news [archive 44]

30.10.2010: the night had so many highlights i don't even how to begin. maybe it was when phil and lene arrived with a crate of club mate. or the loop station roar of 'eating animals'. or the sock puppet show to accompany the sock puppets happy-go-lucky big muff pop. dancing. or the spontaneous oitonome concert, beer showered all over our singer. for most people the highlight was probably the art gallery, high quality prints of the drunken butterflies comics. that's the one.

the lowlight? i smashed a whole bottle of club mate. but forever shall copenhagen now smell of its sweet scent. maybe a club mate tree will grow from its fizzing shards.

undergound clubs, ftw. how it worked is drunken butterfly had taken over the basement, cleared the rooms and jazzed it down. we stocked up on alcohol - 12 crates of beer, a crate of wine, about twelve bottles of various liqours. everything sold at the insane price of 5kr. a glass of wine, a shot, a beer, whatever. no messing around. we converted the basement into the coolest fucking club in copenhagen. it looked beautiful. and we impressed, we even received studenterhuset blessings.

wow. all the times we've played in this room, people have no idea how many hours we've spent down here, and now it's full of people standing packed against the far wall, like a line of zombies under the green light. equally intimate and intimidating. poor people those without ear plugs.

then later i'm playing with de oitonome and i can't find a .73mm so i'm playing with a pick far too thick and i'm dropping it all the time onto our carpet that's been purposefully designed to hide any small dull coloured object amongst its swirling patterns and stains. no one understands my problem so i'm playing with my fingers whilst struggling to find it again. do people presume i usually play guitar on my hands and knees with my face 10cm from the ground? we were drunk, who knows what we were doing. and i'm drinking champagne, not in keeping with the party's theme, but i'm celebrating my job win. just incase you didn't know.

and by the way, that doesn't mean everyone has to buy me a schnapps. it's hard being a bar tender when the shots are so cheap. luckily that blue stuff is only 20%. and luckily not all of the 151 confirmed guests on facebook turned up. phew. our little event had the perfect sized crowd. you lovely people (nearly all of you).

so, i guess we'll see you next time then.

29.10.2010: and it's a beautiful day. walking into the forest. up to the lake so quiet and peaceful but for the distant gunshots of distant police practicing their 'deadly force'.

card games and whiskey not-so-late into the night.

the next day is all rain. and a dinner party, roast and miscellaneous salads. i'm constantly impressed how we pull this kind of thing out of seemingly nowhere. the main game of the night is called "theories", it's quite fun.

another day and we stop off at blitz for the best and cheapest food and coffee in the city. a friendly place to shelter from the rain. reggae on the stereo. why does it always rain when i'm in this city?

the ferry return is a very different experience for me. i've been partying the last few days, and will be again for the next couple. i just want a break from it. we eat small baked potatoes at the cheapest cafe on the boat. i celebrated being offered a job by putting an extra 10kr in time crisis. the sea is churning, enough to keep you awake. it would be a problem if it wasn't for the drunken norwegian kids constantly screaming (quite literally) in the corridor outside our room. cheaper alcohol and they just go crazy.

but i forgive them.

25.10.2010: the ferry is by far the most comfortable way to travel between copenhagen and oslo, and if you take a cabin at the bottom of the boat it's barely more expensive than the bus. 100 extra kroner for your own room and a bed is definitely a sound investment. the ferry also provides you plenty of more opportunities for drunken shenanigans. sure you can still get thrown out of the bars, but it's not like they can throw you off the boat leaving you stranded somewhere in sweden. i suppose if you were extremely anti-social they could lock you in the brig. but that would be pretty cool too. kind of. at least maybe you'd be featured on the olsobaaden reality show.

so. rum and cognac tasting. finding coffee. being treated to a buffet dinner. and a pretty good buffet at that. and then what, drunken lego and time crisis? wandering between bars. the disco was shit. and we got very politely thrown out after two minutes for bringing in our own beers anyway. this makes no sense to me, since the whole boat is like one big venue, how can i drink beers sitting on the stairs but not at a table?

in the largest bar a super boring swedish band were ruining an endless stream of cover songs. and they didn't even know bobby socks. we danced to UB40, but probably only to make julie feel embarrassed. or was it because we had the power to break the record for the number of people on the dance floor? and we chose UB40 over ABBA?

the pub was a much better hang out, and apart for the occasional homophobic joke the irish guy playing acoustic guitar was much more listenable. that and, excluding the spanish kids who were rude and arrogant (don't take the piss out of the guy in the awesome cowboy shirt, he is way cooler than you), the clientele were much friendlier. maybe a little too friendly. again i'm dancing, and with a scary old norwegian woman with arm fat flappier than her apparent age dictates, but it forced emil to get off his ass and swing dance too. i think we called them GILFs, but they don't really do the name justice. what a mess.

and then we're in norway.

things i wanted to write about but haven't gotten around to include mathias' jamaican themed moving in party (stout punch and cycling home in the rain), the second working weekend at the student house (painting the stairs), my 2nd job interview (they called back three interviewees), and the excellent vegan brunch from last sunday. all of this was awesome. so thanks to everyone involved.

25.10.2010: i'm in norway until friday. it's the usual drill, i'm not contactable by phone. but i will be regularly checking email. of course.

and this is the sound of me running out of the door.

17.10.2010: then three things happened in quick succession. drunken butterfly played, we had kultur night at fisk, and there was the studenterhuset working weekend (part 1).

our gig went smoothly. we interrupted the beautiful piano playing (nandrea, highlight of the night) and obscure ambient soundscapes (also typewriters) with brash rawk and kraut disco. it was a tough crowd, mostly situated around tables to the far left (or right) of the stage, but they clapped in all the right places and didn't throw anything. maybe people tapped their feet. i was just happy that the girls stuck around to see some of our set, despite them obviously being on their way out. that was polite of them. they knitted through everyone elses music. i can't blame them. anyway, you can watch our entire set here, here, and here. that's in some kind of order of goodness.

then we had kultur night. it's nothing like nuit blanche, but we can always pretend. i was helping out at fisk, which means trying to make things go as well as possible but without having any of the responsibility. except that i had to take the entire night's takings home with me because we'd ran out of bank slips. wow. we also ran out of beer, twice (how was i supposed to know we had beer in cardboard boxes instead of crates?). it was all good reggae vibes. but no monkey man. i left at 3am (or something like that) and we were still selling alcohol faster than i thought it could be drunk. shame about the mess, but nevermind.

then the working weekend, which was just a good excuse to wear my overalls and a dust mask. lots of drilling and sweeping. all good fun, even if you've only had about five hours sleep. and an excuse to eat cheese, because there's no chance people can get it together to buy me enough vegan food from netto for lunch. and since i ate cheese for lunch, why wouldn't i endulge a little further in the exciting vegetarian lasagne, quiche, and pastas from our favourite italian pizza place? that was some good munching.

sunday has been all about me trying to do things and not really getting anywhere. updating websites, trying to record music i'm never going to be happy with, making dinner. i didn't touch a single rubik's cube all day.

am i going to post this crap now? nevermind.

14.10.2010: i should keep quiet about such things, but i was particularly satisfied with my job interview yesterday. it's out of my hands what they thought of me, and as such i wont worry about it. no, but what i was nervous about was how i was going to feel about the place, since i really like the sound of this job. and there's always a catch, y'know? like desks down in storage B, 80 hour work weeks, no coffee (or biscuits). i'd mention lumbergh, but one reference to that film is one reference too many. this is a delicate issue. so anyway, i was very happy to find it all very pleasant. really nice people, really nice environment. and in a way that makes going back to not being not self-employed not scary at all.

just cross your fingers and hold your breathe.

so who's coming to islands brygge kulturhus tonight? i'll be playing a mean second fiddle. it'll be fun for everyone for at least ten minutes, that i can promise. franzosisch ist sexy is sexy. and you all know old-school drunken butterfly. or not, i don't know.

12.10.2010: sitting around and i'm sweating about what i'll be wearing tomorrow. then the zip decides to break on the only pair of trousers i'd decided were suitable. and maybe i'll wear the father-in-law's suit jacket, even though obviously it's not going to fit. i don't know. this is all so very unnecessary.

but anyway. i can do this. it's no problem. either way. and it's funny, because just the other day i was in fisk typing away:

i'm sitting here but nothing is coming. i get that a lot these days. even after two cups of coffee. i'm just fucking blank. and it's pathetic that it annoys me so much.

i'm having trouble getting things done. completed. an apathetic creeping. like a tide. i don't know. ones and zeros are so much easier to deal with than other lexemes. the ones we've created ourselves, the symbols and metaphors that cause all this trouble.

and i mean, have none of you actually looked at my CV? i'm fucking money. i will be brilliant at whatever it is you will have me to do. i can make this shit shine. what is that doesn't fit?

the lingering thought was that if this company wasn't going to even interview me then who would? but the little bit of magic did its work and i received an email asking if i was still interested in the position.

but also, how am i supposed to be friends with people who message me over facebook instead of emailing me. (wildly unrelated.)

11.10.2010: there'll be no disagreement amongst the band that it was by far our best gig yet. the whole thing just fucking exploded. beer and people being thrown around all over in the air. the crowd was huge. big enough for surfing, even if the ceiling isn't. the front of the stage became an alcoholic lake. and we had as many people dancing as the headlining band did, one of denmarks most famous punk bands (at least they were ten years ago). maybe we did. i don't know.

i can't believe my guitar was out of tune when i started playing though. we had the perfect intro and somehow i managed to fuck it up. if anyone noticed, i don't know. but a whole half-step down? how did that even happen? fuck knows. i hadn't even started drinking. maybe the nerves then. meh.

so now we're really starting to get somewhere. i still find that strange. i still see people walking around the venue before we play and i'm automatically thinking how these people are going to hate our music. it's not even drunken butterfly's fault. it's just that i've never understood how this kind of thing works before. these are people i don't know. it's weird.

and i've never had so many compliments after a gig. normally i have to ask people how it went, but i had people coming up to me at the urinals asking if i'd swap guitars with them. people at the bar saying it was a great show. some drunk danish guy rambling at me all the time. another dude trying to convince me i've got rhythm. phwee.

and then sunday evening suddenly happened. the fog descended and the sky turned light bruise pink. colours you're convinced you've never seen before. cosy rolled in. the world went quite. street lights all glowing halos. someone walking their parrot. strange times.

06.10.2010: i'd waited twelve years to see melt banana, which is probably why i'm aching so much today. i hurt. but when would i ever get the chance to dance to sheild for your eyes a beast in the well on your hand again? it's a good job i wasn't wearing my new shoes. boom.

other thoughts that were running through my head include, why is no one dancing to this incredible noise? headlights ducking and weaving around the stage like ..well, maybe a ww2 reference isn't so cool. and then later when the other two members of the band had finally joined the stage, when the 'proper songs' had started, why the fuck are these people with glasses dancing at the front of the stage? are they fucking crazy? one minute later one of them is crawling around on his hands and knees crasping (new word) at the ground between everyone's hammering feet, trying to resist people trying to pull him up because they thought he fell.

i was surprised at how many of their songs i actually recognised. although i could name only two. and of course they were going to do a second encore. "we're going to play.. ten more songs". melt banana old school style. their cuteness to noiseness ratio is simply off the scale. and they were so very nice when i spoke to them all afterwards.

shame the support band was so shit. to think of all those bands who would have been overjoyed to have supported melt banana. and not been shit. nevermind.

02.10.2010: judging by the timestamp on the photographs it must have been about 10:45 when we finally went on stage. we had norrebrogade backed up and apparently we weren't exactly going to be following the police orders. the original plan was to play on ground 69, the garbage lot that used to be ungdomshuset, but for reason unknown the cops wouldn't allow that. they wanted us to march down to folkeparken and play there, but we couldn't wait. instead we played in the street, outside temple bar, disrupting one of copenhagen's main roads on a friday night. it was just beautiful, with all the flashing blue lights and the fists in the air. loud and brash.

it's a shame the photo of us posing with the cops didn't come out.

so thanks to everyone who came and made it our funnest gig yet. and thanks to the organisers for making it actually happen. and also to the cops for not being complete assholes. infact, if if wasn't for them we'd just have played at ground 69 and hardly anyone would have seen or heard us. also thanks to julie for taking photos, of course. and finally thanks to the netherland's government for making squatting illegal so we had something to protest about.

but wow. playing on a truck is like a rite of passage for copenhagen bands. we're premier division now. now i'm using football metaphors. i fucking hate football metaphors.

unfortunately the rest of the night is in fragments, my mistake for dipping into the slushie machine. the cocktail was obviously much stronger than i'd realised.

"is that blood?"
"dude that's blood"
"it's not blood"

anyway, all that is why i'm eating noodles for breakfast. at 1pm.

29.09.2010: de oitonome are playing an open air gig in central copenhagen on friday and you are welcome to come and join us. we're playing at some time around 7pm, the only problem is that we've been requested to not give out the location. so if you want to come, and i guarantee you it'll be a fun time, send me an email or SMS and i'll let you know as soon as possible.

what i don't understand though is the need for all the clandestine and paranoid shit. either that, or why are the organisers lying to us about it being a legal demonstration? they've told us that there's no chance of us having trouble with the police, but clearly they haven't been granted permission for the demo. i hate being messed around, but the gig is too good an opportunity to turn down.

other news, there's a new drunken butterfly comic:

what can i say? i don't know. sometimes the simplest ideas are not the easiest to implement. but still, i'm happy enough with the finished result.

27.09.2010: it's been an odd few days for free stuff.

i finally threw out the printer/scanner/fax maching i found weeks ago and never got around to checking. huge ugly thing, but it might have been brilliant. unfortunately the print head was damaged (although probably just gummed up with ink due to it not being looked after properly) so it's useless to us. since we don't really want a fax machine and all that. so it's back to the trash with that.

i also finally retrieved my new bike, but unfortunately it's in need of slightly too much repair. i originally thought i'd only have to cut through the locks (surprisingly easy once you have a bolt cutter, even a tiny one), but there's all kinds of things wrong with the back wheel, starting with a nasty buckle. maybe it can be fixed, maybe it can't. but why can't people just look after their bikes in this city? it's pathetic. and how come so many get dumped? do people get so drunk they can't remember where they left their bike and that's the end of that?

we also found a flat screen television in the garbage. it's very posh, but it too isn't quite working. ok, it isn't working at all. but maybe (just maybe) there's something very simple wrong with it. then we have a nice new TV.

what did work is the flat screen monitor. it's a lower resolution that than the huge monitor we found a couple of weeks back, but it takes up much less space. now i don't know which one we should keep.

i guess the moral of the story is that people don't always throw stuff away for no good reason. wait, that's not a moral is it? that's just a conclusion. nevermind, i was never very good with morals anyway.

26.09.2010: the more gigs we play the more i get confused as to what constitutes a good one. it takes a lot for me to not enjoy a gig (and that's what i personally find important), but often i come off stage and i can't gauge what anyone thought of it, the crowd or the rest of the band. i'm lost in this mix of elation, exhaustion, drunkeness and dripping heat. there were mistakes, there were recoveries, people slept through it, the crowd cheered, some even danced a little. was it good for us? is it what everyone wanted?

i guess it comes down to your reasons for being in a band. with drunken butterfly it's about playing music i want to play. i have no misconception that we could become famous (like a dirty word, i don't even feel comfortable typing it out). or even particularly popular. we can do gigs and people can like us. that's fine. we always love punishing a nice crowd. but with de oitonome, and for the first second time ever, i find myself being in a band that's actually getting popular. after last night's gig we were booked to play on a truck at a solidarity demo next saturday (for the squatters in the netherlands). and after our gig the other week we were booked to play at a private party. then a week later the venue contacted us to book us again. twice.

i guess we're a nice band that fit a gap in the copenhagen punk scene. perhaps everyone is tired of the crust and the screaming. you can actually hear what we're playing. it's refreshing.

so yes, i suppose these are good gigs. and i have a gig a week until the end of november. wow.

anyway, this isn't how i wanted to write up the gig. i was just having difficulty analysing it any other way. we played at bolsjefabrikken, at a post-football-game fundraising party (fundraising for what i don't know). it's a nice place, another squatted social center which none of us had been to before (who knew there were so many). think of it as another ungdomshuset but without the dreads or smell. it's cosy. with tibetan prayer flags and candles and a room full of sofas. we spent most of our time in the nice room upstairs with a pretend stage, and the cold room downstairs with a terrible selection of games. also in and out of the kitchen for coffee. and they made excellent vegan burgers. i was starving by the time we got around to eating.

of course it didn't help that we turned up three hours too early. and there wasn't a sound engineer either, so we had to set up the entire stage ourselves (or rather kenneth did). maybe that's why we sounded pretty good, at least considering nothing was miked. apart from the vocals, obviously. and it was even better when we switched that stupid spotlight off. before that i couldn't see anything at all through the smoke.

so this is good and i am happy. except, why was everyone in that bar so obsessed about my beard?

23.09.2010: now my jaw aches. it's probably just 'hyposomatic', or whatever it is you want to call it. but still, it aches. and i still have the taste of rubber gloves in my mouth. this woman, she liked leaving her finger in there. even when turning around to talk to her collegue. i wanted to push it around with my tongue. but we were getting along ok, i didn't want to ruin it.

then suddenly i was surrounded by ten students, all of them keen to see my very interesting mouth. that's how the head dentist described it. all these people crowding around and i can't even smile to let them know i'm not feeling massively uncomfortable. all these people watching whilst you're being told you'll probably have to wear braces for the rest of your life. no, it's not that bad. i'm lying. that's just me being dramatic.

always with their staring eyes these crazy dentists.

but this is not something i have to worry about now. these things go slowly, it'll be a year before they could start treatment anyway. i'll be old by then. it'll be fine.

what really ruined my day was the motorbike cop who nearly hit me and then pulled me over. he just fucking stood there staring at me. like a patronising bastard. asking me if i cycle on the pavement in england. in retrospect i shouldn't have told him "yes". but at least i didn't go on to explain how in england the junctions aren't quite so fucked up as that one, and since there was no one on the pavement it made complete sense for me to use it. that or share a lane with the buses, no thanks. but nevermind. in retrospect i should have asked him if he's got nothing better to do than go around trying to intimidate people who aren't doing any harm. i should have pointed out that you can't ride a 'wrong way' along the pavement. and also i should have asked him if i could have a go on his bike.

next time maybe i should actually stop when a cop shouts at me. it's not my fault they always shout stupid shit that doesn't make any sense. i'm supposed to understand that? and for the record, twice is not a habit.

and so it is. back to porridge again.

21.09.2010: i wanted to start annotating the comic (or at least this episode) so people can see the kind of thought processes (or lack thereof) that go into it. here's the most recent one:

it was a straight up random idea that we needed a japanese monkey in the band. we all know japanese bands are cool, and we're totally trying to buy into that cool. why a monkey? i don't know. maybe i was thinking we could have a very large number of them writing our album. or that buying japanese people is illegal. or that a monkey, with its ability to 'play' an instrument (i.e. as opposed to a cow), but with a total disregard for music, would make excellent noise pieces. either way it was random. but then as i was writing this band comic i realised there was already a comic band with a japanese monkey (or gorilla, same thing, whatever, they look the same when i draw them). you see how this shit just writes itself?

but what to call the monkey? of course it had to be something obscene, like 'fuck face' or 'gangrene', so i settled on nipples, which is a cross between bubbles, nippon, and noodles, if you didn't notice. i originally contemplated leaving him nameless, drawing him with an 'm' for a face so that kenneth could exclaim "what? that isn't marta?", but it would have looked crap and the joke was a little mean.

i presumed nipples wouldn't like us calling him nipples. he seems to think his real name is 'tetuso', the quote being taken from the end of akira. the "shaved, sterilized, destroyed" line is from 12monkeys. i was originally going to paraphrase it, so that he was asking to be tortured (um, some ironic comment on animal testing? kamikaze?), but then i realised that a cartoon japanese monkey would obviously be full of crazy pop-culture quotes. right? the mashed potatoes quote is lifted from a beastie boys song (they sampled it from mantan moreland). and unfortunately the last gibberish isn't a quote at all, it's the cold hard truth (this is also why nipples is visibly without penis in the bottom left corner).

the 'shit leakage' refers back to episode 9, where shit leaked into the basement from the toilets above. in real life it wasn't our practice room, but it did happen. having nipples throw his own shit around is a reference to ampersand in 'y: the last man", one of the best comic book series i could recommend to you (get it out of the library today). i half wanted to call nipples for 'colon', but thought the other name was ultimately funnier.

'the floor is made of lava' is a danish band who will probably try to immolate themselves (again) when they realise the game they named themselves after is actually called 'the floor is lava', and they will feature in a later episode. to spoil the plot, jolle once sold one of them an absinthe which the guy promptly used to set fire to his face. the band later blamed jolle and attempted to sue the bar and blah blah. a band of superhero crime fighters need archenemies, but unfortunately this band just don't cut it. they too boring to make it past jokes about our carpet, which does kind of look that disgusting in real life.

the poster on the walls is for couch guitar straps. perhaps i was trying to suggest that our own couch is vegan. which it probably isn't. either way, it was simple word association.

that guitar is my real guitar and it features in the comic more often than in actual drunken butterfly songs.

the two monkey poses were totally ripped off too. i must have about 50 images of various primates in my clipart folder for referencing (actually it was 31). i traced them with a freehand vector tool and changed them where necessary. the faces were completely redrawn. i think it's kind of interesting how the clipart i use alter the story. well, i guess the actual story doesn't change here, but the poses are definitely not defined by me.

ok, i didn't mean to write that much.

20.09.2010: so i am back in copenhagen and of course it is raining. i guess that's all you need to know

maybe something about me liking the smell of vinegar. me reminding you of pickled eggs.

and i can't believe i missed two rubik's cube parties. by which i mean parties where rubik's cubes were played with. if not for only a few minutes. but still. come on.

i quite like that anonymous has taken on the RIAA, a less fun but more functional target than scientology. go them. go us, rather, etc.

also, there was something i quite liked about this youtube video about vegans, despite it being very annoying. baby down a well, pfft. it has nothing to do with me deciding to go back to my almost-vegan diet after this summer's lapse, but it is more interesting.

13.09.2010: i suppose that confirms me as a genuine geek, now that i've taken apart a rubik's cube (4x4x4) to lubricate it. it's a shame all i could find was baby oil, but at least it smells nice now. and turns a little smoother.

did you know there's a ball inside a 4x4x4 rubik's cube? weirdest thing.

my new favourite game is chasing the bats with the spotlight. lighting them up as they duck and weave, dogfighting above the house. they swirl around the moths, blazing and flickering against the stars. and then suddenly two bats are onto a moth, circling him. and then he's spiraling down to the ground, perhaps too big too actually eat.

fun until the battery runs out. seven minutes.

either that game, or just floating in the pool and trying to imagine as large a beast as possible coming up from the depths. or trying to find out if there's an upper limit to the amount of basil you can eat. or hunting for ripe figs. or chasing the sunset, the sky flaking and falling apart, like paint striping fire from a wall of pure sapphire. boom.

12.09.2010: who'd have believed it was the first ever proper ashmore family barbecue? as if we knew what we were doing. or, how hard can it be anyway. but still i was impressed. and the view helps, the last of the sun pushing shadows across the valley. a combine harvester across the way. clouds like pink battleships hovering above.

and when night finally comes i'm incensed by the high pitched buzzing that's coming from everywhere. from the trees and bushes. it permeates your ears, vibrates the back of your skull. like your mouth is full of pop rocks. it was driving me crazy and i couldn't understand why it wasn't bothering anyone else. and so the hunt began, what the fuck is making that sound? armed with a 55 watt torch, like carrying around a car headlight, i was half expecting to find armies of terrifying insects. but no, all that noise is made by a single male grasshopper, so loud i couldn't get in too close a look. i never did manage to find a cicada though, they go quiet when you get near and refuse to start chirping again til you look away. they're like the dancing frog.

i also managed to find a cat, which scared the shit out of me, just standing there as if it was a pale white statue. then slowly rotating its head to face me, eye's like they were on fire in the glare of the torch. also bats and moths, who loved diving into the torch. especially the humungous one which may or may not have been a peacock moth. i'm going to go ahead and guess it was about 8-10cm long.

then there's the shooting stars, jupiter with its four largest moons clearly visible (with a telescope of course, you can even just about make out the swirling rings on its surface), and the whole rest of the milkyway.

no snakes though. earlier in the day we'd been fishing lizards out of the pool, both the largest and the smallest lizards i've seen here. the baby lizard was happy being carried around the garden on my hand for about ten minutes before it finally lost its stunned acrobatic skills and fell into the grass.

11.09.2010: for some reason i always end up watching big brother when i visit my parents house. i don't know why. and i'm not ashamed. but i guess it'll never happen again. car crash fascination.

yesterday we visited the big riberac friday market. so many english people. like they don't even try and blend in. like they'd have a hope of succeeding anyway. it's strange. and to think they complain about the polish. nevermind. you just can't seem to get away from them. sitting down in a cafe you're surrounded.

other than that i've been lazing, pushing through a cold. and every now and again i'll suddenly remember "my family owns a pool?!".

i should save the gear cube for a proper post of its own, but why wait?

so the gear cube. as beautifully complicated as it looks, it's actually very easy to solve. it's much simpler than a standard rubik's cube because the gears drastically restrict your movement. with a standard rubik's cube you can make a 90degrees turn of any layer, however with the gear cube you're limited to 180degrees turns (relative to the opposite face, a turn which also rotates the centre by 90). you could describe the move as rotating opposite faces by 90degrees in a clockwise or anti-clockwise direction.

the cube has symmetry, and how this works out is that by putting two corners together you've already paired up all the other corners. then by solving the corners for one face, you've solved all the corners for the whole cube (i think). after that it's relatively simple to put the edge pieces in the correct place. it took me a couple of hours to get my head around it, but i solved it almost by accident a couple of times before fully understanding what i was doing. symmetry

the rotating edge pieces (by 300 degrees every complete twist) should make it difficult, but they don't. they always end up flat and facing the right direction with very little effort. they're for looking awesome is all. or maybe i'm just not scrambling it enough. i don't know.

in conclusion, it doesn't pose a challenge for anyone mildly rubik's cube obsessed. it's harder to follow what you're doing, in terms of how the rotations effect the cube's state (maybe because it's so mesmerizing), but it's not as frustrating as similar puzzles (i can still remember trying to properly solve my first rubik's cube too). i want to buy one for everyone i know.

09.09.2010: windmills blinking bright white dots on the horizon. lined up against the smeared black sky, like they're the only thing standing between us and ultimate doom. and this is flat country. there's nowhere to run from a sky like this. we cut through it at 150km/h. and i can relax now, sitting on a train and ruining the plot.

i've been very lucky. first thing, my flight almost missed its takeoff window, due to two passengers not turning up at the gate to board (their luggage had to be found and removed from the plane). i could easily have missed my connection in paris, but i wasn't so worried at the time. the general strike meant that my train probably wasn't running anyway. i was just hoping for the best. and like i said, i got lucky. my train was the only one running for three or four hours. good for me, but bad for the story. i almost sound disappointed.

anyway, my morning had already been ruined by a rejection letter. apparently i didn't meet the job role requirements. and i'm at a loss. this was the first job i've applied for (ever) where i could say that i 100% matched what they were asking for. my qualifications and previous job experience are perfect. so what? i emailed them and asked.

but at least i'm in france now. the new family home. and it's looking great too. cycling around the property. swimming in a figure of eight in the pool. playing table tennis. digging up potatoes. playing my acoustic bass. moving all my book boxes. finally finding my rubik's cubes. chasing hummingbird moths.

we also went out for dinner at an english pub, taking nan out for her battered fish and chips (the only thing she wants to eat when at a restaurant). finally i've found a kitchen that's worse than what you find up in north canada. everything was straight out of the freezer and into the oven. these frozen pizzas what you buy in iceland (who exactly buys them?). they didn't even add any extra cheese. it was so bad it was impressive. i can't believe they ever get repeat customers. it must be a money laundering operation or something, there's no other explanation for it. but anyway, i enjoyed it in a twisted way. like nostalgia for when i first realised i could make myself dinner.

07.09.2010: by the time you read this i'm hopefully in france. i'll be back to copenhagen late on the 18th. usual rules apply, i'm available on my english number only.

so it'd be all croissants and baguettes, only there seems to be a general strike happening today and hardly any of the trains are running. string me an onion.

if you're also stuck at CDG airport you might want to come and find me so we can play some imaginary backgammon or pretend chess or something. swap books maybe, because i'll probably be finished with mine soon.

hopefully i can find a warm comfy spot somewhere to bunk (clue: not the train station). and if someone can stay at CDG for 18 years i'm sure i can manage one night.

06.09.2010: it's convenient that the day after i manage to solve my most recent favourite rubik's cube:

i receive the next three in the post:

shame i had to pay an obscenely high import tax, even though the lovely people i ordered from fudged the invoice in my favour. the value of the goods was $20 and i had to pay 188DKK ($32) to collect it. that's 25% import tax plus a fixed import fee of 128DKK ($22). i should probably write to them and complain, i don't know. the nice woman at the post office said i should, but that nothing would come of it. i don't know.

but just look at those cubes. they're beautiful. and they are cubes, despite their current slightly scrambled state. 'slightly'. the gear cube is a gorgeous piece of engineering. it's got a great weight and it makes your stomach churn when you twist it. and it's definitely not something i can solve in a week, that's for sure. the other two (a fisher cube and an axis cube) are reasonably simple variations on a standard 3x3x3, with the 'cube' rotated funny angles around the axle mechanism.

incase anyone is counting, i've still no hope of solving the super square-1, and i've not even fully scrambled it yet. viscious thing it is.

and why do i always end up looking at videos of these stupid cubes on the internet. do you have any idea how fucked up the world is out there? they got spheres in cubes with missing holes 3x3x5 glued together with a mishapen bandaged siamese i don't even know what anymore. i used to be happy with my 3x3x3x1. that's a four dimensional joke for you. i laughed at least.

05.09.2010: i turn up at studenterhuset for band practice, only there's a band playing in the back yard so we can't play. our noise creates too much interference, it ruins everyone else's fun. also kenneth has been recruited as sound engineer, which is very exciting. luckily the band had the decency of being very good, helped along by the bespoke bottles of rum (a cross between morgan's spiced and liquified golden sunshine) that was being showered down onto the crowd. professionals right up until the point they said they'd play an encore if they sold 25 CDs. i forgive them the fail.

then it the was 'the last resort' at loppen. big scary old oi guys that made me realise we need a slight rethink with de oitonome's direction (note the new spelling). we are not hard and we're not skinheads and i'm not exactly proud of whatever country i could possibly be proud of. great gig though. it felt like a field trip. but a bit weird with all the skinbirds and skinheads. i guess that's something i should be used to. never gonna happen.

and we went to see inception. if you've already seen it then you don't need to guess what i thought of it, and if you haven't seen it then i shouldn't say anything. so that's that then.

unfortunately i also watched the suicide scene from rules of attraction. what a way to spoil your day. and beautiful agony is ruined forever. but nevermind.

03.09.2010: google webmaster central enables you to see the top searches that your website appears in. this can be useful because these searches can obviously be very different to the ones that drive your traffic (i.e. if your click rate is very low for them). anyway, here's the interesting thing, you can break it down by country. so here is how my website appears in various google results around the world:

USA - emo girls, cat man, girls without clothing
UK - malarone, malarone tablets, gash
Denmark - cult shaker, ungdomshuset, anarki
Indonesia - graffiti emo, grafity emo, emo girl style
India - a boy removing girls clothing, girls on beach without clothes, hot girls wallpapers without any clothes
Australia - emo photography, gash, rainbow patterns
Canada - cn tower, emo girls, bear cubs
Germany - emo girls, dumpster diving, hitler emo
Mexico - emo girl fashion, punks, ya basta
Netherlands - graffiti, designer toys, doxycycline dosage
France - art toys, emo girl fashion, emo clothes
Malaysia - emo shoes, punk nazi, norway

what does it mean? well there's a lot of boring stuff i could write about the subtlies of ranking for different terms, my ranking power in the UK, etc. but i think most of it comes down to the difference between what the people in a country are searching for and what local websites are optimising for. if people in denmark are searching for 'cult shaker' but no one is optimising for it, stupid websites like mine are going to show up. but it's strange, because i clearly don't rank for some of the terms it claims i do (average number one position in the last month for "rape ass", i don't think so).

02.09.2010: so i'm just waiting. i'm waiting to go to france. waiting for my rubik's cubes to arrive, waiting for books at the library. i'm waiting to hear back about this job that i (actually) really want. waiting to get better at danish. waiting for winter, waiting to get old.

my blog just turned nine years old. for a minute i freaked out because i thought it was ten, as if that makes a difference. but nine years of my garbage. it's almost 4mb of ascii (i stopped counting words a long time ago).

and i've actually had a website since i was 14. so i've now had a website longer than i haven't. there's something so very wrong about that sentence. i don't know.

i just wish i could sleep. why am i up writing this at 5am anyway?

waiting for morning..

31.08.2010: the trick is not to fall asleep when there's a mosquito in the room. to not try and pretend that it doesn't exist. or that it will go away. the trick is to hunt that pinpoint piece of shit down and smear it over every surface. spread it into nothingness. it's almost a shame they're not bigger so you can really grind them into the dust. feel the life leave them as you squeeze and pummel. see the blood squirt, gushing from their spiracles, compound eyes fragmenting and popping.

anyway. can't blame me not being able to sleep completely on the flies.

our sunday gig went really well. there's a clear difference between a gig at 2am and one at 2pm. funny that. but it was the success we needed. and the most i've ever sweated on stage. also the sweetest guitar sound i've ever had. when we left the venue it was still daylight. as if it was morning or something.

eating all the pizza, falafel and fries we could. and playing one card passing on the train, which must have a better name. either that or it's just a stupid game someone made up in school, which isn't so unlikely given how dumb it is. new variation, you don't see your own card, you stick it on your head for everyone else to see. real dumb.

i just clicked on one of kellog's adwords and it went to a 502. someone should tell them.

this is so boring right now.

has anyone got boltcutters or a angle grinder i could borrow? um, no reason.

oh yeah, also we were around our neighbours for dinner monday night. that was very nice. good wine, lasagna. all very grown up. uninteresting for you, but i wanted to make a note, y'know.

26.08.2010: i thought that by the time i was say 25 years old, i'd be done with worrying about exams and thesis deadlines. having not done your homework. but still i'm dreaming about it all the time. at an almost worrying regularitly.

also i'm missing my old friends. i dream about them a lot too. i dream about me and corey hanging out in rugby like we're 13 again.

and then there's the case of the hateful bitch from across the way (unfortunately not a dream). this bitch who decided to accuse me of asking her to use a different table in the courtyard, because apparently i've presumed that table belongs to us. it would have been ok, only she did it infront of everyone at the general meeting when i wasn't there (also the story is not true). then she went on to complain that the plants aren't being watered enough. someone had to explain that it's done on a voluntary basis, and it's only actually julie that does it. because all of you are so fucking useless. anyway, we confronted her about this the day after and she was completely unreasonable. she went on the offensive, and you can tell when someone is lacking in maturity when they claim that you need to grow up. i tried to explain to her how disappointed i was with her behaviour, but she said she wasn't going to have the discussion in english. this whole time she was walking backwards away from us. why are these people so full of hate?

and this is something i recently realised about denmark, whilst writing my fifth "klag" (letter of complaint) for class, the danish people love to complain about everything whilst doing nothing themselves to actually solve the problems. as if complaining makes themselves look better, distracts from the fact that they're fucking useless. that they've been resting too long on what might once have been a decent welfare state. expecting everyone else to run around and fix things for you. it's pathetic.

so the plan is to make me a nice bronze plague. "laurence's table". screw it on tight. maybe engrave something in some letters like "if you wish to use the table please contact..". that's exactly kind of humour we need in our courtyard.

25.08.2010: my ipod is officially dead. it's been dead a few months now, the screen displaying an image of an ipod with crosses for eyes. it's almost cute. you can hear the harddrive trying to spin up. fail. but it lasted over six years so i won't complain (why do we so readily except things not lasting anymore?). needless to say i wont be replacing it. it's still pretty though.

any ideas of things to do with dead ipods?

or i was going to write about our first chat roulette experience. but really, what is that point? nexted, masturbating, nexted, topless guy, nexted, masturbating, nexted, etc. the longest chat was with this guy who kept pointing a gun at his head. and no matter how hard i begged him he wouldn't pull the trigger.

so i went back to the gym. i ran. and we had the first drunken butterfly practice in about two months. we had fun. it was as if we'd never left. and speaking of which there's also a new drunken butterfly comic. nice link, see what i did there? also i'm very happy with the shading. and tracing. nevermind. thank you batman and superman.

24.08.2010: head a warm fuzzing hollow. the wind shrieking all night. pulling the trees down. picking up cars and throwing them through our windows. i don't know. i'm imagining myself in all the beds i've ever slept in. most comfortable in my room on park crescent. for a while i forgot i wasn't there. half an hour it was a struggle to reimagine where i actually was. i picked the wrong room three times.

so where are we at? monsoon season.

we were on stage at 2am and it was far from ideal. the crowd was nice but stood three metres away from the stage. and they weren't the drunken crazies you'd expect. it was a good practice gig at least. and the food they made was superb.

we finally got home at 6:30am. stupid moose.

to make up for it we're playing at 2pm on sunday. that'll be interesting.

on sunday i made pie. i'm good at making pie. on monday i made a comic. i'm getting good at that too.

21.08.2010: no hesitation no delay, de oi!tonome (or however we spell our name these days) are playing tonight at ungdomshuset, dortheavej, or whatever they call it these days. apparently we're playing sometime after 1am. i'm not sure why i'm writing about this, since if there's any chance of you coming you already know about it anyway, but nevermind. we're playing new songs and will probably be very drunk by the time we go on stage. me especially, since i haven't been out drinking for weeks, literally, and i'm going to need all the energy to stay awake long enough to play.

btw, we're also playing next sunday at the paramount diy festival in roskilde.

what else? last week i interviewed kieth mchenry for the dumpster diving blog. he's one of the original founders of food not bombs, and as such has a lot of interesting things to say on the matters of dumpsters and redirecting food from landfills to the hungry. check it out.

and me? floating around. give me a project to do. engage me.

oh yeah, a new drunken butterfly comic:

you should have seen my danish test results. i had almost full marks on the reading and listening. right across the board. and my first written exercise was great. only the second one was the worst piece of shit i've ever written. in any language. i can't even explain why. i just crashed halfway through. it's like i wrote the same three words over and over again. and i didn't even go in for the oral yet. so i've passed half of the fourth module. meh.

17.08.2010: the summer is pissing itself away. let it. pretend like i care. blah blah. we did our bit. even if we have nothing to show for it.

i've been kayaking in the danish sea. basking in the swedish sun. cycling to fucking norway. swimming in their lakes. desecrating memorials in berlin. drinking all of their alcohol. i've survived another roskilde. we saw whales in the atlantic. i ate pizza in new york. we wrote a song or two. i read your book. i didn't cry at the end. i probably just failed my danish exam. and i look like i care.

aubergines. i've been craving so many aubergines.

and i'm still to go to france (september 7th to 18th). it'll be summer there. people will be warm and happy. there will be figs and grapes. olives yet to harvest. i will beat you at backgammon and othello and dominoes. there will be dancing. and so many comics.

15.08.2010: i'm not even a third of the way home, my feet a warm mush of hemp and cotton squelching against my pedals, wheels barely touching the tarmac, and i'm thinking that copenhagen is not built for rain like this. the cycle path is a metre wide lake snaking throughout the city. all you can see of cars are the two waves spewing out behind them as they pass. you have to laugh. i mean, you could die at any minute. you may as well.

then comes photos of cars almost completely submerged. because you what, though you could drive through a metre deep puddle? it was dark and you were stupid too. maybe you were drunk.

but we had a great time. both before and amongst the rain. there were wedding receptions (not actually plural) and masses of ethiopian food. joviality and so many types of impressive cooking and baking. but yet all i want to talk about is the rain. miserable fucker.

no not really.

i presume you guessed i'm back in copenhagen. the city where it rains. a drop falls everytime someone says a stupid thing about religion or immigrants. there's a drop for every job you apply for and don't get a reply from. there's thousands.

anyway. here i am. i am happy. i just enjoy sounding like a jaded poorly photocopied fante. who i read recently. actually. so i know what i'm talking about. i have friends who work in publishing and they blah blah blah. i'll stop now.

30.07.2010: so i'm leaving for sweden tomorrow and i should mention that i can only be contacted on my english number. if you don't have the email address from someone who does.

anyway. i always like a good name and shame. the actual torrent is trivial, it just makes for easier data mining, but it's interesting to see who's all over it like flies to shit. also, it's fun to see which companies allow their employees to use bittorrent.

abrupt subject change. the final installment of scott pilgrim made me happy. it also made me wish i'd been in toronto for the launch. fun fun. now i'm looking forward to the film (actually). let me explain. if i hadn't read scott pilgrim i'd have thought the film trailer looked awful. because it kind of does. bad one liners and gaudy dumbness. but i really liked the books, and the film looks very true to the original manga stylings. i could instantly identify every character (something that wasn't even always easy in the books), and that has to be worth something. it's written by a friend of a dude i knew in toronto, and it's so very toronto. it pays tribute to the city in ways you wouldn't at all notice if you'd never lived there. it is toronto. or something like that but less dumb.

i'm in a dumbing it down mood.

like, through random youtubing i also watched one of the more recent prodigy videos, and wasn't it just a bit identical to one of the old atari teenage riot videos from about ten years ago? except ATR were a little more than just posers. also, wtf.

two more things i liked, american able and south african bike potraits.

30.07.2010: so berlin was.. berlin. thanks to phil and lene of course (i've had a theory for a while about how you order couple's names, which is in ascending number of syllables. just a theory). we even bought back a couple of canadians to copenhagen. so that is nice. we're having much fun in these alternating sunny and grey days. when they finally go west (in a literal, non-idiomatic sense) we're off cycling in sweden. probably without internet for at least a week. wow, i know, ey?

all touristy goodness.

now i gotta start preparing the food for our dinner party. lasagne for eight? i'm not sure this was such a great idea. although i'm sure it's going to be awesome (with an extended 'a').

24.07.2010: so i guess i'm in berlin for the next few nights. i'll be back in copenhagen on tuesday 27th. i have my english mobile with me.

23.07.2010: the latest drunken butterfly comic is a concept i've been working on for a while now, turning a rubik's cube into a noise modulator:

my basic requirements were that it has to be fully contained and with no software (so no external computers, no sensors, no nothing complicated), and be as chaotic and unruly as possible. i'm quite happy with the current design.

the comic explains most of it, but there's still room for discussion, and i guess the first thing you need to know is i hate the name 'cubie'. as far as i'm concerned the 26 blocks that make up the whole cube are 'blocks'. not cubies. if you know rubik's cube construction then you might not like calling the centre pieces blocks, but it's still better than cubies. ack.

moving on. the main problems with design are with the connectors and the connectivity. the idea is that each block can have multiple active inputs and outputs, but is not fully connected on all sides. to keep it simple i initially decided it would be easier to have each side of a block be only an input or ouput, thereby stopping feedback between adjacent blocks, but i'm not sure that's important so long as there's a good balance between having and not having connectivity. and that's the tricky part. having some loops is ok, but having too many blocks in the signal path feeding directly back to one another could be somewhat unproductive. at the other end of the problem, not having enough connectivity will leave too many cube combinations unconnected. a simple solution for this is to have a clean signal pass straight through the centre of the cube, but how much fun is that? not so much much. so i figure we can use a pretty standard evolutionary algorithm to optimise the connections. there may be 261 lightyears worth of permutations, but i'm quite confident we don't need to evaluate all of them (that's a joke). plus evolutionary computation is also fun.

the other problem is that when you twist a side you break the connections. this wont necesserily cut your signal, especially if there are feeback loops around the output block, but it'll still be very disruptive (but hey, that's what delay pedals are for).

someone's already used a rubik's cube as a sequencer, but the actual cube is completely redundant since it's all software driven. that and it sounds kind of boring (sorry). slightly related is the lego synth/sequencer which looks very cool, but i have no idea how it works.

anyway, back to the comic. this is also the first comic i've done that doesn't include any clipart (ignoring the photo of my guitar, because that's mine anyway). those are all my vectors you're looking at. sexy no? (btw, i did trace a cube for the perspective.)

right, back to the comic again. since it is a comic, and these are memetic-superhero versions of ourselves, it's only right that we plasticise the truth. exaggerate a little. this is just a disclaimer of sorts. i've never solved a rubik's cube in under a minute (i can scrammble it in about three seconds though). and none of us are quiet that handsome.

but whilst on that subject, my own personal solving record is about 1:20. although that might have been a fluke, i'm normally a two minute kind of guy. but then i'm not really into the whole speedcubing thing, i like to chill with my cubes, yknow?

also i guess my new rubik's cubes aren't arriving today. damn.

20.07.2010: i like this graphic:

it's not lecturing us on how much time we waste with TV, it's showing us the potential for what we could achieve if we used our time slightly 'better'. if all the television networks broke down for a week just think what we could create if effectively coordinated. or how much money blockbusters would make. nevermind. i guess we're all watching TV because we can't be arsed to do anything complicated or difficult.

i do like the term 'cognitive surplus' though. it's sexy. even if i worry about my own way too much.

either way i made my first ever quiche last night. i was surprised how well it turned out, it was really good. especially considering it contained no cream or butter.

20.07.2010: meet my new bike:

i found her in the 'large trash' area of our courtyard, the same place we've found most of our furniture and an endless number of TVs, kitchen appliances, rugs, etc. it a treasure trove of awesome stuff that other people just can't be bothered to deal with properly. like a bike which needs a few adjustments. and this time the previous owner was nice enough to leave the key in the lock (much love).

the back fender was rubbing the wheel so that needed repositioning and tightening (3 minutes). the back rack was also loose (2 minutes, had an annoingly placed screw). even in the 'up' position the stand still hit the pedals everytime they went round, so i had to straighten that (1 minute). a screw was missing on the chain guard, which wasn't a problem, but i tied it up to be sure (5 minutes). oh, and the tires were flat (it must have taken me 10 minutes to walk to and from the bike shop to use their air gun). the cleaning took me ages, but i guess i could have skipped that if i was in a rush. it also took about half an hour to cover as much of the frame as possible in 'danger global warming' tape. i knew it'd come in useful eventually.

doesn't it look pretty in the sun?

it more than makes up for the disaster that was last night's whiskey sour.

18.07.2010: it's been some weird days.

friday i woke up and went straight to fisk. although saying i "woke up" is a little exaggerated. i'd hardly slept since 4am, weird rubik's cube stuff bouncing around in my head. i actually worked out a new way to solve it whilst lying there at about 6:30am (new for me, not for anyone else, but it was a nice revelation to have).

fisk was quiet, i learnt some interesting things about the espresso machine. like why we don't switch it off (if it cools down germs will grow, but wont they be killed again when it gets hot? don't know) and why our 'tea water' is always brown (because we never use it and the boiler needs draining every day). personally i prefer my own much simpler espresso maker.

i came home and i napped.

then straight to huset to start cooking for the punk bands. we fed about 16 people for 135kr. there was little left over. and i thought it was a good curry too, although none of the bands actually thanked us for it. nevermind. it was a nice show, out in nytorv getting complaints about the volume. whatever. hearing interesting gossip about greenpeace and why they were so pathetic at cop-15. we were back home before 11pm.

and that was the whole day. shotgunned.

the weekend kind of followed. bringing home stacks of comics from the library. watching 12 monkeys. ordering more rubik's cubes. working on a secret project. cleaning the shower. ruining my muscles at the gym. i don't know. the weather has been nice though. and i can't believe i haven't been down the beach since before roskilde.

i have my creative ouput. it is just elsewhere right now.

15.07.2010: i've woken up during a couple of the last few nights all confused as to where i was, asking stupid questions like "how did defjam and biscuit get here?". i don't like being so weird.

crimethinc's coverage from the G20 in toronto makes for an interesting read (plus some great photos). it doesn't sound like the city that i'm familiar with. the line that made me smile the most was "some later claimed that it was the largest example of property destruction ever carried out by anarchists in North America". and it's good to see the leather and fur stores taking a pounding too, i've always wondered why they've had it so easy.

anyway, that's all me putting off doing any real work. so i play some doom. i try moving into the courtyard where i can't play doom. i make myself an iced soya latte. i look for more distractions. it all works out in the end.

and that roskilde festival comic:

suitably colourful i'm sure.

14.07.2010: scary things that happened yesterday:

  • my left arm stopped working
  • a guy opened his car door at me as i zoomed past on my bike and i missed it by a pedal crank (or 0.5 seconds)
  • my bass effects unit cut out and started emitting a loud ominous sound that can only be described as screaming. perhaps a squeal

cool things that happened today:

  • i'm still alive
  • my new super sexy speedcube type-f arrived
  • i finished the newest drunken butterfly comic and it's pretty
  • our new herb garden smells lovely

now i'm right in the mood for watching primer. no reason. and i might as well.

12.07.2010: i was up before 9am this morning. as lame as that sounds (especially since julie is getting up at 3am). but it has been nice. i'm doing things, whilst normally i wouldn't even be out of bed yet. i'd be reading a comic or something, panning for a power source. instead i'm being hugged by the bamboo. see, it appreciated being smuggled onto that flight and dragged halfway across europe. even if means growing in shitty amager soil.

and now i'm playing with the flies. waiting for them to land on my screen so i can change the background and scare them away.

there's also been another drunken butterfly comic, where we're looking especially badass:

this proves what i've always expected, you can't wait around for a perfect idea to take shape. you have to get in there and start making it no matter what, then all of a sudden it's inside you and it takes control of itself. i make it sound like bullshit, because i'm good at that, but it's true. i was worried that the comic would be a one-off, and for a while it was. useable ideas trickled in slowly. but now i have about four or five potential comics lined up. if only it didn't take hours for each one i could make it weekly. in theory. i'm beginning to understand how other webcomics can put out daily.

that's another discussion though. because once you start being more regular with a comic you can never go back. and if you can't maintain the level of output the quality suffers. i was surprised that asofterworld could keep it up when they moved to three times a week (presuming they still are). and i personally think xkcd should slow down, since every third comic seems like filler to me. i gave up reading dieselsweeties ages ago, not because i don't like it, it's just too much effort to read every day. i know it's quick to catch up, but i'm just not invested in it anymore.


10.07.2010: drunken butterfly may or may not be playing at studenterhuset tonight, depending on the drunkness of one band member and the caffine plus nicotine high of another. me, i was just sleeping. it's schrodinger's butterfly. doublethink. and all will be revealed the moment we're all concious.

the cat is dead of course. 2 + 2 = whatever you care for. the noise will prevail.

and i'm smelling grapefruit everywhere. it's almost spooky.

so i went back to the gym for the first time after roskilde and it was the hardest workout i've ever had. it just goes to show how physically bad an eight day festival is for you. i halved all my usual times and tried to work on extra machines to compensate. just give me a few more days.

now i can't believe i'm sitting here sweating in the shade. kids playing in the paddling pool. some awful guitarist playing the same awful chords with too much reverb and delay. at 11pm. at 11am.

and why does everyone feel the need to tell everyone else what they like all the time?

05.07.2010: i can finally think a little again. or at least enough to thank all the lovely people who made roskilde so much fun and actually mean it. even though we're still there and we'll all be there again. all that jazz (that's happening in copenhagen right now). and to break a habit i've actually written it all up already. wtf. hot off the press. so here's my roskilde 2010 diary. although to be honest you might be better off reading about my escapades from glastonbury festival 2005. i found it a much more entertaining read.

there's also my canadian roadtrip journal knocking around here somwhere, complete with photos and inanity. it's only half of the story, but it's a complete half. it might still need proof reading too, so don't judge. and please don't think that i actually expect anyone to read it. i don't. i enjoyed writing it and that's all that matters.

damn. trust the exchange rate to peak whilst i'm at my least capable of doing anything about it. fuck it, nevermind.

also, i'm getting right proper good at making pie. my crusts are getting almost impressive.

04.07.2010: i woke up at actually i don't even know when, couldn't tell if it was light or dark outside. didn't have the energy to lift my head to find out where i was. i can hear voices and they scare me because i don't know where they're coming from. spiders are living behind the postcards on the wall. there are doors in the rudders of big ships.

today is my roskilde recovery day. i'm not convinced it's helping. and i still can't face my inbox. nevermind fucking facebook. i've haven't been this exhausted since.. well, i guess my first roskilde.

incidentally, this is my 700th post since i started counting, which was on september 15th 2006. i've no idea how many posts came before that, but they've generally appeared once a day since august 31st 2001. that's a lot right? especially for someone with apparently nothing to say.

25.06.2010: for anyone who doesn't regularly check the drunken butterfly website, but does like reading the continued adventures of our (not quite) memetic selves, here's a new comic. just click this disaster that's about to happen:

i have to say that i'm particularly happy with the expressions and poses in this one. not to mention the massive amount of gore. and penises. i think the 'jokes' are much tighter too. anyway.

and then what else? i guess i'm in roskilde from sunday 27th until monday 5th. that will be fun, in various shades of obscenity.

23.06.2010: so i lay in kenneth's bed for a couple of minutes (couple meaning two, no more no less) whilst brushing my teeth, thinking how funny it would be for him to come home and have me passed out in his bed. whilst brushing my teeth. but i just wasn't drunk enough. or maybe i was. maybe it was a little too close to the truth. i don't know. would have been nice though.

my keyboard feels so nice.

i've been having some strange feelings of nostalgia recently. maybe from dreams, making me all sad because i miss my old friends so much. or just random memories that bubble to the surface at the most awkward of times. some old bar near us we used to go to. always wished we went more. but "we", weren't we awesome? i miss the we. some of the we.


my favourite quote of the day is "they weren't burning witches, they were burning women". i missed the bonfires, i don't care. i'm sure they looked very pretty out across the lakes, a lovely little flaming celebration of how we treat our women.

12.06.2010: so i woke up this morning, and after the initial surprise at how it had taken me half an hour to get the energy to wake up, my first thought was "i'm going to build me a bandaged cube". so i did. and maybe it took hours and looks about as good as you'd expect from a dollar store cube with stickers coloured by running them through the printer, but it makes me happy. it looks and feels like origami. then i went and put it down on the kitchen table and all the ink on one red piece ran. idiot.

listening to the new atari teenage riot song doesn't help either. that's not hanin elias. that's not carl crack. but hey, it's near enough. i'd pay to see that. you can't say it's not a little exciting. shame they're playing nowhere near here. would love to see them in krakow on september 11th though, shame it's sold out.

and how exactly did a fox get into our courtyard to shit on the table?

19.06.2010: so you get to the last page of an online job application and they pose you a list of tick box yes/no questions that relate to the candidate requirements. one of these questions is "do you have experience with at least one of the development tools: VC++, MFC or C#?". it's a frustrating dilema. you have experience with both Java and C++, and since C# is basically a rip off of Java hyrid of the two, to answer "yes" to the question is only technically lying. the same goes for VC++. to program in one procedural language is to be able to program in nearly all. syntax is an easy thing to learn. (btw, this is a great comparison between C# and Java.)

but then you don't want to be lying on a job application. except if they're receiving over 200 applications (as did one job i inquired about) and they wont even read your cover letter, which clearly explains your programming proficiency, if you don't tick that box "yes". it's a no-win situation.

the solution is of course to not have tick boxes, but a comments field. you could filter through the applications almost as fast by scanning the answers. but why would they care when enough people can tick the boxes? (simple answer, because those people clearly aren't as awesome as me.)

fuck it. i should have just ticked it. i wouldn't have felt comfortable about it, but at least i'd not have (quite probably) wasted all those hours i spent putting the application together.

i feel i learnt something today. and it's not about my honesty.

19.06.2010: it's pretty much how you would describe the perfect venue. it's in the middle of nowhere, hidden in the bushes, accesible only by bike or taxi and if you know exactly where you're going. amongst factories and warehouses. and despite the obscenely obscure location there's a decent number of people attending. nicely not too many. a good turn out for whoever is playing (clue: it should be us).

outside a pan fire burns and someone just threw a whole palette in. the fresh wood doesn't manage to touch the coals but it'll be burning good in ten minutes, when everyone will have to move their chairs back. but probably they wont.

the entrance door is wide open and no one is asking you for money. even they give you a free beer at the bar. free beers until the crate is empty.

the walls are blood red. and dripping, like you crawled up inside someone's chest. cosy just like that. the floor covered in the worn carpets your grandparents used to have in their living room. there's minimal seating, but it's comfy and tiered so everyone has a great view of the stage area, seperated from the dance floor by nothing but a couple of monitors and a mic stand.

is there even a toilet in this place?

and the people are cool. not quite hip. like you can't believe this isn't berlin. not yet ruined by the rest of copenhagen. all the candle lights that would be setting people's hair on fire anywhere else in the city. and the music is good. crazy rock. a terrifying tattooed drummer. is that a butterfly i see?

so let's have a party. etc. and if had another piece of contact lens stuck undernearth my eyelid, it would come out eventually right?

19.06.2010: i can't believe it took us til halfway through june before finding ourselves on the beach. and i mean that in a physical, non-spiritual, i can't believe the weather has been so shit, kind of way.

so there we are, on grey sand and in chilly waters. all the blue sky you could ask for. it's the studenthuset cafe-group's final party, so we're crowded around crates and crates of beer and liquor. there's a row of twelve barbecues fully loaded with conveniently shaped pigs, they're blazing away and slightly too close to the dry marram grass. there's buckets of pasta and rice, getting grittier by the plate full. and all the girls are turning pink. because melanoma is just too sexy.

me, i'm happy with a few glasses of white wine. i'm happy with a couple of swims. i'm happy with a clear night sky and the stars, whenever they want to appear. i'm happy sitting around the hookah talking about i can't even remember what unimportant crap.

and we're breaking eggs into the ocean.

i cycled home barefoot and slept with half a contact lens in my eye, which explains the itch at least. lodged under my eyelid, how did it rip in half when i was taking it out? i wasn't being that rough with myself. but nevermind.

15.06.2010: so we were recording in a bunker. the coolest place for any studio, for sure. with a simple trapdoor entrance in the park, you wouldn't even know it was there. an underground concrete dome lined with amps and magazine cutouts of half naked woman. it's basically a rounder and much cooler version of our own reherser (although i'd take the sonic youth posters over the flesh wall any day). try kicking your way through those reinforced steel doors. there wont be any playstation games stolen from here, that's for sure.

we managed to get two songs down, keeping the energy up through many multiple takes and computer glitches. i think it sounded good, but since there weren't any working speakers down there i'll just have to wait until we get sent the rough mixes. meanwhile i can be content listening to the drunken butterfly gig again.

i also want to gush about my new cube, which is a cross between rubik's classic cube, hellraiser, and the invisibles. it's like it twists through an extra dimension. objects aren't supposed to change shape like that when you rotate them. it comes out all weird and it makes my brain want to vomit. i'll just go back to the 3x3x1 for a while.

now it's hailing. our courtyard has become an icy lake. and i'll be damned if i'm going to language class in weather like this. i hate this summer.

13.06.2010: the last couple of nights' dreams have weirded me out. somewhat. each night has been one long continuous dream, carrying on after waking and falling asleep again. even with a toilet break. i've never experienced that before. like a dream in three parts. it was all very 28 days later, constantly running away from some kind of viral infection that was spreading through the population. the dream was complex and highly detailed and just kept on going, from one scenario to the next. safe havens, trying to spot infected people who were about to go crazy, the government rounding people up in buses and shipping them off to laboratories and incinerators. there was a great scene trying to escape a huge swimming pool. i'd like to record it all down, but here really isn't the place.

then last night, that was about as abstract as it gets. i was trying to record someone's story based soley on capturing their visual memories. layering a dark canvas up with snippets of vagueness and half remembered faces. an episodic collage. transient patterns of neuronal communication. blooms of mnemonic colour. it went on for hours like this.

unrelated, i'm listening back to our gig, a rather muffled recording but one that makes me happy anyway, my favourite comment - "the song actually ends like that". buffons we are. but we're good. i'm also reminded how good the food was. we started the soundcheck late and it took a small amount of eternity. missing usb dongles, i don't know what. and meanwhile everyone was bringing out food. it looked good, but it looked meaty. i was so hungry i had to dash from the stage, and of course all i found was rows and rows of beef. the guy in the restaurant/cafe area wasn't much impressed with my complaining, but fixed us up a very decent leek quiche, with tapanade and hummus and fantastic bread. although i have to say that the vegan lasagne at the diy punk venue in roskilde was better. that says a lot about the state of food in denmark.

and today we're supposed to be recording some oi but the key to the bunker has been lost. i'm sure it'll work itself out.

12.06.2010: lots of band news today. firstly, you can now watch the die oi!tonome gig online. in three exciting parts. they edited out all our hilarious inbetween song banter, but that's probably for the best.

then there's a new drunken butterfly comic, which you can also read by clicking on this cute little picture here:

there are also photos from our gig the other night, thanks to ronny (who just got back from photographing gojira on tour). we're very happy with them. actually we were very happy with the whole gig, despite it being several hours late. and all that shambles. thanks to those that stuck it out. and next time a band spends over half an hour trying to get their guitar working, only to play it for three minutes, you tell them to get the fuck off the stage. also, placing a half hour noise set, that even bored the shit out of me (and i like noise), in the middle of evening is no way to keep your audience engaged. most people left. and all of the cute girls. i just feel sorry for the band who played after us, to an audience of just us. they were like a danish silver mt zion. it was the perfect end to the night. or would have been if it had been an hour earlier. blissful though.

we'd taken a box of our CDs and managed to get rid of all them. kind of. i wasn't joking when i told people they could give whatever they wanted for one, but there was no interest. turns out people just aren't willing to pay for a CD. this is almost fair enough, but if i like/know a band i'll nearly always get their CD. especially when they're as sexy as us ours. what really confuses me though, is that people will exchange a CD for a beer. maybe it's the case that once you've given them the CD for nothing they feel required to return some generosity. "i'll buy you a beer", which will cost you at least as much as what we'd have asked for the CD. maybe people presumed we wanted 100kr or something. i don't know.

then we had a nice time last night too, a double birthday party, all mixed studenterhuset people. reasonably low key. friendly conversations of varying length and depth. the bar was weird though. they had a terrible system, whereby one person worked the till and another got the beers. it might work if they were stricter or their communication was better, but instead i only paid for half of my beers. i could have tried harder, but it's not like i didn't try at all.

and i almost made it a whole post without complaining about the weather.

09.06.2010: and don't forget the 'drunken batterfly' gig at islands brygge kulturhus on thursday. that's either tomorrow or today or lightyears in the past (that's a reference to something but i can't remember what. it's ok, i know the difference between time and distance, there isn't one).

but i wish i'd stop dreaming i was in the past. back in middle school or in brighton. or worst of all, at university and i suddenly realised there's only a week left until my major thesis is to be handed in and i'd totally forgot about it. this is a dream i have all the time. up to the point where last night marta mentioned she'd just started hers, and i panicked for a second because i was so hopelessly far behind. i've not even thought about it yet. what even is my topic? another classic is i have an impending maths exam and i've missed over half the classes. i have zero chance of catching up.

but it's gone and done with. just get over it. my brain is lagging somewhere between 8 and 16 years.

elsewhere, it's shame that the homophobic asshole in my class was absent for the discussion on homosexuality. it was a fun topic, despite a couple of people suddenly going very quiet. if the asshole had been there it might have had to end in violence. the beautiful sweet release of a fist in a deserving face. he just can't keep his fucking mouth shut.

anyway, i'm happy. i discovered where the keep the 'american comics' in the copenhagen library system. obscure alan moore back catalog here we come.

07.06.2010: i'm at fisk and it's empty and i'm all alone and it's raining like the clouds don't give a shit about us (because of course they don't) and so..

i'll be surprised if i see anyone in here today. it's just me and the delgados and i'm more pissed because i forgot my little book and i could have actually got something done. alas. the coffees too strong but that doesn't matter because obviously no one but me is going to drink it. any offers?

and my poor bike out in this downpour. i'd go and drag it in but i'd just get wet. well i got wet anyway. tell me again what month it is? what fucking country i'm living in. and why.

and now i need the toilet. i should lock up right? except i'll have to make a sign, and who is going to wait in the rain whilst i refill the toilet? plus i can't find the glue and glitter. everything's just a disaster today. and now the phone is ringing oh my god. and that's a beastie boys' google it if you don't get the reference.

still not seen a soul. not that denmark has many of those anyway.

then what might be good news if only it actually made a difference or meant something. someone recorded our last oi gig at huset and went ahead and broadcast it on kanal kobenhavn, a local tv station that had probably run out of porn when it happened across the DVD of our show. weird. probably the only people who saw it where the filth monkeys waiting for the porn anyway. and they show fucking nasty porn too. but it was a solid gig and they made us look good. well, we made us look good. and we're famous now. apparently. so there you go. i'll link it up once we've got it youtubed.

05.06.2010: a perfect half moon and blah blah blah. makes a triangle with the street lights. a ufo. the sun trying to rise, bleed out into the sky. it's pretty like a punch in the face. pretty much.

the queue at the falafel house winds outside the door, selv om it must have been past 3am. i'd already locked up my bike, with my shiny new lock, but there was no way i was waiting. might be the cheapest falafel, open the latest, and not as shit as it used to be, but really not worth another fifteen minutes before i get into bed.

so almost home, relaxing on the grass. interacting with a cat across the way, trying to share a moment with it. but of course it doesn't give a shit. cats don't give a shit about anything. good for them. runs off back the way it came.

a peculiar itch on my thumb. an unpeculair one elsewhere. maybe an insect bite. seen my share of weird insects during the day. and one now creeping across the dark grass. the light's on in our room. julie's reading, but i don't know that yet. need to finish my falafel first, wiping my hands on the thick furry grass.

the missing piece of the puzzle, where did the falafel come from then?

it sunk 50kr but i hadn't spent an oere the whole day. plus it was beautiful. all 30cm of it. a foot of beauty.

and now my battery is running out. well, everything is running out, in the tibetan philosophy, sylvia plath sense of the word, but still.

01.06.2010: so it is back to the old job hunt. and i have to admit i've only done this once before, searching through endless hollow job listings. so i'm allowed to be surprised at the languge these people are using. it's quite unbelievable:

"Key objective in the role is ensure that strategic opportunities in our Online Funnel Customer are constantly being tested by using smart set up and effective analysis. The role requires pro active engagement with Senior Analysts and the Business in agreeing correct set ups and continuously seeking improvements."

"You therefore both excel in the field of Web Analytics and are capable of and keen on linking it to other analytical tools/methodologies to continuously improve insight generation."

" closely with the ***** and ensure that critical insights are being translated into effective and efficient execution. The execution will need to be aligned to our Global ***** roadmap and execution."

"Translate marketing vision and actionable insights into Test & Target execution"

the semantic centres of my brain are recoiling in horror. this is not the road to professionalism. this is embarrassing. a random sentence generator loaded with business words (and no verbs) couldn't do worse.

also. you might not realise it, but using your easy-to-find blog to take the piss out of potential employees business language is a top brilliant idea. it's totally an actionable insight.

01.06.2010: i suppose i should write about eurovision. or more specifically, our eurovision party. thing is, i can't really be bothered. it was all lots of fun, us with multiple outfit changes. scaring the guests off, etc. screaming at the shitness of it all. but not too disappointed with the winner (at the time i didn't know what to think of it, but it was weird enough). uk and norway, there's your shame. no wait, i missed it.

anyway, i can't even remember my favourites. there wasn't really much stand out. sure there was some crazy europop-techno, some ludicrous stage shows. i was just rooting for denmark not winning (of course, something i didn't have to do for england)

i'll make jam instead. rhubarb.

edit: taking out the paper recycling i find our score sheets, which make for uninteresting reading, but when has that ever bothered me. spain got some points for the stupid marionette costumes. moldova was the first big hitter of the night, must have been when the alcohol started to kick in. i gave bosnia herzegovina some points too, although it can only be due to how horrible it was. and that fake guitar solo. greece got points for being so eurovision. turkey got points for having robots, even if they weren't real (massive point loss for playing at linkin park though). france did quite well for being awesome. and russia did surprisingly well too, must have been the snow and the weird drawing. very nice.

the weirdest thing though, someone went and stole my bike lock. i come down from class, a reasonably good lesson that would've been enjoyable if not for that portuguese pissant ("an epithet for an inconsequential, irrelevant, or worthless person, especially one who is irritating or contemptible out of proportion to his or her significance", perfect definition), and suddenly something i do automatically is difficult and confusing. wait, what's wrong? is this even my bike? it doesn't make sense. i immediately suspect the portagee (yes i know that's racial slur) for no reason apart from that he pisses me off. but still, it makes as much sense as someone stealing my lock. and leaving my bike. and it's not like it was on the street, it was hidden behind my language school.

i know what you're thinking. how could you steal a bike lock without damaging beyond use? i suppose you would have to leave the key in the lock.

so moving swiftly on..

29.05.2010: when dinner is a china box in the studenthouse you can't expect the conversation to be particularly palatable, not even relative to the food, but a conversation about festival toilets? this girl was complaining about how they're too high to hover over, so she has to climb up with her feet on the seat (i'm presuming) to squat over it. i'm not going to make many friends discussing this, but you could just sit on it.

i'm telling you, when there's piss all over the seat it's not so likely from a guy.

hygiene. apparently it's not that i have lower standards, it's that i don't have a hole so close to the soup. granted, it's easier for a woman to catch an infection through her vagina than a man through his penis, but i'm not asking you to rub yourself all over the seat, i'm asking you to sit on it. and despite what some people might have you believe, it's not a gaping wound that you have between your legs. it's not about to go gangrenous and drop out.

and this is not how disease is spread. you will not absorb a virus through minor contact with the seat, through your bum cheeks and your thighs. bacteria will not crawl up your leg and enter your butt. you will not catch AIDS from a doorknob.

also. is it not so much hassle to give the seat a good wipe down? i presume you have already have the anti-bacterial wash with you, because if you do catch anything it's going to be from not cleaning your hands properly.

anyway, they'll be coming over tonight for our eurovision 2010 party. how can we deal with this? since inquiring "did you sit down?" is probably a little too rude, i suggest a new sign in the toilet - "sitting whilst urinating is required for all ladies". or perhaps the slightly less politically correct "bums on the seat bitches". thoughts?

27.05.2010: i wrote this a while ago, it was the first proper pretend day of summer, but it seems just as relevent now. two months later, still cold and rainy out.

"something about the long winter made me forget how it is to cycle in copenhagen. throughout those cold days the cycle lanes are graced only by the dedicated and stubborn. mostly just stubborn. but then the tinniest fleeting glimpse of summer and suddenly the lanes are full of idiots again. these people have no idea how to cycle safely."

it's too frustrating how bad the cyclists are in this city. spoilt with an abundance of cycle lanes and considerate drivers aware of bikes, people just can't be bothered to learn to cycle properly. they need to be sent to london or new york or toronto for a few weeks to learn how to behave. cycling with no hands, in the middle of the lane, chatting on a phone, almost running a red light. these are not flattering character traits. cycling too close to the person infront, in the overtaking lane, someone stopping suddenly. you are going to cause accidents. i hate you.

something else i wrote, "my coffee smells like burnt old potato. tastes worse". i wasn't having a good day. evidently.

"sometimes it comes back to you. waking, suddenly alert in the middle of the night. eternity staring you hard and cold in the face. boom. daring you to try and comprehend what it has in store for you."

lol. well. we can lol now, can't we? chuckle, etc.

were not wasting paper [or grammar]
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