with a nasty beige hole. the poster is the perfect colour. a small readjustment of my incubus postcards (all 38 of them) and i am happy again. the girls don't really like the incubus but it's all about the colour. man

cheers to sian for the cd. i'm not ashamed to like it but i'm still not telling everyone what it is. haha.

i had a driving lesson and actually felt like i can properly drive now. i am going to tell you i've booked a test. but not when it is. so please don't anyone start asking me about it. it's not for a while anyway.

we went to see 'lost in translation'. but it was sold out. we're trying again tonight. me laks and ollie just went out for sushi. it was so good. moshi moshi rocks. it was a little difficult to begin with because spotting the vege dishes is quite difficult. they only do about seven but that's enough. the waitress was pretty helpful but the woman sitting opposite was better. i ended up taking four plates in a crazy vege panic. haha. it was sunday special offer. i just love conveyor belt food. must sushi more often. please. it's just too cute.

9.1.2004: the internet is bust at home. so this is coming at you from work. also means i can't check email or cyber-hang with anyone over the weekend. well.. unless one of the bozos (in a nice way) i live with has sorted it out since this morning. damn crappy no internet. what am i going to do all sunday? i was going to learn how to use div tags properly as well.

if you try you may be able to find me on as of nowish. although you probably need a subscription or something stupid. it's a spannerworks press release that features me. i dont know whether to say "whatever" or "hell yeah". whatever.

people are scum. i was walking home last night and this guy infront of me (who just came out of the lovely corner shop) rips his pastie out of the wrapper and drops it straight onto the pavement in a single smooth motion. that reads like he dropped the pastie. i hate ambiguous "it"s. sorry. he could at least act ashamed about such blatant littering. or try and cover it up somehow. i should have taken him out. haha.

so then i'm sitting there eating my curry (from the corner shop) when i discover that you had all failed in telling me that incubus have a new video out. hurray for angel wings. they're the way forward. anyway. the whole song/video package is far from subtle in its meaning (well they called it 'megalomaniac' for a start, right?) but i can forgive this as it's so damn beautiful. it's like rage against the machine rising from the ashes. and they're sexy boys arn't they? i can even forgive brandon for looking like keanu. i'm also being impressed by the guy who really looks like the bastard offspring (i guess 'bastard' is completely the wrong word) of tony blair and george bush. good casting. as for the song it's not disappointing. it sort of could have probably featured on almost nearly any or some of their various previous albums (you see how badly that sentence was constructed? i did that on purpose). unfortunately the start of the chorus really sounds like another song that is knocking around at the moment. some dirty nu-metal or something. i spent all night trying to remember who it's by but i failed. any takers? c'mon. alas a quick tripto the gorgeous incubus site and they're album is out.. febuary 3rd. (and no i didn't wet my pants)

you all just lost though (yeah it pisses me off too).

"kind of underground guerilla stuff so you go by pseudonyms, yeah figured you for that". anna honestly typed this to me.

re-personalise your space.

8.1.2004: a little bit of wind and rain in the morning and there's chaos in the streets. its pathetic. okay actually there's a lot of wind and rain. and it's verging on fantastic. whip it. whip it up good.

so when i saw the new subway on london road (subway the sandwich chain, incase you're british and live in one of those backwards but fortunate towns) the first think i thought was "oh cool a new subway". fear not. for the next hour i was scratching away my top layer of skin with blunt nails and repeating "subway is not cool. subway is not cool" mantrastyle until the words were burnt onto my tongue. it's just one more tactical graffiti hit. did you know that subway has nearly as many 'restaurants' as mcdonalds? subway now has 20337 worldwide, and mcdonalds cheat their statistics by counting all the mini-outlets they have in schools and factories. subway is not cool (they do a good vege slab though). subway is not cool.

even my bus ticket says "single adult".

typical that on the day i don't take my camera to work the sea is beating the mighty crap out of the beach and the would have been worth getting soaked to capture the extent ofits aggresion. makes me want to listen to 'phat planet' at 78rpmwith the pitch dropped ten fold.

here is a link for ben. not that he will see it (i.e. someone comment on it in the milkill group).

7.1.2004: about what i was saying yesterday. about google. i know the whole corporate power thing isn't anything new (gee.. we've all read no logo right?). but this is slightly different. it's certainly not so obvious as it's all about information. the actual 'consumers' are the people who pay for adwords (the sponsered listings etc down the side), not the people. but since all they care about are the people, as an institution it'd be easy to topple. this is as long as the people are aware of the problem and care about their freedom of information. i guess it's somewhat akin to all the cities in america which only have one newspaper. perhaps it's just a matter of people not getting too stuck in their ways. i've babbled about this quite enough i think.

i've decided the problem with advertising is it makes you stop looking at things. it stops you from paying attention. after being bombarded by slogans and logos that are everywhere you just stop looking anymore. its as if the streets are just glue for our corporate feed. none of us want to know so it all just gets blanked out and we miss so much. this is where graffiti comes in. it's not just taking back the streets. it's keeping things interesting. it's helping you notice things (i'd say making it worth looking around but it's subconscious what i'm going on about). it's brushing over the dirty white-wash that has covered our natural backgrounds. (mumbles a bit). at least a little anyway. i'm just concerned because if i ever manage to find myself a girlfriend again i'm never going to notice anything ever again. when i'm on the streets (yo. on the street. haha) it's the only thing keeping my eyes open and my brain working. oh. that and the graffiti of course.

today ive been playing around with grokker. they just uploaded a trial version. its a weird search engine that uses a visual theme system thingy (don't worry this isn't what im going to waffle on about). i did the old tried and tested search for 'milkill' and came across this lovely (if not mildly over-zealous) review of one of our old tracks.

On first hearing the lurching, walking bass main riff, you think wow, that's brave. Throw in some great amphetamine reptile style grungy singing, and the noisy building guitars and before you know it this outstanding track is jumping on your head in hobnails. The spaced out ending just makes it all the more classy. Su-effin-purb. (9/10) DL.

i also found this, which happens to be in the archives from the guy i found linking to me a month back (you remember.. when i got all over excited). a random milkill shout out. so i guess that explains where that link originated. good old milkill. check out his site though. there's some nice photos and the words 'godspeed you black emperor'. thats enough for me at least. still weirded out that it's the third david lloyd ive coincidentaly come across in the last year. are they cloning?

this makes me think. should i start a blog section on my links page? i don't know enough of them and i feel it's a bit wrong considering i'm linking to personal sites of people i just do not know. i might wait until i'm reading enough and dump chunk them down.

isn't it about time i converted from frames to css completely? yes it is. expect this within the month (laughs uncontrolably i'm sure. as if).

6.1.2004: shitting bricks mogwai were just on sex in the city. i rushed out to write about it on my website. then realised this was stupid so rushed back in to listened to it. this made me much less popular so i rushed back out again. sheesh. why does southern comfort make me grin so wildly at the tv?

6.1.2004: the problem with beautiful days like these are they remind you of the summer you're missing. you can really feel it. something that talking about playing frisbee and preston park never quite achieves.

partout je me regarde aujourd'hui vois de belles couleurs. dieses wird mit den schrecklichen geruch ausgeglichen, die mich umgeben, wohin ich gehe. ése es el mundo moderno para usted.

also today i'm feeling a little creased and mildly greasy. i'll iron my shirt and wash my hair tomorrow. i promise.

and how come apple pips taste so much like marzipan? ..almond a-go-go?

quote of yesterday goes to cally with "i came out of my room and there was a balloon on the floor, it made me shit myself".. there was no context if that is what you're thinking. and it might be accidently paraphrased. but only slightly.

these doctors should be given a medal not a warning.

about the grand theft auto article in the new york post (use the google cache), if when you start playing a game where you can do "whatever you want" you start by picking up a prostitute and killing her in the back of your car by beating her shooting her and bludgeoning her then how the hell do you have enough intelligence to be able to call yourself a journalist? (the reason i don't is because of sentences like that). corey says "utter wank... lazy, biased, manipulative tabloid journalism at its worst". word. my favourite bit is "This is 10,000 times worse than the worst thing anybody thinks Michael Jackson ever did to a little boy". doing "whatever you want" in a game is worse than licking children. amen. (i didn't cross a line.. you should have read what i wrote before i rewrote it)

i only just noticed that i work on the corner of holland road, where everyone used to live in the first year. i could almost have snipered ben in his bed from my desk. think about that.

i think this graffiti is kinda curious. 187 is pretty meaningless this side of the atlantic right? i'm not so sure how well it translates into 'british'. did some dude see it while hanging out in la and think it looked cool? or did they not have time to write argus infront of it? (laurence's buys a green spray can and takes that idea to the street)

187 what you fucker? colour coord' 187!

i hate business papers. they are full of smiling confident people. another word for this is smug. which more often than not features next to one of 'bastard' or 'fucker'.

so short sentence paragraphs aside. i found a really interesting article about google. it is worth a read. there is certainly some point when such a service becomes so big its moral obligations change. with the vast majority of people using their service they have an immense amount of power. by removing sites from the search its technically not 'banning' sites, but an ultra effective form of censorship that is answerable to no one. as google becomes more and more synonomous with search this becomes more true. free speech goes out of the window and there is nothing anyone can do about it. it isn't even a case of 'if you don't like it then don't use it' because other people always will. the operation clambake affair was a bit dodgy but no where near as disgusting as the anita roddick farce. google has gone back on and apologised for the majority of their 'moral fuckups' but that doesn't make it okay. look at the mess they made over the christmas period. ask any small business who need the boost in sales given over christmas and rely on search engine traffic how well they did this year due to google pissing them out of the results pages. in terms of the big picture this is all pretty meaningless stuff so far. it's small fish until you see this study on results omitted from the french and german googles. they are all nasty sites i'd rather not have anyway but when linked with what happened between the chinese government and google i'm a little scared. i think it's the "We are currently working with Chinese officials to get our full service restored" that i don't like. they bought it back but only after they'd (the chinese government and google) developed a way to stop people reading certain sites. these sites are not quite so aryan. not quite so uncool (and yadda yadda this is all from my personal perspective obviously). now it's a hard issue because it isn't really google's fault that everyone uses them and them alone. i just find it weird how everyone is given a constant free choice and what it leads to is one person with all the control. i'm finding it hard relating it to the real world. there just seems to be a huge gap between the people on either side of the search. we don't care or notice when we search if someone is getting screwed over because there are so many people out there. theyre all good. it's like they've invented (or rather a discovered) a hand wavey "we're not really responsible" form of censorship. is it such a big issue anyway? if the english or american government did the same (and why couldn't they pull a similar trick?) then it wouldn't take long before someone noticed. it'd just be a matter of time before we all stopped using it. at least i'm hoping we would all stop. i guess what i'm saying is while there is still an alternative we're okay. it's just a danger that is totally new. and what i've written i probably should have thought more about first. but nevermind. there's loads of interesting stuff at seth finkelstein's site if you're interested (stop laughing at his name you heartless fucker).

5.1.2004: a few things that are making me happy (in no particular order)

a few things that are making me sad.

  • i'm spidered and cached but have piss all page rank on my evoart page.
  • my evolutionary art paper wasn't accepted.
  • my external hard drive still doesn't work so my cd burner can't be used to its full potential.
  • my eyesight isn't good enough.
  • finding out revolve magazine (the new testament for the cosmogirl generation) wasn't a sick joke.
  • i havn't recieved any emails for over a week.
  • i havn't got a girlfriend to bake muffins, cookies and brownies for.
  • my basil plant is dying.
  • i have a fucking hole in my arm.

3.1.2004: i guess the festive season chaos is dying down. which is a shame because all i've got now is weeks and weeks of work. forgetting this for a bit.. it's nice to be back to normality. sort of. in a way. like. possibly. i dont know. but i've actually got a lot of random tid bits of news and the like to go around. so..

firstly the evolutionary art paper i submitted wasn't accepted. well what the hell do they know anyway? they only took half of the submissions and considering it wasn't really a whole lot new i'm not too put off. remember i'm not actually an academic anymore either.

my room is finally complete. thanks to a sale at dunelm i covered the last of my walls in a startlingly dull but effective piece of fabric. i'm too shocked at how well i managed to match the colours of that corner. it's all gone a bit boudoirish. boudnoir? now that would be too cool. so now my room is ready what are you all waiting for? hmmm?

i had a mock driving test this morning. i nearly missed it as halfway through yesterday i became somewhat convinced it was saturday already. so i didn't prepare for an early driving lesson as i never have them on sunday. at half ten i woke up in a panic.. oh shit how could i be so stupid? it was fine. my driving was actually pretty good until the mock test. i just didn't like not been able to talk crap. i failed it four times over. although to be fair they were all dumb things that i don't normally do. and no going on about how i should have learnt to drive years ago and it's just lame lame lame.

since i got back to brighton on a friday i had to go into town. having a weekday off is something to be savoured and it seemed the most appropriate action. so i stocked up on the next installment of transmetropolitan (with a surprise introduction by darren aronofsky) and some french hip-hop. i also went browsing in waterstones for stuff to buy off amazon. i like shopping. browsing books just makes me horny for literature (i'm not sure what i meant to say but nevermind) and getting the books cheap and delivered to my door is too cool. it is the way forward. amazon should set up kiosks outside all book shops (please note i am aware how awful this idea is). i just wish i was bibliophile enough to properly enjoy the sexy second hand book shop opposite montezumas. anyway i ordered some really exciting books so i'm like.. totally excited like. yeah.

last night i hung out at alex and grillys place. we cooked cheese and spinach pancakes and watched digital hardcore videos. some russian film i can't remember. and generally talked and debated all night. also there was ollie and his mate john. rachael (the girl who made me take all the lampshade hat photos) and john. john started telling me this story. it began with the lost prophets song and how he thought it sounded like seal. so he went online and searched to see if it had been acknowledged or mentioned in any reviews. he eventually found somewhere that mentioned it only to find that the page had already disappeared (which is curious thinking about it). through the genius of google's cache he got the page back and right there staring him in the face was a photo of himself with a lampshade on his head. this makes me happy as i created someone's crazy coincidence internet story. i love it when you hear of them (like neil gaimans film extra) and now i am one.

2.1.2004: well i hope you all had a good one. dorset was okay. it was pretty much just like going around someones house really. which was what it was. so go figure. it didn't really feel like cornwall 1999 and no where near as cool as amsterdam 2002. infact looking back on it now and trying to think of something to write about it is kinda hard..

i hope you're not too bothered by the layout that i've felt compelled to use for the photos. i love that ballon. corey rescued it from clapham junction. we believe it belonged to kyle and it met a nasty end in the living room fire. the beer hat got around a bit didn't it? and if you're really curious to who all the people are they're cliff tom james matt john ben (but only just) nick cally and nick (in order from bottom to top just to confuse you).

so yes. there were about twenty of us shacked up in this little cottage with more alcohol than could possibly be drank (although i'm sure it all got finished eventually). the fire was kept alight and there was always a pizza being baked. i think the night started quite slowly. at least until i started hitting the southern comfort. between 8pm and 12pm felt like hours (er.. you know what i mean). then it all went really fast. table football was fun. although monopoly was a bad idea. nicola couldn't understand why i wasn't buying any property. i guess it seemed a bit futile when i knew the game wouldn't last long enough to be worth sorting out my money (i'm still not liking the sponsered monopoly boards anyway). there was a lot of present giving which made me feel a tad guilty. i've been a bit lame this christmas. actually i was probably just jelous because ben is so good at buying people books. i am thinking i possibly bugged aimee too much. but i'm willing to bet this was probably just in my head. corey passed out and some guys who i don't know put beer cans all over him (i'd feel a bit mean putting a photo up but anyone who wants to see it can mail me yes?). don't worry corey we came to your aid. haha. i don't think i really did much after midnight. i remember wandering around feeling a bit down. trying to make nicola be sick but failing. then worrying because all the places to sleep were fast disappearing. i was dozing off in the living room and john started trying to get into my sleeping bag. i guess he could only see the funny side. i was just really angry cos i couldn't stop him. biting him really hard on the leg (or wherever) and poking his willy didn't really do much. i nearly knocked over the whole table of drinks and what-not when i fell out of the seat. thats when i went up stairs and crashed out next to nicola. i think she freaked a little when she woke in the middle of the night. everyone had gone out for a walk and it was so quiet. i was more awake then but half-slept some more downstairs. then aimee and matt left and i just felt sad. so i went for a huge walk in the morning sun. i got lost in some forest. it was beautiful. then on the way back i saw a hunt party returning all happy with their kids and guns. the last landrover had dead animals all hanging from the back. what a way to see in the new year ey? lets go kill things.

i have to stop injuring my poor arm. this is an iron burn. it looks far more horrible in real life but my camera is a poor close-uper. now i look like a fucking goth.

i want to talk about the crazy amazing trains. i never really travel on virgin trains because they're just too expensive (at least between london and rugby) but we did on new years eve. i found out that they are reasonably sexy. for instance they have radios on every seat you can plug your head phones in. and the carriage joiny bits are all sci-fi shiny with blue lights. they have sandwich fridges. its lame that i am impressed or shocked by this but y'know. whatever. then we caught this other train with a really interesting toilet (did i just say something that made me sound really

corey with his special giraffe balloon ben wearing his new beer hat james with bens new beer hat me and cally (with bens new beer hat) cally john nick matt tom aimee and ben too many people to mention in one line ben cally and laurence nicola cally and laks
stupid?). everything on these trains are automatic with little flashy buttons. you press a button to make the toilet door slide open. you press another to shut it. and then another to lock it. one to flush and one to wash your hands (i might have made that up). the problem is you have to hold down the door close button. out of about five people i saw use the toilet only two people worked that out. and they looked stupid trying (yes you corey). everyone else just gave up and went looking for another toilet (where they probably did exactly the same). i will give them some praise though.. at least they have started putting the hand rails on the left side. this moment of glory is mildly negated by the fact that the bowl is too shallow and water sloshes out when the train rocks. so there is still piss on the floor. but nevermind.

i feel like ive missed out a lot of good new years anecdotes. you know.. the kind of stuff that other people actually find funny or interesting. like the amazing conversation about anthropomorphic vegetables and all that wit. and how the people at the chemists (or doctors whatever) spelt corey's name 'claire coreey'. like claire is even his last name. nevermind.

31.12.2003: pinch punch last of the month. its weird how the end of my 'year' is actually in september. or at least was and now that i'm working properly it is going to be april. so what is the big deal about january anyway? there is probably a really obvious answer (that corey would no doubt point out straight away) but i just can't think of it right now.

in half an hour i'll be at rugby train station waiting for the virgin train to milton keynes. there me and corey will change for watford and then to clapham. we then have to catch the train to gillingham (in dorset not kent). then its a taxi ride to some weird cottage in the middle of nowhere. sounds like a reasonable new years plan to me. its not prague. but hey.. as if that was going to happen.

just a quick paragraph about lord of the rings. before i forget about it. we saw it last night (and this morning it was that long). in general it looked swell (yes i said 'swell'). in terms of 'realising a vision' i guess it did pretty good. the big 'mt. st.micheal' city was amazing. no really. it was my favourite thing about the whole film and i would have been happy if the whole film was just different shots of that (ignoring the fact that it mostly was). in the end though its just like the matrix isnt it (ducks). its even got agent smith in it. lots of fighting. no plot (at least to the casual viewer who has no idea who anyone is). far too many special effects. over the top over the topness. big cheese ending. the guy dies. loads of people all looking the same (er..). a big eye? okay maybe not.

actually something i wanted to say about the matrix. it may now be crap. but one thing it has done is made me enjoy fight scenes in other films less. i never noticed before but what the matrix achieved was clarity in its fight scenes. none of this close up shakey camera stuff that all other films use. half the time in lord of the rings you can't really see whats going. just bits of heads and swords. maybe i can explain this better some other time when i have more time.

29.12.2003: well thank you to everyone who noticed but didn't point out to me i've been writing the month as '13' for the last fifteen days. you guys are making me look like an idiot.

i eventually got around to watching '28 days later'. i think i have a lot of respect for danny boyle. horror films are so not my thing but i enjoyed it quite a lot. some of the cinematography was beautiful. some nice use of filters etc. and the soundtrack totally makes the film. godspeed was the perfect choice for the opening few london scenes. blah crescendo blah blah. i especially liked the riot footage at the start. it was kinda phenomenal. and the "hellooo.. is anybody there" shout out to evil dead. that was cool (man i sound like a teenager). i should have probably found out who actually wrote it before writing all this (you have to do your research right?). i just hope they had read 'girlfriend in a coma'. because if they read it after making the film they're gonna be pretty pissed off. hmm yeah. i'm just remembering the bit when he gets chased by flaming zombies. i loved that bit.

i went to birmingham on saturday. mostly to see sian but i did a bit of shopping as well. the funniest thing i saw all day was in the food court of selfridges. you already know how much i hate that place. it seems theyre one of the main stockists of
edible - the delightful specialists in nasty food. a quick look at their website shows that the most recent addition to their range is reindeer pate. oh for fucks sake. what really got me though was the monkey picked tea. i quote "tea hand picked by specially trained monkeys".

just incase you don't realise how cool lauren laverne is already, she was in the guardian guide this weekend talking about how 'choke' was her favourite book of 2003. "chuck is a genius and the true embodiment of punk rock" and also "and he starts sentences with the word anymore. i didn't know you could do that".

me corey and martin had another night of binge drinking last night. although corey remained sober (and still managed to last until 6am). the two of us polished off a 70cl bottle of vodka in a worryingly short space of time. hurray for ssx3 and outburst ("the game of verbal explosion!"). the night made we wish that i keep a quotes board. maybe i should start one on my site. or put them in people's pictures on the photos page. anyway. these are possibly not going to be so funny out of context but whatever. "is it really jill doe?" (followed by "actually its jane doe" and "i never really liked jill dando anyway"). and then "doggy style is like cheese cake". i can't remember why but it was funny i promise. i'm not sure why we were talking about dildos and john doe but nevermind. okay i'll shut up now.

28.12.2003: so. i was worrying all week about what i was going to write today. and in the end i was rescued by exploding dog.

26.12.2003: happy boxing day everyone. undoubtably the most stupidly titled day of the year. i realised this year that for me what christmas is now about is food. all ive been eating is sosmix rolls. they get made just once a year by my mum and nan and they are the best shit ever. the highlight of christmas day.. well that was always opening your big presents obviously. for me now its the big christmas dinner instead. its weird how things change.

not that i dont enjoy opening presents of course. this year i got the sexiest set of knives you will ever witness. you may think this is dangerous (well.. if you know me like) but i will be sensible with them i promise. i think i may have to keep these babies in my room. hang them on my wall. amongst other trendy stuff (like a designer bottle opener and posh tea) that i recieved we have ssx3. a big cheer for this one please. ssx3 will make you ill. it will make your eyes bleed. it will make you crap yourself a new asshole. i know these things because its all ive been doing inbetween the sosmix rolls.

'belleville rendevouz' was on last night (along with amelie so love channel4). i missed it when it was at the cinema in favour of 'spirited away'. that was obviously the right decision at the time but im dead happy that i got to see it so soon. especially since its only a couple of months since it was out. it has that lovely frenchness and it combines different animation styles beautifully. i was a bit worried when i noticed that it wasnt subtitled. and then just angry when i realised they must have dubbed it. but infact they hadnt. there is just hardly any dialogue is all. which is a skill in itself (especially for a full length film). it works as well as peter kupers 'system'. if not better infact. its cute, touching and funny. so if you get a chance to see it you should. unless your other choice is 'spirited away' in which case you should see that instead.

if any of my house mates are reading this we now have a dvd player. another big cheer please. although its going to be staying my room when not in use. a little bit pain in the anal i know but ive seen what happens to consoles left in the living room (dont worry its not a fucking xbox). there isnt enough space in there anyway. "shit laurence you are such an only child". please note that that didnt stop other kids from breaking or damaging my nice new and shiny stuff. our living room is a pig sty. believe.

24.12.2003: i know its only one of the many steps theyve made towards creating a generation of mindless children. and a small step at that. but i still nearly cried when i saw what has replaced the bright yellow aeroplane ride and the little boat ride in the clock tower shopping centre. you know the rides i mean. just big enough for one child. you put in your 50p and they rock backwards and forwards. if you press the steering wheel it goes meeeep. but not anymore. all that remains is a cold and hard square with a humongous screen. it's a rollercoaster simulator big enough for one kid. what was that about reality being less than television? your childrens souls are dying from the inside.

and then i saw the funniest thing i've seen in weeks. this guy jumped out into the main road infront of this car. a proper flash boy racer like. it's obviously one of his knob head friends. anyway. when he jumped his phone fell out of his pocket into the road. this is an expensive posh phone. big screen and keypad etc. it landed right infront of the cars front wheel.. which rolled right on top of it. that really made my day.

i hate typing on this keyboard. the keys are really hard to press and its all bent like a banana. not one of those european union bananas mind. possibly like a really bendy cucumber.

so last night we had a bit of a rugby posse gathering. ben corey and martin came round. much alcohol and rabble. we played the 'hilarious' game where everyone puts two questions into a hat and then people pick them out and answer them. for some less than needed insight into our group mentality here's a selection of the genius we have to offer:

what would disgust you more, finding a pube in your sandwich or smelling piss in your friends bedroom?

are girls put off by the rancid state of your "man below"?

whats the longest youve gone without making a joke about paedophilia?

none of those came from my mind by the way. haha. oh yeah.. and have a happy fucking christmas.

21.12.2003: i have a sneaking suspicion that this post (please dont let me call this a 'post' ever again) is going to be gigantor. ive had a wicked weekend. and just have loads of random things to say as well. i have no idea where to start.. so how about a photo from a few weeks back i never got around to uploading?

so friday was my work party. i really like the people i work with so i was well looking forward to it. wine and tequila and whatever. we all went to the komedia. big sit down dinner tapas etc. hurray for the large amount of vegetarians in brighton. i think i ate too many olives but they were so good. the comedy was actually funny (yeah im a bit cynical like that). the first act was that woman with the monkey puppet (yeah i know what its called). i say it like you all know who i mean like she's famous or something. well i had seen her before and probably on tv so im sticking to my guns. it got quite surreal but thats all good. then this guy with a big nose who near the start said "i hate photographs. they always make you look like youve got a big nose". and other details which i can't remember. or wont. apart from that before acts they played the old pwei song 'def con one'. it was nice that everyone was all drunk properly. another round of tequila? so i had conversations with people and they were all groovy. etc. see work is actually a good thing.

i arrived home at about one. thats what it felt like at least. i barely slept all night. i dont want to blame it on the people who were being loud until half five but they may have to figure into the equation. i had some really bad dreams about various unmentionables that left a stale taste in my mouth. but this is actually okay because it means i was sleeping at some point. i woke up at seven which isnt as hard as it sounds now i do it every day. this paragraph is going nowhere so im going to end it.

the pavement outside the art college is like a chewing gum graveyard.

a short interlude between me telling you the mundane happenings of the weekend (hey i skipped what i had for breakfast so fuck off). here's some graffiti that has been a constant source of amusement over the last couple of weeks on the way to work. i only just got around to photographing it. it was pretty damn funny to start with. not what it says (hell we've all heard that one before) but that the numbskull doing it messed it up so fantastically. take a look just below. it gives brighton graffiti a bad name. anyway. then came the anti-sexist backlash and someone removed the 'cun' (how clever of them. i can still talk about it without swearing) writing "female alienation is an anarchist speciality". i thought it was worth sticking up anyway.

i think i might have written about the brighton train station toilets before. these three knobheads (nostalgia insult) being lame about pissing next to other people and each other. like it's not a four meter wide trough. it was pathetic. on saturday morning there were three guys doing their business and were pretty evenly spread out. the guy on the end finished and left so the the middle guy side-stepped away from the remaining dude while still pissing. what is wrong with people? are they shy or stuck up or what? i mean.. so i just went and pissed standing right next to him on purpose. he looked well miffed but what is he gonna do? look anywhere else other than the grouting? as if.

even a three hour journey up to rugby i still love travelling. you're really making some progress. and you can do nothing but read and listen to music. so i finished 'survivor' and the conclusion is in. it is chuck palahnuik's best book. by a long hefty way. it manages to say so much. and achieves it with a piercing style that no one seems to be able to pull off (someone please prove me wrong). another quote from survivor is "the big question people ask isnt 'whats the nature of existence?'. the big question they ask is 'whats that from?'". what i want to say about this book is too long. so maybe another time.

the reason i was in rugby this weekend wasnt christmas. it was russel and laura's wedding. (did you see what i did there?). so before going on about how great it was and love blah blah. i have a need to explain that i dont like weddings. theyre just like funerals (okay so what i dont like is churches). everyone gets dressed up (in their one suit they wore to the last funeral) and sits in a cold church. you stand up and feel awkward while everyone sings some god awful song. someone comes down the aisle. people cry. some guy reads something religious something. another hymn if you're having an unlucky day. someone will read some passage from a book that is supposed to be really meaningful but in reality everyone is left worse off for hearing it. obviously one is happy and one is sad. but after three hours on a train and even less hours sleep its hard to feel anything. especially your numb butt from the wooden pews. it rains at both. but ive got that out of the way now. it was actually well sweet (yeah sorry if you're offended by that word). photo.

im really happy that they eventually okay'd it with god (can i just stop being cynical for like.. even this tiny paragraph). they are definately two people who are supposed to be married. the 'after show party' was in what id like to remember as a hogwarts-esque mini-mansion (in reality? well whatever). after a previous night of good heavy drinking i was so up for doing it again. also it was amazingly amazing to see martin again. you forget how fun that guy is.

so it was me, martin and jack (with pepsi bleugh) off exploring these over-wide stairs and badly lit corridors. hanging around on really high and wide window ledges. eating posh buffet cheese. stealing wine. and crackers. it felt good you know? it was something different something. it was a little bit grand. it was paintings of winston churchill. it was big oak doors. the disco even had some decent music. the worker people had their eye on us though. everyone else was dressed up. we were cleary trouble makers. to be fair i did tip over a table. there was nothing on it though. i was tempted by the tv but a kid was watching it (oh all the more reason but i didnt want to scar them for life. those televisions are heavy with sharp corners. they can cause some serious damage to a child). drunken rabble. by the time i got to bed it was five. hurray. im sure there are many fun little anecdotes to be told of this night. but now isnt the time. i mean.. no one is still reading are they?

some girl needs to find me before the wind changes and i'm stuck like this. i'll remain internally barren forever.

18.12.2003: this year what im pining for is not the summer. its more like the rest of the world. a need to get out there to somewhere that just feels different. walking down round hill crescent today was a foreign morning view. what i mean by this is i felt not in england. and at the same time with a nostalgia for not being here. thats the best way i can describe it. the sky was a perfect rainbow pushing down to the sea. the moon was real high in the sky. bright and clear. three aeroplanes were heading off to some beautiful somewhere european. their vapour trails stretching out across whatever. they almost look synchronised. this girl just has to come and take me away.

i had this dream last night. there was a girl. ive never seen her before. i swear. she was absolutely fucking amazing. in every way. charcoal to the extreme. you might call her a goth but you'd be so wrong. you might call her an indie kid but you'd be a fool. you just don't have a clue. i was transfixed by her cigarette (actually it was roll-up). her mouth was so real. and there wasn't a single thing pastel about her. slumped against the railing in the middle of the bar. she didnt care whether it was or wasnt cool to care anymore. blue and black. like charcoal to the burning extreme. she would kill you but genuinely feel a loss. some people just absorb and drain the passion from a room. i wanted it all. and when i woke up i had a sore throat.

random work talk. i found an entertaining website. in a way of speaking. do a search for grizzled neolithic face fucking. the fact that the sentence exists boggles my mind. but then.. it is just a page of random words. think of it as a spam buffer or something. i was entertained at least.

i guess you have to focus on the details that make you feel somewhere else.

17.12.2003: its been a long time since ive doodled. so here goes nothing.. it looked a lot better half way through but i felt i had to carry on. im really unhappy with some bits of it but pretty chuffed with others. so all in all.. whatever. thats not a nike stripe. shudder. and now ive mentioned it it really stands out. damn.

16.12.2003: at work. ill never be bothered to write when i get home. but i must acquire a train ticket on the way. must. we went to see 'wilbur wants to kill himself' the other day. its really fun but also really quite depressing. very sad. so its pulling you in both directions and now i dont know what to think. its when people are properly laughing and crying. you would think it would cancel out or something. it was properly comic though. i prefered the other films ive seen recently to be honest. now im just looking forward to trilogy.

i have never liked 'the sims'. never. i tried it once. i played for three hours non-stop (apparently thats as hardcore as having a wet dream about pretending to snort fake sherbet dip). i had to see what the big fuss was all about. and to be honest it was much like the time i tried to take up smoking. a huge waste of time and it left me respecting the people who enjoy it less. but 'the sims' didnt even make me look cool while i was playing it. im glad i hated it. it is the ultimate epitome of everything that is wrong with computer games and tv. you sit infront of a screen with your little fake friends as they have little fake lives. while your own life falls at the way side. its not like watching eastenders though. now you have a false sense of control. like youre actually achieving something. some feeling of completeness. its the final step towards a complete disintergration (or rather reintergration) of reality. you have become god. i know more people than i can count on my fingers who have at some point played it solidly for days on end (reminds me of the time karen completed 'final fantasy vii' in two days. im not kidding. she did the whole lot). anyway (and i know this is old news) this is why it is so wrong that 'the sims' has gone online. its gone global. its gone multiplayer. its gone full circle. youre whole life is now fake and interactive. you dont have to get up out your seat to talk to your 'friends' face to face. or to
get your dick sucked. but then saying all this.. i really like their sexy voices.

corey: there's a sims add on for everything
emo: what about for getting a life?
corey: i'm just waiting for the sims add on that lets you play a mini version of the sims
emo: dont fuck with my brain
emo: thats *fucked* up
emo: ooh oh oh. can i do that thing lj people do where they quote chats they had in their journal?!?

and while im talking about 'the sims' i have to quote this poor chap "frickin' tards. call me naiive but i really dont get how prostitution for cash could work in the sims.... unless it involves cyber sex, which is uber-gay. cant wait to get raped by a bunch of gang banging noob rapists. totally retarded". thanks to penny arcade for making me mad. and i have to big them up for their toys for kids stuff. its amazing.

did you know you cant get alphabet spaghetti anymore? they stopped making it. (this isnt true. i am just trying to shock you)

i learnt last night that the reason i cant beat mix is that i always pick stupid records to do it with. here is me with all my old slabs of big beat. and it just doesnt work. no wonder all you ever bloody hear while youre out is house and wanky techno. it makes you really respect dj's who brave hip hop and beats. medium fat ones. etc. (your car size.. whatever)

wazzo (watch me destroy the beauty of the french language). sorry i have no context for that last comment. i just felt like spelling oiseau wrong. bite me.

bleugh. will google please spider my damn site.

14.12.2003: hayley gave me some tootsie rolls. scared. what is wrong with you americans anyway? she just got from new york where she got blizzarded on. hurray. so how come no one told me that la jette and sans soleil had been released on dvd? and i also quite want jon foster's new book. and its not cos it looks like popbot on the cover. its actually pretty good. and while im browsing amazon.. dark water has a brilliant cover. i really dont want it though. hmmm. unless anyone sees a postcard of it? i will like you forever.

i should really not admit to buying the new chris cunningham dvd. espcially considering my current financial situation (and moaning of). but how could i not buy it? i learnt two amazing facts from the book that is included. he actually made the 36degrees video (my favourite of all the placebo promos) and also the lodestar video for 'another day'. that deserves an exclamation mark (if only i didnt hate them).

listening to pod. the breeders rocked.

go and play this shockwave game. gyroball! its a cross between (that game i cant remember its name) and monkey ball. wooh.

curled up on my bed reading survivor im reminded how good chuck palahniuk is. "my goldfish is swimming around all excited inside the fishbowl on the fridge so i reach up and drop a valium in its water". no but really:

"To stand her and try to fix her life is just a big waste of time. People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown"

were not wasting paper [or grammar]
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