news [archive 15]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word

19.01.05: first the acacia boutique window, then crust and now your front door:

"The Government is giving new powers to Brighton and Hove City Council to serve notices on owners obliging them to allow council cleaners on to the property to clear up graffiti."

who are these crazed nazi city leaders anyway? they are having a laugh, and it's really not funny.

here's a good article on picture searchers. they're a good idea and everything, but how helpful are they really? you would only use them because you don't want to trawl through your pictures looking for that weird image you have some vague recollection of. but if you have to first go through giving them all tags what is the point? what i'd find immensely useful is a colour search. if i could select a colour and it returned images based on their percentage match to the colour it would be awesome. remembering the predominant colours of an image is easy right? it wouldn't work so well for photographs, but you have dates for that kind of thing. maybe i should just go ahead and code it, rather than wait for someone else to do it.

startling, the happy meal is a loss leader. get unhealthy my friends. apart from that though, i'm not sure if that article is at all worth reading, especially this bit - "half a million chickens in europe may die by ronald's hand each week, but this helps mcdonald's, in the human world, offer cheap food for the sick, old, homeless and poor".

if you're wondering why i'm glazed and tired today it's because we went to the gloucester last night. it wasn't a big night out, i didn't get to bed especially late, but we did get in a lot of dancing. it was all pretty average apart from 'the music' and kasabian (i knew i liked them for a reason). i was waiting for emo that never really came, unless 'hell is for heroes' counts (pfft). also some girl randomly smiled at me and i couldn't get it out of my head all night. i'm such a dork, i know. but anyway, the gloucester never really changes does it? apart from that a quadruple vodka is now £2.80

a very imformative post today, don't you think?

18.01.05: i had this dream where i wrote i was the happiest i've ever been, it was right here on my website. and it wasn't a lie, it was beautiful. of course the next day she broke up with me. this girl who i loved more than it feels possible outside of a dream (cos there's no poison like a dream right?), she just up and left. gone. i couldn't bring myself to write, to inflict myself upon the world. to think. so i sat in silence and never wrote again. not once. what i had written on my site stayed there forever. this is what people found, and this is what they thought - i am happier than ever, and i always am. long after i was dead this was the only thing anyone ever knew about me. how happy i was. shining, perfect and complete. this is what they liked. being in love and adored.

the kind of stupid dreams i have..

anyway, part of my plan for changing domain involved acquiring new links to my new site. so obviously i went about looking for directories of blogs and photography sites (etc). one of the better pages i found was on the guardian website. of course, i didn't email them asking if they would add a link to my site. it would just be embarrassing thinking that someone there might think that i think my blog is anywhere near worthy of being listed with their choice uk blogs (i wrote that like that on purpose). but then, why shouldn't i? it wouldn't hurt would it? and the benefits would be awesome right? so i actually did email them, and i felt really stupid for doing it as well. especially now i just saw someone from the guardian browse my site.

nice to know the guardian peeps are using firefox though.

there's something seriously wrong when someone can seriously say "playing with simulated people can help people learn". er, hello? perhaps you meant to say 'stimulated'?

17.01.05: okay i admit it, i drank too much this weekend. it wasn't supposed to happen but it just did. after a mad day/week at work i realised how long it'd been since i'd joined everyone down the pub, so i had a six o'clock pint of disappointingly unvegetarian guinness (oh hands up who isn't guilty? indeed) and whatever else. after this i caught the bus home just in time for dinner with alex, and obviously i had to keep drinking to avoid ruining my friday night. it was a good dinner too, finished off with bomberman and digital hardcore. worried the night was fleeting we sent out a bunch of invites (via certain underlings, evil spirits, secretaries and other assorted minions) to people we'd like to hang out with. we didn't do so bad out of the evening, it was well good. trivial pursuit would have been the highlight had it not dragged on and been so fucking hard, pita. and everyone loves my mum's home made blackcurrant rum, innit.

i'm on campus, btw. i thought i'd be feeling more nostalgic than i am (although actually the word is sentimental). maybe it's because it's so dark out. i was going to say 'late' but it isn't at all, i was regulary on campus at this time two years ago. the last time i was here like this i handed in my thesis. campus was a shell. it was terribly sombre. maybe that's why i feel nothing now. if the sun was out it'd probably kill me.

i loved saturday. it was a great day. we slummed it down to dave's diner where i realised they do hash browns. mother fucking hash browns, and i never knew it! i love hash browns, and all this time i've been missing out. then we found out you can only recycle card board at the tip, which is weird because magpie always agree to pick up cardboard from work when we phone them (favouritism clearly). i can't complain because i got a gus gus album for 25p (no idea which one though). but doesn't it defeat the point that you have to drive to recycle? can't we be environmentally friendly without being environmentally unfriendly? anyway, shabitat rocks.

later and were in town being pampered in dave's comics. steph was on form, he convinced me to buy at least six books (that's my purchases sorted for the next few weeks, and if i remember correctly it's a bonus month!). i don't think me and grilly have ever spent so long in there, it was quite spectacular. and echoing a conversation i had friday night, it really is as far from the stereotypical comic book shop you can get (not that i don't like bilbo or anything), you should embrace it. less than three.

but yeah, i guess i do get infatuated quite easily.

the day moves on, and couldn't you just sit and watch the birds over the west pier for hours though? if you catch them just before sunset it's amazing. dusk is so the best time for staring out to sea. remember those sea elephants? dusk is the time they come up for air. sometimes you can see their gnarled shell break the surface of the water as they roll, airing their spiracles.

blah blah blah, great party. yes. etc. thank you muchly, especially for the apple crumble and pears. olives at a party, classy.

but yeah, i was on campus keeping aimee company (i have shattered some illusion here, by confusing you with poor use of past and present. i started writing this yesterday, sorry). catching the train is fun, but the bus is not. especially when it's full of loud and oppresive first years (i originally wrote 'smelly', thought it was a bit mean). maybe going back to university wouldn't be the most fun. whereas going into town for pub burger pretty much is. febuary is going to suck isn't it?

oh, and to the bird who tried to shit on me, HA! your shotgun shit tactics will never work on me.

14.01.05: i've eaten my mouth to pieces. right proper.

the worst thing about my walk to work is that it takes me past a school bus stop situated right next to a corner shop. the regularity by which i'm asked to go into the shop to buy cigarettes, hard liquor, candy and drugs is sometimes hard to cope with (sorry, i was going a little over the top with my wording there). i just tell them to be grateful that they're not my age and getting asked for id.

prince harry gets some of my respect at least, i mean, if it wasn't for the whole fox hunting thing and him being a bit of a cunt.

and this photo of johanna buying her car is equally hilarious and disturbing.

pear and bear guest comic (part2):

Pear and Bear go to the Fete

panel one:
(scene - pear and bear are sitting in a waltzer cart with a young child. pear has his arms up in the air in excitement. bear has a toffee apple stuck to his fur [important future plot device])
PEAR: i fucking love waltzers
BEAR: yeah

panel two:
(pear is vomiting violently over bear and the young child)

panel three:
BEAR: you could have at least waited until it had started and pretended that was a fucking accident

my apolgies if you don't know what the hell that is about.

13.01.05: it's also worth noting that the bus prices have gone up by 10p. you'll thank me for telling you this when you havn't just got on the bus with only £1.35 in your pocket. the worst thing about this is how irritated the bus driver is with you.

and apart from the insanely painful wind chill, hasn't the weather in brighton been disturbingly warm? the sun is hurting my eyes.

13.01.05: if you're not interested in webmastering or search engines look away now, because i'm about to fascinate you with my knowledge of going about changing domains.

my best advice is just don't. think of all those lovely links to your site you're about to jeopardize. think of the potential confusion you are about to give google/yahoo as they arse up your listings. unless it's absolutely necessary leave it alone. failing that you ideally want to place 301 server redirects (note: not 302, which is the IIS default) on every page of your old site to the equivalent page on your new domain. although both types of redirects give the same result for your visitors, search engines treat them very differently. a 301 means that the page has been permanently moved, a search engine will index your content under the new URL. a 302 says that a page has been temporarily moved, your content will then appear in the search results under its old URL (not what you want). the main benefit of using a server redirect is that google (and also yahoo now they've finally fixed their bug) will amalgamate the incoming links of the two domains and you won't lose any of your link popularity.

the only problem you can have now is if you can't do server redirects. maybe you have free hosting (or just bad hosting) and it's not supported. if you're site is run on an apache server you may be able to implement redirects using .htaccess (more info), but most likely your hosting plain sucks. if you have to talk to ten techies just to find out what type of server you're on - change host while you're making the effort.

you're options now come down to whether you want to use the meta refresh or not, and if so then delay to use until the page is redirected. there is very little information 'out there' on what is best (these people mean business, they're not messing around with pissy free hosting). yahoo have announced that they treat meta refreshes longer than one second as a 301, otherwise its a 302. as for google it's much harder to say. all of my old pages are currently set with zero second refreshes to their equivalent new page. yesterday google had indexed some of my new site but it was also indexing the new content under my old URLs (duh). today my new domain isn't in google at all (while some of my pages are already showing up as backwards links in yahoo). possibly the key here is being patient? unfortunately i'm not, so i've updated the meta refreshes to two seconds. if google now starts indexing under my new domain we can safely assume it uses the same rules as yahoo.

if you are not going to use any form of redirection (meta or 301) then your final option is to get all of the links to your site changed and updated. i recommend you do this anyway, emailing all of those people is tedious but it's definately worth the effort. when google resolves two domains (realises they are the same) it will pick the domain with the highest link popularity. if you manage to change all of your links you are still going to have to wait for a link update, but then whatever you do you're going to be out of pocket for a while. if you simply remove the old site then you will drastically lose traffic while you build up your new sites link popularity - something that could take months (depending on how competitive your 'area' is, or course).

during my sites move the traffic hasn't dropped at all, as my pages are remaining steady in the search result under the old domain. the only bummer is that i no longer get search referal data (as the refer is always my old domain).

does anyone who reads this actually care about all that? probably not..

11.01.05: looks like we've had some big changes. no not my shaven head, my new website! so you're looking at it thinking "this isn't new at all". unfortunately, technically it is.

so, can you all please update your links to point to (or if that's where i bullied you into linking). and if that doesn't apply to you then how about sticking me a link anyway? and if that still doesn't apply to you then get a fucking website, you're stealing (um, sort of).

but why have i done this? well it's mainly because i ran out of space. my 'free' hosting was too limited, and their technical knowledge left a lot to be desired - i shouldn't need to talk to ten people on the phone to find out if their servers are running iss or apache and if i can use 301's, htaccess or neither (as was the case, useless). that may sound like nonesense to you, but it shouldn't to a webmaster.

sparkling new domain. look at me shine.

i can now also run asp, php and perl. woot on that, boi. so i'll maybe do some technical wizard shit and everything will be completely different but look exactly the same, such is the beauty of server side.

but yes, please update your links. i will really really appreciate it so so much. if you're lucky i'll even treat you to ongoing commentary of my drastic drop in vistors. wont that be fun no?

10.01.05: big changes are coming. i'd say this the reason i'm not going to write much today, but i'll believe that when i see it.

in a bid to not parrot fashion my weekend from memory to plate i'm ignoring most of it. i remember really enjoying hugh's house party, or 'flat party' to be more precise. and a very nice flat at that. being drunk and tired makes his building awesomely confusing. i recommend you take the back exit if you get the chance. knightmare? dark city? the labyrinth? that film i always wished someone would write but hasn't quite yet? something very like that. you're suddenly in a very different and weird place. possibly it reminded me of a scene in morocco circa 1987, but that's another story entirely. apart from that my thumb still hurts from playing the bongos really badly. and hugh has good puzzles, also peppermint tea. and kate now seems to think i'm a wine connoisseur. i got to bed before six, at least.

sunday was wasted on my computer, and it's pathetically over dramatic death scene. you watch from the third row as it repeatedly falls, only to rise again, run across the stage (sword in its side and hand outstreched, a pained expression on its face) and fall once more. i'm choosing the hardcore option because it's the only option - i'm wiping the fucker.

so what redeemed sunday was astra's gig at the joogleberry. that's astra the band, not astra the girl. i mean, it is astra the girl, but it's also astra the band. she gotta change her name now, clearly. although having written that and then read grilly's blog, i'm thinking that possible they're called 'astrid' now. so what i just wrote is nonesense, ignore it. anyway, they had an excellent sound, far better than the last time we saw them full ensemble at the freebutt (not that that was bad by any means). i'll save the rest of what i could write -all those adjectives- to the big boys.

also the new issue of lore is out and rocking. now to be honest i know nothing about tp louise, even after a minute of internet research, but if he/she wanted to write a book why didn't they? the last two issues have been about 95% diary pages. i like it, it's great. but you couldn't call it a comic. oh wait, maybe that's the point.

on the train back from london everyone sleeps. on a short enough time scale no one is worth it.

07.01.05: i was in london yesterday. this really didn't help. all those everythings, and all that.

so something i would have loved to mention about my christmas day, had i not forgotten it. we were preparing breakfast and juice in the kitchen. it hadn't snowed but it felt enough like christmas, y'know, all cozy like. radio4 was on in the background and they started talking about king mob (not gideon starorzewski, but rather the situationist group his name was taken from). then they moved onto a discussion about santacon, and who were they interviewing? none other than the lovely chuck palahniuk. they even pronounced his name wrong. it was superb.

pear and bear guest comic (my turn, fucker)

panel one:
(scene - bear and pear are watching ricki lake. today's show is a make over show from ricki's FAT period. ricki is wearing blue, and she is smiling like you would if you could get bakewell tarts in america)
BEAR: what did you do for new years?
PEAR: i shat in a bag of mice and left it burning on someone's doorstep

panel two:
BEAR: thanks, i had my suspicions that was you

panel three:
PEAR: your mum

getting back to my stupid dreams. how are you supposed to get over anything with shit like that happening in the background? and when your memory constantly evolves to make it into something that makes you feel as inadequate as possible about as much as possible? it's just throwing maturity straight out of the window. shucks

at least pete got the girl (also see, jeffery brown - evidence to come)

05.01.05: last night was all stupid girl dreams. or perhaps it was just one long and drawn out, quirky yet painful, stupid girl dream. singular. if only i could be bothered to commit it to paper you would be horrified by my banality. even with all that clown paint on her face, it has made me feel worse than shit today. and it's only 8:51am.

only 8:52am, and i know nothing is going to make my day.

i was going to say something about the project for the old american century, but i can't remember what it was now. it's a very interesting site though, i recommend you have a browse. also on america, feed the starving americans. it made me laugh, i mean it shouldn't have. but just the thought of it was funny. i especially liked the 'food wasted counter'. perhaps it should take into account the inefficiency of meat production/consumption, or am i just being an asshole? probably.

i was quite shocked to have amazon tell me i'd bought 78 products from them. is it really that many? even after me saying i was never buying from them again? i have greatly cut down though, now i only purchase the odd dvd's (which you can only buy from shitty places anyway) and books you just can't get offline.

and i can't wait until febuary 18th. we gonna go shoot us down some lawless country folk?

04.01.05: on the way to work, covering the pavement, is a fallen christmas tree. the poor sad thing has been dumped, blocking everyones way. i guess it will end up the same place all those puppies go.

so it's been a couple of days, what exactly have i been up to? absolutely fuck all (apart from the obligatory new years party in london, of course).

back in brighton i'd treated myself to an eshna's curry. i'm only mentioning this because of the amazing amount of food they gave me for six quid. something like they made too much or had some left over, so not only did i get a free poppadom and rice i also got a whole extra side dish. i didn't even finish it in two sittings. if only all indian takeaways were as good and friendly as eshna's. he even called me "mr.laurence". awesome.

but like i said, i was in london for new years, although really it could have been anywhere. it was a pretty cosy house party but i can't think of much to say about it. i'm reminded of the last time i wrote about a house party, i tried to split it up into two paragraphs, one really depressing and one really not depressing. i totally failed, they both sounded müy glum. i guess i'm better at writing misery than fun. like how i slept on the floor under the table in the corner. like how all my 'bedding' was slowly stolen through the night. like how all the couples slept in other rooms. but like, this isn't how i want to remember it, and this isn't how it was. i'm sure. we listened to bran van and drank champagne. i found a 'freak juice' head in someone else's cracker. and a four dimensional dice (believe). pizza, twister and the amazing electric shock game, which only really hurts if you put it on your tongue. it packs a punch though, for only three triple a cells (a cubed?). i'm thinking since we were in a big city we should have made more of an effort to get out. i'm sure i would have felt much better had we ventured into the nightmare of central london. the fireworks were a bit good, they nearly set the tv on fire.

back in brighton (again) and i had nothing to do, or anyone to do it with, so i sat about and watched dvd's (to my credit i did leave the house a bunch of times to go shopping, ordered my frame etc). most noticeably i've eventually got around to watching 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' and 'mulholland drive'. charlie kaufman, clearly a genius. it's true, eternal sunshine is such a lovely yet nontrivial film. kinda rips your heart out a little bit, huh?

as for mulholland drive, i can't believe it took me so long to see it, especially after so much "i can't believe you've not seen it". so what is all this confusion about? it's so obvious what's going on, and if you disagree you clearly havn't watched 'lost highway' enough. it's exactly the same. it's as if david lynch realised he hadn't quite got it quite right, no one liked his film, so he simply remade it but better. having now got that out of the way, i have to say i like both films a lot. and they're not exactly the same at all.

but no. no poignant moments, nothing thoughtful and beautiful, and no graceful degradation.

30.12.04: dave's comics does have a website. look, i linked to it and everything. so if that's what you're looking for that's where it is.

some photos from christmas. the first one is yashi sleeping in the back hall. it is her, honest. then two of me and martin playing nak nak. obviously that's ben in the background, the miserable git.

and while i'm mentioning ben i have a well funny story about him, especially since he likes it now i don't talk about him on my site anymore. about that story though, only joking.

i watched the directors cut of donnie darko last night. it explains everything a lot better as it's going on, but i'm not sure if i liked that. i also didn't like the changes to the soundtrack, i much prefered the old songs. on a plus i did like having all the extra scenes in the right place and the close up eye stuff was fun. i suppose he was trying to emphasise the sci-fi element or something. anyway, whatever.

the detail i forget to mention the other day was that i woke up crying. what a sissy.

have a happy new year though.

29.12.04: i had another dream. this one was about death, my fathers bloodline, laputa and the tower of babel. i'd travelled to some non-descript european/oriental city, it looked like something straight out of a film or computer game (or dream even -ed). the tower of babel was full of animals that had never been allowed to have sex, the dogs were particularly aggressive. the chickens were just a little sad. i got a feeling the whole place was run by the cats, if that chaos can at all be refered to as 'being run'. there was no 'why' or 'how', it just was. and bloody scary at that.

we caught a train out of the city (by this time it wasn't really a city at all - maxx reference) and this is where the death comes into it, but i'll leave that much alone. the train snaked along the coast (sparkling gold) between the city and mountains. this was when laputa appeared, over the most amazing sunset. the clouds were dripping pink into the sea as all the dying people stared from the train, faces pressed against the glass, mouths hung wide open in awe.

anyway, while i've been in rugby i've tried to have as many showers and naps as possible. this has worked out quite nicely, even though the shower here is rubbish. i've also been trying to take advantage of having my bass stack to hand. i bought the thickest guage strings and got my chops up right proper. believe

we had an open house on monday, people came, it was nice, etc (i'm being rushed here). then on tuesday we went to leamington spa and failed to buy a rug. and they've ruined 'rhubard rhubard'. it used to be a nice cafe thingy, honestly. also, does fopp really stand for 'fuck off poor people'? whatever

we also watched dave gormans live dvd ('googlewhack adventure', a present from russell and laura i think, or their boiler or something). it was entertaining but he doesn't half shout a lot. a very excitable fellow indeed. it just goes to show that meeting people is easy (it's just the liking them part i tend to have trouble with). i'd like to say i've been inspired by his story, but that would be fucking horribly corny.

damn it the internet is so boring over the festive season. will you people please update your sites, or at least spend some time online?

26.12.04: about that dream i was talking about - had i been aware of the awful shit that happened today i probably wouldn't have mentioned it. i have armageddon dreams all the time. big natural disasters, especially ones relating to water (please don't start analysing my dreams). either way, i had it on christmas morning and it really pissed me off. but now, what i wrote seems really quite stupid. there's nothing worse than watching a horrible dream you had unfold in the real world. nothing worse i guess, except all kinds of fucking things..

all i've done all day is bore myself and nothing. i feel so useless when clearly i could be helping so much. or rather at least a little.

26.12.04: christmas breakdown uk:

too much food (super awesome)
brandy cream bonus
open fire (er, in the living room. not with guns)
most drawn out present opening session ever
nan got the most
lots of shirts
plus matching hat
the protege moi video (as directed by gasper noe) is not on the 'once more with feeling' dvd, which was almost obvious, but at least justin warfield is.
heavy guage strings = stupidly down tuned guitar
spent most of the day wearing gloves (including unwrapping presents and writing this)
only four bits to go on my rubik's cube

so big thanks to jo (rugby) and jenny for giving me a lift up north. super appreciated it took the hassle out of everything. i even beat corey back to rugby, ha. then on christmas eve the boys all came round and we played stupid games. martin was hamlet, ben was yashi, martin was bette midler, mum was kenny, dad was keith moon and i was axl rose. hurray for me, sigh. there might be photos to come. if you're unlucky.

and then i didn't have a dream involving being attacked by huge tidal waves, while we weren't chilling out on the beach. the first one wasn't so huge that it went right over us, missing the beach entirely, not soaking us as it dripped like rain from above. this didn't just make us more scared of the second wave as it didn't race to the shore. and then we didn't all become seperated as the water pushed us up over the fence we weren't trying to climb and up over the town we weren't staying in. it wasn't brighton. i didn't manage to find anyone after this. aimee and nicola weren't there, and nor was cristina, who decided to stay. the end.

sorry, i wrote that in a rush. i mean, i didn't. either way, i'm fed up of horribly graphic natural disaster dreams.

whatever, i hope you all had a stupid christmas.

23.12.04: my christmas present to you is a link to the darkroom. in a similar vein to the crimson/blue/veridian room, you're trapped in a room and have to escape. this time the room is "dark". it isn't a cheap rip off mind, it's far more logic orientated than other games. i really like it. it took me about twenty five minutes or something (i was too busy eating to pay proper attention). and if you're wondering, my favourite bit was the red room.

23.12.04: i have such a shiny pound.

because i'm bored, have little say (pfft) and want to prove how globally savvy i am, here's the list of countries that visited my site this week:

united kingdom, united states, sweden, uruguay, thailand, poland, canada, new zealand, saudi arabia, france, pakistan, philippines, mexico, japan, netherlands, singapore, croatia, argentina, czech republic, lithuania, china, australia, nigeria, spain, yemen, sudan, italy, finland, iran, hong kong, taiwan, denmark and norway.

i have a few european countries missing. for instance there's no switzerland or luxembourg, but bothered. at least i'm not sitting at home terrified that a butcher's about to come and chop me up to make sausages with, word.

bitter, moi? never.

so i'm off to rugby this afternoon. i'll be back in brighton just before new years (for which i'll probably be in london). i'm back at work on the fourth. that's my itinerary. you all know my name and number, lets hook up.

22.12.04: when i was in marrakesh, when you breathed in it was so hot that it burnt your nose. it's a little bit like that outside now.

and for anyone who cares, i havn't had a headache for a whole two weeks. i think that puts me in the clear.

maybe it's all the popcorn i ate last night. or maybe that's why my stomach hurts so much this morning. stupid

so, about half of the people coming to my site are looking for "emo girls". i think if i were to actually put up pictures and photos of emo girls my bandwidth usage would max out in no time. however, if i did have the bandwidth (and space) i'd be tempted, selling out is easy (and cool). i could use the live journal image tool to gather my hareem of emo girls, then scrape their blog and photos (fantastically legal of course) to create something akin to a teenage suicide girls (which i will have to forward all those people looking for "naked emo girls" to. but isn't a naked emo girl just a naked girl? you pervert, haha). that's a plan anyway.

i also had a number of referals yesterday from konnie huq related searches, and mostly from the netherlands. what's with that? you can file this under "things you shouldn't admit", but i once had a dream i raped konnie. i didn't say i enjoyed it, you pervert.

frank zappa on crossfire, worth watching.

21.12.04: happy winter solstice everyone. it's getting better from now on, i promise.

gmail invite anyone? i have plently all of a sudden.

i was busy yesterday, shut up. i know i didn't upload, whatever

me and tom (uhu) did the hobgoblin music quiz last night. it's normally fun but they decided to make it a christmas special. like you would. in the end we were just making the names and titles up. the highlights were "all you gave me for christmas was band aids" and "cold steel on the twelve night of christmas". there were many others but i forget, of course. now my coat really stinks, i hate that pub.

and thanks to everyone for pointing out my dates were wrong again. i mean, no thanks to anyone (apart from aimee, who pointed out my dates were wrong).

20.12.04: the weekend..

i spent friday night on my own in my room. i drank whiskey, played some guitar, messed around with my computer, drank some whiskey, danced about a bit, stared at myself in the mirror for a bit and finally went to bed. it was a pretty good night as nights like this go

things i didn't do: shave my head, send any emails.

on saturday i figured i could do some shopping. it was a pretty lame trip into town, although i did pick up the bloc party ep. is it weird that i like that band? it shouldn't be. they're not so much 'the bloc party', y'know. me and aimee did dinner, drank some homemade raspberry gin and watched 'hedwig and the angry inch'. i'd forgot how rock and roll it was. it's a well good film, barely even a musical. and that's about all i have to say about it. sian caught me off guard with a late night phone call, which was nice.

sunday i did the same. i woke up early and read in bed, finishing 'slaughterhouse 5'. i then watched 'all about lily chou chou'. i really liked it, despite its flaws. like, it gets way too confusing in the middle. i didn't really know quite what, who or when was going on. and doesn't the box lead you to believe it's about pop music? not bullying, rape, murder and suicide? despite that it's still quite beautiful. though.

i then went to buy a bagel in town, which was a bit disappointing. i bumped into a few people but ended up generally wasting my time. standing in the 'spirituality & religion' aisle of any bookshop is not where i want to be.

later that day i went to see chris t-t at the handbury ballroom. i'd never actually been there before and apparently they've done it up recently (or like, put down a new floor or something). it's nice, we must go more often. seeing chris t-t is always good, especially when you're guest listed and get free mince pies too. and i've never noticed before how many songs chris has about animals. giraffes, turkeys, hedgehogs, he got 'em all.

my tea looks and smells like milk. tastes like it too. how can this be?

18.12.04: barclays have gone and fucked up their debit card, havn't they? the design was perfect. perfect with a capital 'p' (if i believed in capital that is). so perfect that i even have a photo of it (don't ask). so they went and subtley changed the font and the colour of the strip. looks like shit now.

william gibson throws human faeces at monkeys.

17.12.04: i should have taken the bus. i should have taken the bus. if i had then i wouldn't be sitting here with towels wrapped around my feet. my bones aching. generally numb. etc. etc.

so i've had tracking on my site for three and a half days now. perhaps it's time to indulge in a bit of classic "hey look at some of my funny search referals" (what people search for to reach my site etc):

fucking and naked in brighton
swimming pool naked coventry
potato cake receipe
recent raid malarky in the news
pictures of what emo girls look like
sexy websites
jayce and the wheeled warriors naked
psp tubes of silly elves making a mess
archive breath holding orgasm airplane bottle
fucking in bath room
lil corey photos
in the song bob the builder what is the name of the cat
environmental issues with the bic ballpoint pen
sad emo girl
little kids drawings of the shit mobile
flamedramon sex art
first blog poop the office lunch
astra diesel bleeding

they're all funny for different reasons. for instance, the "sainsburies" one is funny because of the description of my site in the serp (and yes i know how to spell sainsburys now, bastards). most of them are funny because they're just dumb search queries, "recent raid malarky" anyone? i thought the "astra diesel bleeding" was quite scary until i realised what they were actually looking for. and the bob the builder cat was actually called pilchard, if you looked on the page you would have found it. i had quite a few from people looking for films and music videos (who i nicely point in the right direction, cos i rock like that). two other searches i really liked were "kismet the robot cbbc" and "birmingham music fluffy pink things", because of my kimset-like robot that was on cbbc and i used to know 'fluffy pink things'. i even filled in on bass for them once.

the vast majority of my traffic is from "emo" related searches, i guess this was quite obvious really. emo photos, emo graphics, emo art, emo layouts, emo quiz/test/whatever. "emo walk funny" made me laugh almost as much as "pictures of what emo girls look like". you clearly need to get out more. maybe i should just sell out and start taking photos of emo girls. it's a win-win situation. any girls want me to photo them? please?

16.12.04: last night i think was a turning point (chuckle). sitting on the end of aimee's bed, me intermittently staring out of the open window (into europe, wherever), i had a really strong memory of a feeling. i havn't felt like that for ages and i just couldn't work out what or when it was from. it was like summer. sitting in your room next the window, wiped out from the heat, feeling cool for the first time all day. relaxed, happy and free (as corny as it sounds). it being so alien, i was worried to think it might have been two summer ago, scared that it's been that long. i could picture everything, but in a dream-like way, where nothing is specific or tangible.

on the way back from aimee's it all clicked into place. it was the 5th of june. i was standing on bear road in just a shirt. it was about ten o'clock and we'd watched the sun set over hollingdean. i bumped into matt on his way home from preston park, where he'd been playing basket ball. we were chatting about this and that and whatever ("is it?"). i was actually happy. in a way that doesn't even make sense to me anymore. this is what i felt.

perhaps now i can eventually stop being an asshole.

sony qrio videos. the balance on those guys is amazing. the running and ball throwing also. you see, this is the shit i want to be doing. the communication video is fucking scary though, it's just not right.

my order from tokyo plastic has just arrived. three 70cm by 31.6cm fine art prints on 300gsm matt coated board. they do indeed "rock the party". where the fuck am i going to put them? and where am i going to get clip frames big enough?

i guess i wasted my summer on you, is all.

15.12.04: and then there was the christmas party at beth's house. this was fun. everyone had to bring some food - me and grilly with our terrible carrot and swede mash (that was actually not too bad). jess made an awesome vegan cake. alex bought some damn nice port and cous cous. the roasted sweet potato was clearly the best. no one really liked the yule log, sorry greg (the muffins rocked though). i even managed to not be too much of an asshole. i'd say not an asshole at all, but what if someone contradicted me?

and then there's me trying to fold the i-ching into an x dimensional n sided shape. this happens at about the same time as i map my chakras onto a 4d rubik's cube, never to be solved ever again.

and then yesterday, this girl made the best eye contact ever. stunned, i nearly dropped my bagel (which would have been horribly embarressing). honestly though, her eyes were amazing. it was like having my lenses in - when everything is so clear, defined and sharp. everything has so much depth and appeal. like i said last month, rocks.

i wont say anything about you can experience its true horror for yourself first hand, thank you very much. anything i could say would only lessen its impact.

14.12.04: big brother says "you are now being watched, tracked and analysed. shit in my woods and i will have you stripped, shaved and sterilized". what this basically means is i'm now tracking you. i can see where you come from, where you go and how you walk funny. be scared.

that was me. i needed to know. my fears were confirmed.

according to grilly, and if you believe anything he says, rebessica had their first gig two nights ago. it was at east slope, or rather it was in his old living room on new hurst road. unfortunately only two people came, matt and cristina from number 14 (yes, that matt).

i now only have six squares on the bottom of my rubik's cube that arn't in their correct position. i fell asleep playing with it last night, and when i woke up it was almost solved (this is a lie).

the sea looks so fucking cool. and the pizzas in the walmer are top.

13.12.04: well i had an awesome weekend. where were you?

(warning, there's a tsunami of words coming your way)

so after a quick coffee with a shot of white chocolate bullshit (surprisingly smooth) in the ali cat (but bought from the prodigal. incidently, the george is also a barracuda pub), me, grilly and thom went to the concorde. we are early but only have time a sneer at the cloakroom lady (she ain't no lady) and a cheap jagermeister before ephel duath are jazzing it up extremely. glittery ties and a drummer to die for, you just can't beat jazzcore. i suspect people don't really 'get it', but their new extra jazzy arrangements are slick (filling in for the singer who left). poison the well were fun but uninspiring. they sound like the deftones. i then spent a while not following around a girl who wasn't too young for me. and she didn't look anything like any other particular girl either. nor was she cute as shit. anyway. dillinger escape plan (nice site, btw) - the thing about dancing to bands like this, and especially when you don't know their music, is that it's actually easier to dance to the people clapping between the songs than the songs themselves. i tried pretending it was atari teenage riot, but exactly the same thing had happened when i saw them. so that didn't help. i was also reminded of why i don't like metal. it's other people's attitudes (not that i'm arrogant or anything).

saturday rocked seven bells. tom came down for the day and we went shopping, starting with a crepe from crust. i thought it was a bad joke that the council was trying to get them to alter the funky store front (love the wood). but unfortunately it's not a joke, it's a piss take. please go down there and sign his petition before they come for you (in a scary niemoeller kinda way).

then, how am i supposed to brag tell you that steph (your man who runs dave's comics) reads my website, now that i know that? i guess there's no need to be coy about it, sheesh. i'm just a little too scared to check all the things that i've said about his shop (and the various people who work there). still, it's nice to have a celebrity readership. haha. ha.

so the 15th anniversary edition of grant morrison's arkham asylum is out. if you think of it as a delux dvd edition, that's exactly what it's like. the cover is gorgeous and the script is interesting. it's often quite comical and the style makes the whole thing feel far more like a movie. on which note i need to drop a link to the photo of the new (old) batmobile. i've never been a big batman (er, superhero) fan, but for that i am willing to love anything.

other things i bought, a hubert selby jr book ('last exit to brooklyn', thanks sian) from the cute girl in waterstones (i may have to stop making comments such as these), a gorgeous glass bottle to replace the stream of plastic ones by my bed, two presents i can't mention, another present ('the maxx volume 1' for jess) and a cake (from another cute girl, sigh). it was awesome (the shopping trip not the cake, although that was also good). we bumped into loads of people and were generally chipped up.

too soon we all went our seperate ways, me to bed. two hours later and the plan is to cycle (goonies style) to the house party. kate and inca's birthday (sorry if that's spelt wrong, also sorry for using too many parenthesis today). i have two takes on the party, the second is much better than the first.

so i was really tired (even after two cups of tea). staring at myself in the toilet mirror and i looked like shit. downstairs i was watching a cool and horribly confident guy dance, and play guitar, and "oh, doesn't he have a wonderful voice". lin comes over and can't work out where she recognises me from (it was a party at tilly and noel's house), "oh yeah, you were really rude". she laughs and walks off. i go to get the brandy out of my bag but it's gone. i'm not bitter or pissed off, just disappointed that someone at this party would do that. i stand watching people sing and read poetry. the girl infront of me leans against the doorway, from behind she could have been anyone. she could have been, but instead she became a horrible and depressing reenactment of that house party. a considerable amount of dark rum didn't help at all. later me and grilly tried our hardest to make people think we were idiots. obscure and sick jokes. girls stand and stare in disbelief. revelling in your worst aspects is the only way you can get over anything. what you don't understand you can make mean anything. look at me, i'm angry, stupid and have no soul. only one girl didn't seem utterly convinced, but then i went and said something stupid and she left.

so i was really tired (but battled through this with two cups of tea). their house may be lovely and posh but their lapsang isn't. after hanging out on the stairs chatting to alex, and whoever else would listen, we headed into the kitchen. pulp on the stereo. drinking strong wine. boston. lin comes over and says how she remembers me being rude, but in a good way, i guess i'm getting a reputation, but whatever. me and grilly decided to start hassling people with obscure jokes and dinosaur questions. after much rudeness (not all of it uncalled for, and on everyone's behalf) we eventually found some girl cool enough to talk to us (clearly, especially since she had the best favourite dinosaur). someone had stolen our brandy but i didn't care, we had plenty to drink anyway. a silver mt.zion was trickling down from upstairs. it was five o'clock and time to leave. we cycled home, this time it was less like the goonies but more like et. it was an awesome house party.

i was going to quote naira (yes, "out of context"), but i'd already forgotten what it was she'd said by the time i'd told her that. i decided that this would do. again, yes i was drunk.

i've written way way way too much. sorry.

now, hook me up to the percolator.

10.12.04: how come everyone smells of vanilla this morning?

and how come i can still taste cigar?

it's nice to see everyone else made the effort to get into work on time.

so last night was our work's christmas 'party', involving three pubs, a posh restaurant and a bar. i wasn't going to drink but as if that was going to last. at least until the first pub i avoided the champagne and dodgy wine. i just wanted to sleep. but nevermind. we started at the free masons with tequila. then for some weird reason we spent some time in 'polar central', reaffirmed how crap i am at table football and was also surprised to find a large supply of blacksmoke postcards. clearly no one in a bar like that was ever going to appreciate them, so i took them all (to redistribute properly, although i did chicken out of giving one to the girl in the hop poles).

we ate at havana on duke street. you would think in a posh place like that everyone could behave themselves but no. people kept throwing bread and someone even turned the toilet lights out when some random guy was shitting (such pleasantry). the food was obviously good but nothing compared to the quality of terre a terre. the most interesting dish was dessert, an extreme block of jelly chocolate stuffage topped with cigar infused cream. it was so weird. it was really nice but not at all pleasant, if that makes sense. everyone drank far too much. then i really wanted to go to bed.

instead i followed everyone to koba, where there was was some kind of wired sussex party (new media = yeah, you get the picture) after some unreasonable confusion we managed to get into the 'members only area' (or whatever the fuck it was at the back and up the stairs). let's hear it for posh drinks bought by your boss. it's weird hanging out in a swanky asshole bar. i didn't really enjoy it until quite late when me and jon discovered there was another bar upstairs playing jazz. we sat at the bar, me trying to look super cool, jon trying to steal fruit. that's how i remember it anyway. i ordered my most expensive cocktail (a vanilla alexander stole my heart - vanilla vodka, crème de cacao and nutmeg. or something) and the most awesome bar girl bought it over. she really was though. lets have 'awesome' in glittery letters (yeah, shut up). actually i think she might have been two different girls who i just never saw at the same time. this is a possibility, it it makes any sense at all. sigh.

you see, i'm having trouble making anything make sense today. words just don't seem to work out.

and too many of my deskbar tab icons are the same colour. icq looks like excel looks like itunes looks like cdex. can't cope.

emomilk: talk to me
emomilk: i need someone to hold my hand
emomilk: hhahHAHAHAHA
emomilk: *sigh*
emomilk: -crumple-

jojo in the stars is so beautiful, but so out of reach.

lets play "is there a god?"

09.12.04: this morning i recieved an email from adam szrotek. i talked about his art last week, i guess he must have googled his name or something. anyway, he sent me a new interview between himself and nathalia edenmont (which also features some of her new work). i love how involved, interactive and cyclic the internet can be.

last night me and grilly watched 'the labyrinth'. it still rocks. i'm thinking it might have influenced my early childhood more than i thought. all those mazes and puzzles. either that or i must have gone mental over the film when i first saw it. i still think it's like total recall, but i can't say that with a straight face. it's amazing how detailed everything is, and how much effort they put into the sets and puppets. five people were required to operate hoggle alone, and people wet themselves over golem why? the funniest thing in the film, and i can't believe i never noticed it before, is the milk bottles on the doorstep of the goblin king's castle.

when good ideas go bad - you voted for red robot.

i am so digitally fat.

and i want one of these

and i wish i'd done it first.

08.12.04: it was horribly quiet walking to work this morning. where were all the people? walking down north street and i had to check the time incase i was an hour early. it was grim and strange but at least there weren't mirrors everywhere to stop me from killing myself.

"mirrors have been installed on some japanese train platforms to deter suicides", nice.

the cleaning girls at work are mute. i mean, they're not. but i find it quite disturbing how they never speak. they are silent and eerie. they do anything to avoid eye contact. they do not know a word of english.

league of electronic musical urban robots. not quite as cool as it sounds, but cool none the less.

you can smell ginger and grapefruit in my piss. (and to think he was such a nice boy in school)

07.12.04: the problem with putting chilis in your breakfast is putting contact lenses in your eyes afterwards. the problem is when your eyes are swollen and bleeding. when they're burning fluorescent red when anything you do is just fueling the fire. it's when you're on your hands and knees wondering which way is the bath room. and you don't feel so fucking clever now, do you?

i want this ('rising up and rising down: some thoughts on violence, freedom and urgent means'), "a critique of terrorist, defensive, military and police activity, along with an attempt to construct a moral calculus for the human use of violence". it sounds fucking amazing. just read that editorial. although i might have to settle for getting the abridged version.

who the fuck are ikea trying to kid? this demographic right here, they won't be fooled by your anti-advertising and they won't like your faux brand bashing. they don't like being targetted like this and they will fuck you sideways.

pretty rainbow books.

06.12.04: walking through my front door on friday night, grilly and astra were playing 'true love waits'. it was pretty awesome-esque.

then last night i dreamt you were sleeping. and after that you said you'd meet me in the morning for coffee. you said you promised, you smiled.

friday night we went to the stupid concorde2 for jon's birthday. the company was cool, it's just that the concorde is a lot of effort for very little actual fun. plus the cloakroom was full and the woman was such a bitch about it. i was just being friendly. i should have fucking glassed her (er, or something).

then on saturday night we went to the arc. it started well but i became an asshole pretty sharpish. weird that. i really like the club, but the music was nme-core and the people were irritating. shame. i still havn't had my angry music fix. also, there was a girl there who looked just like you. i spent most of the night pretending she was.

that's a different you.

in the day i'd bought new shoes. more new shoes. they're black hemp and lovely. i will dance you into the fucking dust. just you wait.

on sunday me and jess convinced bullied grilly into coming with us to see kontroll. fact, the hazelnut cake at the duke of yorks is worth £2.25. so now i feel guilty for bartering the guy down to just two pounds. i enjoyed the film as well. kontroll is set totally in the underground metro system of budapest, and follows a group of ticket inspectors in their day to day job. it's a bit of a pastiche of many films, comparisons to lola rennt are obvious (if not just for the music during running scenes, doi). also fight club for many reasons, in many ways (it's humour and themes are quite similar). my only wish is that it was a little bit more referential. where was frank at the fancy dress party? where were the project mayhem flyers? also szofi shouldn't have taken her bear suit off. she was cool before, after she just another gorgeous actress. ditto for the over cool 'sony advert' style bootsie. he should never have taken his 'man suit' off.

good film though, if not a little too cool.

03.12.04: so i promised my picture of lugano being crushed by monsters. let's hear it for the worst dinosaur i ever did draw:

the printer i used to print out the original was rubbish, the ink scratched off so easily. so i thought it might be fun to scratch a huge dinosaur crushing the town. godzilla, whatever. the picture quality is so bad because it's actually a photograph of the print. i might scan it one day but it's a bit messy. not sure.

this dream i had last night, about this girl who you might know. we were hanging out at her posh house party. i'm having difficulty because time wasn't flowing properly. time wasn't normal at all. like it was mapped out as a week (this says more about my working life than anything). and it weaved in and out of anything recognisable. like, this makes so little sense because it just didn't. but me and this girl, we were really connecting. it was comfortable and nice and felt right. and despite all these words, she was going to die. she wasn't ill and she wasn't dying as such, she just wasn't going to live anymore. it was very surreal. and i loved her so much.

we had a stupid fight at work. about things you throw in the air and the speed they come back down. everyone disagreed with me. typical. i only mention this because i wanted to link to that exploding dog picture.

china blocks google news, again. of course, in china you can still access the chinese version of google news. that's the nice and friendly version that doesn't include any of the sites deemed 'inappropriate' by the chinese government. i suppose it puts google in an awkward position - do they succumb to the censorship and compromise their service? or do they stick to their guns and get an outright ban? i don't believe in that compromise, but surely it's better than nothing. it's not like the chinese government would ever budge on this.

to balance out the stupid dog site i linked to earlier this week, it's the infinite cat project. what i want to know is how come no one has animated it? like zoom, it would be awesome.

02.12.04: i've had a very productive morning. sometimes this needs to be acknowledged.

the rebissica ball is now rolling. we had our first band practice last night and i'd call it a success. shredded fingers and popped blisters. it was probably the best first practice i've had. especially milkshake. it's nice to be able to do impromptu whatever. the 'amsterdam room' is very strange though. it has mannequins dressed up like prostitutes, standing behind glass in the corners of the room. red lights. strange. drink your weak lemon drink now.

but why is it so hard to get irn bru these days?

lycos had this great idea, they would create a screensaver that uses people's idle time to make 'pester' requests to blacklisted spam domains (rememer the old seti screensaver? well it's similar to that). do you see the irony here? so what happened when they actually did this? some of the domains they were targetting simply altered their dns to point back to the lycos servers. in an awe inspiring show of stupidity lycos managed to ddos (distributed denial of service) attack themselves. and i fucking hate 'touch plc' too.

so i suppose i should get a little christmasy, what with it being decemeber and all. so check out the blacksmoke advent calender, it's boston. yesterday it was a take on the "preparing for emergencies" booklets that the government has been handing out (with reckless abandon). a touch of class. (actually it appears to be broken a little bit, but nevermind)

but what the fuck has christmas got to do with feeding the world anyway?. infact, what the fuck has christmas got to do with anything? (i know, i know, it's for charity, don't such a bastard, etc etc, whatever).

01.12.04: it smells like dough out there. dough and vanilla icing. like pillsbury used to make while we still bought them.

today is my one year anniversary at work, just to let you know. i was going to link back to my archives, but on reading it i found it all quite depressing. not relating to work, but all the stuff going on in the background. especially stuff like this.

so i'm celebrating my workday with mango juice. be careful though, this is the shit i was on during my dissertation. i put on loads of weight. it still beats your softdrink though, sugar is only the third ingredient (after mango, of course).

we have decided not to die. this is daniel askill (the guy who did the unkle video for reign). his work is really reminiscent of bill viola's 'five angels for the millenium' and chris cunningham's flex. it's as good though. and talking about things that are like chris cunningham, have you seen the new prodigy video for hot ride? how quickly can you say "come to daddy"? anyway, you can watch daniel askill's short films and unkle video here (and also here).

more on music videos, i just watched the placebo video for 'protege moi'. i say "watched" but really it was more like flicking through it. directed by gaspar noé, the dude responsible for irreversible (which "could induce seizure in some people and laboratory animals", quote from imdb), it was clearly not going to be work friendly. turns out it just a load of naked women getting off. gee whiz. if only arty wanks were my thing.

in a similar vein to nathalia edenmont - adam szrotek. i'm not sure why i like this stuff, it's pretty sick. his photos are more obviously gross, but actually nowhere near as nasty. coincidently, nathalia is going to marry me. we are going to have many babies. she is going to make art out of every single one of them.

also, the stupidest site ever, and i hate myself for linking to it.

30.11.04: incase anyone was wondering, i really have given up trying to find me a girl. this isn't an executive decision. this has just happened. and at least it's better than the alternative. look what happened with my last hope-fueled assault on some girls heart. she smashed me, like the T1000, into a thousand tiny pieces. it may have looked cool but it was ultimately pointless. it probably hurt too.

continuing this weeks dinosaur theme:

no i didn't draw that in a meeting. and yes, dinosaurs do actually have those cute little horns. er, did.

things i forgot about the weekend. me and grilly trying to play moo-pah-chi, we drew six times in a row before giving up. possibly the only flaw in an otherwise beautiful game. we also caught breakfast at dave's diner (unfortunately not the same dave who owned the book and comic shops). there's something about weekend all-day-breakfasts that make me jabber deliriously. where does my mind go?

the last few days i've been listening to placebo on random. they truly are great. i know i've groaned every time a new album has come out, but that was just me being a cynical fool.

you've never seen so much plot development in diesel sweeties. lil sis, say it ain't so. (but what happened to the tres sexy vegan chicks?)

29.11.04: today feels good. perhaps it's the cold sunshine outside. perhaps it's the warmth inside. perhaps it's the music. perhaps it's just nothing.

the weekend was mostly inhabited by me, grilly, julie and george. with a classic guest appearance by aimee to add a bit of drama (and dancing). on friday we all hung out at the mash tun and the gloucester. indie night. it was okay but frustrating not getting any violent music to dance to. stupid schmindie. the gloucester is fantastically cheap but it does stink (apart from the guy smoking chocolate tobacco because he thought it would "help him pull the girls").

the coffee is hurting my brain, whatever.

the funnest (and also grossest) thing about saturday was discovering the booth museum of natural history. these places are always fucking scary. with their lifeless tanks of staged animal drama. stuffed birds and pinned butterflies. and it just smells so dead. they have some great bones though. the highlights being the hippopotamus skull and narwhal ("corpse whale") skull, complete with unicorn style horn. the bat and baby orangutan skeletons were also quite cute. the reason we went up there was to check out the 'save or delete' illegal logging exhibition (just look at that link text). my favourite was the reggie pedro. but really, i just wanted to talk about dinosaurs.

we also took a trip down to the west pier. the tide was out and you can really see exactly how fucked it is. well, you could have done if it wasn't really dark. we went home and tried to play 'witch trial', or whatever it's called, but the game never quite got rolling. i blame julie, who was clearly more interested in laughing at my miffy book.

quite a number of hours later and i'm standing in the freezing cold thinking it'd be a really good idea to buy that rubiks cube. how stupid i was. it was only 50p though, and i didn't want to make a habit of going to the sunday market and never buying anything. all i thought about all day was how to swap around the two corner pieces, or rotate them. before i went to bed about 70% was in its right place. we did sunday roast at the george and coffee and cake in the inside out cafe. it was all awesome.

you ate how many cheese cakes this weekend?!

i fancied some psp action. click.

it's far from perfect but i have too much to do in my lunch break. background courtesy of craig mullins, of course. yeah. i also drew some dinosaurs but don't have time for them yet. dinosaurs. also a monster rampage in lugano that i scratched onto my rubbish prints. i'll save that for later this week. and i also updated the photos of my room (thems below).

26.11.04: rushed and substandard images of my room. because i have nothing better to say.

it looks a bit better than before at least. particular attention to be drawn to my framed belly print. as soon as i've lost all of those cd's at the bottom of my wardrobe i'll be moving my computer there. then i've once again freed my funky table. i don't like it being so close to anything how it is there. and yes that's my wine rack under the wardrobe. also, my qee doesn't live there. he was just lying all lit up.

25.11.04: today laurence has hijacked the music. laurence is the dj. fucking beware.

last night was a hoot (or some less assholey word, if you like). it was indie night at the music library, and so long since i'd been out dancing. it wasn't the gloucester but it was near enough. and further evidence that girls actually exist (again a crucial word omitted). i now know that i can brave the late nights and still function at work. i've been knackered all week too, so i'm quite impressed. i have no doubt that it's what i've been missing more than anything. dancing. all of my problems are solved. the next step is the gloucester on a tuesday.

i really should have asked that girl if she needed a hand carrying her drinks though.

this made me laugh so bad - "megatron is not a gun in reality. megatron does not exist in reality you spineless wimp. you need mental help and soon". i can't believe what a twat don murphy actually is though. has this guy never heard of acting like a professional? he sounds like a fucking whiny school kid. have a wank mate.

also, i vaguely like the come back "can you imagine your life without dreamcast?"

some of my pages are coming up on stumbleupon. i have no idea what that means, but check me out on this page. badly translated it says "he is english and its visual style is good representative of the trash style makes a very interesting exploration creative". i've had a few compliments recently and they definately flipped my chipper switch. thanks peeps.

i hate it when happy music makes you sad. i'm making everyone listen to zwan at work. do you think paz might marry me if i bought her a really nice violin? or what about a pony?

24.11.04: i'm not at all happy with what i wrote yesterday. it was boring, awkward and badly written. post weekend posts suck.

i properly fell asleep at my desk yesterday, i was walking down the street when this girl i was with kissed me on the cheek. i knew who it was at the time, but my memory quickly confused itself. it could have been any one of you.

buy nothing this christmas, please. what would make your mother happier - buying her flowers on mothers day or buying her flowers on a day when you havn't been told to.

"google is not affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its content", the fucking muppets.

the november spannerworks newsletter is out (and on time). hurray.

i picked up this link from somewhere - 300 love letters. it looked kind of interesting. i must remember to check it out later.

i also liked that game. y'know, the one with the bunny with a magnet for a head.

23.11.04: so i managed another double house party weekend. with all these parties you'd think i'd feel like i have a life. you'd think i'd feel like i wasn't wasting away, longing to be somewhere i'm never going to be. you'd think i'd feel like i was doing interesting and worthwhile things, and you'd think i'd feel happy about this. you'd think, wouldn't you?

friday night was a lot of fun though. it involved shirts, ties and badges. balloons, fireworks and nasty punch. also gaydar yahtzee, tontie and a seven string guitar. jelousy at the art on rachel's wall. the fun at taking the sound system apart piece by piece, cloak and dagger. talking to someone from rugby about all our old crap teachers. all that alcohol i wasn't going to drink. by the time we left it was way past four. i was in bed around five o'clock. at exactly seven o'clock my alarm went off. i can't even remember what happened after this. i know i caught a bus to haywards heath and a train to victoria. i presume i must have taken the tube to euston, caught my connection and ended up in rugby. the journey was grey. it could have been anytime. am or pm, dusk or dawn. i still can't mentally place it. i just remember being really depressed as i slid through london. surprise surprise.

so eventually, saturday night was a lot of fun too. people turned up. we ate indian food, we played some drums and bass (the guitar has only three strings). we drank ginger wine (at least, i did). we filled the house with smoke from the newly opened up fire. we went down to the park. listened so some ephel duath and mad caps. it was another good but late night.

the highlight of my sunday was watching the junior eurovision round nan's. no, but it really was great.

the journey back to brighton took about five hours. after a grand total of over fifteen hours of rail travel in the last week i've had enough. enough. and going through london just kills me. i ate an unripe plum.

anyway. we went to the quiz last night, me grilly and julie. it had been a while, clearly we were just out of practice. stupid fucking quiz. i spent the whole night drawing stupid little panda characters. i have no idea where i got them from. somewhere stupid probably.

keyhole is a shit load of fun. i spent far too long flying across the world looking at all my favourite places. switzerland was pretty awesome, as was trying to find bigben in london.

i'm not sure what these photos are supposed to be (it's all japanese) but they're really good in a strange giger-esque way.

19.11.04: 'kid a' makes me kick your fucking ass.

last night my heart fell out. this isn't an allegory. this isn't a metaphor. my brain and muscles were screaming for oxygen as i scrabbled about the floor, trying desperately to find my heart before my vision faded. it squished and wriggled between my fingers as i tried in vain to fit it back into the slot in my chest.

i had a dream the other night, i'll make it explicit this time. it was late and i was walking across a sepia beach scene. this was around the back of somewhere or other. it was a bay, all so beautiful browns and beige. like the sun was setting through the polluted sky. the moon was a single flashing pin-point. and across the mouth of the bay was the feintest rainbow, all browns. its edge a burning sliver of white light. fuck your aurora borealis. i stood staring, not really believing what i was seeing. i wouldn't have but the women behind the counter could see it too. it was about this time that a huge pixelated fish broke out of the water, followed by a series of dolphins. but just before it got a little too corny a huge whale burst out over a wave. no really, it was huge and terrifying. but actually, it was a dolphin who had just come too near to the shore, he slammed head first into the sand. remember this? i ran over clueless as to how i could help . the women ran ahead of me and was enveloped by a wave. disappearing. it was about this time that i pretty much gave up.

it's quite sad that the only interesting thing in my life to talk about is my dreams.

so there's actually a house party tonight. jordan's birthday. i knew there was a reason why i wasn't going back to rugby on friday night. it's all worked out quite well. wear a tie. don't let me drink too much, i have an early start the next day.

girls are not chicks.

there's a great pun to be had here about missing links, but nevermind. but it actually wouldn't be funny. original great ape discovered

it's worth checking out this 2.5 gigapixel photograph too.

war within a breath? please leave your horses at home.

18.11.04: the funniest thing i saw this morning was a dead rollerball mouse. dead and broken in the gutter, it's insides crushed and tail lying limp down the road. it probably wasn't that funny at all.

my head. i'm feeling so inspired by maximillian cohen right now. i'm worried my life is becoming too much like his. my poor unshaven head. where is my power drill gone to?

walking down elm grove at night, half way by the video box, there's this beautiful ensemble (i feel such an asshole using that word) of colours. orange, green and blue. there's a sodium street light on the corner of two side streets. tucked down one of which is a building lit up all green. this followed by the video box with it's neon blue glow. it's kinda pretty in a kinda unreal urban way.

you know what? the only thing that marketing has taught me is this - i have no usp and i have no target market, i'm not even niche.

17.11.04: what i did yesterday was incredibly immature, and the result was so far removed from what i initially envisioned there was little point in doing it at all. you try and find a picture of a heart nailed and bleeding down a white wall (oh how i'm laughing). it would have been so funny. at least to me. to me at least. whatever.

two nights ago was pizza, trifle and sherry with cally.

one night ago was gin and tonic at the walmer with thom and rachel. one h no a.

is it just me or does starbucks look exactly the same after its refurbishment?

finally, a quiz that appeals to me - which collosal death robot are you? unfortunately it's rubbish. but while deciding how rubbish it was i thought i'd watch this crash and burn trailer. it's also pretty rubbish.

a cool link from your man (the wooster collective) - animated graffiti. that's some dedication right there.

it's like, the way she squeezed her lemon over her salad. it's like, the way i didn't even notice.


15.11.04: i need to change the route i walk to work. i currently go past the big issue collection point and the housing trust advice centre. it's too depressing how many people are queueing up at that time in the morning. i mean, the hardest decision i've had to make today is whether to get the red or the yellow juice. it makes you think doesn't it? no it doesn't at all. that's the problem. and i wonder how much money starbucks have spent refurbishing. yeah, but it's so chic.

on friday i stole a monitor from work (me dooced? never) and have finally got my computer back up and running (still no external hard drive, i suck i know). having two monitors is the coolest thing ever though. scanning software on one side and paint shop on the other. it's lovely. it's just a shame i didn't really 'design' a place in my room for a computer. also that one of the monitors rarely ever fires up. after this (and framing my gorgeous belly poster) i trucked over to jon's for five hours of solid halo2. just to get it out of my system right? right. it is fucking good. my only gripe is they ruined the pistol by not letting you zoom in anymore. it was my previous favourite weapon, and if you think that's funny then watch me shoot you in the face. watch.

i woke up on saturday not really sure what to do with myself. i thought it might be fun to visit london. so there i was on the train for two and a half hours. hurray for spontaneity and rail works. i accidently sent cristina a text instead of corey. could i be more of a dork? probably not. anyway. i met up with corey and we went to the tate modern. to be honest i was a bit disappointed with the new unilever installation. it had a lot to live up to, but olafur eliasson managed it okay. it's just not very impressive. maybe i'm missing the point, but you could easily visit there and not even notice it. i also got shouted at for touching michael landy's installation. this is ridiculous. it's a really bright white room full of various industrial red stuffs and thousands of paper/card human figures all over the floor (check that link for a picture). so you're walking over these and kicking them about the place. i was curious as to how they were cut and picked one up, no biggie since i'd already trampled the poor guy. so over the woman came with her walkie talkie. sigh. besides, michael landy went on to shred all of his posessions, he's not going to be precious about his cardboard cut out people. on the same theme i was also pissed off at the robert morris piece. you were supposed to walk about it, but i saw one of the attendants tell a woman to move away from it. it doesn't really make any sense.

we met up with ben and did a quick comic book shop crawl. i managed to pick up the one remaining issue of the invisibles i didn't have. is the universe supposed to fold in on itself now or something? i don't know. we spent bloody ages trying to find somwhere to get a quiet drink. or at least a pub that wasn't rammed or smokey. would you believe i've never actually been to trafalgar square before? so we found ourselves at some weird horror theme pub where we easily got a table and lots of wine. after a while corey buggered off and we headed to some pub in brixton (i think) to see some friend of a friends band. i have no idea what they were called but they were fun. i was going to be getting the train home but since it was going to take over two hours i couldn't face it. besides, it turns out ben's sofa is comfy as fuck and their new flat is snazzy (that's the wrong word but i don't care). the journey home with no food or drink was a killer but i made it back to bagelman just fine. and that girl rocks.

i didn't even go on the tube once. but we did have an interesting conversation with a guy smoking crack. really.

so apart from myself, no one told me not to do it. so i did it. what is this? fucking yourself up as a coping mechanism?

maybe i should just start smoking.

12.11.04: so the lovely seo toolkit is lovelier than ever. thanks to a bit of hardwork and re-coding it is up and rocking pretty. my own personal baby is the keyword density analyser. if you find any problems with them then i'd love to know about it, cheers.

so i have a dilemma (or rather probably i don't). i really want to email this girl. like, i actually dreamt about it twice this week (scarily accurate and precise dreams too). but when i think about it there is zero good reason for doing it. not really. but every morning i've woken up and decided to do it. it wouldn't hurt. would it? i know there's nothing to be gained from it and i'm not trying to achieve anything. i just.. i don't know. y'know.

last night i met grilly and tom uhu at the evening star. drank some espresso stout and we went in search of another nice pub, ending up in 'the eddy' (or eddy's maybe). nice place. but then anywhere that plays galore is good by me. no so hot or busy as the evening star, and not as full of old people. didn't stop me getting a headache though. i can't really remember the journey back.

i put up answers to last weeks friday quiz. it wasn't very good so i apologise.

this site makes me feel incredibly sad. i don't know why.

apparently nothing at all.

11.11.04: what's the point of remembering if you don't learn from your mistakes?

anyway, do me a favour. please download, unzip and print this doc, then stick up on the entrance to your local tesco (tesco express or metro if possible). i'm sick of my 16p bread roll and 22p yoghurt being placed in a plastic carrier bag. that carton of orange juice? you can carry that. or alternatively you could just put it in the bag you already have. all you have to do is say "actually, i really don't need a bag. thanks".

i would have been a pdf but acrobat was screwing me around.

last night i cut my finger on a tin. it bled. i can't remember the last time that i've actually bled. not even when i fell down the stairs that one time. i'd forgotten what it was like, it was weird.

what else is weird? washing in our bath is weird. it's like washing in a stream. sometimes i pretend feel like i'm a caveman and that the soap is a fish.

anyway. check out this fucking asshole with his "if the United States is the last country on earth to stand up against international tyranny and corruption, than so be it. thank you president bush!". where's my fucking tontie hammer? you asshole.

craig mullins. some of his robots are pretty good. he's no ashley wood though, but then who is?

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