news [archive 14]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word



10.11.04: had an awesome meal last night at the bay leaf for rifa's leaving thing. the food there was really good. i shouldn't have eaten that chilli. it's been a long time since one has actually hurt. fucking good though. we ended up at the coopers (where tom lives, innit) playing with a rubik's cube. chris is a rubiks badass. i just kept messing it up. but then on the way to work a man walked past me playing a 5x5x5 rubik's cube. i thought people who read while walking to work were weird. also on the way to work was a guy sitting outside a cafe with a comb in his hair. oh, how wacky/zany.

but enough with the fucking falluja demo graffiti already. way to go and waste all of the recently painted walls. its damn ugly graffiti for a one day event, it's everywhere and now it's completely redundant. havn't you heard of postering? can you not be a little bit more inventive than that? can you not leave the space for someone who is going to do something decent? i passed about ten of these on the way into work and they look awful. especially the ones on the pavement which the council are going to have to waste money cleaning (i can complain since i now pay council tax). it might be for a good cause, but it's still wrong. anyone who gave enough of a shit to go to the demo would have gone anyway. you're not convincing anyone. and this is a more dubious point, partly because i can't figure out how to say it, but there's also an element of making the protesters look worse by association. it's breaking the law and people are less inclined to listen to criminals (although i laugh at irony of what i just said). if everyone protesting is associated with that kind of thing then the effectiveness is lessened. possibly. trying to illustrate what i mean - who is the public going to identify with more, the crusty or the suit being beaten by the police? (i'm tempted to just delete all of this because it's clumsy and uninformed, but nevermind). i just don't see it as at all legitimate.

and while i'm vaguely on the subject, can you spot idw's blatant ripoffs? here's a clue.

now what confuses me about creationists is when they use the argument that there are processes too complex to be explained by natural selection. surely, to be able to say this they must have an awesome grasp and understanding of evolutionary theory. and given that, how can they then be against it? what annoys me most is how ignorant some of the examples they use are (such as our eyes connecting to our brain). they could at least use something more substantial like the rna paradox. it's just that scary mix of god and science, shudder.

i can't believe the sexy vegan chick fell for the asshole.

8.11.04: this morning, the funniest thing was the girls in the beauty salon trying in vain to scrape the "out of falluja" poster off their front door. they may be good at doing nails but they're crap at urban warfare.

subharmonia @ the penthouse (above the free butt) tonight. don't forget.

so how was everyones weekends? and how do you apostrophe "everyones" anyway? guy fawkes night wasn't very fawkesy. a few of us walked about the town and down to the beach but saw nothing spectacular. i wanted to see flaming monkeys. and mer-men. but no. then for whatever reason me and grilly went to the late night cinema and caught hellboy. it ain't so bad. infact i quite enjoyed it. late showings rock. i've always liked ron perlman, since he was in 'city of the lost children', but clearly the coolest thing about the film is the nazi ninja guy. he loses his coolness pretty quickly by being a dickhead. but man, nazi's were too cool. a big plus for the tentacles, but many minuses for the overall stupidity. but then it's not like you watch a film at midnight for it's intellectual value.

the best thing that happened on saturday was steve gave me and grilly twix. i didn't even buy a stupid comic. also we played grass with robin. and then crashed a house party which had rice and chilli. it was kinda awesome. i drank far too much whiskey, brandy and then vodka. and we didn't really crash it either. i know a girl who lives there, i just have know idea how to spell her name. hmmm.

actually i'm sick and tired of going to parties and ollie being there. i havn't mentioned the thing before because it seemed unwise and didn't have anything to do with me, but anymore i just don't give a shit. i hate being so blatant but whatever. i'm fed up of the whole fucking charade. it's fucking pathetic. there's only so many times that someone can ignore me before i just don't care. it's fucking rude and it's fucking pointless. it's not even that there's a misunderstanding on my behalf here. i've been repeatedly dissed for no good reason. think what you will. i made my effort and it was shat upon. fuck it. if you think i'm being harsh then please talk to me about it.

but anyway, how cool is the open market? it totally rocks, even if didn't buy anything and what grilly bought was broken. it was cool. it starts wrapping up at about 1pm so get up there early.

new chopsticks.

and the state of the local graffiti is getting worse. you guys really have to learn some spelling and grammar. basic grammar. you are losing credibility when you write "goverment" or "no god's".

5.11.04: its the return of the friday quiz!

1. how many children have been killed playing musical chairs?
2. which band are not really known as "victory rose"?
3. who has the highest score on missile command ever?
4. who could get away with playing marv from sin city?
5. rebessica, all round nice girl or turbodeathpop shitthebedcore?
6. how long an engagement?
7. who wins in the fight - cyberdemon vs spider mastermind?
8. when did heinz start spelling beans with a z?
9. what is your favourite dinosaur anyway?
10. what is the mystery object in our bathroom?

whether they're for real or not these two links are quite funny. they show which states voted for which candidate in the 2000 and 2004 elections, ordered by their average iq. blatantly there is plenty wrong with ordering states by iq anyway. but since so many people believed it, and there's such a clear divide, i really can't be bothered to go into it.

and check out these awesome photos from beirut.

how can you call yourself a republican, when you're blatantly a fascist?

4.11.04: you can fuck off and all:


this is a story from my weekend that i wanted to tell you. so like i said, on saturday we grabbed breakfast at kensingtons (you know, the upstairs place at the end of kensington gardens). what it was, the people who had sat at our table before us had left quickly, barely touching their food. there was a practically uninjured baked potato and a mildly chewed upon baguette. it's not the waste of food that got me, but the thought of what had happened to make them get up and leave so quickly. leaving the cafe. leaving that lovely food. leaving a tell tale sign, a vestige of bad news. a little archaeological site, the remnants of what went wrong. her confession solidified in congealed cheese. his sudden recollection is nothing but bite marks along the baguette. and what remains of that shock phone call is just dead and going cold.

cheer up.

the biggest amazon box i've ever seen just landed on my desk. this is good, now i don't need to look at my work colleagues anymore. except they all flock around it like flies chanting "what is it? what is it? what is it?". who the fuck pays for delivery when the 5-day saver option always arrives next day anyway? but it makes me sick how much this cheered me up. me, the little fucking consumer shit.

so what would happen if all our important communication broke down into psuedo-cryptic blog comments? what then? and i don't mean that in a nasty way.

3.11.04: i think these polls say it all really. i also thought the bbc's electoral college guide was pretty good. and their funky map was cool too. but yeah, you have to love the bbc - "1039 gmt:president bush has gone to bed for the night".

second quote of the week goes to michel barnier saying he "raises his hat to the american democracy". what is he, some kind of capitalist?

the american response to operation clark county makes for some good reading. there are some good points but it generally makes me want to take tontie hammers to faces. since the american government puts so much effort into ruling the whole world shouldn't we get a vote though? oh go on, not even a little one? my apologies for being a globalist.

i don't think this mario playing lego robot actually worked, but i'm gonna pretend it did and link to it. now that's how you complete mario in eleven minutes. or doom in under fiteen (that really is fucked up though).

because it's hard to browse suicide girls while at work look at all the interviews i've missed:

alan moore
pretty girls make graves
palookaville
aqua teen hunger force
kelli nelson
sam kieth

rock the kazbar, death from above. i'd kill for a lapsang.

also i made it to level 18 of tontie (be impressed). it's just a shame i had to dislocate two fingers and half of my left hemisphere to do it. i havn't used it yet but there is an uber cheat code - 726 538 941.

now i have new shoes all the girls will want to go out with me.

2.11.04: hazelnut yoghurt fantastico. go go go.

so next monday is possibly the last subharmonia. remember it? that beyond-awesome night at the penthouse (above the freebutt). candles, jossticks and ultra prog-post-metal. we are going. you are going. lets make it the best subharmonia ever so the dude decides to keep doing it (unfortunately, i think it's a little more complicated than that).

"filmmaker michael moore and distributors behind fahrenheit 9/11 have clinched last-minute deals to bring his anti-bush documentary to pay-per-view television and the internet on the eve of the u.s. presidential election.", losing all credibility for everyone involved as they blatantly put their profit before their point. don't come all donating portions of the money to charity with me, sonny jim. you're all fucked either way.

this picture is too funny.

i love my new shoes.

1.11.04: will someone please bust the huge panda "we like sharing" 3 advert on the corner of queens road and north street. i thought they were using a panda because it has a "3" for a mouth, but their other stupid corporate characters don't. how did they think they could get away with branding a number anyway? and their adverts are fucking twisted. that one with the singing cherry, have you seen how their logos are everywhere in that? it's spooky, even for halloween.

starbucks too "remember the rage in beverage".

it was another exhaustive weekend, we did everything. there were no plans for friday and several false starts. you had to pay to get into the hobgoblin and then no one was in the ali cats. we went back to the park crescent pub but no one was there either. we found out half an hour later that they were actually in the garden area. dracula (asiatic berries and ginger, apparently) was only 50p a shot, so that was a mistake worth making. then there was the birthday party at astra's house, featuring 'mario bros extraordinaire' tom uhu. i ranted for about half an hour on the finer points of digimon. listening to boring house, or whatever music it was (i couldn't be bothered to remember). but it was fun enough and another very late night, possibly to do with the mario.

we spent all weekend not playing mario.

i got up too early on saturday. grilly had a cd in the post and i was excited. we got breakfast at kensingtons in town. this was awesome. we trawled around all the shoe shops but i couldn't find me a shoe. did buy a new qee though. i, bad. he's a rather gorgeous hayon jaime, lookit. also the new jeffery brown comic. and the dirtbike manifesto, there is nothing cooler than a girl coming up to you in a comic book store saying "hi, are you laurence? steve said you might want this". yes. we also netted us a lounge stereo (that's a stereo for the lounge) for £15. awesome (if it works).

the rest of the day was vacant and docile. joel cooked us some awesome pasta and when the day was over we met julie and emile (right?) in the penthouse. i still love it there even when it is really full. and loud. punk. on the hunt for a house party and with various options we eventually found our way to somewhere up elm grove. the drunken pumpkin carving was especially scary. as was the blood all over my hands when i woke up. it wasn't mine. and then it wasn't me who wrote less than three on the toilet ceiling. it also wasn't me who kicked a hole in door of that abandoned building. okay, it was but i didn't mean to. how was i to know my foot would go through the door? anyway, it would have been cooler if julie had done it so lets pretend it was her. it was. going down there, climbing the wall and breaking in was all her idea after all. she made me do it. and the noise it made was horrible. like a bag of dried maggots slowly falling, ripping and spilling. i was there. i heard it. it was the start of a very nasty halloween movie. all kinds of bad things may have happened. i havn't seen julie since - have you?

i met her mum actually, she was trying to teach me how to play a card game exactly like grass round her house. and then me and jo went swimming. the water was green and seperated. the top layer looked like jelly, while the bottom layer was slightly darker and translucent. she jumped in fully clothed and smiled back at me.

i really have to learn to stop asking people girls what their favourite dinosaur is. also, talking about colours while drunk. also, rna. also, digimon.

how can you mix up "we want to use the least force necessary in order to maintain the crowd" with "plastic balls of pepper spray, which are propelled from devices similar to paintball guns"? what the fuck is wrong with you people?

quote of the week "your security is not in the hands of kerry or bush or al-qaida. your security is in your own hands". the best transcript i could find is here.

and some light hearted entertainment, who did you dress up as for halloween?

29.10.04: a couple of nights back there was a 'row' in our street. this was at about four in the morning. it was very one sided. sounded like some girl was kicking her guy out. it went on for a while, her shouting about this, her screaming about that. eventually the car pulled away and he was gone. she then shouted "sorry for waking you up everyone". i really appreciated it, she even sounded quite sincere.

the last thursday of the month is 'fip' night at the prince albert. y'know, fip - the french radio station. turns out it was just too packed upstairs so we sat downstairs instead, kind of defeating the point. but then i guess i got to stare at all the cool people coming up and down the stairs, so it was completely pointless. and also aimee bought me the most awesome thing. rocky jaffa brownie extravaganza. i'll expect them regularly from now on.

this morning i walked the sea front to the aquarium. it was sad, lonely and surprisingly desolate. what with there being hardly any people on the beach for the time of year. and those that were, they were longing for something or other else. you could just feel the sombre. i wanted to cry. it felt like we had lost everything and it was never coming back. because it wasn't. even though it was bright and fresh, summer again. the beach was beautiful but nothing. i walked around the side of the aquarium, not wanting to pay so much to go in on my own. they had new fish on show, huge red and blue ones floating around in the entrance hall. they swam over and talked to me, but i couldn't hear them through the glass. their long tails like wisps, their message totally lost. when i left everyone outside was happy again and rejoicing.

a softer world. i found this on my random crawl through the vast and gnarly landscape that is livejournal. at last that hell hole has a use - the random introduction to random things you would never have found otherwise (see). the word 'auspicious' comes to mind, a variation on a theme. but the girl/woman, she listens to 'a silver mt.zion' and refused. she has also been spotted para-quoting chuck palahniuk (my favourite pastime). they should release a book.

the october spannerworks newsletter is now out. hot off my computer. hot.

28.10.04: the first time i found a spider in our bath i spent about five minutes trying to get the critter out. in the morning this is more hassle than you can believe. they run around, they slide about, they escape time after time. and after all this, i decided the only thing to do was to wash it down the plug hole. i really didn't want to resort to it. but i did. the next time it happened i spent about two minutes trying to get him out before whincing and turning the tap on. this morning i didn't even bother trying. i washed him away without even thinking about it. he was a big fucker too.

i still couldn't vacuum one up though.

so, the latest issue of adbusters is incredible. down to the finest detail, like how it's printed on really cheap paper. hmm? in what i think is a rather bizzare move they've set the whole issue six months after s11.2 (it actually took me a while to figure that one out). the world has 'ended'. there is no government, electricity or water supply. it's chilling, really.

if you don't know me then i don't think you'll believe me, but i've been keeping my camera and my ipod in socks for years.

and another comment about nathalia edenmont, "we kill animals by the millions in our actions: driving a car, eating meat or fish, wearing clothes, and even more by our non-actions, not preventing others from destroying habitats to make life easier for us. she's holding up a mirror, we're angry at the reflection and dont realize it's us." i have decided i love her work and will defend it to the bitter end.

now where is yashi?

27.10.04: walking down western road last night (yes, it's now dark when i walk home from work) the clouds formed to make a mountain of kemp town. bigger than you like. it towered over brighton, over boots. a snow capped beast. people have died trying to climb that mountain. it transported brighton to another place entirely. and then slowly the moon rose up from behind it. this actually happened. it was completely real and it looked amazing. just no one else could see it. it made my day plus plus. living in the shadow of a mountain would be the best. perhaps i should move to rio or something.

also, this morning i decided to buy a big issue. i figure it's been a while and i slag it off enough. so i give the guy his money and then he asks if i could possibly sort him out for a coffee i something. sigh. you may (or may not) know how i feel about this. so i gave him his big issue back and walked off. i wasn't going to read it anyway, and this way he's actually better off. if i see the dude drinking a coffee i'm never being nice to him ever again.

i had other things to say. i'm sure. but all i can think about is where my next hit of nurofen is coming from.

go escape from the viridian room or blue chamber instead. and if you don't know what i mean you should probably start by escaping from the crimson room (featuring the yellow chamber).

just to prove i'm not afraid to make my results public:

Seeks a close and understanding bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy, as a protection against anxiety and conflict.

Unfulfilled hopes have lead to uncertainty and a tense watchfulness. Insists on freedom of action and resents any form of control other than which is self-imposed. Unwilling to go without or to relinquish anything and demands security as a protection against any further setback or loss of position or prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to exaggerate his claims and to refuse reasonable compromises.

Feels that he is burdened with more than his fair share of problems. However, he sticks to his goals and tries to overcome his difficulties by being flexible and accommodating.
Feels that he cannot do much about his existing problems and difficulties and that he must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

Strives for a life rich in activity and experience, and for a close bond offering sexual and emotional fulfillment.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to stress and anxiety. He wants congenial contact with others and scope for development, but feels that his relationships are empty and his progress impeded. He reacts with an intense and zealous activity designed to achieve his aims at all costs.

26.10.04: news you just can't believe. dick and dom up for a bafta double, and john peel is dead.

what the fuck are we going to do? i think i might just go home, listen to teenage kicks, and then set fire to my guitar. what use is it now anyway?

26.10.04: clearly diesel sweeties is the coolest thing ever. yesterday we had master shake and today we have spider. just pump me full of cheese and call me meatwad. where else would you find corin tucker mingling with richard james, frank and the filler bunny?

the fucking ntl man came didn't he? drilled a fucking hole in my wall didn't he? ran a fucking cable round my room, getting in the way of everything (including the door), didn't he? didn't even fucking clean up did he? left a big fucking pile of plaster and brick dust over my clothes and floor didn't he? didn't he? he could have noticed we already have an ntl box installed in the lounge but he didn't did he? he's a fuck head isn't he? another fucking asshole. and i don't even fucking want ntl. if i could give a shit i'd phone up and complain but what's the point? the point is their fucking fools.

so the weekend. it began as per usual with friday night. we trekked into hove for (boy) robins house party, which mostly comprimised of english teachers. the djing was awful and the (trying not to use the word 'asshole') guy insisting on playing guitar was even worst. but it was a thoroughly enjoyable party none the less. he really was shit though (in a miner accent). "i don't know if i can hit the notes on this one, i'm going to have to sing it really loud". we walked all the way home and i went straight to bed, my head feeling like an inverted mace.

i didn't get up again until nearly 2pm on saturday. not quite sure how that happened but it did. we did a bit of general shopping (i'd never been in the big co-op) that eventually ended in us acquiring super mario world. respect to megan, clearly. lots of cleaning, sorting, arranging and vacuuming and our house was kind of ready for its party. the biggest challenge was moving grilly's tranforming sofabed into the lounge. after a very awkward douglas adams moment we took the whole thing apart and rearranged it. the result? we have all fallen in love with the house. oh, and the party happened.

it isn't a proper party without:

people sitting on the stairs
cheese and pineapple sticks
weezer
laurence's party lei

highlights include some guy taking me seriously when saying they had to leave because there wasn't enough room (no, but he was a cunt about it, honestly), and some woman who fell asleep on grilly's bed. not even sabotage being played through an amp resting against her forehead would wake her up.

sunday was spent shopping and breakfasting and then just chilling in our living room reading comics. it was proper lovely.

tokyo plastic have updated their site (possibly quite a while ago) and it's lusher than pretty lush. the question is - did i buy any prints? (clue: pay check just arrived on my desk)

25.10.04: it was a long weekend. really it was. i'll fill in the details tomorrow.

eyezmaze is back with a new game, like you weren't fucked with tontie enough already. pelpet:

"It falls and goes by the way of a lottery downward. If a horizontal stick is clicked, it will disappear, and if it clicks again, it will appear. Let's read the point and make it progress well. It is GAMEOVER when the stick to which the enemy who comes out on the way, and the prickle were attached is hit. A special item will be located in a line if 50 coin is taken."

aqua teen hunger force in diesel sweeties.

(feature stolen from grilly) mp3 of the week is the harpies 'octapied'. you have to love that disco beat half way through. i can't remember if we ever actually did a gig with them or not, back in the day, but nevermind.

something else i'm stealing from grilly. i fucking hate the no hands cat. how did that happen? i like the billy corgan one though, even if it isn't supposed to be him. actually it could be grant morrison (check out the great 'grant vs alan' cover, if only).

nathalia edenmont has made my morning. revel in her "killing animals in the name of art". anyone who signs the petition against her and isn't a vegan is a fucking asshole. i'm not signing it.

william gibson is back, by the way.

and should the disinformation website really be participating in a diesel ad campaign? infact, should they have any adverts at all? or perhaps this shit is just a piss take.

and there was a rainbow. crammed behind two buildings. behind tescos. it was there for about twenty seconds. i don't really think anyone else saw it though. it was pretty incredible.

at quater past eight in the morning everything is beautiful. in the most disheartening and complete way.

and now they're fucking playing lemon fucking jelly at work. the fucks.

22.10.04: no one seems to be feeling quite right. basically. barely. i don't really feel like there's anything i can do about it. sorry.

what is this, april reprise?

the world looks the same through a contact lensed eye. disappointing no? although i see more details - the 'smoking kills' messages plastered across the wall behind the till, the staring eyes of passengers on the bus - i see colours less. and patterns less. and i'm tired from staring at everything. i need re-automated blinking.

okay, we have a house party tomorrow. i know i havn't told you and it's short notice but whatever. i wish i was more excited about it but our house is just not ready. it's so far from ready it's ridiculous.

21.10.04: after playing a silly amount of flash games (see below) i went home. i ate a good pizza and drank good wine. because i was missing.. stuff. all kinds of things, i guess.

i'm not sure who many times you can see 'astra and abi' play (or whatever their band is actually called when they have piano, er keyboard), but me and grilly saw them again last night. having never actually been inside the freebutt before (only above it) in the two years i've lived here, i thought i better make an effort. the piano works. yadda yadda yadda.

anyway, it was an amazingly warm evening/night.

every now and again i'll get bored and need to play something new. so here's a few flash games i found yesterday. they're all good in one way or another. honest.

a murder of crows - this game just looks gorgeous and it's topical enough. it's not the funnest of games but is the best looking. lookit.

chasm - i ran out of time so didn't get to play this as much as i'd like. it's a simplified version of the classic point-and-click. it suspect it may get a bit irritating but i loved it anyway.

dr3i - i hate this game. it's too hard. but it's abstract enough for me to like it. it's a bit like the (also infuriating) buzzer game.

samorost - i'm suspecting everyone but me has already seen this. nevermind. it's another really simple point and click adventure but it's all very woody and treey (if that's a word i can get away with using). it has a kinda french feeling about it too, but i might be making that up.

infinite wheel - this isn't a game but it is a series of 'dub generators'.

also, the thai food in the biscuit factory is actually quite good. that chef? she cooks a mean bean curd.

20.10.04: this is just not fucking fair:


20.10.04: where the crap is my wallet? contents:

sexy barclays debit card (picture)
£20 (maybe £15)
railcard (x2)
important reciepts
drivers license (with incorrect address)
student id (for 2002/2003)
protest stars (from 1.11.2002)
metal butterfly (from 13.3.2004)
ben's cookie card (worth a free cookie)
spannerworks business cards (name spelt 'lawrence')
a nectar card (worth shit)

moving swiftly on. the surrogate:

"Desecration and fetishism are consistent throughout the narrative, which relies heavily on the historic precedent of the American fur trade. The Trapper collects Elmos through eBay; The Industrialist performs the skinning; and The Taxidermist stuffs and mounts their heads. The Alchemist solders the electronic viscera and seeks clues to the mystery of life. Other characters, The Sociopath, The Debutante, and The Fashionista, interact with the coat and its accessories at various stages in The Surrogate’s development."

i am fucking horrified, yet strangely aroused. (no, of course not actually)

dunking biscuits at work, fucking luxury. this is what we do when the bosses are away.

now about me not ordering from amazon anymore (previously, on amazon), i did yesterday. but before everyone who i asked to smack me next time i did this smacks me, let me explain why. i went to buy the new 'ghost in the shell' dvd. but look! 'la haine' is also out now (rather humorously with "new subtitles" on the cover in big letters). and look! so is 'city of men', the series/sequel to city of god. it's just too much and i can't decide what to get, so i buy nothing. retail therapy is terrible, and shopping for instant gratification is not the way forward. so i return to the office and order them from amazon. lets be honest, is this any worse than buying them from hmv? clearly not.

this colour war is going to be easy. have you noticed how the b&q logo is identical to the orange logo? we can kill those fuckers in one foul swoop.

19.10.04: take the colour back. the problem is i picked a really bad time for this. it has nothing to do with pumpkins and nothing to do with halloween. it has everything to do with mobile phones, b&q and easyjet. you can't brand a colour, you bastards. what diary has taught me, we must associate the colour with everything negative. dressing people in orange before cutting their head off is a good start. we need to think bigger. how about a b&q employee hijacking a plane with a mobile phone and flying it into.. oh wait, i think we've been here before.

again we went to the walmer to see astra and abi (i think "abi and astra" rolls of the tongue better). they really are awesome though. i just love violins (violas whatever). it was a bit packed but still friendly. hurray for pubs full of girls. but don't put tia maria in your guiness (i still want to try a guiness float though). and there is a black fish in that big tall tank. i like that pub.

(google desktop search actually rocks)

luxembourg is one messed up place:

"Legend has it that "Klees'chen" brought back to life 3 children who were savagely killed by a butcher, ready to be turned into sausages. Being a good-natured children-loving sort of a guy, he promptly resurrected the kids."

and in case you're wondering exactly why i was looking at that (or rather you presumed something entirely wrong), it came up while i was researching christmas trees in google. optimising for christmas, innit.

looks pretty in the snow though. but then who doesn't?

i wish it would snow. then i would have an excuse to be miserable. and you would have an excuse for looking pretty.

18.10.04: my meeting on friday was okay, it was nice to get out into the country. they also had earl grey which was just great. rather bizarrely the guy gave me a spare tea bag "for later". i say it's bizarre because aimee sent me an email saying "i'll meet you at station, i'll be one wearing red berree, you be one waving an earl grey teabag". i hadn't actually recieved it though because she'd sent it too late. so there's me wandering around brighton station with an earl grey tea bag, not quite knowing why.

we jumped on the first train heading our way. three trains later and we're waiting in milton keynes for our connection. has someone right fucked up the train times or what?. on our journey back we changed at northampton, watford junction, willesden junction and clapham junction. near enough london to lament the good old days when i found it so appealing. now i'm just confused and torn with so many negative feelings. i wish i could explain or rationalise it, but nothing helps. anyway, we're at milton keynes. there's a bunch of fourteen year old girls following us about. they're smoking and looking at a map of britain when one of them says "i thought wales was up there". and their dancing was fucking awful.

rugby was hella fun. really. i got to show aimee all my stuff. how i was actually quite disturbed (read 'fucked up') at school, as documented by my rough books. next time i take a girl home they'll remain securely hidden. there was drinking and cooking and guitar and games.

sunday night i ended up round tom's house watching the minimoni movie. i was awed flat. we also played some doom3. yes it looks good and everything, but i'd take old school doom any day. it's just more fun. i should point out every time i've mentioned doom recently i've meant just that. doom. not doom3. anyway. this has also made me realise that everyones house is so much nicer than mine. grumps.

i never realised peter norvig was working for google. he's the dude who wrote your core text book (that's if you're an artificial intelligence first year). interesting job he has there though, "understanding the meaning" of search.

i don't do this enough:

daniel: what did she have glasses or something?
emomilk: she did actually. why?
daniel: stereotypically uncool people usually have them
emomilk: she was cooler than you could barely imagine
daniel: cooler than shaft?
emomilk: like i said..

but then i'm not a livejournaler. what kind of livejournaler are you anyway? that's actually funnier than you think. honest.

15.10.04: i'm woken up at two by the worst headache. so i'm lying in bed trying to go back to sleep, trying to be unconcious, trying to make it just go away. i'm semi-conscious, less than lucid. and i'm dreaming doom. someone is firing repeatedly into my temple. a super-shotgun right by my temple. right into the side of my head. holding down ctrl. my brain is a cacodemon bleeding blue on the floor. on your best rug. by the fire. and i'm thinking, why don't you just kill me already?

i'm off now. with jamie and maddy, and then with aimee. to see some gardeners and then to rugby for the weekend. this will be fun.

fuck. rush. hurry. dash. etc.

14.10.04: honestly though, this is no way to gain the respect of your employees.

my tendons have fused solid to my joints, and so have my joints. the base of my spine is buried somewhere in my right butt cheek. my body just doesn't care. it has sensed my apathy and given up on me. this all hurts. it hurts like a bastard.

meanwhile, woot on this


and nothing else. no joy.

so me and aimee (also ben, grilly and rachel - whoever she is) went to a music festival the other night. we sat about in this candle lit comedy tent for a bit, which was fun. then someone started playing some metal, so we stumbled off in the dark to try and find it. turns out they were only sound checking but they actually let us on stage. it was wicked. "fatt bassness" as aimee said. they gave us some free tickets and everything. and then aimee woke up.

13.10.04: what it was is this, when i woke up it was dark. if that isn't enough to ruin your day then i don't know what is. apart from maybe any number of things.

any number of things that have already happened.

that and i also had a few morbid dreams. dreaming about death is no fun. not anymore. not really. and these were quite abstract too. there's me, splayed out across a pebble beach, crying over a distorted red hair brush. trying to work out whether i'm supposed to throw it away or keep it.

last night me and the grilly made an awesome curry, i tried to learn some of his tunes and then we played quantum. does anyone remember this game?

check out the cool vegan chicks though. and this cooler than cool bunny game. it kinda reminds me of something. the packaging you get with qees?

i really really want a nutella sandwich. please.

12.10.04: i feel like shit today. or rather i look like shit. which is near enough. i don't think i've been sleeping properly or something.

so i have a tendancy to record all the fonts i use, as you can see on my horribly anal reference pages. this is why it's such a pisser that the font i need to identify isn't bloody mentioned. it's that font up there where it says "emo.ware". what is that font? what is that fucking font anyway? please help me. not even identifont figured it out (actually, it's results were awfully disappointing considering i answered over fifty questions). corey is winning so far with his lucidia sans. but the 'w' and 'e' aren't quite right. my branding is in chaos.

while searching the web for various fonts i came across arial or helvetica. i hate to admit it but i've always quite liked arial. anyway, i got (what i think is) an impressive 8/10. where i fell down? on the capitals of course. i've never really used them. damn those caps.

so i never did say what i did on my weekend. it was mostly dominated by friday night. i was so tired when i got in from work i can't remember what i 'did' for food. bless. me and grilly met matt and aimee in the pav. then others a bit later. in total it was ben, nick, nicola, cliff, james, jon, cally, dan (oh fuck i've forgotten his girlfriend's name) etc. this was on the way to the concorde2. which i never really enjoy. but it was acutally a good night. i suppose the highlight was suddenly realising you can hang out under the stage, and doing so. at some point i'm hoping nicola will send me the photos and i'll post them up. drunkenness.

actually, what i did for food was the sanctuary cafe with my parents, which was great. this is also pretty much what i did on saturday. they bought me a funky table and then some shelves on sunday. the shelves that have fucked my hands up. a fit of psuedo-diy and there is only bone hanging out beyond my wrists. i was so tired when i got in from being out i can't remember what i 'did' for my evening. i probably played doom and went to bed. read some of 'diary'. fell quickly fast asleep.

last night we didn't bother sticking around to see how well we did at the quiz.

actually, now i think about it, everytime i was leaving somewhere in a hurry we bumped into someone. jess at our house, christina at the pub, etc.

obviously, i only mentioned that for one reason. to see how you reacted and to see how well you're paying attention. wait, i only mentioned that for two reasons. but then, it was only really one. (shuts up)

y'know, i really should have gone to see 'bloc party' last night.

this is the stupidest seo site i've ever seen. it's military in its satirical precision. mangez plus de poulet.

this site (is that russian?) is satisfying my need for industrial retro 30's sci-fi. quashing my urge to see that awful gorgeous looking film. no names.

11.10.04: it's all kicking off down indymedia, who are clearly a bunch of terrorists. i heard they pass secret al qaeda 'attack codes' through the meta data on their web pages. that or the swiss/italians just can't handle not being in control of all their media. well you know, freedom of speech is all well and good and everything, but sometimes you just can't have people going around spreading malicous rumours and lies like that. maybe we should just be grateful that america is actually sticking to international treaties and helping out another country, rather than shitting on them from a great height. indeed. or maybe not.

hey grilly, is this anything to do with you? i thought you invented this game. anyway, clearly those people have no idea about how it really works. i might email and tell them how we play, hardcore stylee. scissors paper spock rock lizard.

the way i see it - scissors cut paper, paper disproves spock, spock throws rock, rock squashes lizard, lizard's tail is cut off by scissors but he runs off and his tail grows back, scissors then stab spock, spock stamps on the fucking lizard, who is actually a cameleon and changes to the colour of the paper, the paper that covers rocks, which smashes scissors. it's easy to remember because it goes in order scissors paper spock rock lizard. what a lovely pentagram. you also get to imagine a lizard spock rocker.

actually, what i'm doing is waiting on the phone trying to talk to the council (re: council tax). there is a recorded message informing me i'm in a queue. this is repeating over and over. and right at the end, just before she shuts the fuck up, you can hear her telephone creak. the plastic being gripped a little too tight. squeezed, distorting it from its original molded shape. the same creak over and over every thirty seconds. and this creak, it's burrowing its way into my skull.

for my birthday (or something, i dunno) someone bought me a bodyshop pack containing shower stuffs and stuff. it was mostly face washes which i never use. but then, since i have them why not use them right? so i did, and they actually make your face feel pretty nice. despite that anyone who uses such products is clearly an asshole. or even anyone calling them 'products' is an asshole. so nevermind.

and if you're bored playing tontie then stick this code in at the start - 965813472. it'll get you past the first boss and place you right proper in hardcore territory, my friend. (can i get away with saying?) get shitted!

08.10.04: phew. just managed to get myself pwei tickets (plus ben plus martin). just. ticketmaster managed to right fuck it all up. chaos ensues on the nation. after various phone calls and emails and the like.. pop will fucking eat itself. who would have thought you'd ever see the day?

i urge you to check out this (any description would fall flat). it is worth the download. i sincerly promise.

i also found a mirrormask trailer for you. but please watch it with the sound off. that is one terrible voice over.

i'm a little disappointed with the graffiti against the salvation army building. "religion is stupid" is probably the least intelligent graffiti i've ever seen. and what's with the apostrophe in "no god's no masters". perhaps it's some street speak for god has no masters. like "no woman's no cry"? i'm just confused now. before i knew how to use grammar properly i didn't use it at all. what's the point of placing random apostrophes anyway? the point is you're a fool.

i just had to proof read that paragraph really carefully.

so i never mentioned the meal we went out for on wednesday night. it was for kerry's leaving party at 'the king and i'. it's actually a really good thai restuarant. unfortunately we split the bill (this isn't just me being a 'student') and it ended up £26 a head. good job i drank all that wine i suppose. otherwise i would have had no starter and drank water, saving myself a good £16. and i woke up at four totally wired. i hate eating late. but like i said already, it was well good.

one of the books i bought last weekend was brian wood's (yes, thats his livejournal) 'the couriers'. turns out it's uber cool and i want to be bicycle courier more than ever (i've said it a few times but how serious was i being really?). so for christmas i need some baggy camo pants, a serious hair cut, some tattoos and a tasty piece. i'll find my own bullets, thanks.

or a bose sounddock, i guess.

have you noticed i'm swearing less? or more? aimee's email server seems to blocks mail containing swear words. i'm getting used to writing without swearing more, it's almost subconcious now.

my current favourite game is tontie. hurray.

07.10.04: actually what i've been doing is playing a lot of doom2. i'm too cool like that. i might have to bring it into work. i've been wanting to play it so much i download rogue. i advise you to do the same. it's one of my all time favourite games. up there with atv simulator (c64) and marshmallow duel. what actually makes me cool is that i'm offering them up for download. do it, old school style.

aimee gave me a new hat. i don't care if it makes me look funny. i love it. let's tipex a bunny on the front, like you said.

if it was my birthday i would be buying me one these popbot figures. but for that price, i'm just not enough geek to warrant such 'collector' items.

and microsoft can fuck off for placing gmail emails straight into the junk folder. what are they? what are they anyway?

my first commissioned website - go go rifa's art club. it looks kinda simple but that was basically the idea. i'm happy with it anyway. apart from the old 'lorem ipsum'. nevermind.

and my own website's homepage is currently getting about 100 downloads a week. that is no measure of unique vistors by any means, but still.

i write you so avidly because if i didn't i would only become lonely.

06.10.04: shit the bed plus plus. pwei reformation. and to think i only found out about this from looking at random livejournal images. why did no one fucking tell me? if you want to go then contact me by any means necessary before friday morning. i'll get you a ticket.

happy birthday to aimee. not that she can read this, what with working for nazi employee's.

i put that apostrophe there just to piss you off.

check out my libras.


two of three, collect them all.

the sidewalk is carpeted with feathers. and what this feels is synthetic. as a coping mechanism. dirty, soft and plastic between your toes.

i say 'sidewalk' for this very reason.

05.10.04: what happened last night was me and grilly went to see astra and abi. that's what he says anyway, except i thought it was the walmer pub. either way, i loved it. especially the fish. violins and fish go together like awe and some. is there an and between horse and and and and and cart? where they were playing was beside the classic skyscraper-style fish tank. i love this. it's elegance. the fish look like they're slowing burning as they float up and down in the column of water. the gig was lovely (have you ever noticed how close that is to lonely). i heart violins. and i'd start a band involving them heavily if only a silver mt zion wasn't quite such a towering awesome of unattainability. it was some good violen though. as well as the numerous fish there were also many girls. it's a total yin yang thing, i'm sure. or not. this is nothing that makes me happier.

earlier i found a photo of banksy. he doesn't look like what you'd think. not really. i'd put up a link but i think it'd be out of order.

i want a hello kitty master card.

but more so i want you to watch the new perfect circle video for imagine (yes, it's a lennon cover).

i don't really want a hello kitty master card at all. guess i lied.

04.10.04: it's been a long weekend. i feel quite exhausted. i don't know where to begin. infact, i wouldn't even bother except i remember thinking several times "i'll have to write about that on monday".

we went to a few pubs after work on friday but i was a little too tired to really appreciate this. i went home and made a far too hot curry but it was just what i wanted. then after two episodes of spaced grilly arrived (with more curry). this was about all i can remember. the dude had bought me back an evirob tshirt from indonesia. does that make sense? no, not really.

i woke up on saturday feeling like i'd had a really rough night, which i hadn't. i'm always torn in the morning, i don't get to lie in very often but then i hate wasting the day. so i got up and me and grilly headed over to shabitat for furniture-core. then into town for a mixed bag of stuff starting with vege burgers. i sat there watching some guy desperatly trying to sell his big issues. it was proper soul destroying. after food and cd shopping we stood about on the sea front for a while waiting for someone to step on what looked like a baby manta-ray that had been left by the traffic lights. no luck. we hit dave's comics pretty hard. should i be disappointed that the new lore is nearly all text? pah. tom came round for a quick visit and then we went all the way the sanctuary to see some guys play some guitars for some chickens (i don't know). the whole day seems a bit hectic, we finished it off with a house party at someones house. i'm not sure whose but it was a lot of fun. the girl who works in ali cats and is always uber miserable was there. turns out she'd been 'suspended'. she's friends with this other girl (laurie right?) who i kept seeing about brighton every day. it was getting a bit embaressing because she'd blatantly noticed. infact it was her who bought it up. so i'm glad that's all sorted. now i'll never see her again i suppose. ha. cheers for the baileys though. i also spoke to rachael (the other one?) quite a bit, it's nice finding someone who talks more tangented and faster than me (no, but she does). and the weezer album lasted a whole four songs.

i woke up on sunday feeling like i'd had a really rough night, which i hadn't. not really. i had however had a really shitty dream. infact i've had one every night for the last three nights. and yes, they've all been about the same person. sigh. that's just what i fucking need. anyway. me and grilly went for a dave's dinner (everything in brighton that belongs to a dave is amazing). then we did our first house communal shop, that i thought went pretty well. then on to the cowley club for sunday dinner. after a dave's this was quite a challenge, although a good one. plus they got table football now.

then some more whiskey and instrument playing. rachael popped round (hello). we ate weird orange stuff. then our house went to the penthouse cos beth and mia were djing (rock action). i think we just ended up talking in four dimensions. bless me and grilly.

also, yesterday was a whole year since i properly met jess and grilly at robins birthday party. my, what mixed feelings i have about that party..

this question from googles stupid aptitude test. kind of reminds me of something - "you are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. there is a dusty laptop here with a weak wireless connection. there are dull, lifeless gnomes strolling about. what dost thou do?".

seen on the streets of brighton

01.10.04: last night i started reading 'diary'. this despite me trying to cut down the number of books on my 'currently being read' list. it was released ages ago but i like taking my time with good books. and i'm nervous to read his less good books (i never did like lullaby all that). it's the worst when someone you have total awe for disappoints. everything crashes down and nothing is ever great again. likewise. whatever. turns out 'diary' is lush. i read it solid for two hours before my tiredness got the better of me. you have to be careful with a chuck book, because you can finish that sucker in a day if you're not.

damn i love narrative.

also i got to wear a hoodie to work this morning. ha.

prepare for another pad thai massacre on western. woot.

(just as soon i get the spannerworks newsletter out)

this euphemism generator isn't that great, but i do like "kissing the little soap". it sounds kinda cute.

incoming grilly at six o'clock.

30.09.04: i just walked to work in the rain. listening to godspeed you black emperor. smiling all the way. it was great.

i want katamari damacy. clearly it is the coolest game ever, cleary. release it in england you bastards. come on. hurry up now.

i also want one of these. check it out man, they walk when you blow on them. kind of. it's all action down the beach.

david blunkett can fuck off the though. the stupid asshole. grrr. argh.

excuse my stupid mood today, it's a stupid one.

29.09.04: legalize dog hunting!

so last night i learnt how to play poker with jon and james. i can't see it being a game i'll be getting that good at (i'm hussling you) but it was well good. even if i did totally lose. you definately need a good smoked whiskey to go with it too. everyone should play poker. (harking back to the good ol' days, "everybody play strip poker!").

and i'd rather you didn't leave dead horses lying around our city either. or spray paint "no ban" along our roads and promenade. you don't see us spray painting your cows.

so i buy carob. nobody knows what carob is. everybody gets excited. everybody wants some. everybody hates it. everybody wastes my precious carob. go suck on your shitty chocolate, you losers.

i have a chocolate donut left though (19p for four, love the co-op?) and i'm gonna haoum it like a mother fucker.

and we all know this already but i'll say it again - buy your food from the taj mahal on bedford place (just off western road after the waitrose). their vegetables are fantastic and also cheap. i got six chestnut mushrooms, an aubergine, a courgette, a carrot and a hunka block of feta all for two quid. gawp at that. check out this well good list of specialist food places in brighton. brighton rocks for food.

as i promised, some photos of yesterdays asshole populous in brighton.






this is the shit brighton has to put up with, fuckers the lot of them. so a lot of people i spoke to seemed disappointed at the lack of anti-hunt people there. but to be honest i think it's only fair we let them have their shitty little protest. they have as much right to protest as anyone else. they organised it properly and there was little trouble. we can protest against them another day. trying to stop other people from having their voice is just wrong, whether you agree with them or not. it's not really a matter of right and wrong.

they are wrong though. ass wipes.

28.09.04: i just got back from the pro-hunt protest. i've never seen so many fuck heads in one place in my whole life (apart from maybe fat boy slim on the beach). we stood around while nils shouted at them to "fuck off home you bastards". there was a lot of them, but really it was quite pathetic. and why arn't the kids in school? my favourite banner was "labour the new nazi party". i just wish i'd dressed up as a fox and run about with my willy hanging out.

i'll put up some photos tomorrow if i can be bothered. for now i'll stick this one up. just along from the main protest was this guy.


he was shouting that his son was killed in iraq and he was going to hang himself. that's a noose around his neck. all he wanted was an apology from tony blair. everytime the police got near the bottom of the mast he said he'd jump. we left after five minutes, not really wanting wait all day, not really wanting to watch someone commit suicide themselves.

"at the request of sussex police, this webcam has been shut down for the duration of the labour party conference".

'countryside alliance' is probably the most commonly used typo around at the moment.

about being able to play the sims in sims2, me and corey talked about that ages ago.

casshern's uk release is supposed to be january. not sure why the wait has to be so long (it showed in london at the start of september but was sold out) but at least it is coming.

27.09.04: jess pointed out that i don't write like i talk. i definately used to. i'm thinking maybe it's because i've started writing rather than talking on my site. that sounds obvious now i've written it down, but my point is there. just not worded out proper.

perhaps it's to do with how much more i read these days. i spent most of the weekend reading. i realised i have about six or more books on the go and need to get this number down. it's a healthy range of academic, fiction and shorts though. so i guess i have a book for every occasion. and on sunday we dragged home a box of old voxs and selects, these music magazines from 1990 to 93 that someone was about to recycle. ben would've had a heart attack, and now i know how he felt going through his brothers nme collection cutting out all those belly articles. i never realised quite how popular shaun ryder and carter were though. it was also funny reading reviews of new bands such as the smashing pumpkins, nine inch nails and belly. 'star' got a poor review and was then one of the albums of the year, losers. i ripped me out a well good belly poster from back when they were just starting. i might frame it and stick it up. do select still do those funky poster centre-folds? does select still exist?

anyway, more importantly aimee is now an aunty. so congrats to her sister and all. it's a girl (i want to shout "it's a puppet" but i don't know why). this is lucky because otherwise he was going to be called key-lime. or at least at school he would.

i never rambled about chris t-t at the komedia. i guess maybe i was too busy last friday or something. anyway, i really enjoyed it. it was cool hanging out with people (especially rifa's nachos, not that they count as people or anything). it's just a shame the chris t-t band weren't over joyed about their performance. the sound guy was a total loser though. i know the pain of sounding great in a soundcheck only to have the 'professional' fuck it up later. i still thought it sounded good though and will definately be seeing them next time.

i shouldn't have cycled to work today. now i'm going to get nappy rash.

on friday we ate pizza and went to the funky fish, stopping off at the audio bar on the way to drink expensive drinks and dis their flyers. but they used to be so good though. extensive bar though, quite impressed. i've been the funky fish too much recently and i need a better hit. i need more passion in my music. i'm always too tired on friday as well. whatever.

so on saturday i read a lot and then met corey and waylan in town. i eventually bought 'driving blind'. i'd been thinking about it since i first saw it and decided to buy it. they had moved it up onto the top shelf amongst the coffee table porn. and it does have a very black anonymous cover. so i just hope the girl didn't think i was buying porn. or thought i was, maybe. we went for coffee and i gawped at all the cake. jess was fasting and i hadn't eaten either. the plan was to hit bombay aloo hard as soon as fast time was over. which we did. we even followed it up with hot chocolate rock'n'roll. back at the house we watched 'castle in the sky'. fucking love that film.


24.09.04: not only was my bus on time (actually it was the previous bus running 15 minutes late, but hey), the driver also changed me up a £2 coin instead of a 50p. do the maths. i gained 20p by taking the bus this morning. jess and joel also got me a chocolate croissant for breakfast. looks to be my lucky day.

so some photos of my new room.




as you can see it's just a remix of my old room. but turn the camera around and the carpet fades into books and records. before i know how my various furniture will fit together i can't begin to sort that wall out. anyway, a photo of the sea yestersday. i was walking along western road and it struck me down a side street. by the time i got to my camera the clouds had flattened a little and the sea had lightened at the horizon. nevermind.


i was going to put up the photo tom took of himself, but in a soberer moment i decided his impression of the 'silence of the lambs' guy isn't family material. he'd only think it was funny anyway.

but i've definately lost something. and i just felt it for a brief second. this was how i used to feel. i'd forgotten or not noticed. like it had be taken away so slowly you couldn't tell (i couldn't tell). but there it was again for the shortest time. like a tease. you used to have spirit. you used to feel confident. you used to feel more worth. it's gone again now but at least i know how it felt. and knowing is half the battle.

23.09.04: okay i admit it, i'm totally addicted to the live journal image tool thing (again). but it's so good for killing time. turns out people all post at about the same time of the day. in the morning you get loads of manga images posted, then about midday it goes all russian. well i thought that was interesting anyway.

i'm telling you, finch is real tarmac scraping emo. every accident i've nearly had has been accompanied by one of their songs. so when i'm on the bus and 'what it is to burn' starts playing - i get off at the next stop.

last night me and joel carried a desk from london road station to our house. it hurt more than anything. my arms and hands were so messed up i had trouble chopping my vege. i struggled opening the front door and then we only just managed to get it through the fucking thing (yes fucking). i couldn't make a fist for three hours. i shouldn't sound so ungrateful.

wow, suddenly projected into a bad mood. thanks guys.

22.09.04: near miss number two. and some asshole thinks it's clever to open his car door into the road without looking. into a fucking main road. at thirty miles an hour i would have tore his door clean off, front flipped over my bike, square landed on it and surfed the sucker the rest of the way into work. other possibilities would have looked equally spectacular, just that the state of my face wouldn't have.

so i'm cycling down davigdor road. there are never any cars along this road because of the traffic lights (i have to wait for these to stop the traffic to get onto the road). but i keep checking anyway. and i'm still not going to take up the whole road. besides, there is a bus heading in the opposite direction. plus i've finally managed to get my bike into top gear. now whenever i'm in a car and i open the door into the road i'm kind of cautious about it. you would be though wouldn't you? rather than swinging it open as fast as the hinges will allow? so i go to brake but what difference is it really going to make? i swerved drastically, avoided skidding, and hopefully scared the shit out of the stupid mother fucker (whose fault it would have been entirely - i was nothing but visible). i was about a foot away from the end of his door. it looked expensive too as i shot by doing the best part of thirty.

it was a pretty good rush.

other noodles. joel has now moved into my house (two nights ago). it was very weird as i'd just got used to living on my own. what is this person doing in my house? it's all cool but i havn't seen him since. i just sense he's around. it's what i imagine having a ghost around would feel like. i hear someone moving about but never actually catch a glimpse of them. there's a room i can no longer just go in whenever i feel like it. i come downstairs in the morning and my things have been moved around (we have limited supplies).

harry came over last night. it was cool hanging out. cooked dinner and drank wine. then we got apple turnovers from the co-op for 16p. we played some cards and talked about what an ass bill is. can you believe he told the people who moved into our old house that we'd left it in a state? all the bedrooms were clean and we'd gutted the living room and kitchen. perhaps he should have seen the house when we moved in. shit the bed. or at least did, it looked liked.

seriously though, aimee could be filling in forms about me right now and sending my notes about.

21.09.04: fresh iskin also smells so good (unlike my urine, thanks a lot mr.asparagus). also in the post this week i received the first sigur ros album. it's not as ungreat as everyone says. it also has the scariest cover i've ever seen ever.

apart from that..

oh fuck it. i've been evaporated.

20.09.04: i just recieved an email saying the music's new album is out today. that's now. maybe i have to quit my job in order to not wait until lunch to get it.

i had an interesting weekend. not interesting to you probably, just interesting in general. the quick version is - i had four naps, bought three figs, aquired two fish and ran over one girl. the long version follows..

we went for a few drinks after work on friday and engineered a plan of playing halo and eating dinner back at jon and cally's new flat. the plan involved us all cycling home, picking up various stuff (controllers, onion and a mushroom) on the way, and then rendezvousing back at jon's. this would have been great if we'd not been drunk and it hadn't have been raining. my route of choice was over seven dials. i figure it's quicker and the roads and pavements are less busy (this is important as my style of cycling involves both. i'd love to be a bicycle courier, you know this). i turned up the emo and hit the washed out streets hard. cycling through rain is the most fun ever, especially when you're on a mission. although i worry because i'm starting to get excited by doing really stupid and dangerous things. this was made painfully evident by my head on collision with a women attempting to cross the road (note that i was only on the road because there were no cars around). looking the other way she stepped out between a parked van and a car. my brakes were totally water logged. my tyres were barely touching the road anyway. she had proper rabbit in the headlights syndrome. it wasn't too bad but i hit her pretty hard. it was all very confusing. she rattled on about being sorry and how it was her fault for not looking, then ran off in the other direction. i didn't even get to ask her if she was okay. yes she should have looked, but then i don't have lights. also i was drunk. also i couldn't see anything through the rain. so i'm really sorry about that. it was quite exhilarating though.

on saturday i had my first lie in in my new house. it was great until i finally got up and was faced with showering. also being faced with the fact that it wasn't great all - it was just a dream. later i wandered into town with intentions of buying all the things i needed. instead i purchased three figs from a man wandering around brighton with a rather strange fruit stand. he was friendly enough, you should talk to him. but all chopping boards are shit. in the end all i got was a spatula. and a crap one at that. so i went home and slept some more. it didn't cheer me up much, but sainsburys kinda did. i now have a fully stocked fridge (even if it does smell a bit funny). dinner was a poached egg muffin and i met jon, cally and daniel in the ali cats. we battered our way through five pitchers and decided to go for curry. the sky down the sea front was totally awesome. i know i say this all the time, but this time more so. the curry was good but still not hot enough. and jon and dan were whinging about us getting kulfi. so instead of icecream we went to the jugglers and hassled the uber cool dj. he played all of our stupid requests. i especially digged the cure he played. and luckily he didn't play any queen ("you won't be glad he's dead when he arse rapes you in heaven", thanks jon). party dj topness. after this i killed jon and dan at halo and caused loads of stupid car crashes, but i forget what that game was called.

sunday was mostly depressing. properly. it's not something i'll go into but i'll give you two guesses why. so i walked to bnq and it was shit. it was worse. but i did manage to get some of my room sorted. my thumbs hurt from playing with tacks and pins. cally cooked us a wicked sunday dinner and then i recieved some fish in a bucket. i hope they're okay.

i love this photo:


it's a shitty lesson i've learnt. and i'm fucking hating it. i thought it had got easier but i guess not. a few stupid dreams and a few pseudo-familiar faces later and im just an asshole all over again. bah, this isn't going anywhere. recently i've started really regretting some stuff i've said in emails to people (person). and that pisses me off even more - what am i doing regretting stuff that blatantly doesn't make any difference anyway? i just regret that i'm an idiot is all.

18.09.04: i have thrown my camera away. thanks a fucking lot mark tucker.

who was it who was talking to me about amaranth? (i suspect it was jo). what were you saying about it? i just realised i've been eating in my museli for months. will i now live forever?

you're mission for the weekend - can you have a four dimensional mobius strip? would it have to have two sides and two edges? (actually, a bit of googling and i think i might be talking about klein bottles, how fucking useless are they?)

and getting side tracked a little, klien bottle tic tac toe and chess. and he built a crooked house too. i hurt.

one more thing, tetley have started doing a vanilla earl grey. i'll be holding judgement. but just incase, y'know, you see me running around raving about some tea or something then that might be it.

and i found the best bloody licorice.

17.09.04: are we rattling through september or what?

your last chance to witness the hoogstraten building in its full glory has gone. they've shrink wrapped it in tarpaulin. it still looks pretty sexy from behind tho.

again, to point out how dumb i am. me, jo and aimee were walking back from the pav tav and for some stupid reason i started talking about round tuits. this make sense to you? i had one when i was young. it was a cardboard circle with a smiley face painted on. they help you get stuff done. you just say you'll do it when you get one. of course i never talked to anyone about them before, or even said it out loud. at least this is my excuse for missing the pun. i'll do it when i get a round tuit. around to it. bastards. not helped by the fact i saw a couple of square tuits around as well. bastards.

the coffee they make at work is far too strong. it seriously fucks my head over. so i have a third of a cup and latte up the bastard. the problem with this is that i then drink it way too fast. it's still fucking with my head.

the coffee is for a purpose though. i've been coding a new internet spider this week. my first crawler and it rocks. it ignores your robots.txt and everything. top secret project though i'm afraid, so i can't tell you any more about it.

fry those bastards.

16.09.04: things i need:

washing machine
vacuum
bean bag (not essential)
drawing pins
pan scourers
chopping board
cling film
kettle
mop
bath mat (possibly)
clothes drying rack
kitchen clock
toaster (optional)
bottle opener
another fork
shelves
my backgammon board
drawers
desk
computer monitor
a new hat

last night the sky over hollingdean was so yellow and so blue. kinda like an incontinent smurf, or something. little fluffy clouds created a patchy white to black mesh across the sky. it was pretty awesome and the best end to a really beautiful day.

actually smurfs don't have genitals. and they also photosynthesize. i presume they have stomata and sweat their urine out? maybe this is why papa smurf has a red hat.

so i finally bought some chopsticks the other week and last night i used them for the first time. they're a bit too big but i felt cool as fuck when i had to answer the door, noodle bowl in hand. actually i felt a bit of an idiot, but nevermind. chopsticks are the way forward. believe.

y'know, some white earphones would have gone really well with my outfit this morning.

someone has painted over the "behead the brits in iraq" graffiti. now all that is left reads "anarchy in iraq" (the 'anarchy' is a logo btw). did they mean to do that? or did they just run out of paint?

also, another comment that has been buzzing around in my head. someone commented on the amount of fruit and juice i consume saying that "you can't absord it all you know?". my diet isn't based on being healthy, it's me eating food that i like and enjoy. i love fruit. i love fresh veg. coming out of 'supersize me' all i wanted to do was devour a whole lettuce or a green pepper.

15.09.04: what with all the pre-emptive depression for the onset of winter that's going around it's a surprisingly lovely morning. it's so crisp, bright and shiny. a bit like a giant diamond monster munch. i cycled into work and i felt fantastic, aided along by a little emo. autumn mornings are great. they remind me of so many great things. it's a total 'feelings' thing. you can't beat it. like being back at school. i suppose it's the start of the year and everything is starting afresh (shouldn't that be spring though?). either way, rock and roll.

you can stare at the sky without burning your retinas.

for the benefit of jess, grill and joel (plus everyone else's amusement) this is the best method for taking a shower at 11 park crescent road. first you have to wedge the shower ends even harder onto the taps (i'll explain this better in a minute). then turn the cold tap a little so there's some water coming out of the shower head. next you've got to turn on the hot tap so there's almost enough water coming out. wait for it to get too hot. then start again. this time with a bit more cold water. now you have to re-attach the shower ends to the cold water water (to avoid being scolded by the hot tap turn it off). by now you are getting the hang of it so it's time to get into the bath. what you really want to do is sit cross legged facing the taps. if you face the other way you're asking for trouble when the the shower ends dislodge again. so get wet and lather up. to rinse down you might have to kneel, else that soap is gonna stay there til you get out of the bath. then you're going to have to get back into it, that's no fun. if you're really unlucky you have to wash your hair. balancing the shower head over your shoulder will stop you getting cold while you apply shampoo. while washing it out you're going to be one handed so i suggest you practice this while you can still 'practice'. in the biting cold of winter i think leaving the bath plug in may be in order (for a warm butt).

if our estate agent doesn't sort us out a proper shower i'm going to repeatedly send people into their office with orders to sit down and order a vegetable masala and cheese naan.

i want to be a proper geek. so i'm going to start linking to shit like this. yum, outlawed guerilla organisations.

emo bots!

14.09.04: it's raining cows and horses and my poor bike is outsite. at least i'm not anymore. me and daniel managed to lock ourselves out the back this morning, us idiots. cycling down western road was a nightmare. half on the road and half on the path. you can't stay on the road the whole way because of the buses (cycling you actually travel faster than the traffic). and when it's this windy you're being blown into the middle of the road all the time. this one guy shouted at me "there's a cycle path on the road". quite clearly there isn't.

last night i built my bed and wardrobe, which unfortunately doesn't fit in the gap i thought it would. it's now resting on the stupid thing that runs round the bottom of the walls. it's six inches off the ground (yes, i measured it in inches so i could quote "six inches off the ground"). maybe i could place a brick under it to stop it toppling forwards. maybe i could place something.

after all that building i needed to go the cinema. i wasn't going to watch 'supersize me', but hey whatever. i found it really hard to watch. the whole way through i was craving an apple. or a carrot. i also felt bad for eating the vege sausage, cheese and onion sandwhich i'd had for lunch. bleugh. the problem with the film is that we know this already. it barely even scratched the surface of how evil mcdonalds is. but y'know, hats off to morgan for having the guts to do it (er, or something). another thing, watching all the kids doing exercise made me wish i hadn't hated physical education so much at school. i skived off most of it. i think the problem was mainly the teachers and how (apologies but i have to use the word) cuntish they were. if games had involved jumping up and down on mr shaws face i would have gladly spent the measly two hours a week fully taking part. thinking about it, he did kind of look like someone had jumped up and down on his face. maybe they'd tried it already and had to stop.

i liked all the mcdonalds paintings though. they were well good.

13.09.04: good afternoon y'all. so all weekend i was in the new forest with my company. we stayed in a big barn. there was lots of alcohol and food. on the friday was i still destroyed from moving. sleeping on the mini-bus was good but i still felt like shit. some weird vegetables and strawberry pannacotta helped. plus far too much of the previously mentioned alcohol. i think a special mention to jim's uber chilli vodka is in order. it kicked your ass and took your name. russian rouletting it was less of a good idea. the funniest thing i did all night was pull the emergency cable in the toilet instead of the cord for the light. alarms went off all over the barn. how dumb am i? then someone gave me another cocktail and i descended into not feeling all that hot. i slept well though.

we got up stupidly early on saturday to go jumping through trees. it's called go ape i guess. it was all very amusing but i was hoping it would be more hardcore. i'm sure i've seen people on tv do it and be total wimps. i hate sounding such a twat, but it would have been so much better without harnesses and saftey equipment. by the time we'd finished i was flat out vacant. when we got back (after visiting some shitty pub) everyone kinda crashed out. i got bored and started practising my new card trick on people. i still can't get it to work every time but it's getting better. i wish i'd sorted it before jo left. which reminds me, i accidently set the gnomes loose on everyone. stupid dancing gnomes with black and white hats. it took about twelve people twelve hours to solve it (and that was after a lot of tequila and playing with colored chips). i was refusing to give the answer out. i had several threats of being beaten up and glassed (and that was rob, haha). at the mere mention of red and green counters daniel was holding his hands over his ears and glaring at me menacingly. i'll sneak it to him later. he solved the gnomes so i'm sure he can handle it.

we had a barbecue which was tasty. except they put marshmallows with the bananas and chocolate. i was tempted but since they'd specified beef gelatine there was no way i was having one. as if i was anyway. the aubergine made up for it. this was followed by far too much table tennis. i never realised how much comedy potential it had. tim was in stiches. i also got breaten by everybody at pool. atually i might have one game. i'm not sure. it was probably against a girl so it doesn't count. then the bottle of tequila started being passed around again. it went around the table four times in about ten minutes. then i managed to get fifteen people playing one card passing. beat that. everyone got bored though and no one was paying attention so it wasn't that great. also moo pah chi (and maybe even moo pah chi tea bo).

which reminds me, i've worked out rock paper scissors lizard spock and we're going to have to call it "scissors paper spock rock lizard" because then you can draw it out in a little pentagram and all the arrows go the right way. but then, it's grilly's game and what he says goes.

sunday was great because i got to listen to silver mt zion all morning and do some writing in my sexy notebook. a bit later we went for a walk around the new forest but it rained. it felt really good though. or was that the ice cream? i can't remember. i love getting lost in forests and i definately don't do it enough. it's a bit hard without the camping, and that part of it has now been stigmatised (can i say that?) to whatever i'm really not going to go on about.

then i had a grubbs and aimee cooked me dinner. but we blew up her oven. sorry.

were not wasting paper [or grammar]
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