hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word
21.06.05:
maybe i'm just more sensitive to menacing vibrations today, but i wish my desk
would just stop it. stop.
perhaps it's all the curry we've been eating. planet india eat my heart out.
but it's true. again. we are indeed off to glastonbury tomorrow morning.
so go wild in the aisles. suncream and vodka. crisps and sleeping bag. whatever.
fun in the sun
i fell in love with some paintings,
but i don't know why.
20.06.05:
i didn't fall asleep last night - i fainted. i wasn't tired, i was just
too hot. just before this and we're sitting on the beach.
it's 10pm and i'm too hot to even stand up. it's 10pm and this
isn't even the mediterranean, it's the english channel. the only way you
can tell is the sickening amount of litter waiting to
be washed out to seak, or bobbing in the surf. when i woke up my duvet was on
the floor. had their been vultures circling above my bed i wouldn't have
been surprised.
you're not supposed to do anything in heat like this. without any air in the air
you can't work. you're a fool if you can think i can do anything but grunt.
early on sunday i'd attempted to do my weekly stair climbing,
but after the fifth ascent (755 steps up) i could feel my brain being microwaved.
i could almost imagine my skin bubbling and blistering. the idiot should have
worn a hat and tshirt. i had to have a sit down in the cool shade of the graveyard
(currently one of my favourite secluded places, it's beautiful in the sun) before
making my way home. i think it was this that fucked me up so much.
i'm going swimming in half an hour and i'm aching for the water. my legs
are restless and irritating. i wish they'd fuck off. outside it looks so dull,
so why is it so hot?
on friday we'd managed a slightly lame barbeque on the beach. i was happy with
my tofu-hazelnut burgers and skanked drinks (also, recently purchased copy of
jeffrey brown's "never to be reprinted" 'any easy intimacy' rerelease). it was a
little chilly (oh happy memories) but the company was rude. we moved to the pub,
picked up some more people, then moved back to the beach for some drunken nighttime
paddling and cuttlefish collected (eight) dan got totally soaked.
but i hate walking home all damp, especially when you're going to need to pee in
the pavillion gardens.
hot. all saturday. and then tommy's bombay potatoes truly live up to their hype.
we fuck up the custard though, do you believe that? bunch of lames.
so where's the fucking storm already?
17.06.05:
last night was critical mass.
there was a lot of fun, high spirits and all that. i was only nearly run over once
(a nice japanese man who, in his expensive and shiny silver car, should have known
better than to drive so close and fast to a very sharp and spikey cyclist) and only
one person was taken away in a police van. ffs. we managed to ride the streets for over
an hour before being dispersed though. and i took some photos:






as you can see the police actually caused a bigger traffic jam than we did. and some
of those motorists really need to chill the fuck out. also the angry policeman.
it was fun although i'm not convinced by the actual point of it. i doubt there was
much awareness raised - there just a lot of pissed off commuters. and traffic jams are hardly
good for the environment. plus brighton has a fantastic array of cycle paths.. but
whatever.
have you ever noticed that the mannequins in the window display of the 'untited colors
of benetton' shop are all whiter than white?
16.06.05:
when it comes to china, internet censorship and endorsement it's normally google
that you're hearing about. but not be out done by them again, microsoft
are trying their hardest to
catch up.
again. their new blog software (msn spaces) disallows users from
mentioning certain unfriendly words:
"the word 'demonstration' is taboo, but 'protest' is all right; 'democracy' is forbidden, but 'anarchy' and 'revolution' are acceptable. on msn space, chinese bloggers cannot use the name of their own president, but can comment on tony blair. 'tiananmen' cannot be mentioned."
"the restrictions were the price the company had to pay
to spread the positive benefits of blogs and online messaging", also known as
making dollars at the expense of free speech. my favourite quote is from bill
gates, "it is a brand new form of capitalism, and as a
consumer it's the best thing that ever happened". amen.
last night, while on the way to sainsburys to meet julie and purchase stuffs to
concoct a very refreshing drink, i found a mystery notebook lying
on the pavement. it's mainly full of crossed off lists, things like:
condoms
bunny girls
first drink free
lost flyers
i did find a couple of emails (that i'll be emailing later - for fun) and a few
phone numbers, the first of which was followed by "cunt landlord".
so of course i dialled the number, four rings and a high pitched woman answered
"hello". i was hoping for an answering machine or a "yo, this is blahblah
how can i help you", so i simply hung up. i didn't think people cared enough to
do 1471 anymore. i sat there trying to get ice cubes and mint (a much easier
task) into my glass for over a minute before she finally stopped trying to ring
me. what is wrong with people anyway?
15.06.05:
i've been rereading a selection of my old archives
(collating data. researching and revising. that soft of thing),
and it's depressing to notice how much better my writing used to be. i have a few theories
of why this might be - primarily i suspect that my writing improves
while i'm being crushed by angst. and bitter means sharper. i do far less
moping, i think far less emo, and hopefully i've grown up somewhat. maybe this wasn't
such a wise idea. i also comment far less on 'events', no doubt this is due to me
removing the television from my life - i get less angry at the media now that i ignore it.
so while on this creative/destructive nostalgia trip through my last two years
of 'data' i found some pretty funny photos. here's a mixture of me being dumb:






they're just too funny.
that's aimee's shirt i'm wearing in the first one, i don't know whose hat.
they were my maltesers,
from back in the days where i'd still buy them (i was illustrating them for an
american). in the really stupid photo of me, that's my old hat that i lost
at glastonbury and dearly miss. don't ask about the pink feathers.
the one of me in my blue shirt was included because it was taken just before the
first time i ever went around jess and grilly's old house. also, i'd totally forgotten
that that was on johanna's and tom's birthdays - which is why i was celebrating. it's
weird how coincidences work, isn't it?
and here's how you're suppose to steal
my images. i was about to moan at him but then i noticed he's actually hosting the
image himself now. it makes me wonder how many people have done this without me
noticing? it's impossible to track after all. it'd be nice if i was given some credit
though. watermarking is for assholes, and fuck your copyright.
does anyone know anyone who knows me who lives in siloam springs, arkansas?
i'm watching you.
14.06.05:
here is someone else who is dabbling in the evil world of adsense.
google will eat itself, disguised as
global web-marketing & e-business information magazine,
enables you to create mass click fraud across their own site in a bid to help them buy google
shares with the money that you just made them. their more arty angle is covered
here.
everyone is loving this, but really we're helping them make stack loads of cash.
who is the evil capitalist now? it is not "google's growing monopoly of information"
that is hurting the internet - you can cast google aside whenever you want, you have
no investment in it, you can leave it for dead on a whim (apart from the people
who have just invested in it, sorry) - it is the people who are polluting
the internet with junk aimed at making themselves money. these are the
people who are creating a need for google's "monopoly of information",
because without it all you see is rubbish.
it's a very nice website, a very interesting and clever idea well executed (actually,
i can show you a thousand sites that do a better job of looking like a 'proper' site
when their sole existence is making money out of google).
but wait, what is that on the horizon? i think it might be an incoming lawsuit.
14.06.05:
it's about time i started ranking number one for 'emo' in
google.
the hard work has finally paid off.
and it's not just emo - this graph shows you my traffic over the previous month, and how
it's rocketed since the last google update:

the problem is (apart from this meaning nothing to anyone but me), it looks like i'm
actually going to go over my bandwidth limit this month.
if you happy-go-lucky surfers click more on my adsense then my site might start paying for itself
(domain + hosting + bandwidth != cheap for none commercial sites), otherwise i'll be forking
out for the privilege of polluting the internet.
(compared with the likes of lj, xanga and myspace that vomit the net dry for free).
and i also just realised why i get referals for "emo rubiks". he was called erno wasn't
he? you want to get yourself a pair of glasses.
anyway, it looks like i've
been busted.
can i just say that that was never my idea, i strongly advised against the decision.
13.06.05:
i was in oxford. this was after another drunken repeat of last friday. except this time we had
jon over and played poker. i lost,
but i did cook the best dinner (which was kinda hard after the three pints i'd had in the
eagle, plus half the gin and tonic abi had left - i'm such a skank).
so yeah, i went to oxford. i really like visiting oxford, it feels like you're properly on
holiday. all that old architecture, grass, rivers and sunshine and there's
old grandma's old beard (er, "old mans beard"?) everywhere.
plus matt and aimee's new flat is awesome. they have this bungalow with a huge garden
backing onto a little stream with ducks. and a gigantor pylon. i was up early on sunday doing my
stretches in the garden, it felt like i was worshipping the electricity deity.
anyway, it was aimee's sister's birthday and she was having a big party in this olde pub.
i got to meet the whole family and everything. it was pretty cool although very
weird as well. culture shock, it was a weird crowd.
i felt a lot better when a bunch of belgiums turned up, they were just funny.
i spent all sunday morning waiting for the lazy kids to get up. i played hackysack
in their afor mentioned garden until their landlords let the dog out. it proceed
to show me far too much affection. i figured i'd be okay sitting down but he decided to
straddle and attack my face. then he just stood over me as i lay on the grass,
helpless and pathetic. sunday was also the cowley road carnival. i love carnivals, they mean
ragga, street food and parades (it's been so long since we had a parade), which we missed.
and all too soon it was time to go home.
now i've mentioned this quietly
before, that me grilly and steph have a 'project'. and on
the way back to brighton i finally began to write. three events and nine pages,
you can call it source material if you like. this is stuff that i largely chose to not write about
before. it all had to be recreated and it really took it out of me. i didn't think
it would be quite so emotionally damaging exhausting. it restored my interest and
positivity in the project though, that this is something we can actually do and it'd be worth it.
my faith was waning - what is this trite over-angst self-obsessed rubbish about anyway?
whenever i pictured it in my head i saw my life in
jeffrey brown cartoons (or any of
the other thousand people who've done it already).
10.06.05:
hasn't it been a beautiful week? we've played hackysack nearly
every day. i even managed to get away with wearing shorts at
work twice. anyway, i'm off to oxford this weekend to hang
out with the wright family. i'm a little scared as they're well
hardcore but i'm sure i'll survive.
i'm not sure how i managed to rank number one for 'naked sluts' in msn, but
it didn't really surprise me. given their good porn filter (microsoft employees
know their porn) and their good absolutely nothing else, it's no big deal.
however, when i suddenly find myself
ranking number one in google.co.uk for 'naked sluts' i can't help feel a bit bewildered.
with zero link equity and no proper optimisation, and there i am - in flashing lights with fanfare.
and twelve for 'sexy girls'? you are having a fucking laugh.
this is unnecessary.
09.06.05:
walking out of the cinema and i over hear this guy behind me say "it was too geeky,
it was just like a really long comic". personally i can't bring myself to talk
about a movie on the way out of the cinema, i'd much rather march out in silence, and
comments like that are the reason. i don't want to sound like an ass, and more
importantly i like listenting to those that do. to be fair to him though 'sin city' was
just like a really long comic (no honestly) - it didn't quite fit into
the discourse of cinema. the artwork translated beautifully onto the big screen (hats off
to robert rodriquez), but the stories didn't really feel like a movie.
they tried their hardest by splitting up 'that yellow bastard' but i'm not sure it
worked. of course, it's too good to work as a series so what are you going to do?
they stayed so true to the comics (er, what i've read of them) that i really can't
complain. it's just that that's what i'm good at. with damn good casting, directing
and soundtrack all you could really ask for is a bit less machismo? sorry, did someone
say it was action film?
google is being very weird. it's redirecting me around weird urls and being awkward.
it's sending me
loads of referals (that over doubled the moment i got adsense, i never believed that
would happen either until i saw it with my own tracking)
but not showing me any of my apparent rankings. i see me
nowhere for any search on "emo" in any country, on any datacenter, with
any check box checked. johanna says she sees me at 14 for "emo" on google.com. what is
with that? and how dare they redirect my actual search urls. am i rocking the emo
serp or what? does emo love me or not?
over at wooster they have an awesome article about
graffiti and advertising.
go read.
08.06.05:
it's getting desperate on the housing front. we need some kind
of closure on who is moving in when and where and it's turning
into a bit of a nightmare. does anyone want to rent in our house for
two months? it's lovely. we're lovely. love love love.
tonights plan is to go swimming (i spent lunch kicking around a bag of sand
and running up the shop to get fruit, healthy lad) and then watch sin city.
anyone want to come?
these guys, these crazy crazy guys, they go chasing after tornados.
and when they find one they place
this camera
into the middle of it. it's got seven cameras in it that films 360 degrees. it's the
scariest video i've watched for ages.
and michael bach has some pretty
funky illusions on his site. optical illusions are kind of tacky, but some of
these are beautiful. this one
is so simple it's almost passe. however it's done really well.
others include
this one
(clearly the best thing ever) and this one.
pretty new jersey
07.06.05:
it's one of either two things. i've either succumb to the beast,
or i'm being driven by intrigue and science. basically i'm now running
adsense on my site. i'll try amd not defend my decision,
but what i will say is that it's been a lot fun.
here's the deal. msn ranks me fantastically (and bizarrely) well for
a flurry of strange phrases involving "naked sluts", "hot sexy girls" and "topless
naked girls" (topless and naked?! never). infact pretty much anything that
is sexy, naked or a slut. i don't really know how this happened but it did.
so i can capitalise (there's the evil word) on this traffic by serving these referals
google ads. this is where the problem arises though. it's google that decides
what adverts are relevant to my site and which to display.
unfortunately my site has nothing do with sexy naked
girls (or sluts even). google being cleverer than msn has figured this out,
hence it doesn't serve the google ads i want it to. where's your synergy?
so what's a boy to do? i guess i'll just write some optimised copy about the afore
mention sexy naked girls in a bid to get some google relevance here. just remember,
i'm only playing and i'm not actually going to make any money from this (you
need to earn a rather large amount from clicks before they send you a check). so
i'm not a total disgrace. also, you might have notice the adsense isn't even
interfering with the look of my site. or rather you've not noticed at all,
can you even see it? luckily for me it says in the terms and conditions
"you may stop displaying ads ... with or without cause at any time by
removing the google javascript or similar programming from your sites". you don't
even see the adverts if you're not in my target market. mother fucker, from where
you're standing i look as clean as a whistle.
so if you were looking for naked sluts you know where to stick it.
..or maybe it's just because i'm emotionally inept.
06.06.05:
not to sound weird or anything, but i forgot to mention the best thing
that happened to me in wales. halfway up the mountain the sheep started
talking to me. this ewe siddled slowly up to me, "hey you" she bah'd.
scared the fuckshit out of me, i swear.
it was a really nice weekend though. friday was a
night of white russians and cards. photo evidence:





there's something strange and beautiful about the photographs. i'm not
sure how representative of tommy and julie they are, but i really like them.
i hope this doesn't continue my trend of really liking people's photos that
they really hate.
we only ate once on saturday. this was all you can eat pizza, pasta, chicken wings
and salad. tommy won hands down. i was just out to pay them back for our previous
visit where they didn't bring out another pizza. i hate to think how many chickens
and pizza makers suffered for toms dinner. the other thing we did was watch commando
and 'pirates of the caribbean'. both of which i really enjoyed. commando is one of
arnie's crowning moments, a truly awesome film (next on the list is 'running
man'). and if you're wondering
"matrix kills approximately 78 people in the film".
johnny depp was also reasonably satisfying, that film was much better than
what i'd thought. entertaining and well thought out. now i want to be a pirate
again (again?!).
a burnt out landrover, a horse wearing a mask and 1057 steps later (also a rather
tasty nut roast, the second and last meal of the weekend) i'm finally gotten round
to watching 'baise moi' (hahaha) and 'talk to her'. i've been telling people how
bad 'baise moi' is for ages without having seen it. which is stupid but
vaguely justified by that fact that it is rubbish. i just wanted to watch
clockwork orange and irreversible again (and thelma and louise to far lesser extent).
and remember kids, "self-immolation is too pretentious". i really enjoying 'talk to
her' though (over a greek salad), but can't really be bothered to say anything
about it. nevermind.
these
french aids
awareness adverts are too good. i want to fuck scorpions.
also, the new system of a down song/video is fucking genius. no not the riot police,
but the r'n'b chorus.
03.06.05:
continuing my hobby of messing with people who are hotlinking to my images,
i just removed the girl from
the beach on
rachel's lj background.
it's subtle but kind of spooky. she uses far less of my bandwidth than the other people
and she didn't write anything that irritated me on her journal, hence why she
incurs less wrath. also i havn't had the heart to ask her to 'cease and desist' since
the photo looks kinda of nice. i might add a rainbow to it next week.
here's a rather
scary article
about a court order prohibiting two parents exposing their child
to "non-mainstream religious beliefs" (er, that's a direct quote).
on a light note, i'm disappointed that matthew kelly was omitted from
this quiz
02.06.05:
yeah, if i'd actually done anything.
poom is awesome.
the make poverty history website
makes very nice use of orange arrows. it reminds me of the good old kelis days.
nevermind.
01.06.05:
you're talking to your ex-girlfriend. you're talking about one of her old
tshirts. you know, the one you wore all the time and always wanted to keep.
but now she tells you she's given it to her new boyfriend. he doesn't
wear it though, he just keeps it in his draw. he doesn't wash it either, because
when he smells it it reminds him of her. you mirror her rebuke, but what you're
really thinking is that you used to do exactly the same thing.
pinch, punch.
i can't believe how i dropped dead asleep last night. i just couldn't stay awake once
i'd clambered onto my bed. i was supposed to be talking to aimee. maybe it was
her rhythmic tapping on my keyboard that lulled me to sleep. maybe it was the molasses.
maybe it was the guiness. maybe you can have too much iron.
i went swimming in my lunch break today. i figured i'd buy a month swimming pass
because it'll encourage me to go more often. more often means about three times
a week or it wont really be worth it. swimming is fun but it makes you feel funny.
probably all those kids vomiting into the pool.
should i feel bad that amanda
shut her site down? i'm sure she'll be back..
31.05.05:
why are there hundreds of bubbles floating past my window? i guess
they're to signify that the world didn't end after all.
i spent the bank holiday weekend doing various manly stuff, such as chopping wood,
making fires, washing in the river and climbing mountains. i feel mildly
rugged. the highlight of the weekend was climbing
caderidris early sunday morning
(the photos on that site are lame, although i couldn't do better as my
batteries were flat. there are old photos
here). the ascent was serene, i was the
only person on the mountain. it was a fresh morning but the summit
wasn't visible, clouds rolled up and out between the two peaks like it
was some soft of volcano (actually there's a lake there).
lucky for me the majority of the climb is stone
steps (thanks to conservation work) - something i've had plenty of practice
with. the final section is mostly loose stones though, and a total pain in the ass.
but it's worth it as the view is predictably fantastic. i sat at the top
eating my breakfast and watched clouds rise up out of the corrie and travel
right over me. chilling. to the west there are several flood plains punctuated
by the steepest looking mountains (bah, mere hills), one of which
had really struck me the previous day. through the trees and across the valley
it looked amazon-core. dense green and steeply descending in the river (obscured
enough to look dramatic) it was a great vista. anyway, whatever you thought when you
were little, camping is great. you only thought that because you weren't swigging
whiskey around the campfire while recounting old war stories and bad jokes about
ducks.
i found cthulhu.
this was while investigating a
329ft sunken ship
(just happening to be in my favourite place ever on google maps -
the florida keys).
and while i'm on the cthulhu trail, i also found him playing drums on this
kid bopz video (i have no idea what
kid bopz is, maybe johanna can enlighten me?).
it's awesome anyway.
this is what
you get when you mess with the warriors. (for anyone who follows that link after amanda
has stopped hotlinking to me, her background is a thousand flashing swastikas. brutal on
the eyes i promise).
26.05.05:
last night i dreamt you all died - it was just another
beautiful rendition of the end of the world. i was in the garden back home
(in rugby) trying to take a photograph of the awesome red sun. it was framed
perfectly between the dark purple buddleia and the wall of cloud that was
slowly sweeping in from west. this cloud was amazing, it was a dark grey
all-consuming beast and it was picking up speed. infact, in a matter of seconds
it had swept its way across the whole horizon. the atmosphere changed.
you know when it goes all deadly quiet, the animals are all scared and the air
pressure changes. it was like that. and then
the wind started to pick up far too quickly and before i knew it the ground
was being torn up and apart. we shouldn't have been safe inside the house but we were.
a slurry of rage and debris flying past the window, it was a violent mass
destruction. and then when it had finally died down you could see a huge ball of
fire in the sky (i think it was supposed to be the moon). i kept taking photos
but knew there was little point, it wasn't like i was going to get to develope
them. ash was falling from the sky like vaka, and looking to the east was nothing
but desolation - a flat sunken plane of wasteland. a second storm was on its
way and a group of us took refuge in a school/factory/library. we began an attempt
to make the building air tight, to stop whatever there was outside from getting
in. clearly a hopeless task as radiation and evil slowly seeped in around us. i remember
something very scary happening and finding a door unlocked, wide open. the rest
of the dream then continued in third person, it was much later and a
small team of pseudo-military men and women
descended into our building. they slowly crept around the grossly
mutilated bodies - some burnt, some pulled apart. they signalled to each other that
there were no survivors and left, heading off under a glorious sunset, careful not
to tread on the new shoots that were pushing up through the soil.
if you know anything you'll know that i've loved
the london police for ages.
but until yesterday i'd never actually tried to draw a 'lad'. i was thinking that
the best way to improve and personalise my business cards would be to scrawl
some funky graffiti over them, and the back of them has the most suitable blue circles (as seen
here
but without the writing). who would have thought they were so easy to draw though?

anyway. i'm off to wales to hide for the weekend, where there will be far
less rubble and fire.
25.05.05:
plowing through drizzle, and then staring out over the sunny grass -
face pressed up against the glass like some kid gazing in awe into
a sweetshop in some fucking tacky advert. how am i supposed to know
what i want when the weather can't even make its mind up?
it's not enough for me to not watch tv anymore, just the thought of it
is making me nauseous. its existence in the world, and our perverse
dependance on it, is painful. i want to burn all of you.
i'm trying to eat the biggest flapjack of my life, and i feel as sick
as a fuck.
and just to give you something to make it you worthwhile you actually
having come here. you. check out the
store wars movie. i'd love
to call it deeply subversive but it's not. it's just fucking good.
organic rebellion tofu-d2 rawk. it's nowhere near as stupid as the
star wars rap
anyway. it almost makes me miss adam and joe.
24.05.05:
now my walk to work only takes fifteen minutes i no longer have time
to think of anything to write on the way. i've also been doing
nothing, so go figure.
we have a few huge blank walls in our new office,
at least six meters long, and i've been asked if i have any ideas or
preferences for 'enhancing' them. i'm currently pressing for a
huge london police mural.
how awesome would that be? can we get a vote on it?
on a more technical note,
this guy has actually
managed to 'page jack' google. if you do a search for
google adsense
he is now ranking top with no content the page - all it has is a single
zero second meta refresh to google's adsense page. if you compare the
back
links
of the two sites they're identical and the page's cache is that of google's.
it's a classic example of where google's algorithm is seriously going wrong
and it's the funniest thing i've seen all day. that's one brave guy. hats off.
23.05.05:
i think my weekend was ruined by my friday night. all that action kind
of took it out of me somewhat.
we left the new office early and headed
to the cinema. i would never have bothered seeing star wars this soon after
it's release, but it was with work people and blah blah blah. it wasn't so bad. i mean,
some of it was awful but you knew this already. the funeral scene was
especially tasty, and also the scene when your man gets killed in the snow. john
williams, snow flakes and oh the tragedy. nice composite.
we then minced over to the fucking awful 'ha ha' bar. i hate that place, always have
and always will. and this is not just because i got id'd on the way in again.
he stared at my drivers license for a while, then back at me. sound familiar? he even
had the cheek to ask me if i could remove my hat. getting into bars seems to be getting
harder the older i get. it's true - it is more likely i'm 17 than 23. i spent the next
hour being as offensive as possible to everyone in there. unfortunately i didn't
get thrown out. we finally moved on to the 'fiddlers elbow', a much nicer pub, and finally
to the world famous spiegeltent. i've always
loved the spiegeltent and it's a real shame it isn't around all year.
you've got to love a wooden floor - it creaks as you dance to the funk and jazz.
it was way too busy but still plenty of fun.
if only i'd stopped drinking at that point. i then got
a terrifying backy (backie?) all the way down lewes road.
the rest of the weekend was pretty passe. now i just have to sort out my trip to
wales this weekend. climbing mountains and all that.
this is rubbish.
20.05.05:
i'm writing this from our new office, looking out over the old steine.
this is one gigantor intimidating office. it now feels like we're a real company.
it's open and airy and the new carpet is slightly spongey underfoot.
when the phone rings i'm reminded of the end of lawnmower man (the best part of the
movie - it's over). i guess it's going to be a very interesting couple of weeks as
we settle into it. more on this later.
swigs from the rum bottle
so how long do you give someone to stop hotlinking to you? i figure it's like this.
i might give the guy who's using one of my images as his avatar about a week
(or until i get bored) before
i change the image to a swastika and the words "white power". crude but effective - i'm
sure he'll get the message quickly. as for the girl who is using one of my (quite large) images
on her homepage, she's got just over a week (or thirty more downloads) until the picture
turns into either a suicide note or a confession that her dad abuses her. call me an
asshole but goatse is so passe. sigh, and you're wondering whatever happened
to letting the punishment fit the crime?
thanks to daryl's terrible planning and awful decision making, i ended up with two
cheap tickets to see
the rap canterbury tales
last night. one man theatre is always impressive and this dude was awesome. he'd
written it in context of going to a rap concert and then getting stuck on the
tour bus while they have a storytelling battle. it was some pretty high brow rapping.
the americans have finally left the building. the last few nights we've had
"random travellers" staying in our house (under rather difficult and
unfortunate circumstances). i didn't hang out with them but they seemed
very nice when i briefly spoke to them (instead of when we blanked each other).
so it's a shame really, but nevermind. i'll save us all the hassle of going into
details, as it'll only cause arguments and upset. but it's not something i can
ignore, or something i can fail to mention either. so whatever.
19.05.05:
you see weird things when you have tracking on your site.
yesterday someone came to my website from a google search for
a local band. then half an hour later another person visits my site from a link
in an email (yahoo mail). the link was to a post about the band.
i mean, it isn't weird. i just find it quite curious. you can also
see when people click on links from web versions of msn messenger. that
is strange and gets my curiousity burning at the seams. what are you saying about me?!
and will all you stupid fucks stop hotlinking to my images. or i'll be forced to take
nasty action (involving swastikas, mutilated genitals and photos of children - i'm
clearly in no mood for taking prisoners).
you fucking myspace fucks you. you're knobhead existence is
costing me money. please note that it isn't individuals i'm annoyed with, i've
been reasonably polite to you and i'm very understanding.
it's just when a bunch of people do it at the same time it's a very unfortunate
piss take.
what do you think would be more violent? beating some to death with a brick-sized
block of mozzarella or a bin liner full of plastic bags? cake or death?
maybe all this rage is coming from my increased amount of exercise - all that
extra adrenalin and testosterone (that or maybe it's just the assholes, i don't know).
i took a huge detour on my cycle to work yesterday, up ditchling road to the golf
course. i later bombed it around town trying to get me a ticket for the polysics gig
(doors due to open in half an hour). it was a mad dash home and then to the concorde,
early in hope of getting in on the door. five support bands is a damn good deal even
if they are largely variations on ska.
polysics themselves are hardcore jap-pop -
bis meets mad capsule markets. the perfect happy pop rage, and halfway through all i
was hearing was mad caps ("triiiiiiiibe"). the dancing was okay until some chump
in a red shirt starting annoying people by dancing like a cock too far back, then
it got great. someone told me to just push him because he was being a
prick, but instead i moved right infront of him and danced like a total asshole.
the is all testimony to the fact that i am getting fitter.
i know i shouldn't waste time on google maps, but this is the
prettiest one yet.
just look at it
close up.
and excuse me for being standoffish, but i'm getting a bit fed up with all you
01100011011101010110111001110100s.
18.05.05:
so let me tell you how rubbish msn search is.
it's ranking me top for
naked sexy girls.
(out of 44 million pages). you can't beat that.
i'm also sixth for
naked sluts
(out of nearly 50 million), but only 12th for
japanese sluts.
i suppose what it shows is how good their porn filter is.
maybe i should start turning into a porn site and see how far i can take it
before i lose my rankings - like slowly replacing all of your neurons with
identical electronic ones.
i'm not sure why they felt the need to
animate modern toss,
i would have been glad if they hadn't. i guess we wont be saying "what are you?
some kind of cunt?" anymore (or the lj alternative "what kind of a cunt are you?").
another one has bitten the dust.
and over at google sightseeing:
pollution,
more pollution,
the florida keys,
birds,
dinosaurs
and a ufo.
exciting what? and for julie
here are
some major
logging operations.
grumble.
17.05.05:
yesterday at work was exhausting. i think i fell asleep three times
(including out on hove lawn at lunchtime). i didn't really nap very
well when i got back either - i could have asked everyone to shut their doors
if they want to play loud music but i just couldn't be bothered. it
was kinda nice anyway.
then we decided it'd be nice to get lunch at the fringe (since that's
where me and grilly were going for open mike, and since he'd had an
exam and deserved the treat). we got there early but the kitchen was closed
for cleaning. the bar woman was unabashed, heartless and bitter - like we we're
supposed to know this in advance. like it ruined her evening having to tell us.
"you stupid stupid ignorant people wanting food from me".
she did a brighton pout and stared at me with her cold eyes. a grubbs
single vege tropical with chilli is far better value anyway.
we get back to the fringe bar and i'm dying for a pudding. i figure i'll
forgo the bar woman's previous asshole and shell out for a posh hot
chocolate. she stares at me again, and tells me (like it it's taking all
her effort to speak and she hates me for it) that she's just switched the
machine off, not moments ago. she sighs again. oh it's just one of those years isn't it?
you poor creature, struggling with those difficult and awkward customers,
too much pain for your life to bear. and all this was my fault.
i'd never actually played at an open mike night before. it should be nothing
compared to a gig, but there's something that makes you feel a bit more
vulnerable. it was a reasonably laid back affair though and much fun. we
played "love" and "midweek cd purchase" (or, um "midweek with libby purves"
- yorke reference). on neither of which i really know what i'm playing,
but at least i've almost got a feel for them now (even if the feel is in a
different time signature). i think we did pretty good and i won a book of things
to do with dead cats. also a lolly.
i still wanted a hot chocolate so me and rifa went in search of. and until we got to
'more' they either didn't do them or had just switched the machine off. what is wrong
with brighton? (it's not just all the baby shops). 'more' does a sweet and creamy
hot chocolate though, it didn't have mocha syrup or organic chocolate buttons in it but
the fringe can fuck right off.
on return home i curled up with my copy of flight, warmed by the hot
chocolate and happy stories. it would have been a beautiful ending had i fallen
slowly asleep.. but being kept awake by house mates (and their friends) is nothing
that can irritate me. i guess it's just that i don't like people taking
things out of my room without asking me first. but whatever, nevermind.
16.05.05:
we had a good weekend yeah? it seemed very long, especially sunday, and now
i feel exhausted. my bank balance does too.
flight volume 2 was an essential
purchase (must not stalk the cute comic writers/illustrators). as was the
handsome boy modelling school album - collaboration action (alec empire wins).
i think i ate everything else i bought. i've wanted to eat everything. we saw
steph's portfolio and it looked like it would've tasted pretty amazing.
it's just a shame we were all tricked into eating pig.
it's more of a shame that no one really cared.
this was after a tour of the ugly side of brighton's saturday night. these
bars that would have been nice had they not been unbearable - over priced and
over crowded. the dj is a selfish cunt. surely going to the off license on the
way home, listening to our own music with our own company in our own non-smokey house
is much more appealing? no?
but what actually happened on saturday is we went into town three times. this is why it
seemed so long and why we spent so much money. obviously. and then again on sunday
(for breakfast real early so the students had a reason to get up, or something).
this is with thom, who is living with us for a bit because he can't stand his house
mates either (not a reference to me).
we did some hill walking and some beer garden drinking and some hanging out on the
level non-action. slowly drinking hoegaarden all day wasn't it. it was long but slipped
into nothing mere hours later.
"i tried swallowing pennies but it didn't help. now my mum has me going to the toilet
in a bucket until we find them"
i'm just too tired to focus - my head confused from the stupid dreams that wont
leave me alone. come to the fringe tonight, it wont be anywhere as near as shit as it
was on saturday. i promise.
13.05.05:
today i'm smelling of melon, a cantaloupe i think. it's not
cocao butter but i'm still fruitier than you.
holy fuck,
it's horrific. if they're going to make robots that reproduce themselves they could at
least not make their movements that fucking horrible. you can read about it
here or
here (their actual site),
but i'd recommend you don't. it's scary.
so last night a bunch of us went to see
the edukators.
the first thing i need to mention is how good the 50p vege samosas
at the duke of yorks are, and apolgise for my stroppy
"oh fuckit" when the guy infront of me bought the last two.
as for the film, it was competing in the same league as the tasty
indian snacks (although i would have been happy having 13 samosas instead).
it's a german anti-capitalist fest, filmed on what looks like a reasonably
low budget to great effect. it felt good.
my one criticsism is not the use of the soundtrack (which i quite enjoyed), but
the constant use of monologue disguised as dialogue.
the writers politicals are preached to the audience in too forced a manner -
"you are a slave blah blah", while the girl/guy nods or says something painfully
designed to allow the protagonist to deliver their next soundbite.
yes, it's what they do in adverts and it really irritated me for the first half
of the film (helped by the "why are you doing something so stupid when you
clearly know better" factor that you love in horror films). it almost felt wrong
when the actors didn't face the camera to deliver some of their lines.
to be fair, it's probably not as bad as i've made out here and it definately didn't
ruin the film. it clearly redeemed itself in the end. so it's worth seeing,
and not just for daniel brühl.
and this is why i love
a softer world - ideas for greeting cards:
The cover is a picture of a puppy dog - big sad eyes. A Golden Retriever, maybe, some breed that everyone loves, something vulnerable. The text on the front reads, "You think love has to last forever for it to be real. You think it isn’t true love unless it lasts until one of us is dead." Inside text: "You’re confusing love with dog fighting."
Front cover, a pretty butterfly, pinned under glass. The text reads "I'm glad you stayed." There is no inside text.
joey and emily truly rock.
i'm just annoyed because someone
posted photos on wooster three
months after i put
photos of the same graffiti on my site. clearly i should have sent them in.
12.05.05:
when i shut my eyes i am a tiny black ninja, bounding.
it's funny how the hundreds of polystyrene balls running down the street
are dancing in time to the music. they follow me all the way to work.
it's also funny how the woman at the crossing is either repeatedly pressing
the button or holding it down. she must be in a real rush.
so i thought i'd treat you with some more of my search referals. be sick away:
hot girls talking about clouds
pissing in the urinal +men +pictures -pussy
willy hanging out
english sluts
vespas with naked girls on
tight cling film bitch
women with tits so big they cant ware a bra or a shirt
man sucking himself
i raped my sister
raped and eaten sexy
koala meat and buy
eat seagulls receipe
zoe milks cats
biggest block of cheese
sea cucumber disection
drink poppers?
poppers spilt in the ear
flaming sambuca accidents
"post rock" "animal rights" -moby
wanking over konnie huq
official vin diesel site
whigfield isnt pretty
ashmore mentalist
emo italian girl
kids drawings crap nazi
snows of kilimanjaro has a universally appeal
the beach was empty except for a lone naturist
lucy reached the stage where everything makes me especially saying the word "toilet"
those last few are just weird. some of them are hilarious though, my favourites being
"post rock animal rights -moby" and "whigfield isnt pretty". lets not ignore
the horrible ones, i'm still constantly shocked at some of things people search
for - and i'm a professional. why anyone would think you're supposed to drink
poppers or eat seagulls is beyond me, never mind raping and eating your sister.
"a clock ticking on a wall, a room dim at noon, and the outrageousness
of a human being thinking only of herself"
11.05.05:
this morning is very fresh isn't it? i'd go as far to say "biting".
they're spending millions on ruining renovating
embassay court.
yes it now looks cleaner, but it also looks shit. at least it made it
into mirrormask
before they fucked it up sorted it out. i've seen the stills and
dave mckean has done beautiful things to it.
last night, after a right assholey house meeting we relaxed at the cowley club over
a beer and a beastly game of table football. jess & grilly slaughtered me & julie (hey
at least it wasn't 10-0). we then swapped teams and me & jess managed to draw and
then actually win (6-4). we bought books and went home a little bit heavier.
what i took away from the house meeting is this.
the residence clock is ticking and the need for new house mates to sign contracts
is becoming urgent. i'm not going to start freaking out quite yet, but
omfuckufukfuckufckcufukckufckckkfcck
and i have a real craving for fresh strawberries.
the best thread ever
10.05.05:
there's no need to feel inadequate just because i smell so god damn good.
i mean, i wouldn't normally buy anything from somewhere like lush, but
there's something about cocoa butter and honey that i just can't resist.
plus it wasn't me who paid for it, it was my parents. how glamorous
am i know fucker?
i also have to point out that i think the bay leaf might be the best indian
restaurant in brighton. i'm more than happy to be corrected though. and for lunch
i'd personally head to planet india on preston street, but i'm biased.
and not to be a geek or anything, but
seven soldiers is
really starting to shape up. i knew i always loved grant morrison, and his new
meta series is turning into a goldmine.
about the moose, it's actually something julie wrote in her dissertation. it's not that
weird or even funny. but for a minute there, it was fucking hilarious.
09.05.05:

06.05.05:
this morning my legs hurt. they're cut, bruised and stung.
it must mean we had a good adventure last night.
it started off with a cycle onto campus. i wish i'd spend the last
of my student years cycling to uni, but then it's nothing compared with the
romance of catching the train (swoon). we sat outside the meeting
house waiting (or chilling, i can't remember which took preference).
it was different to be on campus again, and it was surprisingly calm.
the night had already started but it still felt warm. it was comforting dark.
we were there for a party on east slope, somewhere i'd previously
missed out on. it's a very strange place, feeling and smelling like a
holiday camp. with strange stacked and bolted together buildings, a bit like
lego (or some less stupid suggestions). the actual living areas are
like some weird section of a labyrinth, so obviously i was loving it -
those strange corridors, differing levels and awkwardly positioned stairs.
soon it had passed (past?) our bed time so me and tommy snuck out. we only
had one set of wheels so it was going to be a long, slow and winding journey
home. tom had better plans and we were soon clambering through shrubbery and
forest. cycling through trees in the middle of night - it's always been one
of my favourite past times. breaking through the trees, along a large field
and past the husk of a burnt out car and motorbike. it's that park again,
the really dramatic one, and half way round it we begin to climb. it wouldn't
be so hard without a bicycle but where would the fun be then? the grass is wet
and slippy and slopes this steep aren't meant to be scaled. reaching the top
and we were greeted by a moon lit lake (not to be dramatic, it was
actually a pond). in the same way that
i previously could have thought of the blair witch project (but i didn't), i
could have thought of harry potter. but i didn't. (this is just my bad
pop culture reference). instead i took a leak. approaching the top and
brighton had slowly appeared, a mash of fuzzy sodium orange and two misty grey
tower blocks. it added up to a fucking awesome scene. all that was missing was the
unicorns (oh shut up). heading south is where we encoutered the roughage.
my legs were exposed from cycling and the brambles were invisble against the long grass
in the moonlight. not only was there a fence where there shouldn't have been
but there was also a skate park. this i couldn't resist, and apart from walking into
a low grinding rail (dude, it was dark) i sustained no injury. from here
it was downhill all the way. infact, from tommy's house i didn't have to peddle
once. fun plus plus.
and now it's the weekend again? wow.
so i'm stealing this link
from johanna (and not even giving her link?! the cheek), because it's
just too cool to let her keep it to her own blog. although hey, she took it from
somewhere else obviously, and this is how the internet works. but now i've digressed
so far it's barely worth bringing my point back. er. it's the khronos projector.
let's fucking hear it for spatio-temporal gradients. yeah.
a href="newsarchive17.asp#05052005" class="date">05.05.05:
there i was, about to happily walk out in public proudly wearing my
magoo "pop songs" badge, when it suddenly dawned on me what day
it was. my badge is only a bloody nice conservative blue isn't it?
i would have looked a right cunt.
actually i'm quite worried about today's election. not as scared as i was
during the american election (that's the sick sad world that we live in) but
i do feel edgy. perhaps it's the conservative party political broadcast that
i accidently saw last night. perhaps it's just that i got carried away in thinking that
it would make a difference. or perhaps it's just the passive hate i can
see in people's eyes.
so we saw 'hitchhikers guide to the galaxy' last night. it wasn't so bad as you'd
all said. it was an enjoyable watch and a good reminder of the genius of douglas
adams. i was happy with the production, i'm glad it didn't feel too expensive.
having said that some of the visuals were awesome (i'm mainly thinking
of the planet construction yard here). the acting was tolerable. some of
it was even really good.
i mean, didn't john malkovich totally make the film or what? he totally stole the
show for me (amonst other good casting etc blah blah).
on a down point though, i really wanted to see the cow that wants to be eaten.
nevermind. i also enjoyed the cameos and the new look of the guide book (sex).
that's about all i can be bothered to say, sorry
and i should also say something about casshern,
considering i'd been going on about it for so long. it is a truly beautiful looking
film. i don't think it will disappoint you as long as you know what to expect - it's
pure japanese over the top drawn out movie making, along with obligatory complicated
and largely unexplained plot and very silly action scenes (i know how bad this sentence
is). what confused me the most was the soundtrack, it flipped from superb to cheesey
far too often. it's painfully epic and i'm still confused about it's message. i guess
it's about war. dot dot dot.
and i'll tell you what, the mia album is fucking brutal. she could muller
dizzie's ass any day of the week.
04.05.05:
something is starting to really bug me. actually it's less of a "thing" and
more of a "one", and i just couldn't help but ask this guy
about his political views. i was going to be tactful but instead
i found myself coming out with "so i heard you were a bit of
a nationalist?". he said he would vote bnp except they're a bit too racist
(apparently, or so i've heard).
he might vote for ukip instead because they're more anti-europe than the conservatives.
or course europe is bad because they'll come in and ruin our strong pound and also take away
our identity ("oh you know, our heritage and our traditions").
they'll probably take our women as well. that or rape them, i don't now.
i was going to ask whether he felt uncomfortable working in such a multi-cultural
and mixed race office, but i'm trying hard to not be an asshole these days.
i mean, you have to be accepting and patient with new people right?
learning new skills can be hard and time consuming. it's just that when they
go and give you tuna (or trout?! wtf?) instead of coleslaw with your
cheese and beans baked potato it's really fucking trying. i especially
asked her for coleslaw because i could tell she wasn't going to give me the side
salad (which is why i go the pig instead of the other
place). she had already failed to take my hint of "can i not have tomato with the
salad". and how can you mistake coleslaw with fish stuff? i feel completely
justified in unleashing fury.
ragh.
.
.
i've always found google's antics in china curious, and their careful balance
between cenorship and freedom of information is quite interesting. anyway,
google has now invaded china,
setting up an office that will enable them to make much more yen. it's actually
pretty boring news though, it just means chinese people wanting to pay google for
adverts can do it easily and without going through a middle man. i imagine that once
google have a firmer economic rooting in china it will be much tougher for the government
to ban them for including 'china unfriendly' sites in their results. er, maybe.
i never noticed before how yen was the end of money backwards.
03.05.05:
it's been so long since thursday. but i've hardly missed it. not being
at work for four days was lovely. the sun came out especially for the may day
holiday and all was awesome.
friday's seo workshop slowly turned into the drinking session that i was
planning on avoiding. my swollen glands were saying this was a bad idea but
it ended vaguely well. at least i think it did. saturday was great even though
dave's comics had sold out of that stupid
book that i wanted. i was so pissed
off i nearly bought it from borders. but i didn't. instead, and since we were already
in that neck of the woods, we decided to go check out the girls in the
world cinema section of hmv. they'd only gone and fucking got in
casshern (in a nice but stupid tin box), which
more than made up for the short comings of dave's comics.
then tom came round and took me seriously when i told him "okay, only use four chillis
but put the seeds in". it was a good dinner to prepare us for fletcher's party -
another horrifically drunk and obnoxious affair. i was finding it all too easy to
be very rude. and i can't really deny that it was me who burnt the two holes in the
twin towers poster. thank grilly for stopping me from completley burning them out of
the photo altogether. i was ready for some proper pyromania. and i'd like to think that
it was tom's idea to climb on top of the bus shelter. we didn't of course, but
it did end with my bottle of wine smashed all over elm grove. you bunch
of drunk fucking student assholes. what a waste.
anyway, sunday was obvious may day celebrations. we caught a roast from the george
and headed up to queens park (totally failing to acquire alcohol or lemon curd but
we did get rather nice coffees). it was nice to get the shoes off and some dog shit
on the frisbee - it's always the way. the image that sticks in my head though, a
bunch of small children playing under the cherry blosson. someone high up in the
branches ensuring a steady snowfall of pink petals. the kids dancing around screaming
"it's snowing, it's snowing". it created an almost perfectly circular carpet of pink
on the lawn. painfully photo worthy i'm telling you. stupid kids.
the problem that followed was getting food. we had to buy pizza from the fucking spa.
but it was okay because then we finally got to watch casshern. pretty pretty.
the next morning i'm just chilling in bed when corey phones me. he has this crazy idea
to come down to brighton. another call later (to bully ben) and we're meeting ben
and corey at the station. it was all beach weather, apart from the sea that doesn't
realise this yet (and is still fucking freezing). whatever, we got totally sunned.
and not only that, but ben decided to stick around for the music quiz and won us
six beers. long live the 'sonic butt nuggets'. it was the girl band first half
that did it.
i feel there is lots to write but i just want to go home.
and for some reason my mug tastes of melons. i'm now very suspicious.
28.04.05:
i'm starting to resent walking up chatham place (up to seven dials). your
breathing rate increases but the air is all exhausted. cars queue all the
way up the hill from preston circus, their noisy engines chugging and pumping away.
and i'm wondering why my throat hurts?
something else i was thinking on the way up the hill was whether prisoners get a
vote or not? my first reaction was "stupid, of course they do". but a
quick search tells me that actually
prisoners
don't get a vote, even though the uk signed the
international covenant on civil and political rights (yes i copied and pasted that)
and the european convention on human rights. i guess that's where my incorrect
"or course" came from.
anyway, i'm off to see greenpeace now. and i have a workshop tomorrow. so i might not
be around. does anyone want to do anything friday night? i think i might be very
available.
27.04.05:
oh, and if you're wondering what actually happened, some girl who'd said twice
that she'd be coming to the party didn't. that's all it was. it was nothing.
but i dreamt last night that i was going to die at four o'clock.
i took a long bath
and we sat about waiting. i was told my head would remain alive and
screaming for around ten minutes. that small amount of comedy
wasn't really enough to dislodge the lingering dread.
it was dark and now i can't shake that feeling.
back in the real world and we watched surplus
("terrorized into being consumers"). you're going to have to bear with me for a minute
while i do a little rant because i have a few problems with this film
(unfortunately all of them are probably obvious and quite uninteresting).
it came across a bit like an art student's politcal film project.
that might be vaguely judgemental, but that's what i'm here for.
basically, the film has a target market and it's in that that it's failed
already. its style and its cool doesn't make for a documentary - it's a music video.
the reason i have interest to begin with is that i'm fed up with that style of marketing
(yes, it's just propaganda). sorry, but i don't think "using the enemies techniques"
is all that clever - the style isn't used to make a point, it's used to deliver it.
i found it very difficult viewing, trying to remain attentive so as not to miss the actual
content. which was another problem, because there's hardly any. i doubt anyone
is going to learn anything from watching it, and that makes me wonder what the point was.
having said all that i'm now feeling less bitter. i'm glad i watched it and i did enjoy
it. it has some excellent quotes (that you
thankfully wont miss as they're repeated over and over)
and an interesting talk by john zerzan (although i'm still not convinced by the property
damage argument). i just felt that i was cheated somewhat
(i'd say disenchanted except that would make me an asshole).
but hey, the film won a bunch of awards so what do i know?
and i nearly forgot to mention how beautiful the morning is. i walked a different
route through the park and for a couple of minutes i actually felt like i'd
moved on.
26.04.05:
i feel the need to acknowledge that
yesterday was the anniversary of last year's worst day.
it may be slightly harsh or an unfair judgement, but i hadn't (and
havn't) felt as bad as on that day for the longest time.
it wasn't the let down or the disappointment - it was the absolute crush.
the previous months (far too many to feel comfortable admitting) had been spent
with only one thing on my mind. i had a single goal and nothing else mattered at all,
everything would simply follow, beautifully
falling into place.
and then (crunch) you suddenly realise that you've been ridiculous. you've wasted
the last month - the whole time thinking it's okay that you're doing nothing
because you have a plan. and it's fine that everything's revolving around a single
aspiration because you want it that much. but then when it all goes wrong,
when you wake up at 8am and all you can do to stop yourself feeling so lonely
you might die is to switch on the television (only to switch it off again because
it's the worst thing you could have done and now there's an even bigger gap to fill),
you've left yourself with nothing.
all that time has been wasted and it can't be given back. the same applies to your
future, it's all been destroyed. where the fuck do you go?
how horribly melodramatic this is, but it's what lack of sleep will do to you.
i ran about all day in a frantic trance not knowing what the fuck i was supposed
to be doing. the tzatziki helped, as did the earl grey and the balcony, but essentially
it was all fucking horrible.
i'd like to think that i've learnt my lesson,
but to be honest i have no idea if i have or not.
either way though, it's nice to see me being more emotionally stable.
i'm tempted to delete all that and write about what a pleasant time we had last night
in the nia cafe "not" celebrating jess's birthday. nevermind.
and finally,
here
is a present for you all. they have six
silver mt zion gigs,
thirty two
godspeed gigs
and twenty three
mogwai gigs
(currently listening to the best version of helicon1 ever).
and yes they're funny file formats but i'm sure you can handle it, noob.
25.04.05:
it's monday morning again and i'm learning how coffee makes it hard
to focus. perhaps it's that my eyeballs are vibrating. perhaps not.
you might have heard but last week ended in something of a rail trip up to halifax.
it's a mean five hours up / five hours down affair involving much
alcohol and reading. long train journeys do weird things to people. i watched
a man buy a can of diet coke with his credit card. and people's reflections in the
double glazing of london tube trains make them look beaten and disfigured.
we finally get to halifax and i've been assigned room 404. you can make the jokes
up yourself, but laugh away because my room was massive. huge bed, sofa and
bathroom. there isn't really a shower in there but i tried for it anyway -
impeded by the angle of the ceiling i felt a bit like bill murray.
the night before was an awful trawl around halifax's best pubs and bars. it's
a thursday night and it's horrible out here. being a bunch of 'business' men
(oh how you'd laugh) we felt compelled to visit the local lap dancing club. actually,
there is no "we" in this. it was soley down to one person, and the first question
he asks on the way in is "how much for a personal dance?". it is incredible.
the problem is i wouldn't even call it an experience. it was neither
that good or that bad - but just quite sad. in its defence it probably was the
best place to get a drink. it wasn't packed, the music was okay and the women
(on average) were probably wearing more clothes.
the other problem around here, apart from none of the clocks working, is that i can't
actually understand what anyone is saying. ordering food and drinks was easier
when i was in spain. i just smile and nod at the nice northerners.
the weekend was nice too, much the same as any other weekend really. going to town, eating
out, buying comics, buying music, drinking some coffee - reading, napping and sleeping.
it was good to get out on sunday morning and it was even better to feel some spring rain.
british weather is the best. i only got half my chores done (my jeans are still ripped
all the way up the right leg) but whatever.
this is the funniest thing i've seen
all morning (and then some).
21.04.05:
rubik's revenge was short lived. i finally nailed the cuboid mother fucker.
in other news i'm off to halifax today and will be back late friday. so
that's where i'm at.
and the next time i spend the whole evening trying to find one of my books only
to find someone took it into their room there will be tontie hammers at dawn action.
yeah, to the wall you funky twat.
20.04.05:
thanks to rifa i finally broke my seal on the mad hatter cafe
(and thanks for lunch too). this means i can now go there all the time,
although why i/you wouldn't walk the extra distance to the sanctuary i don't know.
i really miss that place.
and i sure as hell don't have to sit here listening to this shit.
i hate cars and i hate mobile phones. grr.
there were some bands last night. i think it was 'the thermals' and 'the smalls' (i jest you
not) at the freebutt. i spent most of the time ignoring the bands and staring
at people. and when i say people i don't mean any more than two -
the problem
clearly not exorcised (she looked more like her than any english girl should).
'the smalls' were a pretty enjoyable droney grungey business.
'the thermals' were either one very long and noisey song, or about forty very short
aggressive ones - so loud he broke the mike.
i'm still playing too much n though.
it's total aeon flux core - at least the nearest any computer game will ever get
to emulating the first series. too awesome i tell you.
thanks to grilly (and radiohead) for pointing out that
george monbiot has a blog.
you can add me to your thanks list now.
19.04.05:
i have this problem where sometimes i just can't help looking at someone.
maybe i should use the word 'staring', as that's what i'm trying not to do.
it isn't like a "wow look at that girl she's so gorgeous" thing.
not like that at all. it really frustrates me though and i hate
to think what these people must think. why does that weird guy
keep looking at me like that? and what am i trying to achieve here anyway?
unfortunatly i have no conclusions, or even any interesting ideas.
i just felt like making a note of it. perhaps it's not that bad or
weird anyway. whatever.
having someones face burnt into your retina is never what you want.
but last night we went to some ukulele anti folk thing at the fringe bar.
if it wasn't such a cliche i'd really fucking hate ukuleles, and luckily
there weren't many present (sorry but i can't help my feelings). there
was spinmaster plantpot though
(mp3s coming soon apparently), he's the best fucking thing i've seen in ages.
violent and hilarious acapella. i just wish he didn't remind me of alexi sayle
because that's lame of me (in a similar
way to my pj harvey comment), but nevermind.
another reason i like having a website is when people suddenly start talking
about something new, for instance
mia and her
galang video
(even william
gibson is getting in on the action), i can point to a
post nearly two years ago where i
mentioned her. however, clearly i'm just an asshole - no one likes the "you're so
passe because i was talking about it years ago" do they now?
and by the way, there really is no need to visit my site five times a day.
i'm just saying, is all. i find it somewhat somewhere between
embarrassing and unsettling.
also i just had my first ever visitor from luxembourg. woot.
18.04.05:
last night i dreamt it was nearly christmas. i hope you can appreciate how much
that freaked me out. i do only have five squares in the wrong place on
my 4x4x4 rubiks cube though. not that it really makes up for anything.
anyway, the pavillion gardens were nice on saturday.
some kid called harry lost his ball and i nearly hit some girl with a
well aimed dog. what i mean by that is the dog nearly hit her while trying to
catch its 'stick' i threw (actually a slobbery rock). that doesn't mean i
threw a rock at a girl, or something.
i'm still impressed that i managed to get home from the concorde in under forty
minutes. unfortunately far from impressed that i agreed to go to that fucking hell
hole again in the first place. the last great night i had there was
with my parents for fuck sake (although to be fair it was zion train).
it was okay y'know, but wouldn't you rather have been in so many places?
at least we can now just hang out on the beach. the wind is a bastard and the
sun will give you skin cancer, but it's nice as pie i'm telling you.
all else i did was reading. i'm too busy to write this rubbish.
15.04.05:
where did my beautiful sleep go? eighteen minutes past ten and
that last coffee didn't even dent me. now i'm just looking forward
to the pad thai massacre.
so hey, ladyfest benefits rock. i'm not sure why they have to call them benefits
when they could just be 'ladyfest nights' but i'm shutting up already, fear not.
so far these have all been awesome nights with lovely people and cake.
the first band up was 'the alsations' (plural but just one person?) and was total
placebo-core. i really wanted to mention this but i was concerned it'd be
taken the wrong way. nothing to do with image (that would
be shallow and obnoxious), but rather to do with stefan olsdal and his
bionic evil dildo. i may be wrong but i don't care, it was all compliment.
after some sleater kinney later and we sit down on the surprisingly sit-on-able floor
for 'bat for lashes' (featuring abi of astra and abi fame on big drum and
viola - which i just typo'd as "violence"). i see natasha about town quite a
bit, so i find it hard to comprehend how exactly she acquired so much talent.
what with her being a normal and real person and everything. i still can't
quite put my finger on who i think she sounds like (probably a good sign) and
pj harvey et al comparisons are so obvious i feel shit for even hinting at them.
the final band were
blood red shoes again.
steve (ex 'cat on form') is nothing short of a jackhammer. all this band needs
is a nic endo to ruin their simplicity and slay everyone. i'd pay to see it, right proper.
and not that jess would want to steal any of what i wrote for her planb review,
but just incase i've gone to the effort of water marking the prose.
the technicalities of how that would work
get me all excited, but let's just pretend that i didn't say that.
yesterday i spent four hours on various trains without a book. i really
wanted to read. i took my frustration out on my notepad. calling all
tentacles and spikes, laurence is doodling again:

i left the lines in so you could see how stupidly large it is.
and just incase you were thinking about
voting for veritas
or weren't convinced that kilroy silk is an absolute cunt,
you should click those links. i've never read so much bullshit since grilly sent me
this. the trailing comments
make me think it's tontie hammer time again.
13.04.05:
if you're wondering why i was late to work today (or left the house
late) it was because i was watching two seagulls have sex - the male
literally standing on top of the female. best wank i've had in ages.
so i got done by one of them 'charity muggers'. not done in the way that
i gave them money, but in the way that i ended up getting immensely pissed off.
the mistake you make is stopping and talking to them. i'm not condeming them,
it's just that i walk past about five of them every day. what was the
difference this time? where did i fail? i tried to take him on didn't i?
there i was, busy ignoring him ("hi, yeah great thanks, whatever"),
when i noticed he was working for a charity that i actually work for myself.
right, i thought, i can fucking have him. of course it didn't work.
he came back with "well then you must understand the importance of the charity
and how they need you to donate a small amount of money a week". but i already
work for them, i'm "doing my bit". a couple of minutes later i told him
i felt bad because i was wasting his time and was going to leave. he still didn't
give up. i found out they don't actually get commission though. but they do get
a bonus when they reach a set target and then they get extra money over that.
i've been playing a lot of n.
it's painfully addictive, has beautiful physics, and the n stands for 'ninja'.
if i hadn't already made a lewd comment today i would tell you to "go suck a fuck".
hurray, the vegan chick is back
12.04.05:
i think the problem may have been due to the violence at which i banged
my head while in the toilet of the cowley club. for half an hour i was
seeing in black and white. and when we finally got down to
the beach i'm sure i could see meteorites falling from the moon.
i must have imagined the gentle 'plop' before they sank to the sea bed.
it's almost embarrassing how many times we've seen abi and astra play.
perhaps they're just an easy way to pick a pub, last night it was
the greys (y'know, the pub with all
the beers). the music was good although to be honest, and potentially controversial,
it was generally quite uninspiring. astra and abi (and their keyboardist) were
as great as ever, but the other bands just didn't have the same edge.
beautiful voices and everything, don't get me wrong. there was just something missing.
you may not have noticed that the new
silver mt zion album is out.
especially if you only shop in 'essential music' who don't stock
"all of those godspeed off shoots, there are just too many of them".
fucking fools. anyway i digress, the album is as phenomenal as
you would have expected. it's beautifully constructed in every way an album
could be beautifully constructed. it even has bells and whistles (metaphorically
of course). only a new glassjaw album could i praise more. the
head automatica website is sex though.
i also just received this
through the post. but more on that slice of wonderful loveliness later. you could
treat yourself too, if only you lacked the apathy and self-loathing.
11.04.05:
i don't really feel like i've done anything. maybe the word is
'achieved'. either way i'm rubbish. like waking up too early from
a nap because your body is scared it's getting dark, and it knows
how depressed you'll be when you realise you missed the end of the
day. all that time that can't be given back.
i'm desperately search for something that i've done that is worth
mentioning. i suppose this is why, after sunday roast and a film at
the joogleberry and hanging out on the level, i felt desperate to
build something. some creation. you're just losing the days again,
and need to mark them with something more permanent than a vague memory
of falling asleep in the evening sun.
it probably wasn't this bad, it just felt it at the time.
i'm now officially committed to my
kilimanjaro climb. to
the value of £140. does that mean there is no going back and in under five
months i will be up kilimanjaro? what have i done?
i've been thinking about my reasons for climbing kilimanjaro and i think the list
would make you sick. am i really living my life based on 'wwjd?' style decision making?
is it really all to do with me trying to get over inadequacies i've (possibly
falsely) acquired from various people? this isn't a competitive thing. it's
more like me trying to feel that i have a life. that i am worthy. or
at least would have been. it's not that i can't explain this properly,
it's more like i don't want to.
the google sightseeing blog is
amazing. a while ago google bought
keyhole, technology involving hi-res satellite
imagery of the whole world). they've now integrated this into
google maps. so there is much fun to be had
finding all of your favourite landmarks (in america at least). for me, the highlights
were
niagra falls,
mt st helens,
rainbow bridge,
some huge writing and
some weird salt ponds.
and mostly for my own reference, the
glastonbury line-up.
08.04.05:
no one cares about this, not even in my industry, but there's been an
update over at
google images. it's now indexing
417 images
from my site and i've had quite
a few referals for various graphics (mostly stuff from my
layouts page). frustratingly there
is no indication of the search terms people have been using (the url referal string
is largely useless). i quite like how it has worked out though, most of my
images are behind javascript so it only ever lists the tiny preview graphics.
that's something i need to have a think about. but there's no rush, google images
only ever updates two or three times a year.
i've also started a proper kilimanjaro climb page.
think of it as a splinter-blog. i wanted a place where i could keep all the
kilimanjaro information and updates together.
i imagine it'll mostly be copies of anything relevant i've written on this
page, but who knows (apart from myself, i guess).
i bought crap orange juice this morning. i just couldn't reach the one i wanted,
it was right at the back of the fridge.
oh, and the
chemical brothers video for believe
is gorgeous in most industrial dinosaurus way.
07.04.05:
the sea looks like pea soup. i've never eaten pea soup, but thanks to the
internet i know that it's the same colour as the sea. fascinating what?
last night i had my fitness assessment for the kilimanjaro climb.
i came in at about an average, something i think i should be happy about considering i spend
the best hours of my day sitting at a desk. i'm not technically
committed to the climb yet though, as i havn't paid my deposit - i'm still a little
concerned about my finances (maybe i should start a second fundraiser for my £81 a
month council tax bill, that's £19 a week). i'm full of enthusiasm though,
climbing kilimanjaro is something that
i really want to do. and the ball is rolling so it's not one of those things
you talk about but what never actually happens. i just need to find the time for
fitness training and raising money, and sooner rather than later.
(oh, and cheers to rachael for the email)
also i'm supposed to be telling you to go and sign this
petition to stop the
slaughtering of wolves in norway. but then, i can't give you a good to reason why
you should sign that over any of the other
thousand petitions that are on the site.
i got a bit overwhelmed and ended up not signing any (this isn't quite true).
does anyone want a raw crumpet?