news [archive 18]
hint: i think the best idea is to hit ctrl-f and type in some interesting word


23.08.05: since i've told all of the relevant important people it's now safe to divulge to you my exciting and fiendish plans. actually, it's more of a "plan" than "plans", and less fiendish than fiendish, but it's still very exciting. let me fill you in on the back story - basically, and in one sentence, julie is now travelling around the world and when she's finally done she'll be living in her parents new flat in copenhagen where she's going to be studying for six months. isn't this what i've always wanted to do? get myself a foreign girlfriend and move away with her to another country? havn't i though? so, this plan has formed (or the trap has been set, either way). it's a relocation plan to copenhagen for six months, starting sometime in january. beyond the six months i have no idea - i'll be young, free and reckless, so lets not ruin it ey?

obviously, one of the biggest consequences of this will be me quiting my job, which is something i really don't want to do. my job role is getting a lot better, and i like how our team is growing and developing. it's also an interesting job. no really, there's technical problem solving, project stuff, i get to meet clients and even do the odd sales pitch. and most importantly, the people i work with are awesome. i've let them know my plan though, so hopefully at some point there will be some discussion about it. perhaps a new copenhagen branch?! erm, maybe not.

but now - time for the unofficial tommy's blog feature! (queue intro music)

hello world! tommy here, this is my new made-up blog on laurence's blog (like the matrix). so i can share my exciting photographs with you! here are some of the first ones i took, and they're from saturday night:




thanks tommy. that was just awesome! (please don't hate me)

by the way, my new camera just arrived. i'm fucking made up. i'm kinda scared about putting it in my freezer to see how it reacts to extreme temperatures, somehow it seems worse than taking it to a -15c environment. i'd take a photo of it but i havn't quite worked out how to bend light or time in a way that would enable me to do that. a mirror shot just wouldn't be arty enough.



22.08.05: what is it with us and children's playgrounds? isn't it a bit dark hanging out in them at such ghostly hours? we've now hit three in two weeks. they just emerge out of the wandering darkness, sitting there in our way, begging to be explored and abused.

the first i've mentioned before.

the second one was after a rather nice party at dave's new house. tommy gets the bug and i'm all about the park i used to walk through every day on the way to work. the one with that playground i always thought looked slightly dangerous. it has a death slide for fucks sake, which i didn't write "suicide practice" on. how i said that it was like i did, but i really didn't. it also features a rather exciting four way see-saw. how does that even work? with lots of mulch i hope. and drunken antics.

the third was found while walking back from my parents caravan site at an equally stupid hour. this one had a rather exciting super-wide (but short) slide you could go down side ways and a huge pole that's held erect by many climbing ropes. i'd hate to think what age range it's supposed to be aimed at. tommy got excited with his new camera and took loads of photos (many featuring grilly also taking photos), some of which i'll steal and stick up, since tommy doesn't have a blog. we tanked a bottle of ginger wine and a can of castlemaine that we found at the base of the slide. and cut some sick shapes.

oh, us crazy crazy kids.

the crickets are the loudest thing you can hear at three in the morning. insects taking the power back - from your cars and your phones and your stupid stereos. they shall inherit the earth y'know? it's just a shame there will be nothing much left of it when they do. unless you're of the thinking that it's already theirs.

so i just mentioned my parents came down. we were doing some super shopping for my kilimanjaro climb, detailed on that page so i wont go into it here. it was a good opportunity to discuss with them the plans that i'm forming for next year. they didn't take it badly, but i wasn't really expecting them to. it was just the next step, and every step is a step to making this more realistic. something equally scary and exciting. am i babbling on about something that makes no sense? i'll explain it all later when i have more time..

it makes you wonder why slipknot would bother seriously though, who the fuck do burger king think they are:

"opinionated, political, and wild, fre range was involved in the coq roq concept from the beginning. but he nearly quit the band because of the association with the burger king corporation. however, fowl mouth convinced him that the best way to stick it to the man is to take the man's money in the form of a paycheck."

everyone involved in this marketing campaign is going straight to hell. you should go and smash up someone's limo and claim to have been copy-cating burger kings latest adverts. you could plead confusion, based on their mixed message of 'conform and rebel'. the deeply rooted and fundamental contradiction has unhinged your consumer mind - lashing out, burger in hand, was the only action you could perceive taking.



19.08.05: stepping out of my house this morning i felt genuinely scared. it was a gloom, the sky was dark from one end of the street to the other with a tunnel of ominous light shining in between. and it's silent. there's no birds, there's no cars, there's no one in the street at all. the air is just nervous. a chilling breeze blows between the houses and as i step onto the street, still lit up by the street lights at a quarter to nine, there's a distant boom. this is an august morning and it feels like a febuary evening. walking onto the main room, cars slide by in the dark with their headlights glowing, and you can hear the sky ache. i'm thinking there's something very odd going on, when suddenly it starts to rain. it's raining like there's no tomorrow. i'm caught with no shelter and no choice but to run. ten seconds later and i'm thoroughly drenged to the bone. i havn't been this wet since i came out of the womb. it's the most fun i've ever had on the way to work, and now i'm sitting here in a yahoo tshirt and tom's swimming shorts, happy because i can spend the whole day in the office barefoot.

hot milk! someone get me hot milk!

with brandy.



not to be mushy, but isn't she just adorable?



18.08.05: my stupid site is down. obviously it's not, because you're reading this. but as i'm writing it, it is. i'm getting fed up with this pathetic excuse for a web hosting. and i really mean it this time when i say i'm going to change hosting company if they don't sort it out. and apologise.

i get over 450 unique visitors a day, and if my is down for ten hours then i lose a lot of them. most of which wont be coming back. i also lose revenue from my adsense, although let's be honest it's very little. and what happens when a search engine spider comes to my site and can't access any of my pages? it all adds up to a pretty bad experience, especially when i'm trying to promote my site. what if someone i'd submitted my site to comes to check it out and it's not here? i've missed out again. the world of internet marketing waits for no man or server.

look at me with my over infalted importance. hey, it's my website. me.

this miniature strop has probably been bought on by some slightly exciting news. a little birdy (and not the one you're thinking of) has informed me that we're going to be featured in the source, me and my website we are. they're doing a feature on brighton blogs, covering something like six different sites. you see - online promotion (ranking top for "brighton blog") helps your offline promotion. it'll be interesting to see if i actually get any extra traffic or emails from this. anyway, it's out at the start of september (when i'll be away) so stay tuned.

but the fun thing i did today was add that little image tab on the left. i love it. i always struggle when pictures disappear into the archive, but no more. they can stay there for however long i like. it'll also hopefully encourage me to add new photos regularly too. i just wish it looked as good in firefox as it did in ie. one day i might sort that out, it's just very difficult.



17.08.05: the joogleberry playhouse is probably the nicest of my least favourite gig venues. it's got a great atmosphere, a wide selection of drinks, magical decor. infact, everything you'd want. the problem is that it's too crowded. having tables and chairs is great, just not very practical. it's also stuffy and expensive. the venue confuses me, do you see? i equally like and dislike it. and it takes a band like the hat to encourage me to make that extra bit of effort. 'the hat' are one of those bands that are a little too good. their talent induces much jelousy and i'd easily hate them if only they weren't so damn nice. their style of funky lounge jazz storytelling is extremely slick and engaging. although tonight's gig is being somewhat more improvised than when i've seen them before. it's the drummer's birthday and they're having as much fun as possible, including games of "shape find" and his dad doing an elvis impression. it's more cabaret than a gig, and that's all good with me. the support band were 'the happiness'. they were so very london (whether that makes sense or not). i actually really liked them. they had an acoustic energy that wasn't quite indie or ska enough to be labelled as such. i just liked the odd squalling or silly deep vocals. infact the night was largely dominated by silly voices, the drummer from 'the hat' winning hands down. his vocal scratch noises are rather superb. good gig guys.

so here's an interesting concept. it's a music video, but the actual video is compiled on the fly and based on your local weather. this is fucking awesome, believe. i must remember to watch it when the weather isn't quite so beautiful. but just think of all the possibilities. a little bit of geolocation and you can do anything.

and someone needs to buy me one of these skateboards. thanks.

more random junk i found is lame toy. it's a fruit machine that makes lame toys. that'll do for a description cos i'm busy.



16.08.05: that wasn't the only thing that happened on my weekend. there were other highlights. for instance, late on friday night me and tommy found a well modern kids playground. the roundabout was no normal roundabout, it had seats and pedals. picture me furiously peddling with my knees up to my chin, speeding around and around and around, tommy screaming crazily (perhaps). and the see-saw? you had to stand on it - a pinnacle of physics and child/apparatus interfacing. then i spent ten minutes trying to decide what to write on the weird and rather dangerous battlements that seem to populate every playground these days (adventure playgrounds?). i settled on "the tv is not your friend". it'll do but i wasn't satisfied. does petty vandalism speak to the up-and-coming youth? do words have any power when they're not backed up by a theme tune or flashing lights?

there was also the edo demo. i thought it was common knowledge, but as i've found out today in the office, no one seems to realise there's a weapons manufacture just up the road - good old edo mbm. so the protest started reasonably enough, the police were pretty much marching with us. on the way there though we'd already seen gangs of police vans waiting around the corner, half way down north street. and now they were blocking the way. the police then formed a second line behind everyone and wouldn't let them back up to churchill square either. there were more police than protesters, and even more happy shoppers, making it quite complicated for the police to block people in. they proceeded to shove and trap the protestors into a small side alley and began arresting them. is every protest going to turn into one about free speech? few of the spectators had any clue what the protest was even about, it's just another generic protest against something. anyway, there's no need to go into details. the one thing that did irritate me was the refusal of everyone to listen to what the police cheif had to say. okay, he did have a shit megaphone, but shouting "we can't hear you" over him is just unnecessary and immature. it's perfectly reasonable to listen to what they have to say, and then decide that it's a load of shit. either way, this kind of behaviour is wholly unnecessary (thanks to grilly for the photo):



and this is a bit sick. i know what you want to know, what's the real truth about jamie kane? just look at this photo for a clue. it clearly shows him in close contact with known terrorists (arabs). so how did he die? i think the police probably shot him eight times. seriously though, not to ruin the game for anyone, but they've used rather lame hidden links to network all of the jamie kane sites together (easy to recognise because they have "this is a fictional site, created for a bbci game called jamie kane" in their headers). also people's comments on how good the ai is are just depressing ("i said i liked amelie and then she says oh the french film? i'm amazed"), this is kindergarden stuff. now i have this urge to totally hack the game. think about it, all the fake sites we could set to make the game actually interesting. we could take this so much further than the bbc and preloaded ever could. yes, i've watched too much laughing man, but wouldn't it be amazing? i have all these ideas but absolutely no time to execute them. it's crap.

george monbiot on 'intelligent design'



14.08.05: "i'm at heathrow feeling quite horrible". it's all this nervous energy. like i havn't felt it in ages. like i have to be outside. like i have to run, stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of rockefeller center. i can't sit here drinking coffee with you, like nothing is happening. but i can't bring myself to acknowledge it either.

there's all those things you want to say. how you're feeling, something sincere, a last minute beautiful gesture, anything. just like in the movies. but all you do is well up, right before it comes out. it hurts too much and you'd stop trying if only you could.

have you noticed how i always refer to myself in the second person when i have something difficult to say?

it's just, i've already been feeling completely lost all morning. trying to hide it from myself as much as anyone. and it all accumulates in a single goodbye. i've practiced this though. i've stood in gatwick airport watching people say their teary goodbyes. couple after couple until i couldn't stand it any longer. all of them, and to a background of a silver mt.zion, they didn't toughen my skin at all. and the practiced nostalgia, i thought i'd be used to it by now. but it turns out i've always been the worst at dealing with emotional goodbyes. composure never was a strong point. and this is why when she says "so can i come round yours later?" it's a fucking knife through my heart, and i'm in pieces.

the difference between me and all these other people is i can't stand around and wave her off. i have to run away, stopping briefly at the top of the steps for a final look, thinking i could wait for her to turn around and i could wave, but the thought breaks my heart. and anyway, i can't see a thing anymore.

i just wish i'd been able to say "take care", or "have a good journey", or "i'll see you soon", or any number of comforting, reassuring or optimistic things. anything more than i messy "i hate airports" and "i do love you y'know".

i lied about the practised nostalgia. i hadn't dwelled on this moment before. i wanted to enjoy the time we had left, rather than let it get me down. the problem with this is it's suddenly over. it's gone so quick. and here i am completely unprepared. over the next couple of days i'm going to be discovering all the things i never thought i'd be missing. and then there's the ever growing list of things we never got around to doing. time is always finite, but you can get away with ignoring the fact when it isn't this short.

you see how i'm wallowing in it? i write mostly because i find it cathartic. but right now this is just me torturing myself, clearly.

i can't believe i didn't wash my bedding.



12.08.05: is eating at terre a terre in your lunch break a bit decadent? are those banana fritters amazing or what? i figure you don't get to do these things very often. i mean, five times a week isn't much right?

i finally recieved my tv-b-gone (no sign of the "danger global warming" tape though). i might stick it on my keyring with my spannerworks usb storage device, or something equally knobbish. we had some childish fun last night though, switching people's televisions off from the street. most of the time it just didn't work, due to the distance or their curtains or whatever. plus i felt a bit daft standing outside people's window holding up a strange device giggling wildly, especially when someone actually saw me. it worked a couple of times, filling me with a need to quickly dash off knock-door-run style. oh to be a child again, but this time armed to the teeth with technology and stun guns.

the guerilla war has begun. er, or something.

smash the shit. burn the tube. free yourself. isn't it funny how the room with the television is called "the living room"?

i luv bad brains. rasta hardcore up your bum.

or, up your butt with a coconut. now there's a blast from the past. and your daddy.

some other seemingly horrible random comment.

anyway, this bush speech is incredibly well done. i beg you to watch it. "and tonight i have a message for the people of iraq - go home and die". yeah, i'm sure we're all bored to death of this kind of thing. nevermind.



11.08.05: so i got a new plant at work, you like it? it's a fig tree (if you ask me it's a plant, but whatever). so far i've counted two snails on it. rocks huh?



so i had my big meeting and it went fine. i told you there was nothing to stress about. i was hoping for a free lunch but to my dismay the non-meat bagels disappeared before my eyes. picture me almost crying as the last half of the 'mighty aphroditie' is consumed by one of our prospective male clients. nevermind. there are plenty of bagels in the sea.

so last night we had a proper dinner party. and for a minute there we didn't think any of you lovely people were going to make it. so thanks a whole bunch for turning up. especially to rachel for bringing the rice stuff. all our seperate dishes went together really well, and we had spilt wine and everything. see, it was a proper dinner party. and what's more, we had a girl:boy ratio of 5:4 (also a ginger to normal hair colour ratio of 1:3). who would have thought we had come so far when we can have more girls at a party than guys? amazing.

so matt cutts' (from google) reply on why metallica don't rank on a 'safe search' is well funny. stoopid metallica.



10.08.05: we didn't win the music quiz. lame. and tonight we're having our dinner party. i would have told you sooner but i might not have wanted you to come. apart from this i've been quiet. this is the stress from work consuming my will to be anything vaguely constructive.

does anyone want a job? no, seriously.

free running is a bit trendy, but this is a bit cool, yeah?



08.08.05: outside is so sunny, but with an awesome crisp bite. you have to remember how great autumn is, this is so that when summer comes to an end you can deal with it just fine. i used to hate september, i really did, but this year i'm almost looking forward to it. amongst the fallen leaves. the only way you can tell it's still summer outside is the smell of freshly cut grass. that and the strawberries. anyway..

i took an extended weekend, what with it being my birthday and all. plus taking a day off was the only way me and julie could go police baiting (and terrorist hunting) in london. but first, on thursday night we hung out with girl robin (back from a year away in russia) in the great eastern, where she introduced us to frangelica. clearly the most awesome thing you could ever do with a hazelnut. plus we also saw astra and abi play in a candle unlit room of some pub i can never remember the name of in the south lanes. it was pretty nice.

so yeah, we went to london on friday, our first stop being tate modern. unfortunately it wasn't unilever season in the turbine hall, but we did get to see the frida kahlo exhibition - some very hardcore and moving paintings. i also really enjoyed the markus schinwald video, dictio pii. i wish you could get that shit on the internet, and i'd love to get my hands on some of bill viola's work (queue me making slow motion sploosh noises on the tube, until i realised what i actually sounded like - booooooom)

around lunchtime we found a really good sandwich shop, although it was way too busy and they played 'mr.blue sky' (even when i'm out of the office there is no escape from that fucking song - i am doomed to hear it every single day). sitting outside eating my baked potato and a man walks past holding a broken magnifying glass to his ear. we are all deranged.

we then spent an excited few hours in kew gardens. their palm tree green house is amazing, i totally loved it and i took far too many photos, some of which might finally end up somewhere on my site. it's like actually being in the jungle, except there are concrete paths and a dirty glassed sky (when you can see it through the leaves), also the only animals are tourists (and a few fish - unfortunately we didn't see the catfish). there's also the gardens of glass exhibition happening at the moment. ornate glass sculptures are scattered around the gardens and greenhouses, poking out between foliage and hanging alien-like between the trees. some of them look a bit tacky, but some of them are really pretty. some of them are just weird, like the polyvitro chandelier. alien frog spawn anyone? as soon as we'd left the gardens i wanted to go back, it was strange, but then we were in london. we dashed to various shops but they were all shut (stupid delays on the tube), so we ate too much at wagamamas and went home. to bed.





what was the obvious thing about saturday? that it was hiroshima day, gay pride or my birthday? whichever, i somehow had to cram it all into the one day, starting with 'happy birthday' in norwegian. and then breakfast. we rush down to the seafront in plenty of time to catch the parade. it was fun, but to be honest a little underwhelming. it was led by a herbie, and was advert after banner after sponsorship. i guess this is how parades work right? amnesty international wins some kind of prize for having a big pink tank. a proper fucking tank - but pink, that shoots bubbles out of it's gun turret. amazing? the parade passes us in perfect time for us to get coffees and a chocolate fondue (a rather uber and special birthday treat) before visiting the quakers. we sit in a quiet room folding origami cranes, the japanese equivalent of our white dove, to be sent to hiroshima. fifteen odd cranes later and we marched up to preston park. london road is totally reclaimed from the traffic - street party number one. preston park was reasonably fun, although i do appreciate it more when it's empty. there were a few exciting looking (expensive) rides but everyone was always too chicken to go on them. lame. here's some accumulated photographs:



we did various wanderings about, drank some beers, saw some friends, and finally ended up on the beach again. in the sea again. the sea is so awesome it hurts. i could stay in there forever. we all fancied curry so off we went to planet india - the coolest indian cafe/restaurant going. it has no pretense and the bhel puri is uber. they also have the best reggae music. after this we just went wandering. rumours of a street party in kemp town proved reasonably true. street party number two. the streets were littered with broken glass and party chaos. some guy tried to steal our bottle of wine. but really, it was just too busy, so we retreated back to the beach for star gazing until it became too cold. and then to bed.

sunday began with me feeling kinda sad. hadn't the weekend been awesome? didn't we have so much fun? isn't time going so quickly? it was 10am but i felt i should be outside already. i need more sleep. it was one of those. all it needed was a shopping trip to sainsbury's and a good feed. then me and grilly caught the bus up to devil's dyke. my original plan was to walk there but we set off too late. i guess this was mostly for training but the view up there is worth the trip alone. especially when the trip involves an open top double decker bus. it's like being in on a school trip. after some hiking we felt we deserved nachos, meaning we missed the last-but-one bus. it's okay though because that gives me time for a pint and we catch the sunset. could you ever overdose on pink?

anyway, i've written too much now and i'm bored of it myself. plus i just want to go home. to bed.



04.08.05: the cycle to work this morning was beautiful. it felt so free. probably due to the slight breeze and the sun falling through the trees. in which case it's lame. you superficial tard.

what was great though, swimming in the surprisingly warm sea after work. i can't remember the sea ever being that warm, so let's hear it for global warming right? warm sand underfoot, and i only trod on something jellyfish like once. the waves were big and strong, which were all good and fun until we tried to actually get back onto the beach. we'd been dragged half the way down to the next pier. swimming was hard too and i swallowed too much water, so i'm a bit scared i might grow some funny tentacles or scales or something. bleuck.

a cheap but tasty pizza later (plus a lot of going the toilet) and we're watching 'charlie and the chocolate factory'. i actually thought it was pretty good. it wasn't exactly a rollercoaster of enjoyment, but johnny depp was truly awesome and i thought the music was a lot of fun. the funniest moments were clearly the childrens introductions. after that it was vaguely amusing at best. it was pissing me off how the guy behind was constantly comparing it to the previous film - "this bit wasn't in the first one" or "this bit is really similar". it was a fucking book you fuck. anyway, i hope the main location setting was made ambiguous on purpose, what with american money and english accents and all. i did like the generic wherever that it feels set. it's just a shame the film was sponsored by nestle, who provided 1850 chocolate bars and wrapping for 110000 fake ones. should tim burton know better that this? or is he no better than bono?

and i hope michael jackson sues.

this article on the cult of diet coke kind of scared me. there's a few things worrying about this quote, "because palmer's employer is a pepsi-only campus, she must lug cases of diet coke to the office to support her habit". and this one is even worse, "i see it in my dreams, in my fantasies and my future". there was one thing interesting though - check out all the 'tab' logos (so that was what 'tab clear' was all about), don't some of them look remarkably similar to the designers republic pwei font?

grr, fuck. sorry - just getting a bit stressed with work.



03.08.05: me and grilly (plus anyone else who wants to come, btw) are going to budapest later this year. this is some time after my adventures in tanzania, something like very late october. neither of us have especially wanted to go before, or know much about it - my knowledge of budapest extends as far as their subway system (thanks to kontroll) and their baths (thanks to daryl). it's funny how this has come about. due to grilly getting a (you're not my real job!) proper job he could no longer fly to ireland. cue us frantically trying to find somewhere interesting to go at half seven in the morning - rushing before it became too late for grilly to change his flight details. we quickly ruled out italy, spain and germany. you can't fly to france from gatwick and anywhere north of prague would be too cold. athens was way too expensive, and this leaves only hungary. fun huh?

sometime you forget how nice it can be hanging out in preston park, most of the time it's just that you can't be bothered to go all that way. it's such an immense and flat piece of grass. i love it so much. and i never noticed quite how large the beer 'garden' and beer selection is in the 'park view' pub. shame posh beer is so expensive really.

now, i've been calling bob geldof and bono pricks ever since those stupid "make poverty history" posters (yeah, the one's next to the "buy ipod" adverts) and 'fashion bands' started to appear. i'm less than eloquent in my dismissal of their stupid fucking campaigns, but here's an excellent article titled why bono and bob geldof got it wrong. i hope you can be bothered to read it.

czech police bullshit, i'd give this a better description but again you should just read it. there's a more inciteful article here.

i want my book back please.



02.08.05: that will be my last step along the path of self-destruction for quite some time, at least until i have my feet firmly back at sea level. lets get down to business.

the most depressing thing about being in sutton was having to tell lauren, a check out girl in the local safeway, that the fruit i was trying to buy from her was a nectarine. fair enough, had it been something a little exotic, but no. later that day she buys one of every strange new fruit, spends the evening exploring their delicate textures and intricate flavours. her favourite is the 'apple'.

i was there for laks leaving party, she's off to china for a year teaching english. how awesome is that? it was nice to catch up with people but it made for a very strange saturday. i spent most of it train travelling, getting dirty with my pocket penguins and borges, which means i didn't get done the writing i was hoping to get done. i made up for it by eating far too much cake.

at some point we watched the animated street fighter movie (not as bad as you'd think, i quite like how chun-li held her own despite guile's macho efforts) and 'reign of fire', which was fucking awful. no really, worst film i've seen in ages - no matter how impressive matthew mcconaughey chest is. rubbish rubbish rubbish. trash. junk.

and then on sunday i decided to cycle out to and up ditchling beacon. it's the biggest and steepest hill in the local vicinity and it's uphill all the way there. past the point of no return and it started to piss down - by the time i reached the summit i was steaming. still, i conquered the mother fucker easily enough, even if i did nearly die on the way down. then cycling back the rain was so heavy i couldn't see. there's me in my tshirt and shorts, idiot.

then we played some chess and some speed chess, which i've always prefered because i never know what to do at the start and find myself getting very paranoid and uptight. it was some good games.

so some random links. i love this genpets exhibition (official site). "they are twitching, shaking, clawing, moaning and head-butting their packaging", how can you not love them? and i'm not sure what i think about the jelly belly wine bar, but i do like them because they don't use gelatin. woohoo.

above hits copenhagen & christiania.



29.07.05: the only thing that will get me through this morning is the beautiful haze of the smashing pumpkins. and perhaps a crack of cinnamon. or irb bru, fuck it.



last night we had our client party at the marina, featuring swing band, boat rides and a free bar. now, having a free bar (stocked with laphroaig) and asking us not to get drunk is a bit like giving a child and a gun and asking him not to shoot himself. a bit like it. but anyway, i can't believe i did a repeat of last friday's binge drinking session. the boat ride from the marina to the two piers was fun, it rained like a mother fucker (rain on water is too lovely), but it was disappointing to discover that people actually saw dolphins on the second trip. i didn't even know that brighton had dolphins. i would have been made up, nevermind. champagne and three cocktails later it's all a little fuzzy. i wont dish the dirt though. when we had to leave the hotel we went to the koba, clearly our works favourite bar. i'll say it again - they do a mean vanilla alexander. and we slugged a bottle of red wine before we went in. i think on the whole i was very polite and professional, considering. it was good night but now i smell of whiskey.



borf has turned into subcomandante marcos. i quite like how the story of his arrest has unfolded, and this last letter is a moment of genius.

so the state that we're in we're only good for playing games all day, one of the more beautiful of which was aooa. you dial your way through space and time, exploring the various scenes you find yourself in. and it's been put together painfully well - the sound, graphics and interactivity are all incredible. i wish everything in the world was this well concepted (and i realise how bad that sentence is).

there's also something seemingly beautiful about henrin: a woman's life in cd-r. i havn't seen it, or really know much about it. i just love the concept and the feel of it. maybe it's because it reminds me of all about lily chou chou ("a film need not be pleasurable to be beautiful or effective"). or maybe tarnation. the way i keep my website i'm clearly quite intriqued in the weirdness of recording your entire life. and combining this with an interesting and inventive interface is, well, interesting i suppose.



and finally someone keeps stealing my letters. an amazing online multiplayer fridge magnet fest. obviously where i got all of the above graphics from (if you were wondering). after the chaos that is the first 'fridge' (the 'cunts' was a team effort, btw) i tried a few of the others, attempting conversations with people on the less busy boards - "hi what is your name". but all i recieved was general failure. apart from a nice german lad (which made me feel guilty for drawing that swastika). it's an interesting way to interact with people, unfortunately it's often a little too frustrating. if only you could stop playing around with it..

today has been sponsored by the word "beautiful".



28.07.05: you all know this already, but just to clarify it one more time - richard littlejohn is a fuck. he is everything that is rotten about our country. he is a fucking shit and everyone who reads his editorials in agreement with him is as well. i don't like myself for thinking there are people alive who would make the world a better place if they weren't, but i just can't ignore them. the fuckers are everywhere, littlejohn is one of the most read columnists in the country and that fact makes me vomit blood. three quotes from his sun column on tuesday:

"[he] undoubtedly contributed to his own death"
"his behaviour was not only suspicious, it was suicidally reckless"
"since all eight suicide bombers in london have been young muslim men with dark skins, who are scotland yard expected to target - scandinavians, seventh-day adventists?"

can someone please take this guy out? i will pay you money to kill him (hey, this kind of talk will get you banned on xanga). remove him from the stage.

all this comes down to money. our opinions only differ because of money. what is little johnny scared off? what are his concerns? it's all power - it's all money. it's all "the government is spending £750000 hiring personal mentors to advise asylum seekers how to get a free home and welfare benefits". give less of a shit. fuck your god - fuck your money. fuck your lifestyle. you don't need any of it. without it you will be free and perfect. and if you disagree then i hope it hurts when our planet finally dies and you fucking burn.

appreciate that i was laughing when i wrote that, and not just because i'd read the interview with him and will self.



27.07.05: yes it's rubbish, but whoever did it was very drunk. they didn't have time to think about how much better they could have made it. it was spontaneous.



next time - bigger and better.

the v for vendetta trailer. i've heard they're going ahead with the november 5th release date, and with the film completely uncut. written in the 80's by alan moore about a terrorist attacking london, blowing up the underground, fighting against the fascist state - and could this film be any more relevant? it sure is going to cause a storm.

i'm just glad i don't live near this beach.



26.07.05: my orange phone is buggering up (and this is new news?!). it's sending me a text saying "update error: 000C 9840". so i phone the wonderfully helpful people at orange and the woman informs me that i have to erase all of the text messages in my phone. i started to erase them when i suddenly thought "hey, maybe i don't actually have to delete all of them". so i stopped and now it works fine again (update - this isn't necessarily true). but i'd already deleted most of my all time favourite texts, including the classic "its snowing in amsterdam, its so pretty", from december 29th 2001. nevermind. the other funny thing about orange customer service is that you can have anything as your password, including your name, "password", "i'm a nazi funk ubermensch and i'm going to eat your babies from the inside out" or "i don't know". unfortunately it'd be rather stupid of me to tell you exactly what i picked.

i just emailed myspace and xanga about their hotlinking policy. i was particulary annoyed with xanga for saying "some websites just hate xanga, and remote-block images just from visitors at xanga". yeah, i'm just racist against xanga is all - that they allow their users to steal my bandwidth (yes it's technically theft and it costs me money) has nothing to do with it. i also found their page on police investigation quite bizarre, although after orkut (part of google) helped bust some drug dealers i guess i shouldn't.

so i found the memecodes website a while ago but never got around to mentioning it, probably because i was so angry. that was my idea. but anyway, it basically combines the two things i know the most about - evolutionary computation and search engines. a group of pages are created that contain random sequences of words. after every month the pages are judged on how many search referals they have recieved. the ones recieving the most traffic are mutated and recombined to create a new group of pages. it's all pretty fun and there's a million things i'd like to discuss about the project, so i wont.

some fun old panoramics. pretty cool.

and finally, i did warn this german guy twice about hotlinking.



25.07.05: i have to get angry for a quick paragraph.

operation kratos - congratulations you are now all terrorists. welcome to a state where you can be legally shot in the face for running away from armed men. does it not mean anything to you that your police are now allowed to have james bond style licenses to kill? and a plain clothes policeman can be packing a piece? are you willing to let your government have the right to kill on nothing more than a suspicion? where the fuck did these laws sneak in from? and if you think that it is okay then you almost deserve to be shot five fucking times in the head. you sure as hell won't be able to complain about it.

five times.

i don't want you talking about justification when all you're talking about is treating a symptom.



25.07.05: shit the bed, it's been a very long and hard weekend. perhaps even epic. it started safely enough at about half three, the champagne was flowing at work and it seemed quite reasonable to drink as much of it as possible. half five rolled around i went to meet to the guys at the dome, the last of the students had just graduated and it was a little too easy to blag our way in. with a bar lined with glasses of free champagne you can't go wrong. and when that ran out we simply topped up our glasses with what other people had left - how wasteful people are when they don't have to pay for something, it's sickening. we filled our water bottle and left. i'm already far drunker than necessary and totally enjoying it. we sit outside the wagon and horse (or whatever it's called) and talk shit politely. back at our house we decide to have an impromptu three man dance party. house parties suck, other people just get in the way of the good music and dancing. having sai that we decided to go to a house party, all dressed in red tshirts (almost an accident). it really wasn't my kind of house party, or my kind of people, but we stuck it out. and we wore masks to protect our identities. people were really pissing me off though. people really are shit. at one point they wouldn't let me back into the house, despite me knowing exactly who lived in the house, me drinking out of one of their glasses and them knowing that i'd been at the party for ages. i wasn't a crasher and i wasn't causing trouble. they let me back in eventually. blagging entry seems to be the theme of the night. we drank more vodka, this time watered down with cordial. the sickest thing ever. much alcohol, horrible people (they weren't all horrible, btw) and awful music, just awesome. a down spiralling concoction accumulated in someone scrawling "god is a terrorist" on the side of a church on preston circus. i am going to hell in a little rowboat. five times.

when i woke up on saturday morning at nine o'clock i was still drunk. very drunk. showering, eating and packing before chris arrived in his hire car was a delirious mess. we managed pretty well though, and by the time we arrived in oxford i was feeling much better (thanks to marks and spencers, unfortunately). we're here for truck festival and are fully loaded with backstage pass funk. truck is a really nice and chilled festival. the food and drink is super cheap and reasonably decent - only two pounds a pint for organic locally brewed ale. you're also constantly bumping into people you know. and along the side of the festival are beautiful fields of floaty yellow crops. some of the bands we saw include chris t-t, stuffy and the fuses, sikth, pedro, fonda 500, biffy clyro, 65daysofstatic, brakes and yourcodenameis:milo. i have no favourites, it was all good. so there's a big thanks in order for chris and rifa, and also daryl and natalie for the tent and food.

and because of these many contacts in the music industry i also got a sneak listen to the new dandy warhols album. i'm only telling you this so i can link to their as sexy as ever website - now in three dee.

random link - this is what i want to do. isn't it just my ideal job though? honestly.

jesus tastes funny.



22.07.05: so, i really have to tell "the poppers story". and to do this i've had to give everyone fake names (to avoid embarressment and vicious reprisals). so laurence's fake name is "hannah", grilly's fake name is "garibaldi", ben's fake name is "bob wanker", and so on..

so a bunch of us are sitting around in hannah's room one drunken friday night, and for some reason we start talking about the poppers that have ended up there. the disclaimer for this part of the story is that they actually belong to bob wanker, who was supposed to be visiting this weekend and is why they're out on the bedside table. also no one had actually had any of the poppers, they'd ended up back in hannah's room after a confusing (and popper free night) in glastonbury. anyway, jennifer is complaining about how bad they are, and how she can't believe hannah has them. it's a rather stupid conversation because neither her nor garibaldi have ever even done poppers. hannah is trying to explain that although, yes poppers are very very wank, they really are nothing to make a big deal about - it's on a par with glue sniffing. and no one's had a go at someone for having glue before, right? now remember that we're all drunk as jennifer snatches the bottle from hannah for a closer look. "it's only butyl nitrate", hannah tries to explain. jennifer unscrews the bottle top and tries to tip the pills out into her hand, shrieking as a full bottle of vile smelling liquid spills through her fingers and onto hannah's bed. room odourizer, no joke. the room stinks up of poppers as a large dark stain grows on the bed sheets, soaking into the duvet. our temples beginning to throb, we rip the covers from the bed, drag them into the bathroom and straight into the bath. the duvet is left hanging on the stairs in the hallway. the smell is nauseating. hannah is vaguely angry - how jennifer had criticised so viciously when she clearly had no idea what poppers ever was.

and what's the moral of this story? i guess there isn't one, but poor hannah had to sleep with no covers on all night.

i guess it was a bit like when woody allen sneezed.

but anyway, it was julie's (and tommy's) graduation yesterday and i met her parents (they took us out for a meal at terre a terre). there's a weird stigma attached to meeting girlfriends/boyfriends parents. i feel there's an odd social pressure to feel awkward or nervous about it - it's how you're supposed to feel. in reality it's always been really fun. well, for me at least.

but if only we had id cards none of this would be happening right now. if only we'd war'd harder on terrorism. if only we weren't so damn liberal. no but really, this kind of behaviour isn't supposed to happen here - "i saw an asian guy run onto the train hotly pursued by three plain-clothes police officers. one of them was carrying a black handgun - it looked like an automatic - they pushed him to the floor, bundled on top of him and unloaded five shots into him". and what the fuck does "1401: a white house spokesman says the us is 'monitoring the situation closely'" mean exactly? (source).

fuck it, just laugh at the funny french voices in this game instead, and let your government do all the thinking for you.



21.07.05: so, i finally recieved a reply from costa coffee

81278

Thank you for your recent email and your comments in respect of Fairtrade coffee and the manner in which it is relayed onto the customer.

I would like to thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us with your comments and please be assured all feedback is greatly received and taken very seriously.

I have now passed all your comments over to our Costa Marketing Department who will use this feedback for future reference.

Once again thank you for your support with the Fairtrade coffee and I hope you continue to use out Coffee Stores in the future.

Agnes Nicholson
Customer Relations Advisor

i even got a number - 81278, whatever that means. i do find it a bit strange how these people always send back such polite emails, when the one i sent them was particularly sarcastic and insincere. they must be told to ignore that aspect of feedback when replying. i had the same with pigsback.com, except that letter and reply was too boring to publish (maybe another day). maybe i'm just annoyed that it was a reply from "customer relations". but thank fuck that my letter was forwarded to their marketing department, god forbid it would have ended up in the department responsible for their ethical policy. oh wait, that wouldn't come under marketing would it? surely! never! they'd do fairtrade coffee for better reasons than a target market, right? right? ..please?



21.07.05: it's kind of strange how everything i was trying to make happen last year has happened exactly one year later on, with scary precision. is this some kind of karmic delay? some kind of backlog or queue? i'd say it was a coincidence but i think it's actually more probable. like cause and effect? you learn from your mistakes? all of the above? i ain't complaining though, for a change. it's just weird how things work out sometimes.

i'd like to give a big thank you to lawrence sheffif, my old school, for donating £92.34 (a percentage of their annual school service) to amani kids. one of the pupils there died last week. he was only fourteen - just passed out in the changing room after a games lesson. i've got nothing profound or poigniant that i can really say about this, i just wanted to somehow recognise it.

after saying that i don't feel like i can go into what i was going to say next without a break.

anyway, grilly found the most fucked up forum. my favourite quote from it - "i cant believe peta is even allowed to exist, what with everyone being so sensitive to terrorism". they just love their fur, like paedophiles love children.

and it's amazing what will get a pr6 nowadays - how to fold a shirt. that's actually pretty good. it had our office entertained for over ten minutes, the bunch of saddos. but then i did go home and refold my entire wardrobe. and if that's true then i'm a saddo as well.

this (don't bother watching it) is the worst video i've ever seen. possibly the worst song i've ever heard. that they acutally made a video for the song makes no sense. it's makes opposite sense. it's negetive sense. i'd call it hypocritical but the word doesn't even begin to sum it up. it isn't even ironic. it isn't even a parody, even if it's trying to be one. it's cricitally failed. and there she is singing away "i'm calling all creators in the movement, it's time to offer revolution". it's all over. over i tell you.



20.07.05: so, rupert murdoch has bought myspace (part of intermix media) for $580 million. this shouldn't scare you, it just goes to show how trite myspace is. social networking is for the lowest common denominator. conglomerate up your ass - the internet will reject your marketing. on a more legal issue, how do you control internet media ownership monopolization anyway? the size of you media pie is easy to calculate when your talking about how many tv stations you own or how many newspapers you sell, but on the internet it's less obvious. what is the physical difference between setting up ten brand new sites and buying ten of the top fifty sites on the internet? (alexa reports that myspace is the 13th most popular english language site on the internet - that's a lot of traffic). but really, there is nothing to stop someone buying out all of these sites. now there's a reason to be scared.

but to be honest, all i wish is that the myspace emo boys and emo girls would stop hotlinking to my fucking images. pfft, fat chance.

after nathalia edenmont i know you'll all love afke golsteijn. there's no mention of how she acquires her dead animals so i doubt this will be quite so controversial, but i still feel the need to link to her work. i particularly love ophelia, the lion on the far left.

some random links for you, 3d topological minesweeper, fly guy (odd fun thing to play with) and the iggy pop interview ("punk rock is a word used by dilettants and heartless manipulators"). awesome.



19.07.05: last night we went to 'the ukulele research and development society' (yes, turds). we arrived slightly late but the performance quality was incredibly high (i'm ignoring the people i largely ignored). there's a really nice atmosphere in there. it can be so quiet and attentive. you can hear the world's tiny backing orchestra. the squeak of the guitar strings, the squawk of the seagulls outside, the rattling of ice in your glass. a floor board creaks, or a distant siren slowly wails. i love the subtle textures. hmmm, so i said something complimentary to your man jimmy and he gave me a slightly funny look. he then ignored me for the rest of the evening. i'm now a little worried that he misheard what i said. nevermind.

ooh, a nice looking american military base in san diego. the swastika is the right way round and everything.

also kinda scary - glenn feron. he retouches photos at $125/hour. perhaps here is a job for me, i'm just not sure i could spend my time increasing the size of ladies butts and the amount of clevage they show. i mean, could you really do that for a living and feel good about yourself?

less than three jonathan caouette (not that i've seen his film yet, but i do like his "your greatest creation is the life you lead").

perhaps i will have more to say shortly.



18.07.05: the best thing about my weekend was the amount of swimming i did - once on friday night after work and once on saturday. swimming in the sea is incredible, and every year i forget quite how much i love it. i could float there for hours, bobbing in the serf. it is so far removed from the swimming pool. you are infinately free. all you can see are waves, a dying pier and the setting sun. isn't this exactly where you want to be? it just feels so real.

on the friday we were having a beach barbecue, a kind of post-work thing jumped on by everyones friends. i love a good beach barbecue. i'd say that this is what i'll miss most about living in brighton, if it wasn't for the fact that this year i spent the longest time nowhere near the beach. the one thing i don't like about the beach is the distinct lack of toilets, what with the urinals being closed at seven. i treked all the way to the pavillion gardens only to sit in the next cubicle to two guys shooting up heroin. it was quite unsettling hearing one of them tell the other "don't do it in your groin man, you'll lose your leg. and don't do it in your neck. you've got big feet, do it in them", while repeatedly telling himself "i've gotta get off this shit". i just did my business and left, i figured what else could you do? should it have bothered me more? i don't know. a bit later we ended up at a house party at the mcgees house, which seemed like a very surreal affair although i'm not sure why. i should probably clarify that but i can't.

somewhere on the beach i lost my favourite smoosh badge. (the boy/girl pin). that really upset me. i'll get over it though (actually no, i'll get another one).

saturday was the usual. between me and grilly we had many different people to meet up with and we failed all of them. in the end we half played the first five player game of munchkin (a very slow and hard game of munchkin). and then on sunday the guy in the george finally confirmed he's a total fucktard. there was a special two course meal deal that he had us down for, until we told him there were four of us rather than three. he then increased our bill by about two quid. and talked shit at me when i questioned the extra money. i was made to look stupid, like i didn't know what was going, when really the cunt was just over charging us. now that's just bad service. i wish i'd held my ground, but nevermind. then when our food arrived we asked if we could get some mustard and mayonnaise (me and grilly asked for each seperately) and he bought us back a single bowl containing mixed up mustardnaise. or mayotard (which is probably far more fitting). now i used to really like the george, but now i just can't really bothered to go there again.

we got cake from the inside out cafe, because we were on a hunt for banofee pie (i rank third, just below nestle, for this mis-spelling). it'd been ages since we'd been there. and then i fell asleep in the pavillion gardens and we saw the new exhibition (strange than fiction) in the museum & art gallery. i liked the video, it was kinda funny. nothing much else happened, except i found out 'resident evil' is far from a good film. there was something i liked about it i'm sure. i fell asleep reading 'the 13 1/2 lives of captain bluebear'. he was just about to reach gourmet island when my eyes gave out.

something i forget to mention about 'war of the worlds' that i kind of liked - how it captured the obsession of recording everything. there were so many people taking photographs and films with the phones or cameras (although how these would still be working when his watch wasn't is a little confusing). of course, i would be doing exactly the same thing. anything for a good photo.

david fincher is all about the reflections, i swear. his special effects are the subtlest and most amazing shit. you should really check out his new nine inch nails video.



15.07.05: so we actually bothered to go and see 'war of the worlds'. i don't know why. tommy saw it twice anyway, he has no excuse. to sum it up quickly i think it's a bad movie done quite well. tom cruise does a great job of acting an asshole. and i especially liked the burning train. something about it really just worked. it hammers home the complete destruction. you also know that i love big skies, big broody evil fuckers. infact anything stupidly large (you can guess my favourite scene of 'independence day' - at least 'war of the worlds' is better than that awful film), so i had plently to enjoy until the novelty wore out. hugeness. but it did get boring. and the plot is fundamentally flawed, has mr.wells never heard of co-evolution? bacteria and viruses have co-evolved with the other species on our planet, they're evoltionary designed against us. the chance that they would have any effect against a foreign body, evolved completley seperately from us, is very low. of course we may have shared descendants with the aliens, but this is unlikely as well. stupid science fiction.

corporation of the week award goes to costa. they now do fairtrade coffee. aren't they marvellous? and what's more, it costs the same as their standard coffee. but wait, did you see what i said there? they do both fairtrade coffee and non-fairtrade coffee - for the same price. the difference is that you have to ask for fairtrade. and if you don't see the small print your drinking slave labour, yup. for nothing you can make the ethical decision. so i asked their staff if many people do, "not really".
  "i guess you give them it anyway right?"
  "i suppose you could".
this is the shittest excuse for an ethical policy that i've ever seen. and when the woman delivers me my coffee she asks if i'd like soya milk with it, not to stereotype people who actually care about fairtrade - we're no all fucking hippies (disclaimer: reread the irony). sorry, did i say "corporation of the week"? i meant "shit corporation of the week". and to conclude this i've sent the following letter to costa:

Dear Mr Costa,

I was recently in one of you many thousand identical coffee shops when I was delighted to notice that you now offer fairtrade coffee! What better way to show how much you care about world poverty, and that you are doing your bit to combat it within one of the most notoriously unethical markets - corporate coffee. And not only this, but a Costa fairtrade coffee costs you no more that a standard coffee!! Surely it must cost your lovely company more? So congratulations on this, and in also passing the moral buck to your customers - making them think for themselves (and read the small print) before they are able to help the plight of poor coffee pickers across the globe. One thing however, I did notice that very few of your customers actually do this. I hate to bring the horrific news to you, but everyone simply asks for "a coffee", and your fairtrade effots are unfortunately falling very short. Why oh why oh why do you not make your fairtrade coffee your default coffee? I'm sure your loyal customers would not mind, and anyone claiming that "fairtrade costa" is a hollow marketing sham would be forced to rethink such accusations.

Wake up and smell the fairtrade coffee Costa.

Yours Sincerely
Laurence Ashmore

i'm a dickhead i know. but, haha.

but yeah, i was in edinburgh again yesterday. i can't decide if i feel worse about buying a costa coffee (i was desperate - you find a better coffee in an airport) or being in edinburgh either side of the g8, rather than when it mattered.

so do you like my smoosh badge? it stands for solidarity against child slave labour. it counts for far more than your "fashion bands".



13.07.05: three pizzas on the level. sitting on the duke of york's balcony. drawing tommy. then i slept really badly, only to be woken by the recycling truck smashing many many bottles (that could easily have been taken to the glass recycling point by the co-op). damn those mildly environmentally conscious people for ruining my every other wednesday morning. well at least i sleep better than i used to now. and i barely drink caffine anymore, so i shouldn't complain really.

i'd scared myself earlier though. it was the sight of someone walking towards me down the street. someone i really really didn't want to see (that or the opposite). someone i knew it couldn't have been anyway. and it wasn't that they were right there, or someone who looked like them, but it was how i reacted to it that scared me. i just panicked. i felt sick and nervous. horrible feelings were being drenched up, and although i'm totally over-exaggerating here, i shouldn't have felt like that. i hate being vague, but it's strange how memory mutates. maybe this it's just a coping mechanism. but you think you know how things were, and when you're reminded like this how it actually was - it's like being shot in the face all over again.

so it looks like we harbour terrorists. they live among us! we must retreat into our homes! lock your doors! don't trust your neighbours! send all non-pure blood britains back to where they came from! id cards! id cards! id cards! seriously though, does mean the uk is next on the list after iraq for american invasion? i might move to london, it'll be the safest place to be since the americans aren't allowed inside the m25. pfft.

and stop telling me off for dissing the terrorists. it's not my fault if they're rubbish at it.

a pigeon just shat on me. don't worry, it's only bird shit.



12.07.05: what i forgot was getting repeatedly dive-bombed by a seagull. there i was doing my weekly step climbing up by the race course, walking down them, and there's this almighty swoooosh. i look up and there's this huge seagull flying straight up into the sky. "weird", i thought. ten seconds later and there was another swoosh. i felt the air rush that time. i kept my eye on the bird as it circled up and came around again, swooping straight for my head. swoosh. defensive little buggers arn't they?

we watched the worst chuck norris film i've ever seen last night (also the best). it really was rubbish though. i know i wasn't paying much attention, but it didn't even make sense. who was that guy who got shot? what? rubbish.

i'm currently dominating the emo clothes, indie clothing market. i mean, just look at my search results (and their combinations). unfortunately i'm not a clothes retailer and arn't exactly emo. i pay for all this extra traffic (bandwidth isn't free) but thanks to bad contextual advertising i'm not reaping the benefits, which are low anyway, but at least would be enough to cover the cost of my "emo" site.

can you see what i'm trying to do here?



11.07.05: funny weekend. it started with an aimee and a curry and then the pub. there isn't much to say about the prince albert (apart from the huge banksy stencil on the side), it was nice to see all of aimee's old friends again. when we finally got thrown out (after being stormed by an impromptu mexican band - see, there was interesting stuff to say) we moved to the gloucester. and this is what passes for an indie night these days? the only song i actually recognised was 'killing in the name' (over-exaggerated a little, but still). given the week we've had the song got me slightly angered. all those drunk, smiling, clueless people dancing like wankers. we took center dance floor chanting "bono, bono, bono" (i was drunk as well you see), until i decided to pick on a guy wearing a 'make trade fair' armband thing. "yeah i voted for bono", he said. i gave up and danced like a twat instead. for about two hours. this is about all i can remember. grilly gave away what made his tshirt a christ punchers tshirt and we left.

i always rant about it when i get id'd. i'm 23, i should be complaining. mostly it's fair enough and i think it was just funny. but on saturday i got id'd in a fucking music shop. trying a buy a video. a video! it wasn't even porn, ffs. and the guy was blatantly younger than me. oh nevermind.

we we're on the search for cheap videos, for something along the lines of the '11 park crescent road video club'. we bought some real trash though. i was pretty happy with my 'bionicle: the movie' for one whole pound, bought from the sunday market - now more concrete than ever. this is when the days start to bend together. julie came back at some point. then we met her in the pav tav. there was a birthday party that ended oddly (see tom's non-existant blog). in this heat i just couldn't sleep. so after the sunday market we were invited around simon's for a rather nice dinner. top shit, mucho thanks. i figured i could climb steps in this heat and nearly killed myself. actually, it may have been because i needed the toilet so bad i nearly threw up. how that works i don't know, but i'm never letting it happen again. at least now i know why i hate the oc so much. and then i'm not sure how but we ended up in the pav tav again. despicable.

let's have a prayer/minute silence for everything i have forgotten.

co-op bans additives from food. shame about their staff though.

anti-war flash that i actually like, shocking. halfway through it and i'd already started to rant how they hadn't even begun to mention the iraqis who have been killed, but then they went and did it. hurray for me. and a really nicely done boids thing. yes, it's been a while.

but yeah, i'm getting mildly anxious again. i think that's what i might've meant last week. it isn't something that should tie into the summer season. perhaps when a strong feeling is generated it leaves an annual 'echo'. or perhaps when you waste the summer at a rate of eight hours a day, stuck in an office, you feel a bit rubbish about your life.



08.07.05: depending on what day (or even time of day) you asked me i'd probably either tell you that times are really exciting, or times are definately not. rereading that sentence i'm reminded how much i hate dickens, and myself. (dickens, not chickens). i tried to read a tale of two cities once but couldn't get past the fourth chapter. sorry, i thought it was awful. his writing style grated at my brain, i couldn't take all the redundancy. but now i've digressed so far it's hardly worth bringing my point back. but still, i can't decide.

disclaimer: this has nothing to do with protests or explosions.

i have a number of very interesting projects going at the moment. various websites, scripts and charity fund raising to do. all good creative worthwhile healthy brain work. at the same time i feel remarkably stagnant. perhaps it is just this week, but that would make little sense. i should stop wondering around inside my head.

and can i just say that i never fucking voted for either of these fucks. also, how can the police get away with detaining peaceful protesters inside their own camp? i'm surprised the scene up in stirling hasn't got horrifically nasty. if it was me i'd have started setting fire to tents days ago. of course i'm not there, and apart from what i've heard on the news and from the few texts i've recieved from friends who are, i have no idea what it's like. so i'll shut up.

and thanks for putting our broadband on a fucking twelve month contract so i still have to pay for it after everyone's moved out.



07.07.05: as you might have noticed i was a bit angry when i left work yesterday. how it was, i either stayed angry or i went swimming. swimming always chills me out. so there i was relaxing in the pool, doing my lengths, when i noticed what it was i was constantly swimming towards. there on the far wall was a giant coke bottle. this huge fucking monstrosity, a classic symbol of your corporate evil. and written across in that timeless swirly font it says "love".

and because i can't wait any longer, glastonbury photos:







i really need a piss but i don't want to put my shoes on. do you think i could actually get fired for not wearing shoes in the office?



06.07.05: sitting in my office, following the news on the bbc and guardian, and i'm just getting angry.

all these people condemning violent actions, saying the lives of countless local people have been disrupted. saying it's the last thing ordinary people want. saying that violence isn't necessary.

but when ten thousand protest in prague against the imf and world bank, or when a quarter of a million protest in genoa, or when two million protest against a war and not a word of it is acknowledged and acted upon, what are you supposed to do? tony blair can tell us that we should all be grateful that we can protest, but what good is it if the protests are ignored? this has been a situation for far too many years and nothing has changed. maybe it is time to give up on your peaceful police-approved protest and push a bit harder. or maybe you don't believe in your cause enough, in which case i don't give a fuck about you anyway. the anger's there for a reason, i guess if you don't realise that then you're not paying enough attention.

of course, "these 'protesters' are idiots. we do not want you in edinburgh destroying our beautiful, peaceful city. idiots, fascists and clueless morons!!!!!"

and my other favourite quote, "companies and their workers pay taxes to the governments...how else could our governments afford to cancel world debt?"



06.07.05: it's july, so you'll be wondering why you're shivering when you're walking down the street. you'll be wondering why you're slightly damp when you get home. and you'll be wondering quite where exactly the sun has gone.

on the way to work i actually saw some tumbleweed.

there's some pretty rough footage from edinburgh on bbc news (they change the streamed videos regularly so it might be gone/different). i feel weirdly about this. i'm not sure if i wish i was there or my friends weren't. probably it is neither of those, something else entirely. while being too honest i might suggest it's about missing out - a purely selfish feeling of losing important experiences. being left behind. it's a recurring theme, so you'd think i'd be better at explaining it. perhaps it could be summed up using words such as "inferior", "proxy" and "dread".

cancelling this protest will cause nothing but a horrible fucking mess.

i'll give the bbc one thing though, they're the only news source who didn't write off all of the protestors as 'anarchists'. i know people who are there who arn't anarchists. i was nearly there and i wouldn't class myself as an anarchist either (although it's 'their' view of what an anarchist is, there's clearly no definition that would include me). they also link to the dissent website. here's a reasonable description of mondays antics. i think stephanie is being way too careful in her writing though, she's too unbiased and only vaguely hints at the violent journalism that deep down she knows she wants to write. it's a quotable article, i'm going to steal this one:

"i marched with my family on saturday for make poverty history, but what is today supposed to be about? i don't know anything about these demonstrators, or what they are hoping to achieve. it seems like a complete waste of time as far as i'm concerned and to be honest they are nothing more than a pest. if this is g8-related, the sooner it is all over the better. scenes like these are the last thing ordinary people want to have to face in their home town."

i like that the woman is so willing to admit she knows nothing about what is going on, while condeming it so completely. i love our fucking countries.

let's talk about us vs them. let's talk about whose side are you on..



05.07.05: i did a word count on my site yesterday, actually just the news archive, and it totalled 294664 words - that's two hundred and ninety four thousand, six hundred and sixty four. when i reach a million words i might have to throw a small party. it was over 500 pages though, with 3338 paragraphs. i'd love to work out how many entries i've written but unfortunately it isn't stored in a database. a small thing i over-looked when i started and greatly regret. moving my content into a database is a monumental task, even if i write a program to do it. maybe one day.

so here is the mountain charity box i've made to go in dave's comics:



i'm pretty proud of it, but i had a dream last night that steph really hated it, he thought what i'd written on it was crass. pah!

there was all kinds of things i wanted to do last night but we ended up doing nothing much at all. vicky cooked us all dinner (some pasta souffle thing apparently) that was well good, it's nice to have dinner done differently - me and grilly always cook in the same way. she also made us fritter/doughnut things. and i'm thinking that this is what our house really lacked the last eight months. we never did do house meals. me and grilly have always been cooking and eating together, but jess and joel were never about. i mean, we did do it. but not in a regular sit down, eat, chat, play cards kind of way. shame really.



04.07.05: the internet has gone down at work. for an internet agency you'd think we'd be doing better. when this happens there's very little that i can actually do. for instance, instead i'll tell you about my weekend.

this might not be the best idea though, off the top of my head i can't think of anything interesting. on friday i was too knackered after my scotland trip. after making and eating sushi round julie's house i just couldn't stay awake, poor grilly had to walk home on his own. if only julie would ever let me lie in. anyway, on saturday i needed mountain supplies. not for climbing, but to finish my 'donation mountain' that will hopefully site proudly in dave's comics. paint and stuffs. i'll never break even on the cost, i should have just sponsored myself the money, but i have really enjoyed making it. i'll get some photos up tomorrow. i'm especially proud of the dave's comics tshirt i painted on my qee. i also bought the obligatory comics which, ontop of what i recieved from the holy consumption, means i have far too many to read. what a shame.

sunday was time for me to get back on the training grind. i'd flaked last time i'd gone step climbing, the sun had beaten me down, so i had a lot of catching up to do. for the first time i managed ten ascents (1500 steps doesn't sound that much but i'm either taking them two at a time or running. they're also bastard steps). and even jogged most of the way home through the graveyard. grilly almost had full english breakfast waiting for when i got back. the other thing i did was clean my boots, which after glastonbury took me fucking ages. i'm still promising photos and write up of this because i'm still way too busy. at least the mountian is complete (this needed manic laughter or some shit).

and then isntead of cleaning the kitchen we played cards. i mean, who wouldn't?



01.07.05: edinburgh is actually a very lovely city. it has some really interesting architecture that's arranged with some real consistency. there's always something popping up in an awkward labyrinth-style manner. and i love a good rocky outcrop topped with a castle. it ties it all together perfectly. of course i only saw a small part of the city. we had a couple of hours to explore before the flight home (this was my first internal flight and business trip by air - oh so very jetset). also i was promised riot police, but all i saw were two cops arresting some poor guy outside a shop. i thought he was a protester camping out in the middle of the street, but the tent actually belonged to the camping shop. figures.

my flight up to edinburgh meant i had to get up early in the morning. it's not like i had an early night, we'd gone to see the new batman film, but i would have been feeling just peachey had the neighbours not been having a house party right underneath my window. i can't complain - soon we will have a fully fledged practice room for a lounge and the neighbours will fucking die. as for the film, i actually quite enjoyed it, it's probably my favourite of the four batman films (clearly george clooney does not count). it was three things: the casting, the city and the plot. the casting was fantastic, the city looked beautiful and there was a plot. maybe i just like cillian murphy, i don't know. but gary oldman was completely unrecognisable (yes, that was him). i thought michael caine, tom wilkinson and liam neeson also really fit their roles (you can't help bad script). and what's the link between all of these people? something like they're all uk actors. christopher nolan (er, the director) and the batmobile are also british. christian bale is welsh though, but nevermind. and yes, it did kind of remind me of bladerunner.

rubber johnny. sick genius.



29.06.05: one of the weird referals i keep getting to my site is k and k treasures. there is something very strange or dodgy going on over there. why do i get so many almost bot-like referals? i ignored it, but then yesterday i found this referal amongst them. curious sickness. how shit like this still exists confuses me. it is pure evil. a symptom of the nastiest human plague.

"your wealth defines your status"

"the sort of money we are talking about here will improve your life forever. we hope that what you will learn with us will also make you a happier person"

"join our revolution, soon the four horsemen will ride and the world will finally be ours"

it looks like a lot of people are getting referers from that page. but what the fuck is actually going on? my guess is that they are simply partaking in bad comment/trackback spam to gain link popularity. my site would have been found in a blog/journal directory and visited by a bot from the above page. many blogs automatically track their referers and then link back to the linking site. of course, the above site doesn't actually link to them - only the bot can see the link. it's crude but probably effective. extending the use of [rel=nofollow] to trackback links will kill this technique instantly. unfortunately it wont 'cure' the sick fuck behind it.

these proper jesus sandals make it easier to hunt 'em down and kill 'em.



28.06.05: this time yesterday i was lying starfish'd (a new word i learnt) in the middle of a very green field. i'll tell you about all of this later. i'm way too hot and busy to do it now. you would not believe. it may actually be a while.

until then, smoosh is my new favourite band. check out some of their videos here and here. those girls are fucking awesome.

were not wasting paper [or grammar]
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